Burden

by Lila Felix

“You’ve got to be getting cold. Those are warm from the dryer. Hurry up.”

  I dried off and wrapped the towel around my hips. I opened the door and I could feel her in my room, flipping channels. I chuckled, remembering what she’d said about not watching TV. I walked in and watched her, watching TV, for a few minutes. She was on her knees and with every change of channel she’d shove the remote in the direction of the screen as if the motion helped the TV change the channels. Her hair was so long, it brushed her toes, curled up underneath her.

  What did I do before she came into my life?

  I couldn’t even remember.

  “This is absurd. Who watches this? There was this lady on there and she was pregnant and in jail and she was complaining because her twelve year old daughter was pregnant at the same time. They said it was reality television. But there’s no way that crap can be real. Where is that real? Wherever it is, we are not ever visiting.”

  She turned her head and saw me laughing, which was obviously her plan, so she continued.

  “And one channel had a little chubby girl who was a pageant queen or something and I swear, I couldn’t understand one word out of her mouth. And it’s not just me. There were freakin’ words on the bottom of the screen telling me what she was saying because apparently no one knows. And she had a pacifier in her mouth. She had to be at least nine years old. I’m kinda grateful no one ever let me watch TV.”

  She went on and on and by the time she finished, I was laughing so hard I had to lean against the door for fear of falling over.

  “I didn’t know you were so funny, mate of mine.”

  “I’m not funny. It’s these crazy people.”

  “I’m not sure. That’ chili comment earlier today was hilarious.”

  I grabbed a pair of boxers and some black pajama pants from the dresser and shut myself in the bathroom to change.

  “Find anything decent,” I asked her, walking back into the bedroom.

  “No, I found worse.”

  She pointed to the TV and on it was a man and a woman naked, trying to start a fire.

  “I hope that’s not the way you intend to teach Evan and Elliot to make a fire.”

  “Ha ha ha.”

  I took the remote from her and turned the TV off. I put it on the side table and turned around to see her watching me. I waggled my eyebrows, “Picking a spot?”

  “Maybe.” She retorted.

  “Make it good—it’s forever.”

  “I know. I can’t believe I get to keep you forever.”

  I climbed into bed, refusing to play the movie reel in my head any longer. I’d grown tired of thinking about my own circumstances and wanted to solely focus on her.

  “Come lay next to me.”

  She pulled her hair over her right shoulder and laid on what was now her pillow, facing me. She fanned out the ends of that gorgeous hair, playing with the ends.

  “What are you thinking,” she asked me, her hair forgotten in favor of running her hands through mine.

  “I’m trying very hard not to think about anything but you.”

  “And?”

  “And what?”

  “And what do you think about me?”

  “I think you’re brilliant. You’re sharp and funny. I’ve never seen a more beautiful female in my life. And I also think you’re the bravest shifter I’ve ever known.”

  “Brave?”

  “Yes. Who else would’ve stayed so strong all those years in that horrible clan? Then you come here and it’s as if you were always here. I think you fit in better than I do.”

  There was more—so much more I wanted to tell her. But the mate claim was one thing, seeing each other and knowing we were made for each other. But love was grown with care and time. And I didn’t want her to think that I was saying it just so she would finalize the mate claim. So I left it at that.

  “I think I fit with you. And together we belong in this clan.”

  “You do fit with me.”

  She nodded. While I was talking her fingers had traced my ears, my jaw and were now working the outlines of my abs.

  “Careful, Echo. There’s just so much I can take.”

  She removed her hand and scooted closer so that our bodies were flush and we were face to face, noses touching, lips a breath away.

  “I’ve decided where the mark will be.”

  This is it. I’m going to keel over right here with her just talking about it.

  “Don’t tell me. I want to be surprised.”

  “Ok and Hawke?”

  “Yes, mate?”

  “While I was downstairs I looked at the laptop. You officially have over a million dollars in the clan’s account.”

  I hugged her to me tight and instead of calming her like I should have done, she whispered a constant thread of reassurance in my ear. I fell asleep with her voice weaving in my mind, her leg around my hip and her hand pressed to my heart beating in time with mine.

  The next morning I woke to the rise of the sun, facing the other side of the bed. One of her legs was around my waist, one of her arms holding me, around my torso, and the other under my neck. She was plastered to me like a monkey on the back of its mother. Her face was in my neck and I closed my eyes and just took in the moment. What a lucky bastard I was.

  My phone beeped, signaling something and it roused her from sleep. With eyes still closed she crawled on top of me and fumbled around blindly, finally finding my phone on the bedside table. She must’ve plugged it in while I was in the bathtub.

  She fiddled with it for a few minutes and then slammed it on my chest.

  “I give up,” she laughed, all the while not opening her eyes.

  She tried to move back to her previous position but I pinned her to me, “Why aren’t you opening those gorgeous eyes?”

  “Because if I don’t open them then I’m really not awake. It’s a trick.”

  “How about you go back to sleep and I will make you breakfast?”

  She nodded and flopped onto her back, her arm now draped over her face as she was obviously hoping to shield her eyes from the day. Her shirt had ridden up either in the night or on her quest to quiet the phone. Her soft, flat stomach was on display, and I couldn’t help but press my lips just above her belly button. She tensed a little but tried to hide it.

  “Pancakes?”

  “Yes, please. I may never get out of this bed.”

  “You won’t hear any complaining from me.”

  I went downstairs and nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Rev at the table.

  “Good morning, Alpha. I’m sorry for not knocking, but I didn’t want to wake you and had to complete this transaction and make sure your accounts were secured. I will be just a few minutes.”

  “Do you want breakfast, coffee?”

  “No, thank you. Feed your female,” he smiled at me, and it, to my surprise, was completely genuine.

  I fixed pancakes, bacon, eggs and coffee, piled it all up and turned to reoffer him breakfast, but he was long gone. A note attached to the closed laptop said he would be back at noon to tell me more. And for the first time in a long time, I could see a sliver of light at the end of a very dark tunnel I’d been tripping through for over a year. I carried the tray full of breakfast to my room and found her sleeping soundly without a care. I set the tray on the dresser and sat beside her to check my email and texts. My Betas had all texted me, saying they were going back to their jobs. I couldn’t wait to tell them that working two and three jobs was no longer necessary.

  “Good morning, Hawke,” she said, getting up.

  “I brought you food. Where are you going?”

  “I’ll be back. You can pretend I never got up.”

  I heard her go into the bathroom down the hall and rolled my eyes at myself for forgetting that females used the bathroom too.

  She came back, lay beside me, and closed her eyes, “I smell bacon.”

  I laughed at her silliness and brought the tray to the bed.

&n
bsp; “Where’s yours?”

  I shrugged, “I’ll eat later.”

  “No, you’ll eat with me. Open up.”

  She cut a perfect piece of pancake and poured warm honey over the top and pushed the fork in my direction. I took the bite, closing my eyes at the taste of butter, honey and fried bread together.

  “It’s so good. You are such a good cook,” she said, biting off a piece of bacon.

  “I do okay.”

  We ate the rest of the food together, taking turns. She fed me every bite I took and I felt like a king, being served by the queen. She didn’t have to serve me, but she chose to, out of—adoration. I could feel it coiling around her heartbeat and teaching mine to follow its lead. Every second, she taught me how to be a better Alpha, just by being herself. I remembered reading a creed in one of the books about the history of our clans, written by a long gone Alpha, ‘The one who serves his clan and his mate without expectation, shows the real strength of his power.’

  She contained the strength of a thousand bears in one touch.

  “Do we have a phone list of all the households?”

  “Yes, on my desk, in the right drawer. Why?”

  “You’re going back to work tomorrow, and I thought I’d put in calls inviting everyone over on Sunday. You still want to do that, right?”

  “I do.”

  “Good. I’m going to shower and get dressed. Rev left a note saying he’ll be here at noon.”

  “Yes.”

  “I would like to go see Martha. Do you need me here when Rev comes over?”

  “Yes, I will always need you here. But if you want to go see Martha, then go.”

  She got up to leave the room and then came back quickly and threw her arms around my neck. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you for coming to find me.”

  She kissed me then, stronger and longer than ever before. And before I could recover she walked out of the room.

  Rev knocked on the door. I could tell it was him—his scent was all woods and ash. He was bogged down with leather bound journals which looked like they’d seen better days.

  “Alpha,” he bared his neck.

  “Come in, Rev.”

  He looked around, “And our precious Coeur?”

  “She’s at Martha’s. Where would you like to set up?”

  “Wherever you are comfortable, Alpha.”

  “The living room is fine.”

  Something in his demeanor had changed, even from the morning.

  “Is there something wrong?”

  He set the heavy books on the table and sat down.

  “The Coeur has brilliant turquoise eyes. And her smell, there’s something human about it, no?”

  The male just admitted he’s been sniffing my woman and checking her out.

  “Do you have a point?”

  “Easy, Alpha, I mean no harm. But I remembered that the LaFourche parish once had a human woman mated to a black bear and she once visited our clan lands about twenty two or so years ago. She was a healer—and she was pregnant. I don’t know why I even thought about it. I would’ve only been six or so years old. So I spent most of the night digging through the records and this is what I found.”

  Martha and I sat at her quaint kitchen table, which had been painted a soft lime green and surrounded by mismatched chairs—all painted off white. Her kitchen was the prettiest muted yellow and everything was in its place.

  “I have an idea for the mating gift. But you have to tell me if it’s stupid.”

  “Shoot,” she put down her coffee and put on a stern thinking face.

  “When I was putting some towels in the dryer last night, I saw some plastic bins in the storage area by the laundry room. They weren’t marked, but I smelled fur. So, I got nosey. I opened one up, and there are tons upon tons of rabbit pelts in there. And I’m not talking one or two bins. There are at least seven plastic tubs full of them. They’re so pretty—all colors. But they’re dated over twenty years ago.”

  “I know what those are. But tell me your idea, and then I’ll tell you what I know.”

  “I thought maybe you could help me cut them and stitch them all together for a huge blanket for our bed. They’re just sitting there, unused. You know where they came from?”

  “I do. They are Hawke’s. When we were cubs, he would hunt rabbits like they were in some state of overpopulation. His mom, she was so quiet and almost anti-social, she would skin them, cook rabbit stew or whatever she felt like and cure the furs. She kept every single one. She had this clothesline out back and it was always lined with furs instead of clothes. No one knew why he did that. I guess we know why now.”

  We talked more about ourselves, and I found out she was an author, wrote children’s books from home. I didn’t tell her about the money, or the other business—it wasn’t common clan knowledge yet.

  She offered me food, but I was still full from the morning breakfast and as the minutes ticked by, my stomach continued to remind me about the ritual I would perform that night.

  “I’m nervous,” I breathed out, needing to tell someone—anyone.

  She caught my drift right away, “When is it?”

  “Tonight, something about the full moon making us a stronger couple.”

  “Yes, most pairs want their ceremony on a full moon too. And he’s right. You two will need to be strong. There’s already talk of the changes he’s trying to make. Blake and Opal have been telling everyone about your invitation for their granddaughter.”

  “She didn’t even come over.”

  “That’s because she never came home last night—not until very early this morning. They think she’s dating someone she shouldn’t be.”

  “Like?”

  “Like someone from another clan or a human.”

  “It feels like walking uphill. And I’ve only been here three days.”

  “You’ll be fine, let your bear guide you. So…I saw Rev at your house yesterday. I wasn’t spying or anything, just sweeping off the porch and saw him.”

  “Yeah, he’s helping Hawke with some things. He’s very nice for a rough looking guy.”

  “He’s hot.”

  I barreled over laughing. Martha seemed like this prim and proper Suzie homemaker type and there she was talking about Rev, who looked as rugged as they come, being hot.

  “It’s not funny. I think he’s a lot older though. But he smells divine.”

  “Gross. He’s over at the house. Do you want to come over and see if he wants to sniff you too?”

  “Now who’s gross? No thank you. When do you want to get started on the blanket?”

  I shrugged, “Hawke goes back to work tomorrow. I need to do something. I don’t want to just lie around all day.”

  “Good,” she slapped the corner of the table, “we’ll start tomorrow. They will have to all be cut to size. I have a couple of heavy duty sewing machines. Do you know how to sew?”

  “Yes. I was the clan mender of clothing, among everything else. But I’ve never sewn fur.”

  “Me either. But I will look it up on the internet tonight and see what I can find.”

  Her phone rang.

  “Ten bucks it’s him.”

  “I don’t have any money. Anyway, you’re probably right. I’ve been over here all morning.”

  She got up and grabbed the phone, not even bothering to say hello. “She says she needs a cell phone, Alpha.”

  “Good. You should do that. And she didn’t say that—I did. I was just kidding.”

  She listened and laughed at something he said, “Of course, Alpha. I will send her right over.”

  “You’re welcome. Goodbye.”

  “What did he say?”

  “He said he was wondering if you wanted to go eat with him and now pick you up a cell phone. And then he accused us of plotting to make his house pink and girly.”

  “I would never. I like his house the way it is. It’s simple. I’m a no frills kind of girl.”

  Sh
e smiled, “I can see that. Now, get going before he stomps his testosterone fueled self over here and throws you over his shoulder.”

  “That might be fun,” I pretended not to care.

  “Get up and go. You know you want to.”

  “I do,” I agreed. Hugging my new friend, I said my goodbyes and walked the few houses over to my own.

  I walked in, and Rev and Hawke sat on the floor both hunched over very large books.

  Hawke looked up as soon as I entered and his whole face lit up. He got up and wasted no time lifting me from my waist and pulling me to him.

  “That was grueling,” he laughed into my hair.

  “It was. Practice for tomorrow,” I pulled back and pouted my bottom lip out.

  I thought he’d kiss it or pout with me, but I was way, way wrong.

  He grabbed my bottom lip between his teeth and tugged on it. Then he kissed me and I repeated his actions, “You’re gonna be the death of me, mate.”

  “Company here,” Rev called out.

  “We did it again,” I said, still in Hawke’s grasp and playing with the hair at the back of his neck. It was softer and thicker just at the base of his neck. I loved to run my fingers through it, especially that morning when it curled up just a little on the ends.

  “We’ve got to stop making out in front of the clan,” he laughed and finally let me down.

  “Not in front of the clan, just in front of me,” Rev spouted.

  “Did you just crack wise?”

  The coarse man turned and shot me a look, “Maybe.”

  “Nice. So what did you boys find out?”

  “I will talk to you about it later. Right now I’m hungry, and we need to get you a phone before I go to work tomorrow. Rev, would you like to come with us? There’s actually one more thing I need to talk to you about before I approach the Betas with it.”

  He stood, looking deeply uncomfortable, “I haven’t been off clan lands in years.”

  “Well, it’s about time then, my friend. Don’t make me command you,” Hawke joked with him.

  “Am I okay?” He touched his clothes as if he wasn’t dressed for the occasion.

  “Of course. After everything you’ve done. The least we can do is treat you to lunch.”

  We brought him to eat Chinese and he devoured all of his food and the rest of mine. We went to the cell phone store and Hawke got me a phone exactly like his and one for Rev. I shot him a questioning look and he just winked at me. The boy had plans. He was excited about something and it was separate from the nervousness. I couldn’t wait to find out what it was about. I thought we were going straight home after that but he got onto the highway and shook his head when I began to ask where we were going.