Never Enough: A New Adult Romance

by Annie Green

  She tilted her head. “Did she break your heart?”

  My lack of response was all she needed to know. She covered her eyes with her hand and shook her head. “I’m never going to get a shot with you am I? It’s always going to be this…this terrible dance between want and restraint.”

  I rubbed the back of my neck and the motion caused her to slip from my grasp and grab her shirt. She pulled it on before swiping her bra from the ground. She was way too smart and perceptive for her own good.

  “Temperance,” I said desperately. I watched her, my previous plan to go with the flow crumbling around me. I had fucked up, and my chance of having anything with her was slowly was disappearing before my eyes.

  “How long has it been since she left you?” she asked, her hands tugging nervously on her bra straps.

  “Almost a year,” I replied.

  “Have you been with anyone since?”

  “No.”

  She blinked in surprise before meeting my gaze. “So this is just casual for you?”

  “It has to be,” I replied, knowing those words would solidify the end. Girls like her didn’t do casual. The thought of it ending before it even began made my heart throb painfully in my chest.

  “Do you think we can keep this casual?”

  My eyes widened. “What?”

  She paused a moment before clarifying, “If we had sex could we keep it casual?”

  I nearly choked. “You want to just have casual sex?”

  She seemed to mull it over before nodding. “Only if you’re up for it. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

  I rubbed a hand down my face. My every wish was dangling right before me and all I had to do was reach up and snag it. I closed my eyes and fought to think logically about it, but my whole body was screaming at me to take it. I couldn’t think past all the noise.

  “You think about it,” Temperance said, as if she could hear the screaming in my head. Then she turned to walk out of the room. “Let me know what you want.”

  I watched her go, my head beginning to throb once more. I heard her footsteps retreat up the stairs and then it was just me and the annoying hum of the fridge behind me. Now that she wasn’t standing before me I could think semi-clearly. The fog that normally crowded my brain wasn’t as thick.

  Leaning against the counter, I remembered when decisions were black and white. Did I want to go to college? Yes. Did I want to fall in love? Yes. But when things started popping up that didn’t have a simple answer, my entire worldview had shifted. There was no such thing as black and white. Those colors were constantly seeping into one another, making it hard to discern right from wrong.

  That’s what happens when you watch the person you love slowly fade away. When the girl you fell in love with was diagnosed with brain cancer and you gave up everything to hand her the world, sun and stars, only to find that all she wanted was the moon.

  I pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes and did my best to think. Temperance was so unlike Sophia. Where Sophia was hot blooded and outgoing, Temperance seemed quiet and reserved with a maturity that I was starting to discover belied her age. I had felt a blinding passion for Sophia the moment I had met her. Our love had been a whirlwind romance, slowly sucking us in and spitting me out torn and broken. What I felt for Temperance was slow burning, but was proving to be just as intense and much more dangerous.

  I shook my head. The only thing was that Sophia was the love of my life. Temperance could only be a distraction.

  I lifted my head up and glanced out at the bleak, gray weather outside. It hung heavy like a drape across the bay. If I started this with her, it wouldn’t be so easy to sever. We lived together, worked together and if things went as planned, she’d be in a band with me.

  But I was crazy in lust with her and not having her was going to make me do crazy things like punching nice guys like Caden in the face. I needed to get my control back and the only way to do it was to get her out of my system. I needed to have her, at least just once.

  I pushed myself away from the counter before I could change my mind and ran up the stairs, skipping every other one. When I reached her door, I didn’t even bother knocking. Instead I pushed it wide open, causing it to bang against the wall.

  She jumped, her big green eyes widening as she saw me standing shirtless in her doorway.

  I was so nervous I could barely breathe. “Just this once,” I said between gasps.

  “Okay,” she replied, her face turning a sweet shade of pink.

  Without waiting for my thoughts to kick in, I strode toward her. “Take off your clothes. I want you naked,” I said, unbuttoning my pants.

  She watched me wide eyed before she pulled her shirt off. She hadn’t bothered to put her bra back on and seeing her breasts exposed made it hard for me to get my pants off.

  “Do you have a condom?” she asked, stepping out of her pants. Holy hell her underwear matched her bra. The next time…if there was a next time…I wanted to be the one to slowly peel her underwear away from her sexy little body.

  “Condom, Damien,” Temperance repeated as she made her way toward me.

  “Shit,” I said. I hadn’t thought of that. Sex hadn’t been an option for two years, mainly because the last year of her life Sophia hadn’t been in any place to have sex and then after she died, I hadn’t felt the urge. Now I was regretting it. Maybe if I had sated the urge, I wouldn’t be so desperate now.

  Temperance stopped in front of me, her chin lifting to meet my eyes. “I’m clean and on birth control.”

  I almost told her that wasn’t good enough, but when her hand reached down and cupped my erection, I didn’t give two shits about it. I pulled her face toward mine and kissed her with all the pent up tension that had been building within me since yesterday.

  She groaned and pushed my underwear over my ass and down my thighs. My cock sprung free and when it brushed against her smooth stomach I nearly came right there. Not wanting to blow our first time, I lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist.

  I walked over to the bed and dropped her onto it, following her on the way down. I positioned myself over her lean, sensual body and she spread her legs.

  And then she opened that dirty little mouth and I was lost. “I want you to take me hard.”

  My eyes literally rolled into the back of my head at the sound of her sweet voice mixing with those sensual words. “Fuck yeah,” I muttered as I thrust myself into her.

  And she took all of me. Holy hell.

  As I sank into her, I heard her groan and lost control. Everything was spinning and whirling. I felt like I was high, like I had ingested cocaine. I slammed into her like the world was ending, our bodies slapping together until I heard her cry out my name. She said my name like it was a song. And I didn’t bother to pull out like I should have. Instead I drained myself into her and knew I was ruined forever.

  I collapsed on her warm body, utterly spent. She wrapped those long legs around my waist and held me inside of her. I could hear her heartbeat pounding beneath those beautiful breasts she had. I could have lain there like that forever. But after a few minutes, I lifted myself up on my elbows and stared down at her.

  “You okay?” I finally asked and she nodded, her cheeks flushed from the exertion.

  “Are you?”

  I stared into her green eyes and noticed that the black of her pupils had nearly consumed her irises. She was so damn hot and she looked even better after being thoroughly fucked. I already wanted her again. I didn’t know why I thought just once was going to be enough.

  “I’m fine,” I said, pulling out of her and rolling onto my back. I stared at the ceiling, knowing she was watching me. I wondered what she was thinking. Was she hoping that we could do this again? Or was once enough for her? Just the thought that this was already the end caused my stomach to twinge.

  I heard her inhale and I closed my eyes, readying myself for the conclusion of the best sex I’d ever had.

  �
�I know you said you wanted it to be just once, but could we amend that?” she asked.

  My eyes shot open and my cock immediately hardened. I didn’t want to sound too eager so I asked casually, “How so?”

  “How about a few more times?” she suggested, quietly. “And if that’s too much, we can just say that it’s just for tonight.”

  I grabbed her hand and placed it on my hardening length. I didn’t even need to tell her yes. She already knew. With a small smile, she pushed herself up and straddled me. She seemed as insatiable as I felt.

  Oh man, I thought as she sank down on me. Just this once? I dug my fingers into her waist as my hips thrust upward. What the fuck had I been thinking? A few more times? She bit down on my bottom lip and sucked on it. Total dumbass suggestion. I wanted her a whole lot more than was healthy.

  I wanted her. Period.

  Chapter Eight

  Temperance

  I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing on my bed stand. Peeling my eyelids open, I glanced at the name flashing across the screen. Oh crap. It was my brother and it was almost noon. I was going to be late for lunch with my parents.

  I scrambled out of bed smelling like sex. Damien of course wasn’t there. He had left sometime in the early morning after we had thoroughly screwed each other’s brains out. I hadn’t expected him to stay, especially after learning he had his heart broken nearly a year ago. I hated the girl for doing that to him, for ruining a perfectly decent human being for someone like me. I wanted to know more about her, about what she had done to break him apart, but I didn’t think he’d appreciate me probing into his life like that. Like Jonathan had said, he had secrets. I just needed to give him time to reveal them to me.

  As I grabbed my clothes, I noticed I was sore between my thighs and I felt my skin heat. Being with Damien was everything I thought it would be. He was amazing in bed, which I hadn’t doubted, but what I didn’t realize was that he was incredibly thoughtful too. He tried not to show it by making almost every single time rough, but I felt how his hands worshiped my skin and how his lips adored mine. Most girls would have overlooked it, but I hadn’t and it made me want him more. Too bad the sex was for last night only.

  I was going to have a talk with him about that. We hadn’t really clarified anything last night. But one thing I knew was there was no way I was going to be okay with our ‘just once’ or ‘just for tonight’ policy. I wanted him way more than that. I hoped he felt the same way or else I was so screwed. I’d have to live off the fantasy of last night forever.

  Running out of my room, I hopped in the shower and quickly washed myself. I threw on my clothes and pulled my wet hair back without even looking in the mirror. Throwing open the bathroom door, I slammed into Damien.

  I immediately reached up to straighten my hair before I mentally reprimanded myself for caring what I looked like in front of him. He had seen me naked, sweaty and writhing. I doubt I looked any worse.

  “Hey,” I said as I watched his eyes darken. He was reliving last night. I could tell.

  “Hi.”

  I waved my hand nervously in front of me before dropping it to my side. I’d never done this before. I was a total morning after newb.

  “Where are you going?”

  “My parents,” I replied.

  His eyes drifted to my lips and I swallowed in anticipation. Perhaps he wanted me again. Just the thought had me growing wet. Much to my disappointment, his eyes didn’t linger, however. Instead they skimmed the skin of my neck.

  “You may want to cover those up,” he said lowly and I quickly walked back into the bathroom. On my neck were three large purple bruises made from his mouth last night.

  “Oh my God. I didn’t even notice.” I turned toward him, my fingers rubbing the hickeys. “Thanks. That would have been a disaster.”

  “No problem.”

  I wanted to tell him that we should talk, that maybe what happened last night didn’t have to be one night only, but I was already late. So I stepped around him, grabbed a scarf and my purse.

  “Gotta run. I’m late,” I said, throwing my purse over my shoulder and tying the scarf around my neck. I glanced over at Damien before I shot down the stairs. His hands were shoved in his pants pockets and his hair was slightly disheveled. He was so gorgeous it hurt to look at him. He also looked disappointed and confused, but I didn’t have time to reassure him. My parents were already pissed at me. I didn’t want to give them another reason to hate me.

  ***

  “Hey!” I called out as I propelled myself into my parent’s house. It was a large Victorian that sat near the ocean in Carmel. I had grown up here, near the salt of the ocean and the eccentricities of the Santa Cruz, but we had always stood apart from everything. My parents were snobs, to say the least.

  “You’re late,” my mother sniffed as I strode into the dining room. We met every Sunday for some obligatory family time, which none of us really liked. I don’t know why we bothered to keep up the charade. It was probably because deep down Jed and I really loved our parents and hoped that one day we’d show up and things would change, that we’d be a normal family. It had yet to happen. I think both of us were starting to give up.

  My brother was already there, leaning back in his chair in his usual attempt to annoy my mom. I smothered a smile when her hand shot out and smacked his leg. Nik was sitting across from my mom, charming her to the best of his ability, which meant that she was absolutely in love with him. My dad sat at the head of the table, his glasses slipping down his sophisticated nose. My mom sat to his left with her perfect hair and sweater set. Her light green eyes flashed disappointment at me as I made my way to my seat.

  “I’m sorry. I slept in,” I replied, doing my best to avoid my brother’s gaze. He was much too perceptive. If he found out I’d had sex with Damien I wasn’t sure what he’d do. He was pretty protective.

  “What’d I miss?” I asked, fiddling with the scarf around my neck. I hoped it still hid everything.

  “Just the usual rant from mom about how I should have never quit the piano,” my brother piped up.

  I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. This was how Sunday brunch usually went: My parents would harp on my brother for not becoming the successful pianist they thought he’d become and then they’d berate him for choosing welding over music. Then they’d use me as an example of the perfect child. How my brother didn’t hate me after all these years amazed me. He was just that resilient.

  “You should have never quit. What a waste of money,” my mom said and my dad nodded in agreement.

  My brother merely shrugged. He never made excuses or apologies. He never even told my parents how successful he was with the multiple welding contracts he’d made around town. He merely let them think he was a failure. I didn’t know how he handled their constant disapproval, but I admired him for it.

  “You could have been great. All those scholarships. At least we still have Temperance.” My mom was beginning her usual rant and I was in no mood for it today. I didn’t want to be considered the golden child. It was a hard standard to live up to.

  “I’m going to play the cello in a rock band,” I said, knowing the repercussion of admitting it out loud. I was just tired of them ragging on Jed.

  “What?” my mom nearly choked on her wine.

  “I’m going to play the cello in a band,” I repeated like it was the most normal thing in the world.

  My mom looked like she was having a stroke. Her whole face froze and she slumped a little in her chair. “Not you too.”

  “I’m not quitting the major, mom,” I said, even though I was leaning in that direction. I didn’t want to bombard them with that news just yet. I didn’t want to be the one responsible for their untimely deaths.

  “Not yet,” she snapped. “But you will and if you do you will be cut off. Cut off!”

  Her voice was becoming shrill and I could see Nik shifting nervously in his seat.

  “Did you ever do this to your parents,
Nikolai?” When he didn’t respond my mom shook her head. “No, of course you didn’t because you’re a good boy.”

  He glanced at me anxiously and I threw him a small reassuring smile. Poor guy. He should have stayed home.

  “You should move home,” my father said, interrupting my mom. “Since you’ve moved out, you’ve become a little too wild.”

  “I haven’t done anything that crazy,” I replied.

  “First your nose, then your hair and now a rock band. What did I do wrong?”

  I was going to mention the tattoo, but my mom was going into hysterics. So I grabbed her wine and took a large swig. It only made her yank the glass back toward her, spilling it on her white tablecloth.

  Jed smothered a smile and I giggled as the red liquid seeped through the expensive fabric. Nik nervously shoved his face with more food.

  “You clean this up right now,” she cried, standing up in a flurry and mopping uselessly at the spilled wine.

  I stood up and went to the laundry room and grabbed a stain stick. I doubted it would actually get the stain out, but at least it would get my mom off my back for a few minutes. When I strode back into the dining room, I slathered the stain remover on the tablecloth and my mom rushed it to the washing machine like she was a surgeon being paged. Meanwhile Nik, Jed and I helped move the food to the kitchen table while my dad remained passive and uninvolved. His one comment to me had probably exhausted him.

  When my mom finally joined us in the kitchen, she was fuming and I knew she was going to lash out at me. She always did that when she felt threatened. She made everything personal.

  “You still living in that room next to that hoodlum with the tattoos?”

  I nodded, leaning back in my chair like it didn’t bother me at all that she was insulting the guy I had just slept with. I fiddled with my scarf and felt Jed’s eyes on me. His brows rose in question and I glanced away.

  “I love it,” I said looking at my mom. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jed place a napkin over his mouth.