Always Yours

by Grace Owens

  I made Cailean sit with me as we opened the presents.Thankfully, he didn’t argue about it and even helped me open a few. We got way more things than I could have imagined - blankets, crib sheets, a stroller, diapers and a crapton of clothes - and while I hadn’t wanted a baby shower, I was grateful for every single thing.

  “Thank you so much for letting us do this, Gertie,” Cait said as we hugged goodbye.

  “I should be the one thanking you,” I argued lightly. “I can’t thank you enough for everything you got Isobel.”

  Out of everyone, her and Robert had been the ones to give us the most gifts - at least now I knew where Cailean’s generosity came from.

  “Oh, hush,” she said, brushing my words away. “Just let us know if there’s anything else you need.”

  “Good luck with that,” Cailean muttered from next to me, earning an elbow shove from me and a glare from his mother.

  “You take care of these girls of yours, you hear me?” she said almost scoldingly as she hugged him.

  “Of course, Ma,” he answered.

  I loved seeing them together, almost as if it made Cailean more human somehow. It was hard to see the boy who had hurt me when he was like this. After a few more hugs and a couple of gentle caresses of my belly, she left to go join Robert in the waiting car.

  I tried helping Allie and Hanna clean up the mess the party had created, but they refused. And when Cailean wanted nothing to do with my offer of help carrying the new things to the car, it left little for me to do so I sat down on my couch and put up my swollen feet on the coffee table.

  “You look like you could need this,” Matt said, handing me a glass of water I hadn’t known I needed until just now. I was a bit taken aback by his gesture since we had barely spoken since that day when he felt Isobel move. I didn’t know if Cailean had talked to him about it or not, but he had seemed to have kept his distance lately.

  “Thank you.” I took the glass from him and he surprised me further by actually sitting down next to me.

  “No problem.”

  He made himself comfortable on the couch next to me and while I should have told him to go sit on the other side of the couch, I was too tired to think about it too much. Instead I gulped the cold water down and set the glass aside before leaning my head back.

  “Is it hard?” Matt asked as I was on the brink of sleep.

  “Huh?” I was confused.

  “Being pregnant.”

  “Well, yes… but no.” My answer was weird, but so was his question. “It’s hard because I’ve lost control of my body, but at the same time, I have a little girl inside me that I couldn’t imagine loving more than I already do.”

  My answer didn’t seem to satisfy him as I watched him thinking, trying to come up with how to phrase his words.

  “So you’d still keep her even if Cailean let’s say… cheated on you?” he asked carefully. I could tell the word made him as uncomfortable as it made me.

  “Is he?” I demanded in a hushed tone, looking around for Cailean. I knew in my gut that he hadn’t, but why else would Matt even bring it up?

  “No, no.” Matt dragged a frustrated hand over his face and hair. “But if he had, would you?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him, suspicious as to why he would ask me that. But I still gave him my answer.

  “Absolutely.”

  He gave me a short nod and settled back into the couch, clearly done with the conversation. I wanted to ask him why he had brought it up, but something told me to just let it be.

  We sat in silence after that and eventually it went from being awkward to just… silent. It was almost as if he just wanted company without having to talk to anyone and since I didn’t know what to say, I guess I was the perfect candidate for the job.

  I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew, I felt something move under my cheek.

  “You better get your hands off my girl,” I heard Cailean demand in a low voice.

  What? When had I fallen asleep?

  I slowly sat up, willing my body to work, but I barely managed to lift my head up. A moan escaped me when I felt how sore I was.

  “Relax, dude,” Matt said and I felt him shift next to me. “She fell asleep and I didn’t want to wake her.”

  “Right.” Cailean’s voice was clipped and if I didn’t know any better, he sounded almost jealous. “Because your shoulder just happened to be there.”

  “Whatever,” Matt responded, clearly not too offended by Cailean’s behavior. “Just get her to bed since she’s clearly exhausted and I’ll see you next week. Try not to rip anyone’s throat off in the meantime.”

  “That wasn’t necessary,” I scolded Cailean when I finally mustered up enough energy to sit up completely.

  “He touched what was mine,” was his answer along with a shrug of his shoulders. “Again.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Just help me up so we can go home” I reached my arms out, waiting for him to lend me his hand. The bigger my belly got, the harder it was for me to get up.

  I was tired and uncomfortable by the time we had said our goodbyes so the short walk, or waddle, to the car seemed to take forever, but Cailean never complained as he held my hand. It was quiet moments like these that I loved the most; moments when our past didn’t matter and we were just a couple whose friends and family had just thrown them an amazing party.

  It had taken a few nights to get over the fact that we were no longer having sex. It was a lot different to just sleep next to someone - it was almost more intimate than sex, putting your trust and vulnerability in someone.

  When he opened the passenger door for me, I took a minute to just snuggle closer to him, putting my nose in the crook of his neck and inhaling deeply. A warm and sleepy Cailean was one of my favorite things about him. There was something about the way he smelled that made me long for him. Placing a small kiss on his neck, I pressed deeper into his hold.

  “I miss you,” I whispered, not just talking about the sexual part, but I missed the way it brought us closer in some ways.

  “I know,” he said instead of saying it back even though I knew he must have felt the same.

  Chapter 22

  ◆◆◆

  IN THE WEEKS that followed Thanksgiving and the baby shower, things seemed to finally fall into place. I had given up all pretense of hating Cailean, which made things a lot easier. There were still moments when I didn’t like him, usually when he bought things for me or when we argued over something. Without makeup sex, it took us a bit longer to get over our differences, but we managed.

  Letting go of my hatred and sort of accepting whatever relationship we currently had allowed me to do things I hadn’t felt comfortable doing before.

  Christmas was rapidly approaching and since Cailean wasn’t closing on his new house for another few weeks, he had let me go crazy with decorating the apartment. I think he learned something new about me when he came home one night and took one look at what I’d done - I loved Christmas. While all the holidays throughout the year each had something special about them, none of them beat this season.

  That was almost a month ago and today was Christmas Eve. We had promised and planned to go to his parents house tonight, and while I wasn’t dreading it the same way I’d had last time, I still wanted something that was ours.

  So, this morning when I woke up before Cailean, I decided to make him breakfast. Well, a limited breakfast of pancakes and waffles since the mere smell of bacon and eggs made me gag.

  “Babe,” I whispered gently and crawled under the covers. The apartment was somewhat cold this morning due to the freezing weather, so the heat that was coming from Cailean was welcoming as I snuggled closer. “Wake up.”

  “I’m good right here,” his husky voice replied, pulling me impossibly closer. My belly, which I deemed giant these days, pressed between us.

  “Merry Christmas,” I said and there was no containing my happiness as I pressed my lips to his for a quick kiss.

  “Co
me back,” he whined with a pout and leaned in for a deeper kiss. His hands were warm as they explored my body in lazy motions while his tongue traced my lips.

  “Keep doing that and we won’t leave the bed today,” I warned.

  “I don’t mind.” He sighed and nuzzled his face into my neck.

  “I do. I made you breakfast and I want to give you your present.”

  “You can be my present.” His lips trailed their way up from my neck and along my jaw, making it so hard to say no.

  “I got you a real present.” I gathered enough strength to pull away and got out of the bed. I knew that if I stayed, he would have convinced me to spend the whole day in it. “Now, come on.”

  “You are real, Gertie,” he grumbled and sat up on the edge of the bed, the tattoos on his back flexed with his movements. I felt a tingle in my body as I watched him move across the room to pull on some sweatpants and a t-shirt. “As long as I have my girls, I don’t need anything else.

  Wow, cue the hormones.

  As always whenever I made something, Cailean devoured it as if it was the most delicious meal he had ever eaten. Sure, I’d perfected my pancake recipe over the months, but even I knew they weren’t that great. I appreciated the gesture, though, and I couldn’t stop smiling while we ate our breakfast.

  “Fuck, you make my heart do funny things with that smile of yours,” Cailean said as he got out of his chair to take care of the dishes.

  “It’s Christmas,” I lied.

  The holidays did bring out a certain joy in me. Maybe it was because it was my mom’s favorite holiday as well and it was something we shared so I felt more connected to her. Or it was all the treats. Or it could be the Christmas songs playing on repeat on the radio.

  Or it could simply just be him.

  Even though Christmas wasn’t technically until tomorrow, Cailean let me treat this morning as if it was today. While I didn’t mind going to see his parents for Christmas, I wanted to give Cailean his present when it was just the two of us. The simple act of giving him something brought out some insecurities that I trusted Cailean enough with, but to have his parents witness it… not so much.

  “Here, let me give you mine first,” he insisted and went to our bedroom only to return a few seconds later with a small box.

  I sat down on the couch, next to the tree, and retrieved my wrapped present for him. I had hidden it behind the cushions this morning after hauling it around in my purse for the last month. It was impossible to hide anything from Cailean.

  I thrust my gift into his hands as soon as he sat down next to me. “Here. It’s from me and, well… Isobel.”

  Gah, why was I acting so awkward?

  He accepted it with a small chuckle and handed me the little box wrapped in turquoise wrapping. I knew what company the box came from. I might not have been rich, but I had seen enough romance movies to know.

  With shaking fingers, I gently opened the wrapping and took out the box. With Cailean’s urging, I managed to open it and inside was a small necklace with a heart pendant. But not just any pendant.

  “Cailean,” I choked, taking in the small and dainty necklace in front of me. It was perfect. More than perfect, but I had no words for it. “Thank you.”

  I took it out and let it dangle between my fingers as I inspected it. The small heart pendant had a purple pearl in it.

  Amethyst.

  The birthstone for our daughter.

  “Would you mind?” he asked and gestured toward the necklace.

  “Please.” I carefully placed it in his palm and lifted my hair, giving him access to put it around my neck.

  After securing it, he placed a kiss right where the buckle landed and I found myself leaning into his touch.

  “I love it,” I whispered and traced it with my fingers. It landed perfectly in that little indent between my collarbones.

  “Now the world will know that you belong to our little family,” he said, taking my hand in his and rubbed his fingers along the wedding rings that adorned my left hand. I hadn’t taken them off since that night when he told me not to.

  “Open yours,” I said, changing the subject.

  I turned around so that I could watch him open his present. As nervous as I was for him to open it, I didn’t need to see his possessiveness right now. It normally got me hot and bothered and since there was nothing to do about it at the moment, there was no need for him to display it.

  “I’m sorry it’s not as perfect as your necklace,” I rushed out as he unboxed the watch I’d gotten him. It was a pretty fancy one that I’d had engraved with the Gaelic word for father - Athair - and Isobel’s full name. It had made me think of him when I saw it because he was always asking what time it was, too lazy to pick up his phone or look at the wall to check for himself.

  “Why are you fucking apologizing?” He looked at me in confusion. “It’s not a competition and this gift is perfect for me. Besides, you didn’t need to get me anything. You’re already giving me my whole world.”

  “So you like it?” I asked in a small voice.

  “Babe, look at me,” he pleaded and put his finger under my chin to raise my head. I looked into those beautiful eyes of his that not too long ago I had hated. What had happened to that guy and who was this man sitting in front of me? “I love it. Will you please put it on?”

  Relief washed over me as I placed it on his wrist. I didn’t know why I had been so worried about giving him something, a guy who could buy whatever his heart desired, but as usual, he had taken my worry and pushed it far, far away.

  After stuffing our faces with candy from our stockings and watching a Christmas movie cuddled up on the couch, he told me to get dressed. I wanted to spend the whole day on that couch with him, in our pajamas, but I knew the holidays was about family so I begrudgingly got up to get ready.

  “How about going over to check on the new house?” Cailean asked excitedly from the doorway to our bedroom where I had just finished putting clothes on.

  “What?” I turned around in shock to see if he was joking.

  “Got the keys a few days ago, but we’ve been so busy and I wanted us to experience it for the first time together.”

  He twirled a set of keys on his finger and the giddy expression on his face made me smile. The house had been something I pushed into the back of my mind, something to be dealt with later, because we still hadn’t discussed what would happen beyond Isobel first being born.

  “What about dinner at your parents’ house?”

  “Dinner’s not until later and since a certain someone woke me up at the crack of dawn, we have time.”

  “Then let’s go!”

  If it meant that I got to spend more time alone with him, just the two of us, then I was all for it. Even if that involved going to see a house he had picked for a future we wouldn’t share.

  ↞ ♥ ↠

  “Merry Christmas, Gertie,” Cailean whispered, coming up behind me as we stepped into the foyer.

  I turned around in his arms and instead of responding, I pulled him down for a kiss. A kiss I never wanted to end. His face was still a bit cold from being outside, but his hot breath mingled with mine and his warm lips made up for it.

  “Want a tour?” He smirked, pulling away way too soon.

  “I was here when the realtor showed it to us.”

  “But it wasn’t ours then.”

  It still isn’t, I thought to myself when he dragged me through the house.

  It really was a perfect home for a new family. Not too big, but not too small. And it was a remodeled house original to Seattle so it wasn’t one of those cookie cutter houses with a tiny yard either.

  The sunken living room with the stone fireplace was what had attracted me the most, something I had always wanted no matter how 70’s-style it was. A bonus had been the dark wood cabinets with marble countertops in the kitchen, brand new appliances and everything.

  “This will be the nursery, unless you want another room for her.�
�� Cailean led me to the room that was next to the master bedroom. This room had already been painted a dusty pink with white wainscoting. The window seat and the built in bookshelves were a girl’s dream come true. I had no doubt Isobel would love growing up in this room.

  “No, this is great,” I answered through the lump in my throat.

  “Stay here,” he said and led me to the padded window seat I had just admired. “I’ll be right back.”

  I sat down and looked around the room, thinking about ways to decorate it. I was picturing the rocker in the corner with a changing table next to it when Cailean walked back in with a big box.

  “You brought the crib?” I asked and stood up to help him maneuver it.

  “I got it. You go over there and look sexy.” He nodded to the seat I had just vacated.

  I scoffed, but still did what he said. “I’m far from sexy these days. I’m more like a cute hippo.”

  “You wanna feel the hard-on I’m sporting just watching your ass waddle from here to over there?”

  “I’ll pass.” I laughed. “Now why did you bring the crib? It’s an empty house.”

  He shrugged his shoulders and started unpacking the box. “I just felt like it was important that the first piece of furniture in this house is for our daughter and I wanted to do it with you. Today just seemed like a good day for it is all.”

  “Okay.” It seemed like a good enough answer, but he wasn’t done.

  “I don’t know where we would have been if it wasn’t for her. I feel like I owe everything to her.”

  His words swirled around in my head as he went on to start building the crib. It was true. I had no idea where we would be or what we would be doing if I hadn’t been pregnant. The thought should have bothered me, but in reality, it made me thankful.

  Thankful for the time we had gotten to spend together.

  Thankful that I got to know the man that came after the bullying boy.

  My due date was approaching fast and there were still moments where I pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.