Burden

by Lila Felix

  This was more than the mate-claim.

  It was more than love.

  More than a fluttering of our hearts, or a tingle when she entered a room.

  My mate owned me. And I was happy to be her property.

  By the time I’d hummed the song twice over, she was fast asleep. And in case we did have the Creator’s ear that night, I sent him a simple plea. Long gone were my whines for myself and my failures in running the clan, formed just for me, I whispered, “All I want is for my mate and my clan to be happy.”

  I woke her up early the next morning so she could see the swamp in the beauty of the dawn, the mist that danced on the top of the water, the dew clinging to the nests of Spanish Moss hanging from the trees.

  After stopping for breakfast in town, we got back to clan lands in time to shower and get dressed before the meeting. I’d procrastinated telling Flint and Tarrow they’d been relieved of their Beta duties. I hated to hurt them or make them think they’d done an insufficient job.

  We gathered around my desk after the formalities were out of the way.

  “First things first. Tarrow, you’ve done the best you could given the screwed up finances of the clan you were left with. We appreciate your commitment and dedication to the clan, but Rev is going to handle the finances from now on.”

  Tarrow sat back in his chair and I tried to think of the many ways I could apologize to him, “Thank you Alpha. Not only was I ill equipped for the job—I just kinda suck at it. I’m no longer a Beta, right?”

  The room chuckled at his great and apparent relief, “No, you are excused from this meeting.”

  “I’m going back to bed then. Have fun.”

  He was gone before we could even say goodbye. So I turned my gaze to Flint.

  “I love you like a brother, Flint, and you’ve served me well. But you have two sons and twins on the way. You are so busy with clan business, you’re stretched thin. Go home. When all your cubs are grown, come back and help me, my friend.”

  There was a clear mix of disappointment and a lifted weight removed in his face—but he bared his neck and left without a word.

  I only had Aspen, River and Rev now as my Betas. The meeting was conducted with a different air. No longer was it a pseudo-frat meeting in which we pretended to really do business; Rev and I kept the itinerary running—always on task. We updated Aspen and River on the state of the finances and informed the two of the announcement to the clan the next night. We would tell the entire clan that their electricity bills, property taxes, and other utilities would now be taken care of by the clan. That was the positive. The negative was that the clan would begin to give five percent of their pay to a clan fund to take care of insurance, property taxes, security and maintenance of clan lands. I wasn’t sure if that little rule was going to cause an upheaval, but it had to be done to ensure we never got back in the hole my father had left me in.

  Echo and Martha were taking care of the dinner the next day and we expressed our desire for every clan member to feel comfortable in our home—and to come to us directly with any concerns or problems.

  We also informed them that Echo and I would be shifting with the clan that night. Just the mention of it caused a blush to roar on her face and warranted chuckles from my Betas.

  “Any other business?”

  River looked at me, wanting to say something. But I knew my best friend—it wasn’t good news.

  “River?”

  He cleared his throat, “There has been talk of the grizzly clan where our Coeur came from in talks with the Lafourche Alpha, to take his place. They want to take over the lands and then challenge you for our lands. That’s their plan. We got that news from the wolf pack Alpha, Schuylar. His wolves have continued surveillance on the grizzlies for us.”

  A tremble passed through my female as she heard those words.

  “I know that before I encouraged you not to join our packs, but things are certainly different now. Everything has changed with the Coeur’s presence. I think it would be best for you to take over the lands now.”

  I rubbed at my temples. Did the ebb and flow of stress never cease?

  “I need to speak with the Coeur about it in private. I will give you my answer tonight before the run.”

  They all left after showing their submission, “Rev, stay a minute.”

  I caught him before he left, “What do you think?”

  He cracked his neck, “I disagree with River, no disrespect. If you move now, and take the lands just because of some gossip, it will look like you’re afraid of the challenge, afraid of them taking the LaFourche lands. However, if you wait until more concrete news comes through, then taking over the lands will show them the true strength of your power. Call the LaFourche Alpha—and listen to his attitude. He and your grandfather were best friends at one time. I can’t imagine him handing over the Alpha position to a grizzly. It would drive all of the black bears out.”

  “But he and my grandfather no longer spoke after the mating ceremony to my grandmother.”

  “That’s because originally she was his mate.”

  Echo sprang to life, “What? How can that be?”

  He turned to address her question, “There are things that can break the mate bond if the proper ceremony is not completed. That’s what Cannus did. He broke the mate bond and then took her for himself. She was not his created mate. His created mate denied him.”

  I never knew that, one more thing that was hidden from me. “It always confounds me how you know more about my family than I do, Rev. But, I am grateful for it.”

  “And I am grateful to the Alpha and his Coeur for bringing the scribe out of hiding.”

  He bared his neck again and left the room.

  I dropped my head to the desk, letting my forehead thump on the beveled edge.

  “I think Rev’s right. Acting too hastily will look like fear.”

  “Me too. I don’t like the chance of those grizzlies being so close to you.”

  “I’m not afraid anymore. You’d tear them all to shreds.”

  My bear glowed under the weight of her praise but I ticked my jaw, even the thought of something happening to her was unimaginable.

  “I forgot to tell you something this morning,” She got up from her seat and perched on the edge of the desk in front of me.

  “Did you?”

  I laid my forehead against her knees, and she wound her hands through my hair, her nails scratching my scalp.

  “Yes. I forgot to tell you that last night was amazing—and we should go there after the mating ceremony. It would be perfect.”

  In seconds I’d dragged her off the desk and onto my lap. “What did you say,” the voice that rumbled out of me was all animal. He took over as soon as she said mating.

  With both of my hands tangled in her hair, I pulled her face to mine, crashing our mouths together. Her hands splayed over my stomach, making every cell in my body flare to life. Her hips and torso swayed into mine. I felt her lips curve into a smile, breaking from mine and I groaned, not yet ready to release her mouth.

  “I can’t believe you’re mine,” she breathed, placing innocent pecks on my neck.

  “I am. And as much as I am enjoying you on my lap, if we don’t get out of this position, I’m afraid waiting for the mating ceremony won’t be an option.”

  She giggled and stood, “You wanna come with me and Martha to the grocery store?”

  I crinkled my nose, “I think I’ll pass. You girls have fun, though. And be careful.”

  “I love you, Hawke.”

  “I love you, Echo.”

  It hadn’t gone without notice that it was the first time she’d said it first. She grabbed her wallet, attached to her keys. I’d stashed five hundred dollars in cash in it just in case she ever needed it, along with her new debit card. Shortly after she left, I received a call from Ernest, and with a change of tires, a paint job, and a tune-up, the previously unused van was now properly equipped to bring all of the clan’s
kids to school every day. I would call Principal Landry Monday to let her know the bus would no longer have to make a stop here. Maybe that would relieve some of the bus driver’s burden as well. A knock on the door brought Adam inside, thanking me for the help, in the form of the psychologist, who’d arrived at his wife’s home earlier. I offered him the full support of the clan in cleaning out the house and getting it back to normal living conditions. He thanked me again, and before he left he hesitated, clearly wanting to say or do—something. Then he turned and threw his arms around me in nothing less than a bear’s hug.

  “Thank you. And please thank the Coeur.”

  “I will. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you.”

  “They’re right. You two will be the ones to bring this clan to its full potential.”

  “I hope so.”

  He left and for the first time I breathed a sigh of accomplishment as an Alpha. Things were turning around, and it was all because of Echo.

  I sent another quick prayer to the Creator to let me keep her—because I didn’t honestly think I could live without her anymore.

  Martha’s organization put mine to shame every single time. I ended up just following her around the store as she flitted around and tossed things into the basket. We’d shopped for nearly two hours until she was satisfied. I reached into my little wallet and gasped as I reached for my new debit card and saw a bundle of hundreds stuck inside. Hawke must’ve done it.

  We paid for everything and drove home. Hawke got all of the grocery bags out of Martha’s car and we began prepping the foods for the next day to minimize cooking times. The turkeys and hams would go in the oven that night.

  “Are you ready for tonight?” Martha whispered to me after Hawke went back to his office.

  “I don’t know. And I didn’t get to tell you about my mom.”

  “She went to Hawke’s work. She’s coming to see me next weekend.”

  “What,” she screamed, sticking the knife into the cutting board.

  “I know. She’s human, a healer. Did you know that? That I could heal people?”

  “No, I didn’t. But I won’t tell, I swear.”

  “I know you won’t, but I think that’s where I get it from. I feel this spirit with me when I heal. Maybe it’s her. Maybe it’s the Creator. I don’t know. But if she’s a healer like me, maybe she can help me understand. Maybe that way…” I trailed off.

  “Maybe that way, what?”

  “I don’t want to be a burden anymore. I’ve been a burden all my life, constantly striving just to contribute something that would lift my debt from those around me. Maybe if I could harness this healing thing, I would really be useful to the clan—maybe even an asset. Shhh.”

  I felt Hawke approaching and didn’t want him to know my aspirations. He would tell me I was valuable. He would convince me with his confident smile and soothing touch that I was useful to the clan. But I felt the potential inside me to be so much more. I knew there was a woman inside me, powerful and confident, just ready to emerge.

  “Can I help, ladies?” He strolled into the kitchen.

  “You can ease her nerves about tonight’s run with the clan. I can practically feel her trembling next to me. I’m gonna chop my finger off, or she will.”

  He wrapped one arm around my waist, “Echo, we will shift in private. It’s not like you’re going to be naked in front of the clan. The marks can be seen in bear form as well.”

  “I know. It’s just all showy. Like I’m on display.”

  “You kinda will be, but just once. And then after Chloe sees the marks, we all can go about our business,” Martha laughed beside me.

  “You took the words right out of my mouth, Martha.” Hawke agreed with her.

  “I’m so glad you two can find humor in this,” I snorted back to them.

  They laughed and Hawke kissed my face.

  A few hours later, and everything prepped for the next day, I ran to take a shower and pace a little before the run. Hawke explained that he would do some kind of announcement, then we would all split up to shift and as a clan, we would run together.

  Hands held, we walked onto the porch which was already surrounded by the clan. Night had fallen and the moon had risen.

  “Bayou Clan, we gather tonight to celebrate the finding of our Coeur and to bond together as brothers and sisters of the same clan. Tomorrow, she, along with Martha, will prepare a feast here at the Alpha home. You all are welcome in our home. Now, we run.”

  We went back inside and walked to the backdoor where we both stripped and shifted. I’d read some books where shifters of all kinds were pained through the phase. But to me, it was liberating. My bear was trapped in my human form, markedly bigger and stronger than my human one. And when I allowed her to come out, she cradled my human self inside of her, protected and safe. And my bear never questioned Hawke or what he was to me. When he nuzzled my face, it meant he loved me and there was no doubting it for a second. Neither of us had to worry the other wasn’t following. It was a given—he is my mate, we will not be separated. In the last week, not only had I bonded with my mate—I’d bonded with my bear, she and I had come to an understanding. But my human side wanted more. She continued to be self-depreciating, always second guessing every tiny gesture my mate made. She was the one off kilter in the balance. And the more I thought about meeting my mother, the more I knew, down in my chest, that meeting her would change the dynamics of my life—and it both frightened and excited me.

  Are you ready?

  I jumped backwards, landing on my haunches. What was that? It sounded like Hawke, but he was already shifted.

  Hawke?

  Yes, Echo. You’ve been marked now. In our bear forms, we can communicate. Did I scare you? Did you not know we could do this?

  I had no idea. I heard and felt his deep, rumbling chuckle in my head.

  He ticked his head in the direction of the rest of the bears. I could hear them breathing and roaring here and there. We entered the open area and I somehow managed to keep my head up. Chloe was the first to break free from the rest. Her sleek figure gave her persona away. She inspected me, head to toe, rounding my flank and coming back in front of me. We stared each other down for a few moments before she bowed her head, acknowledging my mark and my place in the clan. After she submitted, the rest of the clan relaxed.

  Run with me, Mate.

  Hawke called to me through my mind. It was comforting and disconcerting at the same time. But my bear loved her mate having yet another solidifying connection. Running through the swamps, the clan managed to stay together, yet each family retained their own personal space. Martha ran close to me, but not too close. Every once in a while she’d growl in my direction, goading me on.

  I didn’t see, Rev.

  I spoke to my mate, testing the connection.

  He said he wasn’t ready for group activities yet. He won’t be at the dinner tomorrow either. We just have to give him space to get used to everything. He’s been alone too long.

  After hours of running, some turned back, needing to bring their cubs home. And some, like, Flint, wanted to get home to their pregnant mates. Martha was the last to turn around and leave. Hawke finally collapsed on some abandoned fishing dock, but it looked too rickety to chance.

  It is sturdier than it looks.

  I hope so since it looks two breaths away from collapse.

  Putting one paw on the weathered boards, I tested his theory. And then he got up and shook the whole thing with all his might. Cracking and splintered boards began to break—and then Hawke, in bear form, fell into the cold swamp, face first. I didn’t worry, all bears could swim, but instead I fell over in a heap of laughter.

  I’m glad you find humor in this mate, he said, shaking all the water from his form as he exited the water.

  Stalking towards me, I could tell he wouldn’t let it go. He flopped on top of me, making me almost as dirty as he was.

  Ready to go home? He asked me.
>
  Yes.

  We ran home together. I was as excited as I was nervous for the clan dinner the next day. But that night I felt better knowing that Chloe and the rest of the clan knew that I was taken and more importantly, that Hawke was taken. We got home, and I decided to be brazen. I shifted in front of him, the only thing he could see was the back of me, as I walked into the house. I went straight for the shower and could feel the waves of his physical frustration and longing to be near me. It was almost painful. I got out and wrapped a towel around myself only to remember that all my clothes had been moved to our bedroom. I steeled myself for the onslaught of desire as I moved, almost naked towards my mate, who was also almost naked. I tried to grab my clothes as fast as I could—but he was faster. He shot out of the bathroom and pinned me to the wall beside the dresser.

  “I love you, Echo. I think every time we shift, I get a little antsier about completing our mating.”

  My hands wouldn’t stop tracing the ridges of his abs until, still looking in his eyes, they hit the V that marked the beginning of his hips. He sucked in a hiss through his teeth.

  “How long do we have to wait,” I surprised myself by the depths of desperation in my voice.

  “The next full moon—almost three weeks.”

  “We can last three weeks,” he began to kiss the underside of my jaw, “I think.”

  “We will. We have to.” I didn’t even believe myself.

  He braced his hands, palms to the wall, above me and groaned while resting his forehead on my chest. Our hearts were racing. I couldn’t imagine it actually staying in my chest if we actually did complete the mating.

  Then he flashed me a look that even our bond didn’t register and before I could attempt to console him, he was out of the bedroom, down the stairs and had flown out of the back door. I ran to the window in my old room and watched him from above, his chest heaving, in his towel only. After a few minutes, he raised his arms over his head and his breathing and heartbeats slowed.

  I felt completely guilty for making him feel out of control.