Broken Mirrors

by A. F. Dery

  “But you don’t really act much like a woman,” Thane reflected aloud. “You don’t bat your eyes, for one thing, or wear low cut blouses.”

  Kesara froze with her fork midway to her open mouth, staring at him in bemusement. He shrugged one shoulder as if dismissing his own thoughts and returned to eating. She, too, resumed a moment later, but he noticed she was now watching him warily from the corner of her eye, as if he might suddenly come out with something disturbing and she wanted to be prepared for it.

  He snorted at such a fanciful thought and her brow furrowed in perplexity.

  “Thank the gods I can’t read minds,” he heard her mutter as she reached for her cup.

  “It might be a good thing, after all,” he agreed somberly. “Even with the bother of verbal communication.” He paused thoughtfully, his mouth forming those last words again without sound as he wondered if they’d come out coherently. Some things still defied his best efforts, and normally, he thought better of trying to voice them in time to keep from embarrassing himself.

  “I did have to think about that one for a minute, but I know what you meant,” Kesara volunteered hesitantly. “Verbal communication.”

  He nodded, pleased. “Either you’re good or I’m getting better. I’ll take it either way.”

  “You’re not that difficult to understand,” Kesara muttered, stabbing the chicken on her plate with startling viciousness. Thane’s eyebrows went up.

  “Someone on your mind?” he asked, as sweetly as he could muster. He stopped just short of his batting his eyes, well aware that this would not have the intended effect at all.

  “I may have misjudged on that one thing, maybe, but not the other, and I never asked him to try to tangle with Fred,” Kesara took a bite of the chicken and chewed with ferocity.

  Thane considered this cryptic statement. The closest thing that came to mind was the scuffle he’d interrupted between one of her guards and his steward. “You must be talking about Darius, eh?” He hesitated, but plunged on, “Most women are very fond of him, you know. I fully expected the two of you to, um, hit it off.”

  “Why is he so popular? It’s the hair, isn’t it? It must be,” Kesara said with her odd half-smile.

  “He does have very nice hair,” Thane offered, hoping to prompt more from her.

  “Not many Eladrians are blond, but you’re the only red-haired one I’ve seen. Not that I’ve seen very much of your country, it’s true.”

  “Runs in the family,” Thane said. “All the men have it, anyway. Generally speaking, if you find anyone in the general population with it, they had an ancestor who was a very dedicated Keep worker. If you know what I mean.”

  Kesara appeared to be rendered speechless as she suddenly became very busy with buttering a slice of bread. It’s wrong to be amused by that, he thought, very much amused. Terrible of me.

  “Listen Kes,” he said, gently interrupting her zealous undertaking to coat every last trace of her bread. “I think it’s time you just came out with what is going on.”

  She looked up, surprised. “What is it you think you don’t know?” she wondered.

  “If I knew that, I wouldn’t have to ask you about it, now would I?” He suppressed a smile. “Just tell me all you know. I’m sure the gaps will fill themselves in.”

  “My lord-” she hesitated, then said, “Thane. You must understand that if I have been...reluctant...in the past, it’s only because I was not certain you would leave me free if you knew what I could do. Then I thought Graunt had told you everything anyway.”

  “But you know differently now, right?” Thane watched her anxiously.

  “Yes, but...well..now that the bond has started anyway...things have changed. Are changing. I will never be free again, but that isn’t your fault. I messed things up myself, somehow.” Kesara set down her fork and knuckled her eyes wearily. “I don’t even know how, but I guess it doesn’t matter.” Her voice was small and had the sound of defeat. He frowned.

  “It’s all right, Kes,” he said gently. “We’ll...er...figure something out. It would help if I knew everything, not just the Graunt-screened version.”

  “I don’t know what she left out,” Kesara said, her hands falling away from her face. “But, well, everything. All right. You know I’m called a Mirror. We are called so because we reflect pain away from people. We are driven by our natures to bond with one person in particular, whose pain we can then always take away without effort or thought. We can still assist others, if we’re strong enough. We’re not all of the same level of ability, just as all of your soldiers aren’t equally skilled in the same things. The bonding right is usually sold to the highest bidder where I’m from, or given as a gift in return for some favor or service from someone in power.” She paused. “Is any of that new to you?”

  “No, I don’t think so,” Thane said thoughtfully. “I don’t see what she would want to keep from me about any of that. But I don’t know any specifics about this bonding right you keep talking about. How does this bonding usually happen?”

  “Well, once a refrere is found, there is a ritual that is performed. It’s actually very simple. It requires a certain effort of will from the Mirror and the refrere must be willing and wholly open to the idea for the bond to be completed, that’s about it really.”

  “And the...refrere?” His mouth formed the word cautiously. Kesara nodded. “What effect does a completed bond have on one?”

  Kesara tilted her head at him, looking at him sidelong. “I’m glad you asked that,” she said finally. “If you do not know that now, maybe you will understand my concerns better once you do. The refrere feels no physical pain of any kind until the bond is terminated, which is only possible through death, either his own or his Mirror’s. But through the bond, he is able to sense the emotions and needs of the Mirror.” Kesara gave a hollow laugh. “The refrere is entirely capable of simply ignoring what the bond tells him with no adverse effect to himself, apart from the annoyance when the bond persists. But that annoyance has been considered sufficient by more than one refrere I know of to simply kill the Mirror to be rid of it.”

  “That’s terrible,” Thane said bluntly. “Are Mirrors so demanding, then? Not that this would justify, it’s only hard to imagine simply killing someone of such value...”

  Kesara snorted. “We need to eat and sleep. We get sad and lonely- many of us are simply locked away in some discreet set of rooms once the bonding takes place. After all, physical proximity isn’t required once the bond is completed- it works just as well from any distance. But we still feel a certain compulsion to have contact with our refreres, and the refrere senses that need, whether they care for it or not. So you see, the bond takes from both parties. Most consider it well worth the cost...at first. But if they have no dire problems that diminish their quality of life when the bond begins, it is all too common for them to simply tire of it and see their burden quietly done away with.”

  Thane stifled a grimace. “I can see why you were worried, then, especially if you had no control over who the refrere would be.”

  Kesara smiled thinly. “I’m glad you understand, Thane.”

  He hesitated. “I would not do that to you, you know,” he said quietly.

  Kesara tensed. “I understand that, too...but it’s a heavy obligation. You would not have the pain of your ailments, but especially for one in your profession, you could very well end up maiming yourself through too much exertion, if you aren’t careful. Pain has a purpose, you know. It makes people cautious. Soldiers would throw themselves into battle without regard for their own mortality if they fought without feeling their injuries.”

  “I had thought of that once before,” Thane admitted, a bit sheepishly. “But I think I could be induced to take care. And if not, what better way to die than in battle? It is the death I’ve hoped for.”

  Kesara gave him a rueful smile. “If we were fully bonded, Thane, I would die with you. Mirrors can’t outlive the bond.”

  Than
e frowned, suddenly feeling uneasy. “Is that true now as well, with whatever is there?”

  She turned thoughtful, looking off into the distance as she considered that. “I doubt it,” she said finally. “But truthfully, I’m not entirely certain. I’ve never heard of this happening before. Usually Mirrors are bonded as soon as we reach maturity. I was not even aware that such a case as ours could exist.” She looked back at him, and noticing his uneasiness, said reassuringly, “Don’t worry about it, Thane. Even if it were an issue, I would not lose very much at this point even if you fell in battle tomorrow. It’s nothing you need to be concerned about.”

  Instead of feeling reassured, his frown deepened, his blood running cold. “What do you mean, you wouldn’t lose very much?”

  Kesara frowned back. “Well, I won’t live much longer. The bond is not complete. I might well have been dead already if we had not met, for all I know- I think there’s a chance that whatever has happened between us is prolonging my time by a bit. But it won’t be much. I’m still weakening, I can tell.”

  “You’re dying?” he sputtered. “But you look fine!” He realized as soon as he said it how inane that sounded, but Kesara stared at him, perplexed.

  “How would you know what I look like healthy? I’ve been dying as long as I’ve been here, my lord,” she said carefully.

  “But..you mean to say you came here to die, then? Because you didn’t mean to bond with anyone, and you’ll die if you don’t?” He couldn’t seem to wrap his brain around what he was saying. He felt as though his head was suddenly stuffed with fog and nothing sensible could penetrate. He thought frantically, no, no, this isn’t possible, I’m not understanding, this isn’t right, she can’t be dying! She’s so damn young!

  “I’m..I’m sorry?” Kesara sounded confused, her eyebrows knit together.

  “You. Came. Here. To. Die?” the last word came out as a plea. Kesara’s eyes widened in comprehension and she stood suddenly, moving to his side.

  She knelt beside him, touching his hand where he only just noticed it trembled of its own volition on the arm of his chair.

  “Yes,” she said quietly. “Wouldn’t you rather die free than live as someone’s property, locked away in a pretty cage until he dies, unless he gets sick of your existence and kills you in cold blood?”

  “But you wouldn’t, not here,” Thane said roughly. He leaned towards her intently, his face bare inches from hers as his eyes pleaded with her. He tried very hard to keep his sudden rush of words slow and deliberate, his tongue feeling inexplicably clumsy. “I would never, you must know that. You only had to tell me, we can work something out, you will see! Try me, Kes, try me first. You will die if you don’t, and if you still want to die when it’s done, I will do it myself. You won’t feel a thing.” He paused suddenly as the implications of what she’d told him began to multiply in his head. “Are you in pain now?”

  Kesara frowned. Her hand moved hesitantly from his hand to cradle the side of his face with a feather light touch. Her fingers felt cool against his flushed face and he froze in surprise and confusion at the contact. “You do know what happens to the pain I take, right?”

  He blinked. “You...reflect it?” he said.

  “To where, Thane?” her voice was very gentle. He thought about this, and suddenly, a lot of things came together in a terrible way for him: how she always knew when he had a headache and when the headache had ceased; how all of his bodily discomforts had ended when she’d said a bond had started to form; how Graunt had wanted to refuse her pain relief, and Kesara’s strange reaction when he had insisted on it...

  “Oh gods!” he cried, his skin going cold even as his blood ran hot, and he lurched from the chair, sweeping her aside with one arm and barely making it into the next room before he lost every trace of his dinner.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  To Edmund, Lord Malachi, our loyal Ally to the South;

  Greetings and felicitations from the Almryn High Court. We were most distressed to learn of the latest developments regarding your fine country. It is difficult to accept that Lyntara could move against you without our knowledge; indeed, such a feat would require such acts of dark sorcery at which we believe even the Beast himself would balk. Even more difficult to contemplate are the strange movements you describe at our mutual Ally Eladria’s borders. Your earlier accusations regarding them are also most troubling, but we will not discuss these here.

  Whatever is happening, there can be no doubt that something disturbing is transpiring within and around your borders, and it should be beyond question that the Union will act in the honorable interests of any Ally in good standing. It has, however, been a significant passage of time since you have honored your part of the alliance and consented to the reasonable request of the High Court to meet with you, as the Concord demands. It would be a display of good faith to make such an appearance in short order, that we might discuss these matters concerning you as well as matters concerning the High Court at large. Understand that the High Court will have no choice but to reevaluate Malachi’s inclusion in the Union at the next Conclave if this request has been disregarded as the last have been, to our mutual regret.

  Gravely,

  M.A.

  To His Honorable Excellency, High Lord of the Western Range, Almryn;

  Greetings from Malachi, along with my deepest apologies. Indeed we have much to discuss, including the matter of Eladria, about whom I fear my earlier missive to which you referred was perhaps not fully accurate, as I have since attempted to clarify. You are entirely correct that we must meet, and soon; however, as I have stated before, my beloved wife is in a very delicate condition, and I dare not leave her behind after the attempts made on her life that I detailed to you in my previous letter, nor would such lengthy travel be advisable for her at this time, even with the assistance of your most Generous Gift, which we continue to deeply appreciate.

  I also, understandably, fear leaving my country unattended in light of all the things I have described to you. She would be quite vulnerable in my absence, and as you can see, all is going to hell, and with speed. I ask please for His Excellency’s understanding and patience in this matter, and for more time to stabilize my country’s defenses and see the safe delivery of my firstborn.

  Please understand I am deeply sorry for the continued delays and will do everything in my power to attend you promptly once these matters are resolved, and they cannot possibly be resolved without your honorable assistance.

  Respectfully,

  Edmund, Lord Malachi

  To Edmund, Lord Malachi;

  Greetings once more from the High Court. We are well aware of the difficulties present when it comes to attending us at Court; nevertheless, we must insist that the visit is long past overdue. We are sending reinforcements of 200 men to Malachi. You can expect them in two weeks’ time. This should give you and your Lady ample time for preparations for travel. Our healers here are among the finest in the Union and will be honored to see to your Lady upon her appearance here if called upon to do so.

  The High Court would remind you that if you had seen to your duty promptly at the first, these matters would have been well in hand when your current difficulties developed. If you have not appeared by the end of next month, there will be penalties without further suffrage.

  On a more personal note, it pains me to say these things to you, Edmund. I ask you now, as one who always faithfully stood by you and your father before you, not to force my hand on this.

  M.A.

  To His Honorable Excellency, High Lord of the Western Range, Almryn;

  Many thanks for the incoming reinforcements. Barring any excessive delays in traveling, for which I must beg your patience in advance given my Lady’s condition, we will be in attendance 30 days hence.

  Edmund, Lord Malachi

  Malachi watched his messenger leave with his study with his latest response in hand. The weariness that had been pressing on him for some time had somehow conspired to weig
h heavier still on him now.

  “Reinforcements.” He had nearly choked, reading that. Those same “reinforcements” could lay waste to his country in its present pitiful state at a word from their Lord, as he, the High Lord, and anyone with a functioning brain knew full damn well.

  Reinforcements. Somehow the temptation to take Maggie and run had never been stronger. Let the High Lord send his men, take over, do whatever he’d like with the damn Raiders. The High Lord was usually more than willing to believe any ill of Lyntara, so his skepticism of Malachi’s own firsthand report of Raiders stung nearly as much as the sending of “reinforcements” did.

  At least he stopped being so damned tactful in his threats, he mused, closing his eyes briefly.

  But no, there could be no running. He owed something to whomever Margaret carried, if it managed to survive. And to the people who, even now and surely contrary to their better judgment, were looking to him for protection.

  Malachi sighed, opened his eyes, and rose to his feet. It was time to tell Margaret. The High Lord would wait no longer.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Time passed. It could have been a week or a month or an entire age, for all she knew, since the night Kesara had talked to Thane over dinner, when he had evidently learned just what it was Graunt had omitted. It had shaken her badly to see him get so upset when he’d finally realized that she was dying, and she had felt nothing less than pure terror when he’d leaped from the table and pushed her aside, at first frightened for herself, then when she’d realized what was going on, him. She had scrambled to her feet and gone after him at once, but when he’d finished getting sick, he’d shaken his great head at her fiercely, refusing to meet her eyes.