Always Yours

by Grace Owens

  Watching Cailean put the crib together made me horny – everything he did made me horny these days, but watching him now went beyond everything else – and I tried not to let my thoughts wander in that direction. The way his mouth pursed in concentration as he read over the instructions, the way his biceps flexed under his t-shirt as he tightened the screws, the way he handled everything with love and care just so that it would be safe enough for our daughter. It was everywhere – my attraction for him was no longer just physical.

  Mind out of the gutter, Gertie, I reminded myself.

  It took him awhile to get as far as he had and he was only halfway through, but he never once lost his cool – not counting the amount of cursing that had been going on. I realized he’d must have the patience of a saint because everyone lost their cool building IKEA furniture. Considering what I had put him through over the last few months, I shouldn’t have been surprised.

  “How do you do it?” I asked, suddenly curious.

  “Do what, babe?” he asked absently, focusing on the crib.

  “Put up with me.”

  “What are you talking about?” He was now officially confused and abandoned the crib building completely, multi-tasking clearly not being his thing.

  “How can you stand someone turning you down time and time again? There are plenty of women out there looking to score and you’re perfect in almost every way so I don’t understand why you’re here and not out there.”

  “I’m perfect, huh?” he asked with a smirk. Of course that was the only thing he picked up on.

  “You’re perfect for someone who didn’t spend her teen years being bullied by you,” I explained and the hurt look almost made me regret saying it. Almost. It was the truth after all.

  “I deserved that,” he said to himself with a small nod. “Gertie, I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am and I think you’re getting tired of hearing me repeat it all the fucking time, but it doesn’t mean that I’ll ever stop being sorry. However, I actually like that you know everything about me; you’ve seen me at my worst and I hope that someday, you’ll see me at my best as well.”

  Damnit, why did he have to make me cry?

  I’d gone from being horny to a blubbering hormonal mess. Screw these hormones and damn him for knowing exactly what to say. It felt as if he was slowly but surely chipping away at my resentment for him and it scared the living crap out of me.

  “Why me?” I asked, trying to keep the tears from flowing down my cheeks but it was a hopeless case. “Why not someone who only sees the good in you?”

  “Because I love the fuck out of you, Gertie,” he said, holding my face in his hands as he brushed the flowing tears off my cheeks with his thumbs. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the truth in his eyes, because God help me, I knew he wasn’t lying. “Look at me, baby, please.”

  “No,” I cried, trying to shake my head. “No, no, no.”

  “Look at me,” he pleaded so softly that I had no other choice but to oblige. The way he was looking at me made my insides twist because there was no uncertainty and no hesitation about his feelings. “I do. I do love you, Gertie. I’ve gone from hating you, marrying you out of revenge, to this. Getting to know you and watching you grow into your role as a mother has taken things to a whole new fucking level.”

  “You can’t… I won’t let you,” I choked out, trying in vain to pull myself free from him.

  “You won’t let me,” he repeated in an amused tone. “Babe, sorry to break it to you, but I’m a stubborn ass and there’s nothing you can do to stop me from loving you.”

  “You only think you love me because I’m pregnant with your daughter. There’s no way you can love me because I used to hate you, and now I hate the fact that I can’t hate you anymore,” I rambled off as I sobbed my heart out. “And I hate these hormones, I hate crying all the time and I hate that I’m so damn uncomfortable. I hate that you’re so handsome. It’s making me so horny and I can’t do anything about it. I hate it.”

  “You can hate all you want, Gertie, my feelings won’t change.” He pulled me to him so that I was straddling his lap instead, which only made things worse for my raging hormones. “And I can get a beer gut if that would make things easier for you.”

  “No,” I said with a scoff, but thankful that his joke had brought out a smile through the tears. “We both know that your looks are your best feature.”

  “You’re beautiful, even when you’re a mess,” he said with a chuckle and did his best to clean up my tears with his fingers.

  I shooed his fingers away so that I could kiss him. I had mostly done it to shut him up, but things quickly got heated and before I knew it, we were making out like horny teenagers. His lips were hungry as they moved against mine and I felt as if I couldn’t get enough of him.

  Desperate for air, I moved my lips down the stubble on his jaw. I flicked my tongue out, tasting the saltiness of his skin along his neck. I wanted to mark him and he didn’t stop me as I gently bit down.

  “Fuck, sweetheart,” he said, moving his hands all over my body as if he couldn’t make up his mind about where he wanted to touch me.

  I sat back and proudly inspected the mark that was already starting to form. It was partly hidden beneath his t-shirt, but it was there.

  More, my mind urged me.

  I slowly made my way down his body until I landed on my knees in front of him. Hitching his t-shirt up, I pressed a small kiss on his hard abs. There was no doubt about what I was about to do and he didn’t stop me. I knew we should have moved to a different room, but I couldn’t stop.

  He watched me with hungry eyes as I worked on unbuckling his belt. My fingers were shaking, but from the adrenaline rush I got whenever I did this to him and not from nervousness. We were past nervousness at this point.

  He was wearing jeans with a button-up-fly - which I think he did just so I got my practice in - so it took me longer to free him than I wanted, but apart from lifting his hips, he never once made a move to help me speed up the process.

  When I had finally managed to get his jeans down enough to expose him, his erection immediately sprang free, hard and ready.

  It looked painful and judging by the hiss he let out when I gently touched him with my fingers, it was. I wanted to help him. I wanted to make him feel better. I wanted to give him pleasure even though I knew I would get none in return.

  “What do you want?” I taunted bravely. I never talked dirty to him, that was his role in our relationship. Today, I felt different. Comfortable with who we were.

  “You,” he answered breathlessly, impatiently thrusting his hips in my direction. “Always you, Gertie.”

  I shouldn’t have liked his answer, but I did. And instead of trying to figure out what that meant, I decided to give him what he wanted.

  I licked my way up and around his length, sucking the head into my mouth before doing it all over again. I knew it drove him insane, something I loved.

  “Stop teasing,” he pleaded, threading his fingers in my hair. I was surprised it had taken him this long before he took control.

  As much as I wanted to give him some of his own medicine by continuing to tease, I took him as deep as I possibly could without gagging. I had gotten better, something I never thought I would take pride in, but I still wasn’t able to take all of him in my mouth.

  “Harder,” he said with a groan. “You won’t break me, Gert.”

  I squeezed him harder with one hand and used my free one to gently cup his balls. His hand tightened almost painfully in my hair as he started thrusting into my mouth. I loved it when he took control like that and couldn’t help the moan that escaped me.

  “I’m gonna come,” he warned even though he didn’t really need to. I had become an expert in reading him and his signs that I knew when to pull away. I still appreciated it, though.

  I let him go with a small pop and sat back, pulling my shirt off, knowing he wanted to come on my chest; another thing I had learned in the las
t few weeks. It wasn’t long after he let out a curse that I felt the expected hot mess land on my boobs.

  I wanted more, but I knew we had to stop. I tried not to let it get to me as I helped him tuck himself back in and climbed back up on his lap. His hands went to my thighs and I felt contentment as he stroked them. Knowing I needed to get cleaned up, no matter how badly I wanted to stay right there forever, I made a move to get up. Of course, he stopped me.

  “Let me help you clean up,” he pleaded, eyes still hungry as he took in my messy state.

  “It’s okay, you have a crib to finish building.”

  I knew from the few times that I’d given him blowjobs since our ‘no sex’ rule that he felt bad for not being able to reciprocate. As horny as I was, it didn’t really bother me as much as it did him. Besides, I felt powerful being able to bring him to his knees.

  “I can be good,” he said with a pout.

  “I’m sure you could,” I said with a laugh. “But having you near me right now is doing stupid things to my body.”

  He gave my swollen lips a quick kiss and nodded. I thought, and hoped, he would let me go without bringing up our subject from earlier. I was wrong.

  “I know there’s a chance you’ll never say those words back to me, and it’s a risk I’m willing to take, because I do love you, Gertie Baker.”

  What could I possibly say to that? I could have corrected him on my name, but the truth was, I liked how it sounded in that moment. I might not be feeling the same way, and I didn’t know if I ever would, but he did at least deserve some sort of acknowledgement that wasn’t negative.

  So, I gave him a nod and got off his lap so that I could clean up. It was all I could do at that moment with all of the emotions floating around in my mind.

  Damn him for loving me and turning my mind into a complete mess.

  Chapter 23

  ◆◆◆

  IT WAS A couple of weeks into the new year and I was folding a few of Cailean’s t-shirts to bring over to the new house when there was a knock on the door. He had gone to get some dinner, but there was no way he was back already and there was no need for him to knock either.

  I contemplated just ignoring the person when whoever it was knocked again. Thinking it might be Charlotte, I opened the door against my better judgement. I shouldn’t have opened that stupid door.

  I was met with a blonde woman standing on the other side, her hair styled in beautiful curls. She reminded me a bit of Hanna in the way that she was a classic beauty - tall, slim, flawless skin, and everything I was not.

  “Can I help you?” I asked carefully, waiting for her to get over whatever confusion she seemed to be feeling.

  Welcome to the club, lady.

  “I don’t know,” she hesitated in a British accent and I knew instantly that I wouldn’t like what she had to say. “I’m looking for Cailean Baker.”

  “He’s not here,” I answered in a strained voice, trying very hard not to gauge her blue eyes out for asking about Cailean. “Maybe try again later.”

  “I could just wait here; do you know when he’ll be back?”

  “He could probably tell you that better than I can.” I was starting to get extremely flustered. Yet, she played nice and so would I, which is why I opened the door for her to step inside. I could just come up with a lame excuse and leave once she was comfortable enough.

  “Could I maybe borrow your telephone?” she asked as she stepped inside, smelling too nice for my liking. “If you don’t mind, I mean.”

  “I’m actually about to head out,” I said, coming up with the excuse so quickly I even surprised myself. “But there’s a house phone in the kitchen and his number is on the fridge.”

  I knew I shouldn’t leave a stranger – at least she was to me – in Cailean’s apartment, but she seemed familiar with him enough. Besides, Charlotte and Sam wouldn’t let just anyone up here.

  “Thank you…” she trailed off.

  “Gertie.”

  “Well, thank you, Gertie.” She flashed me a sweet smile. “I feel the need to apologize on Cailean’s behalf. It can’t be easy to clean up after him.”

  “I’m sorry?” I asked confused. Did she seriously think I was his maid?

  Who is this lady?

  “I hope you told him to go easy on you considering that you’re in the family way and all,” she went on, looking around the small apartment.

  “Right,” I said in a clipped tone because she was seriously starting to piss me off.

  “I’m Tawnya, by the way,” she supplied as she put her purse down on the kitchen counter. “Cailean’s fiancée. I’m sorry, I should have told you that when you first opened the door, but this jet lag is killing me and it’s like I’ve lost all my manners.”

  She might as well have punched me in my gut – there was no way I had heard her right because Cailean was married to me. I was the one having his baby. I was the one he’d told how much he loved. I was the one currently helping him pack up our essentials from his apartment so that we could stay at the new house after Isobel was born.

  It was all supposed to be me.

  “Right,” I said again, the crushing feeling in my chest only getting worse by the second. I was falling apart and there was nothing I could do about it.

  There has to be an explanation, my conscious practically yelled at me. I knew there had to be, but all I saw was the lies the asshole had spewed. He’d had months to come clean about having a fiancée. Six months ago, it would have been welcomed news, but now… now they were crushing my soul. We’d agreed to leave our ugly past behind.

  Feeling a hard kick from Isobel, it took everything in me not to break down right there in front of this woman. It wasn’t just me anymore. I might have gotten over what he had done eventually, but why had he pulled an innocent little girl into this whole mess?

  “Do you have something to drink?” Tawnya asked, snapping me out of the storm raging inside my head.

  “Um…” I tried to gather my emotions so that I could get out of here. I didn’t want an audience when I broke down completely, and at that moment, Cailean was the last one I wanted to see so I needed to leave before he came back home. “There’s a couple of water bottles in the fridge. Cailean should be back with dinner pretty soon.”

  With that, I gathered my stuff and left without looking back. If I had, I would break down and there was no way of knowing of bad it would be. Okay, scratch that, the breakdown that was about to happen was going to be of epic proportions.

  By some miracle, I managed to escape the bar without being seen by either Sam or Charlotte, and I even pulled off getting to my car - Cailean’s car - without a hitch. As much as I wanted to just leave it here, I had no other way of getting anywhere without it. It was too far to walk to Allie’s and taking public transportation was out of the question with the tears burning behind my eyelids.

  ↞ ♥ ↠

  “Well, well, well. Look who the cat finally dragged in,” Allie said amused, slowly turning around to face me.

  I had somehow made it to Allie’s without an accident and I cursed myself for driving while I was in this condition. Heartbreak made you do stupid things apparently. I should have calmed down before I told her what happened, but I needed someone to hold me together.

  “What’s wrong?” Nick asked, immediately aware of the emotions I had dragged into the house.

  “What did that asshole do this time?” Allie seethed and if I hadn’t been so upset, I might have laughed over her protectiveness; Allie had been the one who had a hard time with mine and Cailean’s past.

  “He has a fiancée,” I choked out before my knees painfully hit the floor.

  “Gertie!” Allie yelled out as if she was trying to catch me.

  “He has a fiancée, Allie,” I sobbed out as she embraced me. “He told me he loved me, but he has a beautiful fiancée.”

  “Oh, Gertie,” she said with a sad sigh. “Let’s get off the floor and then you better tell me what the hell you�
��re talking about.”

  With the help of Nick and a fussing Allie, I made it to the couch before collapsing again. It felt as if my whole world had tilted on its axis. It was as if I hadn’t had a life before Cailean had come back and now that I had to push him out, I didn’t know where it left me.

  Who is Gertie now?

  As I told Allie what happened at Cailean’s apartment, I realized that I had to find a way to move forward somehow. Letting him back into my life was a stupid mistake, especially when both my brain and heart warned me not to. I let him back in and it went too far, leaving me heartbroken from his betrayal.

  You trusted him.

  I had trusted him. Somehow, along the way, he had earned my trust. I was such a fool.

  “I just can’t believe it,” Allie said once I had managed to get most of the story out.

  “That makes two of us. What am I supposed to do now?”

  “You’re going to cry it all out while we eat some ice cream and then tomorrow, you start to move forward. It’ll be hard and it’ll be painful, but you will make it out of it alive. I promise. You’ll have me and I guarantee you that Hanna will help you too. And before we know it, Isobel will be here and I have a feeling that she’ll take some of the pain away.”

  There was a knock on the door before I had a chance to respond and it didn’t take a genius to know who it was. The fury that Allie had in her eyes when she looked up at me told me she knew who it was, and before I knew it, she was off the couch in a flash and joined Nick, who had gone to open the front door.

  “No, you don’t have the right to see her right now,” I heard her argue and there was no longer any doubt that it was Cailean.

  I wanted to avoid him. I never wanted to see him again and I definitely never wanted him to touch me again. However, my life wasn’t about what I wanted anymore; it wasn’t just Gertie to think about. As much as I wanted to ignore Cailean, I knew my daughter needed a father in her life, something I hadn’t really had, one way or the other. And because of that, Cailean needed to know that what he had done had hurt me enough to where his future with his daughter was shared custody only. There would be no living together and she would grow up in two different families instead of one.