Forbidden Affair
Page 14
For the present, she thought, she was the mistress of this beloved grand home of her ancestors. But one day it would become the property of Scott McCrann and his wife, Natalie. She tried not to think about that.
The rush and pressure of last-minute details were robbing her of a great deal of energy. Each night she fell into bed, too exhausted to think. She became caught up in a tailspin of emotional frenzy—so much so that it was a shock to her when she looked on the calendar one morning and saw that only two days remained before the ceremony.
That night there was a quiet family dinner, which would no doubt be the last peaceful moment for them until the wedding was over. Natalie and Austin had joined Jacquelyn and Uncle Luther for the meal. Scott had been called to New Orleans on a business matter and was away for the evening.
They discussed the final wedding preparations over the meal and afterward had coffee and brandy in the restored library of the great house.
Jacquelyn heard Hattie go to answer a knock at the front door. She heard an exclamation of surprise from Hattie, then a man's voice. Conversation in the room halted. Eyes turned toward the man standing in the doorway.
Jacquelyn's eyes widened. Her breath caught in her throat. For a second she couldn't trust herself to believe what she was seeing. Then she put her cup down with a clatter and jumped to her feet. "Gerrard!" she cried, and ran into her brother's arms.
She was lifted off her feet and swung around. "Sis!" cried a laughing, deeply tanned Gerrard.
"You're squeezing the breath out of me!" she gasped. "Put me down and let me look at you."
She took two steps backward, gazing at her brother with disbelief. "Gerrard, is it really you?"
A good question. The tall man before her resembled her brother. But the change in him took some readjusting on her part. He seemed a foot taller, his shoulders much wider. The Gerrard she remembered had been a slender young man with nervous mannerisms and a pale, aristocratic face that had a bit of a look of dissipation about it. That Gerrard had ,been a boy compared to the husky man who stood before her now. He'd gained at least thirty pounds, and from the feel of his arms and shoulders, all of it was muscle. His eyes were bright and clear. She realized the reason he looked taller was that he stood so straight and held his chin high and proud.
"Gerrard, my boy." Uncle Luther crossed the room in long strides, extending a hand.
Gerrard shook the hand warmly, gazing into his uncle's eyes. And then, with a sudden impulse, he hugged his uncle, patting his shoulders with a display of emotion that strong men can show one another. Jacquelyn's eyes filled with tears at this warm reunion between her brother and uncle.
Next Austin stepped forward and greeted Gerrard.
Jacquelyn was suddenly aware of a break in the excited stream of greetings. She saw Gerrard looking across the room. She followed his gaze and saw a pale Natalie, who had risen to her feet and was standing like a frozen statue beside the fireplace mantel. The entire room seemed to dissolve into a stage setting for the look that passed between them.
Gerrard slowly crossed the room and took her hand. "Natalie," he said softly, "I want to wish you all the happiness in the world."
She swallowed, looked up at him and seemed to be fighting back tears. Her voice was barely audible when she said, "Thank you, Gerrard."
Later that evening, Gerrard and Jacquelyn took a stroll around the mansion grounds. Moonlight bathed the lawns and trees in silver. From the distant swamp came the soft warble of a night bird. Behind them, the mansion was aglow with lights.
"I can't believe my own eyes," Gerrard exclaimed. "It's simply incredible what you all have done with that old house. When I left, it was in ruins. Now it's like walking into a page of Gone With the Wind. The old plantation mansion restored in all its elegance."
"It's been quite a task, but well worth it," Jacquelyn said.
"Uncle Luther's lifelong dream come true. I think it's just great."
They reached the garden and sat near the fountain.
"Why didn't you let us know you were coming?" Jacquelyn demanded.
"I thought it would be fun to surprise you."
"Well, you certainly did that. Just about made me faint."
They both laughed.
"But I'm glad you're here," she continued. "I was secretly praying my brother would be here to see me get married. But I wasn't holding out a whole lot of hope."
"You and Austin." Gerrard smiled. "After all these years." He paused, glancing around the garden. Then he said slowly, "Remember when we were kids playing here? You had plenty of rehearsals for this wedding. You and Austin were always playing pretend wedding. And Natalie and I—" His voice suddenly broke off. A shadow crossed his face.
Jacquelyn touched his hand. "Any regrets, Gerrard?" she asked softly.
He smiled sadly. "Perhaps a few, Sis." He drew a deep breath, straightening his shoulders. "But that's water under the bridge, isn't it? I'm just here to see my sister and my old friends get married… not to go stirring up old memories."
She changed the subject. "Listen, I want to hear what you've been doing. I certainly didn't get much information from those few scrawled cards you sent me."
"Well, you know me and writing letters. Anyway, too much has happened to me to ever put in a letter. I don't exactly know where to begin, Sis. I have a whole new life now."
"Whatever you've been up to, it sure has agreed with you. You look simply wonderful, Gerrard, so strong and healthy."
"That's from the hard physical outdoor work I'm doing with a lumber company in Oregon. You know," he chuckled, "I never was one for exerting myself much when I was living around here, except for lifting a glass in a bar or driving too fast in the car Uncle Luther bought me."
"You were a bit of a rounder," Jacquelyn admitted.
He became serious. "Well, all that's changed. I've been working hard, saving my money. I bought a small mobile home to live in and fixed it up real nice. You and Austin will have to come visit me up there. It's really beautiful, Jacquelyn—the mountains, the forests—it brought me to a whole new dimension in myself that I'd never known before."
"I'm so glad, Gerrard. You don't know how much I worried about you."
He nodded soberly. "I know how much grief I caused you and Uncle Luther. That last night I saw you in New Orleans I'd really hit rock bottom. I hitchhiked out to California, staying drunk most of the time. I can't remember a lot of what I did or where I went. But one night I found myself in a mission for bums and down-and-outers."
"Oh, Gerrard… !"
"Yeah, it was the pits all right. But that was what I needed, Sis. Sometimes a person in my condition has to go to the very bottom before he can face what he's doing to his life and try to start climbing back up."
"This mission was one of those little storefront dumps where you could get a free meal, a bath and a bed for the night if you were willing to sit through one of their preaching services. As I sat there, only half listening to the sermon, something happened to me. I looked around at the human derelicts, the poor, sick creatures throwing their lives away on drugs and booze. A cold chill came over me when I realized with a shock that I was looking at myself. I don't know what happened to me, but I came out of that place a changed person. I guess for the first time I saw clearly where I was headed, and it scared the heck out of me."
"Anyway, I hitched a ride up to Oregon where I landed a job with the lumber company. At first I thought the hard work was going to kill me, but after a while I loved it. I haven't had a drink since that night in California. I've come to the realization that I have to accept responsibility for my own failures. I have to stop blaming other people for my mistakes, like the way I blamed Scott McCrann for causing my lumber business here to fail."
Jacquelyn felt a cold draft. She looked at her brother with stricken eyes. "But—but it was Scott's fault, wasn't it? You told me he used unfair business tactics to deliberately run you out of business."
"I know that's what I told you,
Jacquelyn. And I guess I honestly believed it at the time. At least, I'd convinced myself it was true. But I know now it was a cop-out on my part, a rationalization. I just didn't want to face the truth that I'd failed because of my own shortcomings as a businessman, my own inexperience. I had too much pride to face the truth. So I tried to blame it all on someone else, then go hide in a bottle."
Jacquelyn tried to swallow, but the pain in her throat was too intense. She felt stunned, incapable of clear thought. In a weak voice, she said, "Then you're telling me that Scott didn't really deliberately set out to bankrupt you—that he didn't resort to unethical business dealings?"
Gerrard shook his head. "Now that I can face the truth, I realize that just wasn't true. Scott McCrann is a very sharp businessman and a tough competitor. But he's never done anything unethical in his life, Sis. My business failed because of my own incompetence, nothing more. I just didn't have what it takes to compete with someone as good as Scott McCrann."
"But—but you said he was responsible for the bank not giving you a loan!"
"That's what I made myself believe. But look at the facts. I was the worst credit risk in town. Everybody around here knew how irresponsible I was. I had no collateral. My lumber business was on the rocks. Poor Uncle Luther was against the wall financially. Why, no sensible banker in his right mind would have given me the kind of loan I was asking for. And if they had, it wouldn't have made any difference in the long run." He shook his head. "I'm ashamed to admit it, Sis, but at least I'm man enough now to face the truth. I was like a spoiled kid losing a ball game who had to yell 'foul' because he blew the game."
The night closed around Jacquelyn like a suffocating blanket. Her mind was spinning in several different directions at the same time. She tried to regain a grasp on her chaotic thoughts while fighting hard to keep her emotions under control.
One thought was hammering at her with devastating force. There had been no real basis for her anger at Scott. He'd been innocent all along of the cruel revenge on her brother of which she'd believed him guilty. He wasn't underhanded and vindictive at all. He had been falsely accused.
Then why had it seemed that he was vengeful toward her? He had tried to have an affair with her in Paris, hadn't he? And he'd said nothing about love or marriage. It had been purely a masculine conquest, a male ego trip—or at least it had certainly appeared that way to her. Had it grown out of his injured pride?
Of course he could not have known why she had been so angry and bitter toward him—an anger and bitterness that had grown out of her mistaken idea about his destroying Gerrard's business. Not knowing that, he would have gone on interpreting her coldness as simply a rejection of him as a suitor. That would have been enough to sting the pride of any strong man. And perhaps could have made him want to conquer her, if only for one night.
Tears blinded her. How ironic fate was, for her to discover the truth now that it was too late. She felt an hysterical urge to laugh at this grotesque joke life had played on them all.
She knew she should be furious at Gerrard. But she couldn't even find it in her heart to feel that. He hadn't deliberately deceived her about Scott. At the time, he was deceiving himself, too blinded by self-pity and wounded pride to admit the truth. Anyway, he'd believed that Jacquelyn and Scott had broken up, so he couldn't have known he was destroying a chance they might have had for patching up their broken romance.
Maybe there was something to Aunt Perforce's horoscopes. If so, they had all been born under unlucky stars. How the fates must be laughing at them all. She was marrying Austin, a man she didn't really love. Natalie was marrying Scott McCrann, but she was still obviously carrying a torch for Gerrard. Jacquelyn had seen that clearly spelled out in Natalie's eyes when she came face to face with Gerrard last night. And Gerrard still cared for her, too.
What a tragic ending to their childhood dreams. But that was often the fate childhood dreams came to, wasn't it?
She couldn't force herself to carry on any further conversation. She excused herself, blaming her state of exhaustion on the wedding preparations, and went to her room, where she knew she'd soak her pillow with hopeless tears of regret.
Chapter Ten
Cypress Halls greeted the arriving guests with haughty dignity. She was a great lady, a fallen queen who had been restored to her rightful throne, and she gloried in the reclamation of all her splendor.
Jacquelyn looked out her bedroom window. It was too bright a day for such a heavy heart.
A long sleek car pulled into the horseshoe driveway carrying more guests coming for the wedding and the great banquet reception that was to follow.
A tap at the door; Jacquelyn turned as the door opened. A billowing white cascade of lace and ruffles floated in. It moved toward her like the specter of an antebellum plantation belle. Jacquelyn had deliberately chosen a style reminiscent of the hoop skirt and corset era to match the setting of Cypress Halls, furnished now almost entirely with nineteenth-century antiques.
The long, flowing wedding dress inched its way to the closet door and hooked itself on a hanger attached to the outside. Then Hattie peeked from behind the yards of fabric.
"There," she said. That ought to do it. "It's perfect down to the last detail. Not a wrinkle anywhere, and every ruffle crisp and proud."
"Thank you, Hattie." Jacquelyn fingered the delicate white lace bordering the long sleeves. Hattie helped her dress. Excitement was in the air. It flowed from room to room throughout the mansion. From downstairs came the strains of a string ensemble, playing as guests began being seated in the spacious ballroom where the wedding would take place.
"I declare!" Hattie exclaimed. "I'm all thumbs. Stuck myself a half dozen times with a pin. I don't know when I've been so excited. It's like a dream come true, all the flowers and decorations, that big banquet table, those famous people Scott invited. Do you know I saw two movie stars and an ex-governor? It's just like a story on television!"
Jacquelyn smiled faintly. She turned to stand before the full-length mirror and saw the pale oval of her face reflected.
"Oh, honey," Hattie whispered, "you're just the most beautiful bride in the world." She began sniffling. "You've got to forgive a blubbery old woman," she choked, dabbing at her eyes with her apron. "But you're the same as my own little girl, you know. And now I'm seein' my little girl all grown up and so beautiful on her wedding day…"
Jacquelyn turned to embrace the housekeeper whom she had loved so many years. Hattie's work-gnarled hands patted her clumsily as they both wept.
Then Hattie said, "Now you've gone and smeared your makeup. If we keep this up, your dress will be ruined." She gave Jacquelyn another pat and fled from the room.
Jacquelyn faced the mirror again repairing her face. Her stomach was beginning to flutter. She was caught up in the tension and excitement of the moment, her pulse racing, her hands icy. Bride's jitters combined with stage fright, she thought.
Beyond that, she was not allowing herself to feel anything. Last night she had shed the last of her tears and put the broken dreams to rest. There was simply no going back to undo the past at this late date. She had resigned herself to accepting what life had given her. Now, in a few minutes, she would be walking down the aisle on Uncle Luther's arm and would become Mrs. Austin D'Raulde before a packed ballroom of hundreds of guests.
The door opened again. Jacquelyn turned, surprised to see Natalie. Then her eyes widened. "Natalie! What are you doing in those clothes? Shouldn't you be putting on your wedding dress? We're supposed to be downstairs in a few minutes."
Natalie was wearing a simple white linen street dress. She stepped into the room, closed the door, then leaned back against it, her eyes wide and dark in her pale face.
Jacquelyn moved closer to her with a rustle of her dress. "Natalie, whatever is it? You look so strange. Are you sick?"
Natalie shook her head. "No. Just scared."
"I understand. I feel the same way. What bride wouldn't, getting married like
this with all those people watching—"
"That's not the reason I'm scared."
"Then I guess I don't understand."
Natalie was clasping her hands nervously. "Oh, Jackie, I'm about to do something absolutely insane. Please tell me I'm doing the right thing. No, you don't have to tell me. I know it's the right thing, but—"
"You're not making a whole lot of sense, Natalie," Jacquelyn said, looking at her friend with growing concern. "Are you sure you're all right?"
"Yes, I guess so. I mean, I will be all right… soon. But I'm sure going to cause a scandal."
"Scandal?" Jacquelyn echoed.
"Yes. I'm going to elope."
Jacquelyn stared at her blankly for a moment. Then she exploded, "Natalie, you have taken leave of your senses! Elope, with all those guests downstairs? How could Scott think of doing such a thing? Most of those people are friends he invited. He's spent a fortune on this wedding—"
"No, you don't understand," Natalie said desperately. "I'm not eloping with Scott. I'm not going to marry Scott. I'm going to elope with Gerrard."
There was a moment of utter, stunned silence.
Finally, Jacquelyn said, "Hattie told me she'd kill me if I sat down in this dress, but under the circumstances, I think she'd forgive me." She collapsed on the side of the bed.
She sat there for a moment, trying to make her frozen thought processes operate. "Would you repeat what you just told me?" she asked weakly.
"I said, I'm not going to marry Scott. I am going to run off with your brother, Gerrard, and get married."
Jacquelyn shook her head, utterly dazed. "When on earth did you make this decision?"
"I guess I made it the moment Gerrard walked into the room where we all were night before last. The minute I saw him, I knew how much I still loved him. I knew I didn't love Scott at all. I'd gone to him on the rebound. Partly, I suppose, it was that old competition between you and me, Jackie. You see, I always felt inferior around you. You were the one with the great personality, the talent, the family background. I envied you. Taking Scott away from you was a way of winning over you."