The Toll

by Jeanette Lynn

  “Ye mean fuckin? Nah. Only fun when there’s two.”

  “Use two hands, then!” Hunching down when I found a bush to duck behind, I tried to make myself as invisible as possible.

  “Dinna be sore wit’ me, wench. Was only teasin’. Just glad ye dinna want ta attack me like a beast in heat no more.”

  “It wasn’t funny, you ungrateful ingrate! And neither was that! And I am not a beast! You are, you mean bastard! Furthermore, you should be glad I’d, uh, wanted to, at all!”

  “A right beast, ye were.” Something in his voice told me he might have liked it, but I brushed the thought aside. “Wasna yer fault,” he continued, “was the Lady playin’ games, I’m thinkin’.” A dangerous growl had started to seep into his tone as he finished, the hairs on my nape creeping up.

  “The Lady?” Poking my head around my hiding spot, I glared at him but asked anyways, “The Lady of the Lake? You mean your mother?”

  Face darkening as he stared off into the distance, all traces of the humor from just moments ago vanishing rapidly, he muttered, “Bearer. No’ a mother ta me.”

  “She tricked me?” Brow furrowed, I shifted a little farther out, exposing a naked shoulder and most of my arm.

  “Tricked us,” Troll’s deep voice snarled.

  Eyeing him uncertainly, I slowly slipped from the cover of the large, rounded, leafy bush I’d commandeered for temporary shelter. “How? Tricked us how?”

  “This whole fuckin’ thing, nugget, I’d wager, is her doin’. Never could stay the fuck outta where she dinna damned belong.” His face mottled a deep grey, eyes blazing orange fire.

  Like tiny little puzzle pieces, it was all starting to come together, one bit at a time.

  “I meant no harm,” a quiet, softly spoken, subdued voice murmured from off to my side.

  Yelping, startled, I scurried back to my bush. “Oh, my god, it’s really her!” The words were out of my mouth before I’d even given it any thought, fingers pointing to her frantically from across the clearing.

  “Finally decided ta join us,” Troll snapped.

  Niniane flinched at the rebuke, her lithe steps faltering slightly at the sight of her offspring’s teeth baring, lip curling sneer. “I only meant to help.” Eyes scanning between us, she cocked her head thoughtfully, as if listening to something only she could hear. Eventually, her clouded eyes cleared and her gaze returned back to her son.

  “Ye’re meddlin’,” he snapped, before she could say anything. Lifting his arm up and out, it arced through the air, a wave of magic trailing in its wake as his runes lit up. “It ends now. Ye canna still be thinkin’ ta can fix yer get, turnin’ ‘em all into little princes, eh? Foolish, an’ ye know it. A curse been born, is a curse borne well. Willna be changin’ the skin we’re in. Ye filled Dubhglass’s head with the lot. He couldna handle it when the truth was finally told. Couldna get his fat head outta the clouds, an’ now look where he be? Make ye happy, to tease an’ torment yer get so?” Gesturing at me, his vision darkened, blue sparks shooting out of his eyes. “Cursed her too, ye know, tanglin’ her up wit’ me. She be tied ta me now.”

  Wringing her hands in her long, flowing dress, shimmering in various shades of blue, the wave-like layers draped around her waist swirled around her like the water lapping along the lake edge. She hadn’t aged one bit, just as youthful and beautiful as I’d seen in my.... well, my vision, dream, whatever it was I was having, am still having.

  “She could love you,” Niniane stated quietly, her voice rising as she stepped farther into the clearing. “You could find happiness with her.” Hands stretched out pleadingly, they shook as she entreated Troll. “I only wished you peace.” Pulling her hands back when a hiss slipped past his full, angry lips, her eyes could no longer quite meet his gaze. When a heavy silence fell over them, she looked about to retreat.

  “An’ what ‘o’ her?” Troll rumbled quietly, the tension riding him pulling his shoulders so tight his neck nearly doubled in size. “Where was yer concern fer her in all ‘o’ this? She was handed over to a troll.” His hand stabbed towards me, eyes never leaving the woman who had given him life. “Where was yer concern fer her, while ye were puttin’ all ‘o’ this inta motion, hmm? I be an Ornthren, we trust no other. Ye know this, tis how it goes, an’ still, ye put her in me path? Do ye care so little fer man? Has yer years birthin’ cursed little beasts ta roam this plane taught ye nothin’? Have ye truly learned nothin’?”

  A bad feeling, deep in my bones, was riding me hard as my eyes darted between them.

  “Where was yer worry, then, fer her, Niniane? Not me, her. When she was forced inta bondin’ wit’ me an’ you just sat by. When she was attacked by that sick fuck of an excuse fer a male, an’ ye just sat idly by on yer skinny little waterlogged arse, where was yer worry? Yer concern! She’s fragile! A human! Mortal!”

  “Was mortal. Was human,” she whispered softly, eyes growing wide as they slid to my ashen face when Troll roared at her correction.

  “Given her a fate worse than death! She be tied ta me! Tethered! Forever! Imprisoned her, ye did! Ruined her life! Ye’re no better than those stick thin, babbling hags that brought us ta this!”

  “You love her.” It wasn’t a question. Lips tremulous, Niniane smiled slightly, soft blue eyes filling with unshed tears.

  “Be fixin’ this, ye will,” he warned. “Dinna be thinkin’ I wouldna notice ye doused her up wit’ somethin’ before ye cooked up all this dream bullshit, either. Took me a while, but I could smell it on her.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Yes, ye can.” Holding out his hand, Troll curled his fingers, motioning for her to step closer.

  When only a few feet separated them, he jerked his chin. “Know ye can, and ye will. If no’, I will.”

  “You cannot. You...” Her words faltered when her eyes widened. “Gersthart... you wouldn’t.” Shaking her head, the tears she’d barely held back slipped free, silently slipping down her eyes, staining her dress cerulean where ever they landed, plopping in fat, ink filled drops as she stifled a sob.

  Blazing eyes drifting towards me, they slipped back to orange as they burned into mine. “Aye. For her... I would.”

  I could feel the heat of his gaze, along with those words, soaking into my skin. Eyes meeting his evenly, mine burned just as bright. Staring at each other, gazes locked, a thousand thoughts and emotions rushed through me as they ran through him, so clearly conveyed as he let me see, finally let me in. I basked in it.

  Eyes slowly drifting back to his mother, the connection between us still alive and humming, crackled in the air. “Ye’re done, Niniane. Dragged too many inta it as it is on yer curse. No need ta punish anymore innocents. Fates fucked up, obviously, an’ yer punishment was all for naught.”

  “But, Gersthart, heart... I cannot-”

  “Lies! No more lies!”

  Reeling back, she stared at him hard before slowly shaking her head.

  “Ye’ll do this. Ye’ll do this one thing for me.”

  Voice hollow, her eyes reluctantly drifted towards me before she murmured, “I cannot.”

  “A rune? A spell? An enchantment? Ye mean ta tell me there’s nothin’ in yer bag of black tricks ta be gotten?”

  “No,” The Lady of the Lake shook her head, “I-I cannot, as I’ve said.”

  “Canna or willna?” he gritted out.

  Face drawn and full of sadness, she shook her head slowly, ruffling the blonde halo of hair rustling around her head. “Cannot.”

  “Then be gone, an’ cease yer meddlin’. As I’ve said before, an’ I’ll say it again, I’ve no use fer ye.” When she didn’t respond, he snarled. “Swear it. Swear it now.”

  “I will,” she croaked out, bursting into tears, “I will.” As I watched, she pulled out a small object, squeezing it in her palm. Chanting to herself quietly, her hands glowed and her hair flew, flapping about her wildly as her voice quietly rose and fell.

  “Leave us,” he muttered dismissivel
y, turning his back on her as his focus turned solely on me. “Time ta end this. Need ta be wakin’ up now, nugget.”

  Swirling, the tears staining her dress lifted, encircling her, growing as the hem of her dress too, turned liquid.

  ‘Forgive me’, she mouthed, blue eyes glowing. Whirling in mist, she seemed to disintegrate right before my eyes, evaporating into a fine blue mist, suspended in the air before it disappeared completely. The last to go out was the object she’d held, silver and bright, a shining oval rimmed in blue, gone with a crackle of glittering sparks and bursting magic.

  “Nugget.”

  Glancing up and around, staring after Niniane’s mystifying exit, my gaze drifted back to Troll’s as my hands came up slowly. “Can’t, and even if I could, I won’t. I’ll wake up when I’m ready, and not a moment sooner. We need to have that talk first, remember?”

  “No.” Face hard and impassive, unreadable, he shook his head. “No, nugget. Tis done. We end this now.”

  Pressing further, I cleared my throat, effectively catching his attention. “End it?” I didn’t like the sound of that. End it. It made one think ‘permanent’, done. “Explain.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.”

  Runes flaring up, the water started churning again, bubbling and roiling all around him.

  “Troll?” Concerned, I crawled forward, his emotions emanating from him so strong and raw, fresh and crisp, oozing like an open wound, they pulled at me.

  I had to move toward him. It wasn’t just that I could sense them, his feelings—anger, pain, loss, resignation—I could almost taste them, feel them as if they were my own. We were so intertwined at times, I really felt as if we were one.

  “Gersthart.” Voice gone animalistic and guttural, his normally vibrant, swirling eyes gone onyx again, I took a huge step back and away from him. “Wouldna be doin’ that, nugget.” Chest heaving, his muscles bunched, swelling, and my mouth rounded in a small little ‘o’. “Not in the right frame at the moment, he gritted out. “Might give chase.”

  Freezing on the spot, I ducked and tucked my legs up underneath me, eyeing him cautiously. Peeking up at him, I told him quietly, “You wouldn’t hurt me.”

  “Aye, never.” After a moment his eyes started to slowly shift back, his normal bright orange slowly bleeding through, but as they drifted down my naked form, they dove straight back to black. “Not on purpose, anyway. Ye know that, do ye not, luv?”

  My chest tightened at the look on his face, heart hurting at the lost, inconsolable look in his eyes.

  “Tro- Gersthart... I-“

  “Guess I’m owin’ more than a few apologies to ye before all this is sorted out,” he murmured quietly, voice more rough and tortured than it could ever possibly be, “but, considerin’ the damage that’s been done, that I’ve done, I’m thinkin’ it might take a while.”

  What? What is he saying? Jackknifing up, I took a few tentative steps towards him, aching to soothe him, take away the pain. Mine. We were alike, in a way, both broken beyond repair, both seeking love and reassurance, companionship.

  “And what of you? Who will fix you?” As I slowly waded into the water, his tumultuous gaze stuck on me, piercing orange eyes easily heating my skin with their intensity, as if I could feel it like a caress, they burned so bright. Troll shook his head and thrust a hand out when the bubbling, warm liquid surrounding me reached my waist.

  “No one. I dinna want it.”

  I stopped at that but started forward again. “And I do?”

  “Yes.”

  Arms slowly folding over my chest, my lips pursed mulishly, water up to my elbows swirling around me. “Oh? And what are you, the judge of all things? Or just me, hmm?”

  “Nugget.” Grinding his jaw tight, his eyes flashed and his skin sparked.

  Faltering slightly, I squared my shoulders, took a deep breath, and trudged on.

  “Dinna come any closer.” Growling warningly, low in his throat, shooting blue sparks crackled over the lake’s choppy surface. The water was as restless as he, splashing and slapping around churlishly, as if reacting to him directly.

  “Are you doing this?” I murmured, squinting as a wet slap splattered across my face. Running a hand slowly down my sprinkled chin and cheeks, another wet splash slamming my ear, I missed Troll’s answer.

  “Not like ye be thinkin’,” I heard him mutter on a growl before he closed the distance between us, hefting me up and out of the worst of it as I choked and gasped on my own spit.

  “Why?” I managed to croak out as I sputtered, incredulous.

  “Canna control it.” Tucking me tight into his side with one arm, he nuzzled my neck, grunting when everything slowly calmed. Dipping his hand down as I watched, he swirled his free finger into the settling waves. “Bearer is an Elemental an’ all that. Water, ye know. Comes with the territory, eh?”

  “Bearer?”

  “Bearer,” he grunted, terse. “Wench that gave me life. If ye wish ta call it that.”

  Sensing the waves roiling to a boil again, my fingers tightened around him, and I left it at that.

  Eyeing the crystal clear liquid curiously, I reached forward, fingers tracing small patterns in the water. Staring down into the clear, shimmering depths as my fingers traced the same swirling path his had, I frowned disappointedly when nothing happened.

  Picking up on my frustration, Troll reached a hand forward, covering mine gently, and closed his eyes.

  His runes slowly started glowing dimly, and water swirled around our fingertips, dancing up and over us, sliding over our skin softly, calmly, in a cool caress, before it plopped back down, shot up and over, then popped right back up to do it all over again.

  “Can... can I do that too?”

  Leaning in closer, Troll inhaled deeply at my neck, nuzzling his way up my hair. “Mm. No. Dinna think so, but, then, considerin’, yer guess is as good as mine.”

  “What were you thinking about?”

  “Hmm.” Humming softly in the back of his throat, he paused. “When?”

  “Just now.” Pulling my hand back, I gestured towards the spot. “With the water. That is what’s controlling it, right?” Tipping his head slightly in answer, I continued, “What were you thinking about, when you made it do that?”

  “Mm. No. I’ll not be sayin’, I think. Now, come,” he shook my shoulders a little, thick hands warm as they rubbed up and down my arms, “wake up. Tis time.”

  My eyes shot straight to his and my thighs tightened, wrapped around his thick waist. “But I’m not done yet, and you can’t just shut me out like that.”

  “Just did,” he grunted.

  “Yes, like that.” I pointed right at his nose accusingly, flicking the end when he almost went cross eyed trying to glare at it.

  Shoving my hand away, he growled, “An’ here’s me doin’ it again.”

  “But... no. And, hey, we haven’t talked yet. I-”

  “No. No sense in prolongin’ it. Sooner the better. Makes it easier all ‘round.” Gruff, his snappish orders rubbed me wrong. More than wrong.

  Turning, I tried to pull away from him, but he kept firm. Soon I was squirming against him, my back squashed to his front, thick arm banded around my waist.

  “Why do you keep talking like that? Prolonging what? Time for what? Easier how? You sound like we’ll never see each other again.” My voice faltered, and he softened slightly. Pressing my feet to his thighs, I shoved, launching forward as he barked while I shot across.

  He would have snatched me back, but I flung an arm out, too late realizing I’d shot blue sparks at him as I threw him off, whirling around to stare at him, heart lurching, eyes wide.

  Then it hit me.

  “That’s it, isn’t it? You’re going to break the bond somehow? You’re trying to ditch me? You can’t! We’ll die!”

  Tugging me back, despite my best efforts at punching, hitting, kicking, and a few nicely placed bites, he still managed to reel me back in. Everything in me scream
ed to run.

  “Calm down, woman! Ye’ll not be kickin’ any buckets anytime soon, if I have any-Hey! Damn it! Fuckin’- Quit bitin’! Bleedin’ vampiress!” Squeezing me so tight I thought I might faint, I gave.

  Instantly going lax in his arms, I unlocked my jaw, carefully disengaging my teeth from his shoulder. Cursing under his breath, he relaxed too.

  Teeth still attached to his arm, though no longer actually biting down, I mumbled against his dented skin as I peeked up at him, “Are they real?”

  “Are what real, ye daft wench?” he grumbled, grunting when I pressed my teeth back into his fresh bite marks warningly. “Release me.”

  “Vampires.” Voice muffled against his thick flesh, my eyes never left his, narrowing slightly when he took too long in answering. Clamping down a little, my tongue darted out for a second to run across his heated flesh.

  A full body shivered wracked his thick frame and he hissed, shaking his arm to throw me off. Not one to be deterred, I latched on harder, tightening my grip, arms hugging his forearm.

  Snorting, a ghost of a smile coasted over his face and his hands ran over my hair slowly, fingers running through it soothingly as he started humming in the back of his throat.

  It was an odd feeling, as he studied me, his look rapturous yet distant, almost sad.

  Swirling orange eyes intent, he took in the laugh lines around my mouth, his thick, calloused fingers tracing them gently. Then he mapped all the little crow’s feet at the corners of my eyes, followed by the small, faded scar by my right temple from that time I fell off Pa’s old horse, and then the full pout of my lips and the curve at the end of my nose.

  So absorbed in familiarizing himself with me, as if to put my face to memory, he wasn’t aware I was watching him just as interestedly.

  “Dinna be ridiculous,” Troll muttered when he’d finished his perusal, burly hand slowly falling to his side to release me, quietly slipping back into the water.

  My brows winged upward and I scoffed, “Elementals, Fates, trolls-”

  “Ornthren,” he cut in, brows beetling, much as they usually do with him, but I waved him off and kept going, talking right over him.