Losing It

by Audra North

  And tomorrow I was going to have to do it all over again

  At least after my shift tomorrow, I wouldn’t have another mountain of employment forms and a supposedly-abbreviated version of the staff training course that still took over an hour to complete. I hadn’t had any opportunities to ask about Theodore Chambers. It felt too awkward, bringing it up with any of the staff today.

  The other thing was, it made me uncomfortable how friendly everyone was. How much they wanted me to join them in…well, whatever they did. Even Mike, the receptionist from the front desk whom I’d met this morning, had invited me to some place called the Cave. He didn’t even know me!

  I’d been grateful for the excuse that I had to stay behind and finish filling out paperwork. I didn’t want to waste time on frivolous things, like going to a movie or playing volleyball, both of which I’d also been invited to do today. Not when wasting even a moment of my search could mean failure.

  I trusted myself not to fail. I couldn’t fail. If I failed…

  I shook my head. Nope. Not gonna happen.

  Love isn’t just about trusting someone. It’s about forgiving mistakes, too.

  Shut up, Mom! I wanted to shout it. What did that have to do with anything? Crap, I didn’t know anymore. I was just too exhausted. After trudging down that hall for what felt like years, I finally stood in front of a plain gray door with the number 46 in black paint. My room.

  I fumbled for the key that Claudette had given me, slid it into the lock, and then pushed my way inside the darkened room. I dropped my bags on the floor and let the door swing shut behind me just as I flipped on the light and—

  “Holy shit!” It wasn’t so much of a shout as a gasp that came out of my mouth, which surprised me a little, because a scream would have been more appropriate. After all, there was a guy in my bed, sleeping so hard that he hadn’t even woken up when I’d turned on the light and freaked out.

  Maybe it was the long day, or maybe it was all those weird thoughts swimming around in my head, or maybe it was both of those things and more, but the next thing I knew, I did something that surprised even myself.

  I burst into tears.

  * * *

  Ryan

  I was dreaming.

  At least, I thought I was dreaming. I was lying face down on a bed and someone was crying. And she wasn’t crying so much as hiccupping in a sobbing-type way, not so hard that she couldn’t get words out.

  “Who are you?”

  She said it quietly, but I could hear something in her tone that was half threatening, half threatened. I’m don’t know, I wanted to say, because that’s how I’d felt earlier, sitting at the Cave and drinking way too many beers. But that wasn’t right.

  I knew who I was.

  Right?

  What a weird-ass dream.

  Something poked me in the neck, followed by a skittering noise that sounded like footsteps, running away.

  Strange. That didn’t feel like a dream.

  At least the cry-hiccups had stopped. Except the dream woman sighed then, a heavy, frustrated noise, followed by another neck poke.

  This time, there was no subsequent skittering.

  Poke. Poke.

  Really hard poke.

  “Owwww.” The sound sort of flowed out of my mouth, the residual echo of my own voice snapping me fully into consciousness. I moved, turning over and opening my eyes at the same time.

  Whoa.

  One of the prettiest girls I’d ever seen was leaning over the bed, one finger hovering just over my collarbone. For a dream hottie, she definitely had a mean poke.

  Except…this wasn’t a dream, because after a second of blinking at her, I remembered that I was in one of the small staff rooms at Stone Cliff Resort, where Bobby was working for the summer. I’d parked his car in the employee lot before they’d gone to the Cave, and afterward Bobby and I had caught a ride back with some of the other staff.

  The couple of beers I’d planned on having tonight had turned into—well, shit. I couldn’t remember, but it was a lot. Driving had been out of the question, so Bobby had snuck me into what was supposed to be a vacant room.

  That’s where I was now. In the room that apparently was not vacant, with nothing but a sheet separating me from a cute girl. She glared at me, but her eyes were a bit puffy from crying—so I hadn’t dreamt that, after all—and the effect made her look more cute than threatening.

  “What are you doing in my room?”

  “Your room? Bobby—” I stopped abruptly, remembering that I technically wasn’t supposed to be here, that Bobby had told me not to let on that he’d given me the room by bending the rules a bit. I didn’t want to get Bobby in trouble.

  “I—uh, I’m an affiliate of the resort. They told me no one was staying here.”

  An affiliate of the resort? That was the dumbest thing that has ever come out of your mouth. Way to go.

  But she seemed to think it was legit, because she backed off and slumped her shoulders in a gesture of defeat. “Fine. I’ll sleep on the couch in the common room and we can sort it out tomorrow. Sorry for interrupting your sleep.”

  She let out a heavy sigh and wiped at her eyes. Aw, crap. She was starting to cry again.

  She turned as if to leave, but I jumped up immediately, not caring that I was just in my boxer briefs. No way was I going to let this crying girl sleep on the couch when the bed was rightfully hers. I was sober enough to drive home now, too—even though I was going to have to drive back here tomorrow morning so I could kill Bobby.

  She was almost to the door when I caught her wrist. “Wait!”

  I pulled her back a bit, but I was still a little out of it from sleep. I either overestimated my strength or underestimated her weight, or both, because instead of merely turning her around, the motion spun her too quickly, propelling her toward me.

  Against me.

  “Ooof.” Her body slammed into mine hard enough to make me grunt, and on instinct, my arms locked around her, as though trying to protect her from—

  The only thing she needs protecting from right now is you, apparently.

  Luckily, I didn’t end up being a total clumsy idiot and fall down or something. But now we were just standing there, practically hugging. The soft fabric of her Stone Cliff resort shirt was brushing against my bare chest and I could feel the warmth of her breasts, almost touching me.

  Fuck. This was turning me on. It didn’t help that she smelled good, too. Soon enough the way I was responding to all this stimulation was going to be obvious, and I was going to come across as even more of an asshole because for God’s sake she was still crying.

  It brought me back to the early days of Mom’s chemo. She was so ill and so fucking hopeless. The pain made her more hopeless than if she hadn’t had any treatment at all. I used to see her sit at the dining table and cry, tucking her head into her elbows to muffle the sound so that I wouldn’t hear. She’d thought I was sleeping.

  The memories hurt, but for some reason, tonight they didn’t make me feel as raw and worn as usual. Instead, they made me want to do something. To fight back against the pain and the sadness, at least for a little while. Without thinking too much about what I was doing, I slowly walked her back to the bed, sat down, then pulled her to sit on my lap. She didn’t protest as I cradled her close—if anything, she sobbed harder, tears wetting my shoulder as she leaned against me.

  “Shh. Hey, shh. It’s okay.” I stroked over her back gently. Fuck this is awkward. I’d never been very good at comforting girls. Especially after so many years of keeping everything inside, not wanting to show Mom how much it hurt. I hid it all from her like she thought she was doing for me, both of us trying not to make things even harder for the other.

  But I wanted to make things better for this girl. For a complete stranger.

  We sat like that for several minutes, until her crying eased and she was just taking long, shuddering breaths. When the tears had finally stopped completely, she tipped her he
ad back to look up at me, her expression a mix of confusion, embarrassment, and…something else that I couldn’t quite identify.

  “I’m sorry. I’m not—I never cry. I’ve just had a rough day.” She looked back down at her hands, folded in her lap, and murmured the words so softly that I had to lean my head forward until my nose was nearly in her ear.

  “It’s cool. I don’t mind. I’m sorry I was in your room.” I tried to shrug and make it casual, but that wasn’t easy with her sitting on my lap, her right side pressed against my chest and her hair brushing over my shoulder.

  She let out a slow, wobbly breath. “What a mess. I wish everything weren’t such a mess.”

  It sounded like she was talking about more than just the room. I felt like such an asshole. There had to be a way to make it up to her. At least get her to stop talking down at her hands in that defeated-sounding tone. “Look, I know I don’t know you, but can I do something to help?”

  She shook her head, but she didn’t bother to get up or move away. In fact, she kind of burrowed closer, bringing one hand up to rest on my bare fucking chest and relaxing her back so that it curved into my fingers.

  Well, shit. So much for her not realizing how much she was turning me on, despite the tears bit. I mean, I hadn’t been within touching distance of a girl for a long time. And now one was sitting on my lap while I was practically naked? My cock was so goddamn hard.

  It was also jammed right up under her thigh. She had to feel that.

  But she didn’t say anything, and neither did I.

  “I’m just…I’m so tired.” She sighed. “And stressed and-and—lonely.” She said the last bit like a question, like she’d only just realized it or something and wasn’t sure if it was actually true. And then she lifted her head to look at me again, and her dark eyes were big and confused, and it occurred to me that she really had been surprised by that.

  It made something in me spark to life. For the first time in a year, I felt like I could add value. Somewhere. To someone.

  I gave her a small smile, trying not to grimace, even though the pressure of her body against my dick was killing me. “I know what you mean. My mom died last year and I feel like I’ve spent the entire time since then, feeling like that.”

  She made a small sound of dismay. “God, I am so sorry. That’s awful. I-I didn’t mean to dump on you.”

  Oh, damn. Now you made her feel bad. “Hey, no. I didn’t mean it like that. I stroked my hand down her back, trying to comfort her, but the way those delicate bones of her shoulder blades, the bumps of her spine felt beneath my fingers—all those reminders that this was a living, lovely, sexy woman sitting on my lap—didn’t make for a very comforting caress.

  The blood surged to my cock, making it throb against her thigh, and she must have felt that, because in the next second, she was turning, bringing both of her hands up to link around my neck, her lips parting, her face leaning in, and then finally, finally thank God, at least a little blood must have returned to my brain because I actually managed to think She wants me to kiss her.

  And then I did.

  Chapter 4

  Emery

  Oh my God. This total stranger hottie was kissing me. The hot, sexy, mostly naked stranger whose unbelievable hard erection had been pressing into my leg for the past five minutes was kissing me.

  And I was kissing him back. Had asked for it in the first place, if I was being honest. I’d shifted in his lap and pressed my body against his and given him all the signs, because…a lot of reasons, I guess.

  I’d wanted him as soon as he’d made that frowny face in his sleep, when I’d gotten close enough to poke him in the neck. And when he’d come awake, there had been a moment before he realized what was going on that he’d looked at me in a way that made me feel really, really good.

  Not so lonely.

  That had been a surprise. Hadn’t I just been thinking about what a waste of time it would be to get too involved with people while I was here? It wasn’t like I was going to see any of them again. It’s not like they’d be real friends.

  But somehow, those thoughts had blended with feelings and those feelings with other feelings and…

  Well. Here I was. Here we were, mouths open and hot and wet, hands roaming and arms tightening and it was so, so good. So good that the speed at which all the blood in my body rushed between my legs nearly made my heart stop. I turned even more, pulling my leg up and over so that I was straddling him. My breasts pushed into his chest as I nibbled his lower lip, and through his underwear, the hard ridge of his dick pushed into the perfect spot. I writhed on his lap, wanting more.

  Just a little closer. Just a little more closeness. One night, and tomorrow I won’t feel so lonely.

  “Is this okay?” his whispered. His words came in puffs of breath against my chin as my hands smoothed over his chest, down his stomach, and he shivered. I managed to get out something that sounded like a yes, or of course, or don’t stop, whatever you do. Anyway, he got the gist, and his lips curved against mine in response.

  “Fuck, you’re hot.” He kissed me again, our mouths clinging, tongues stroking.

  When we parted the next time, we were both panting. “So are you,” I managed to get out, before we were back to kissing, heavy and frantic. His fingers started creeping under the hem of my shirt while I explored the ridges of his ribs, up and down, back and forth across the muscles of his stomach.

  “Your skin feels so good. Smooth and warm.” He wrapped his hands around my waist, holding me in place as he brought his mouth to my ear and gently bit my earlobe. I arched against him, my body grinding against his.

  I didn’t feel warm. I felt hot, and excited at the way I had practically stumbled upon this stranger, and…fuck, I wanted to kiss him again. Or for him to kiss me. It didn’t matter, but I wanted it more than I’d ever wanted anything.

  The fact that I’d known him for all of fifteen minutes barely even registered before he nudged my head back and once more took my mouth with his. This kiss was deep, but soft, and my hands fluttered up, over his shoulders and down his bare back as he gentled the kiss and nipped at my lips.

  His hands moved up, bringing my shirt with them. His fingers skimmed over the lacy fabric of my bra, and I felt my breath catch at the same time as his—in my body, in his kiss.

  He pushed my shirt higher, and I broke away long enough to whip it over my head. Then I stood between his knees to wriggle out of my pants, letting them drop to the floor. For a moment, I stood in front of him, nearly naked, and reveled in the way he looked at me. Like I was something special.

  But in the next instant, he pulled me back down to him and gently kissed me on the nose, lips, chin, stroking a line down my neck with his tongue and making me shiver.

  “You’re so fucking sexy.” His hands came up to cup my breasts again, kneading them through my bra. I groaned and arched against him, the soft skin of my belly rubbing against his and making him want—no, need—to feel every inch of him on me. He pulled the lace away from my breasts, pushing the cups down so that he could run his tongue around one of my tightly-peaked nipples. My hands roamed over his back, slipping under his underwear to squeeze his ass, then around to the front, where my fingers wrapped around his hot, straining cock. He moaned against my breast, his mouth hot and wet over my nipple.

  So good. That felt so damn good.

  At the sound of his obvious pleasure, I brought my free hand to the waistband of his boxer briefs and tugged, a command and a hint at the same time. He lifted his hips enough so that I could push them down, until they dropped onto the floor, all the while stroking his hard dick slowly, with just the right amount of pressure that I hoped would drive him crazy.

  He was practically thrusting into my hand now, which was growing slicker with every stroke, until he suddenly stopped and put a hand on my wrist, gently moving himself out of my grip.

  “It’s too good,” was all he said, but the low, guttural tone of his voice made my blood
heat even more. Hell, yeah.

  He reached around my body to unclasp my bra. My breasts came free, feeling full and sensitive, and I could see that my nipples were glistening from where he’d sucked them.

  I wanted him. So badly. Enough to push him to lie back on the bed before I shimmied out of my panties, then lowered my body atop his without a second’s hesitation. I straddled him so that his shaft was pushed between my folds and there would be no doubt that he could feel how wet I was, how slippery.

  I wanted him in me. I wanted to feel close to him.

  It took every last ounce of my self-control not to slide over his cock, all the way down until he was deep inside my hot, wet pussy and then fuck him, hard.

  It helped that he had such a strong grip on my hips that I could barely move, but I could see from the glazed look he gave me that we were both going under, and fast. Thank God that somewhere from inside that scrambling storm of intense need, I just managed to rasp out, “I don’t have any condoms.”

  I hadn’t exactly expected to end up like this, naked and writhing on a dorm bed with a total stranger.

  Luckily, it seemed he was better at being prepared, because he put his lips against mine and whispered, “I do.”

  Wow. The way it came out sounded freakishly like a wedding vow. We were both still for a moment, staring at one another, until I couldn’t take the awkwardness of not knowing what to say and instead just slid off of him so that he could get the condom.

  He leaned forward and grabbed at a pair of shorts lying on the floor near the bed, then rummaged in the pocket for a second. “Got ’em.” He pulled out two packets and tossed one on the nightstand before lying back on the bed, naked, cock pointing straight up. I took a second to drink him in, the way he’d done to me earlier. Broad shoulders atop a gorgeous, toned chest. Not too big, but still muscled. His stomach was defined, his waist and hips slim but not skinny, and at the juncture of those long legs…my prize.

  His thick, long dick was dusky purple at the tip and I suppressed a moan at the thought of what that head would look like if it was coated in my come. Damn. I needed him in me, now.