Wanting (PAVAD)

by Calle J. Brookes

  She believed him, too.

  He’d watched every move she’d made for two weeks. Then he’d grabbed her one night when her mom was working. She’d known what he was going to do, and she’d fought as hard as she could.

  She’d gotten lucky when she’d hit him in his penis with her knee. She’d grabbed the bag she’d had packed to spend the night with her best friend, and ran out the door. She didn’t know what he’d told her mom. What her mom believed.

  She couldn’t go home. He would kill her. But how was she supposed to make these people understand without telling them what had happened?

  Ashleigh didn’t know.

  Chapter 35

  *****

  They took Ashleigh into a conference room fifty feet from Sebastian’s office and the bullpen shared by the three teams of the CCU. Carrie got a can of soda and a bag of potato chips out of the break room. Even if Ashleigh had eaten at the shelter, food would offer some comfort. When you’d been on the streets for any length of time, food became an extremely desirable commodity.

  Carrie would never forget the feeling of true hunger. The pain and fear from knowing you just might starve to death before your next birthday. Hopefully this little girl hadn’t been out there long enough to learn that feeling.

  Ashleigh devoured the chips and soda, just like Carrie suspected she would, while they waited for Sebastian to join them. He’d stepped into his office to call the girl’s parents. They hadn’t mentioned that to Ashleigh yet. “There’s more where that came from. You don’t have to rush.”

  “Thank you.”

  Carrie sat down across from the girl. She waited until Ashleigh’s eyes met hers. “I know what it’s like out there.”

  Ashleigh looked away, pulling the blanket around herself even tighter. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Yes, you do. I ran away when I was fifteen. I lived on the streets of more than eighteen cities along the Mississippi River. The day after I turned eighteen I got my GED and enrolled in a university with a dorm room just so I would have a roof over my head.”

  “Why?”

  “Why did you?”

  Ashleigh looked back down at the table. “I can’t tell.”

  “Yes, you can. We’re here to help you.”

  “I can’t.”

  “If you can’t, then you need to decide what has to happen next,” Sebastian said from just inside the conference room door. How long had he been there? Carrie studied the way his rain dampened clothes fit him, how the water and the struggle with Ashleigh had disheveled his black hair. He looked wild, untamed. More like Linux or another cat than the professional federal agent she knew him to be. “Where do you want to go, Ashleigh? You can’t stay on the streets; it’s not safe. You’ve been lucky so far.”

  “I…I…I don’t know.”

  “Maybe if you told us…” Carrie let her voice trail off. Ashleigh wasn’t going to tell them anytime soon. Why? Why had she said can’t instead of won’t? “Maybe we can help. We are federal agents; we are trained to help people. We are the good guys, you know?”

  “There are no good guys.”

  “What makes you say that?” Sebastian asked, pulling out a chair and straddling it. “We are here to help. That’s why we were looking for you. Because we wanted to help your mom. And you. But we can’t help you unless you give us the information we need.”

  “Ashleigh, we need to know why you ran away. If you tell us, we’ll help you. But only if you tell us the truth.” Carrie drummed along the edge of the table. Sebastian covered her fingers with his, his hand warm and strong around hers. Carrie let him touch her, her concern more on the little girl than on the touch of his skin against hers. “And you need to tell us quick, before your mother or father get here. Legally, they can take you home, unless we find cause that there is abuse or danger in their presence.”

  “No!” Ashleigh started rocking back in forth, in a pattern all too familiar to Carrie. How many times had she tried to comfort herself in just that way because there was no one else to offer the basics of support?

  Too many to count.

  Carrie dislodged Sebastian’s warm hand and covered Ashleigh’s with hers. The girl’s skin was still so cold. “Ashleigh, we’re here to help. But you need to let us.”

  Chapter 36

  *****

  She couldn’t go home. She couldn’t. If she even thought about it, he would kill her. Or his friends would. But how was she supposed to believe that these people were trying to help? They didn’t know her. Not really. She only vaguely remembered the man from the few times he’d been to her house to see her mom. What would make him even care?

  “Why should I believe you?” She couldn’t go to her dad’s, either. What if he hurt her dad because of her? She couldn’t…

  “Because that’s our job. That’s who we are. And because I helped build the Bright Star Haven shelter and another. You’re not the first runaway I’ve helped. And you won’t be the last,’’ the redheaded woman said.

  Ashleigh wanted to believe her; she sounded so sincere. But what if she was lying? Everybody lied. Her mom had. Her dad had. She’d lied a thousand times since leaving home. Why shouldn’t these people?

  “I don’t…”

  “Go on,” Bastian said.

  “I don’t know what to do.”

  “First…” The woman let go of Ashleigh’s hand and leaned forward. “You tell us one thing. Do you want to go home with your mom?”

  The thought had Ashleigh’s chest tightening to the point where she couldn’t breathe. “No!”

  “Your dad?”

  The band around her chest loosened slightly. Wouldn’t that be great? To go home with her dad and not have to worry about him again? “I guess.”

  “Ok. Your mom has custody, so we have to take that into account. You’re going to have to tell us something. Something we can use to help you,” the man said. “But Ashleigh, you do not have to go home with either of them. But this hinges on you being honest and upfront with Carrie—Agent Sparks—and me. We’ll make you a deal—you tell us the truth, we’ll do the same with you. Do you understand?”

  What choice did she have? If she kept it a secret, they’d send her home. He would kill her, for sure. And maybe her mom, too. But how did she tell them? “I…don’t know how…”

  The man leaned closer. “Would it be easier if I wasn’t in here? If another woman was here?”

  He had nice eyes. A funny shade of green that reminded her of the grass just outside her bedroom window. Was that why her mom liked him so much? He was very hot, for an older guy. “I guess.”

  He stood. “Ok. It’ll take a minute. Carrie—you’ll stay with her? I’ll send someone else in.”

  “Paige. Send Paige.”

  “I’ll see if she’s still around. Ashleigh, I’ll get you another soda if you need it.”

  Her stomach hurt too badly to even think about drinking anything else. What if telling them was wrong? What if he still hurt her? He was a cop, too. What if these people were his friends and they hurt her? What if they hurt her mom or dad?

  Ashleigh didn’t have a clue what to do. She wiped tears away with a corner of the blanket. The man left and the door closed behind him.

  Ashleigh looked at the woman in front of her. She wasn’t very old and was very pretty. Her hair was wavy and red. She didn’t look like an FBI agent or a cop. She looked kind of cool. Her eyes were just as nice as Bastian’s. The lady at the shelter had seemed to know her really well. “You helped build the shelter?”

  Why would she do that?

  “Yes. I helped renovate the building. And I helped pay for it. It’s a good place for people to crash for a while.”

  Ashleigh liked her tone. She didn’t sound all patronizing or disgusted or mad. Not like some of the people she’d talked to since running away. She didn’t look at Ashleigh like she was dirty or trash, either. “I don’t…”

  “You’ve said that before. You don’t what? Don’t know wh
at to do? Don’t know how to tell us what happened? Don’t want to go home? The only way we can help you is if you tell us what you need help with.”

  The door opened and the other woman entered. The one who’d driven the car earlier. Ashleigh studied her for a while. She didn’t look like a cop, either. Unless she did the undercover stuff like Ashleigh had seen on TV. She had a nose ring and a tattoo that Ashleigh could see. And she wore black leather. She looked really cool, with skulls and silver jewelry everywhere. Nothing like a cop.

  “Carrie, Lorcan said you needed another woman.”

  “Yes. Ashleigh’s going to help us understand how we can help her.”

  “Gotcha. Ash, I’m Paige. Special Agent Daviess. And former street rat.” She held out her hand and Ashleigh shook it for a minute. She didn’t know what else to do. Then the woman’s words sunk in.

  “You lived on the streets.”

  “Yes. From the time I was eleven or twelve. I’m not even really sure how old I was. No big deal.”

  “And you stayed out there?” Ashleigh didn’t even want to think about it. She had an eleven year old cousin. And he was a big baby. This woman had lived on the streets since she was that little of a kid? Wow. “Why?”

  “Because I had nowhere, Ashleigh. And had I gone back, I’d probably be dead. The situation I was in before I ran was just that bad. I met Carrie, here, when I was fifteen. We stuck together after that. And we got damned lucky. There were several times when we both barely made it through.” The woman—Paige—sat on the edge of the table, twisting to look at Ashleigh. “We don’t want you to be in that position.”

  “Why was it so bad that you had to run away?”

  “Because some people thought nothing of touching me and hurting me because they could. Was that what happened to you?”

  “Kinda…” Ashleigh looked down at the table, counting the faux-grain in the laminate. How was she supposed to put it into words?

  Chapter 37

  *****

  Ashleigh sniffled. Carrie handed her a tissue from the box at her elbow. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. You need to keep yourself calm so that you can tell us what we need to know. We’ve called a child advocate for you. He or she will represent your best interests, regardless of what your parents want. I would recommend cooperating with your advocate, if you’re serious about not wanting to go home.” And it would ensure Ashleigh had an advocate. Someone to speak for her. Carrie had worked with child advocates in the past and had always found them to be invaluable.

  “Is he like my own lawyer? What will he do?”

  “He would make sure that your best interests are met throughout whatever happens. And he could be someone for you to talk to,” Paige said. “And best of all…he can listen and give you advice.”

  “Would I get to stay with him? If I didn’t go home?”

  Carrie studied her for a moment. What was the girl afraid of? Carrie had no difficulty reading the emotion on Ashleigh’s face. Terrified was something Carrie was long familiar with. “No. You wouldn’t be able to stay with him or her, but you won’t have to go home. The Missouri law states that you can go home, or you can go into alternative placement, or a treatment facility. Your advocate can help you make that decision.”

  “What if I’m afraid of what someone will do to me if I go home?”

  “Then you won’t have to go home until we all are sure you’ll be safe there.” Carrie leaned forward. “We will not let anyone else hurt you. Period. I can promise you that. We will protect you from whomever it is threatening you.”

  “Who frightened you so badly you ran away, Ashleigh?” Paige slipped an arm around Ashleigh’s shoulders. “Tell us, and we’ll see to it that he is punished for what he’s done. He cannot hurt you anymore.”

  “Even if he’s a cop?”

  Chapter 38

  *****

  Sebastian listened to the conversation from the next room, watching Carrie and Paige as they tag-teamed Ashleigh. They were good together, both confident and trustworthy. Experienced.

  How often had they counseled the runaways at the Bright Star Haven? How often had they told their stories in just this way?

  Why were these stories burning a hole in his gut? Paige, on the streets at the age of eleven? And she’d survived? It made him sick to think of what she had seen and had had to do just to live. And it was three or four years before she found Carrie and at least had somebody to care whether she lived or died?

  Carrie seemed at peace with her history, but Paige was far from that point. And he understood it. He could see it in the way she looked away from Ashleigh when she spoke. Or was it just the memories resurfacing? He’d keep an eye on Paige for a while just to be sure. Ashleigh looked down at the table, and he waited, certain the two women had gotten through to her.

  She was just starting to talk to Carrie and Paige when someone knocked on the door to the room he was in. He switched off the intercom connecting the two conference rooms.

  He was glad he did when he saw who waited in the hall. Sherry and a man he didn’t recognize.

  “Bastian! Thank God! Is she ok? Can I see her? Why did she run away?” Sherry threw her arms around him and hugged him. Sebastian found it difficult to return the embrace. What had happened between Sherry and her child to send the kid running so scared?

  “She’s ok, Sher. She’s cold and dirty. Scared and hungry. But she’s safe.”

  “Thank God! When can I see her?”

  Sebastian studied her. She looked just as he’d expect a frantic mother to look. The man beside her was a cooler customer, his eyes inscrutable. Cold. Sebastian held out his hand, something he normally wouldn’t do. But something had him wanting to study the man a bit more closely. “Sebastian Lorcan. Sherry and I go back a decade or so.”

  “Detective Elliot Courtney.” The man shook Sebastian’s hand but barely met his eyes. “As I’m sure you understand, Sherry’s anxious to see her daughter. To get Ashleigh the help she so obviously needs.”

  “Bastian, when can I see her?”

  Sebastian made a split second judgment call. “You can’t. Not yet. Not until we can find out why she ran away and what she wants to do now.”

  “What she wants to do? She’s a child! She doesn’t get to decide!” Sherry wrapped her arms around her abdomen and paced around the small room. “Has she said why she did it?”

  “Not yet. And that’s why we are still talking to her. And at her age, she can decide, at least temporarily whether to return with her custodial parent, or even with her father.”

  “Like he’d even care. He’s not seen her in months. Maybe longer. Doesn’t even bother calling.”

  “No? We have copies of weekly emails between the two.”

  “Did he put her up to this? Why?”

  Sebastian wrapped a hand around her elbow. “Get some coffee, Sher. We’ll get to the bottom of this, and we’ll do what’s best for Ashleigh. I promise you. And now she’s safe, and in good hands.”

  “I need to see her. I need to.” Sherry’s voice broke and Sebastian understood. How was she to believe what he said was true unless she saw her child for herself? He wouldn’t. He flipped the switch that illuminated the specialty glass that separated him from Carrie and Paige. And Ashleigh. “Here. She’s in excellent hands with Agents Sparks and Daviess. I can promise you that. They have experience in dealing with runaways. They can help Ashleigh better than anyone on my team or in my unit.”

  Sebastian watched how Sherry and Detective Courtney reacted at their first sight of Ashleigh. Sherry seemed to sink into herself; from relief? Or an act?

  Detective Courtney exhibited a different response. The man tensed, his hands fisting at his sides before he deliberately seemed to force himself to relax. Why? Who was he to Sherry? To Ashleigh? And why did the sight of the teenager anger him?

  Sebastian would have Carrie dig up everything she could on Detective Courtney at the first opportunity. Sebastian’s instincts were tell
ing him Courtney wasn’t what he seemed.

  Chapter 39

  ******

  The child advocate arrived less than twenty minutes after Ashleigh had finished eating. The advocate—Gabby Bruen, an advocate Carrie had known for a few months—shook both her and Paige’s hands, then turned to Ashleigh. They had a quiet conversation for a few moments, and Carrie and Paige stepped out into the hallway to give them privacy.

  The advocate opened the door and waved them back in. “We’re ready, I think.”

  Carrie took her seat across from Ashleigh again. The girl’s eyes were finally dry, and her gaze direct. “Go on, Ashleigh, we’re listening.”

  Carrie waited for the girl to start speaking again.

  “Yes...but I don’t know how.”

  “Just start at the beginning, Ash. And if you need to take a break, take a break.” Paige sat in the chair beside Ashleigh. “We’re here for you. No one else.”

  “I stayed home from school.” Ashleigh put her head down on her folded hands, but spoke loud enough for Carrie and Paige to hear. “I was cramping and we were swimming in gym class. I didn’t want to swim, so I waited until my mom left and I stayed in my room.”

  Carrie and Paige waited, not wanting to rush the girl. Carrie looked at the window where she knew Sebastian watched. Could he hear the conversation?

  “I heard the front door open and I thought my mom was home. She’d been on my case about missing so much school lately. I opened my bedroom door to see what kind of a mood she was in. If she was grouchy, I was gonna go out my window and hang out in the garage.” She raised her head and wiped the tears from her eyes. “But it wasn’t my mom.”

  “Ashleigh, who was it?” Carrie asked when Ashleigh blew her nose and Paige wrapped an arm around the girl.