Love's Sweet Surrender

by Love's Sweet Surrender (lit)

  “Is that all right with you, David?”

  “Yes. That’s fine. I’ll see you two then.”

  Holding out his hand for David to shake, Seth said, “Thanks.”

  “No problem, Seth. Anything to help.” He returned the handshake before she and Seth made their way back out the door to the waiting wagon.

  After they had left the church, they stopped by her house to gather her belongings. It made her pause when she realized all her possessions in life would now be in his home, soon to be her home.

  With all of them dressed in their Sunday best and Lily wearing a very pretty white gown she'd brought from Boston, she and Seth soon stood in front of David saying their vows.

  “Seth Allen Sanford, do you take Lily to be your wife, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health from this day forward, 'til death do you part?”

  “I do,” Seth said, slipping the simple gold band on Lily’s left hand.

  Here she stood in front of God and everyone taking marriage vows to a man she hardly knew, but one she cared about more than she wanted to admit. David turned to her, told her what to say, and panic set in.

  “Lillian Elizabeth Backman, do you take Seth for your husband, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health from this day forward, 'til death do you part?”

  Lily stood quietly for a moment. She looked deep into Seth’s eyes and realized she was marrying him and would stay married to him for the rest of her life, no matter what. She straightened her shoulders and took her vows. When she slipped the band on his ring finger and said in a whisper, “I do,” she realized she really did want to be married to him. She wasn’t going to give in to Victoria’s memory so easily.

  “By the power vested in me by the State of Texas, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride, Seth.”

  A sexy smile spread across Seth’s lips before the twinkle in his eye caught her attention. He slipped his arms around her, pulled her close, and his mouth came down on hers in a kiss that made her toes curl and her knees buckle.

  David and Madge congratulated them with warm hugs while the children cheered from their place in the pews.

  “Shall we head over to the boarding house? I’ve got a small party for you two over there. Nothing fancy, just cake and some food,” Madge said with a twinkle in her eye when Lily gave her a look saying she shouldn't have. “Stop giving me that look. You know I couldn’t resist.”

  “Yay, a party,” Anne said clapping her hands joyfully as she jumped down and ran over to take Lily’s hand.

  Even though the walk from the church to the boarding house was short, the obvious wedding party drew many an eye from the crowd nearby. There were several whispers as they made their way down the street, and protectively, Seth pulled her closer to his side.

  Approaching the boarding house, the little party made its way inside. Seth, Lily and the children were totally surprised to see so many people there who yelled, “Surprise!”

  She and Seth both turned to look at Madge.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” she grumbled good-naturedly before they were immediately swallowed up in the excited crowd. There were several of the students there with their parents, the mayor and his wife, the preacher who had followed them over from the church, and several of the other townspeople they both knew.

  Madge had arranged everything from a nice cake to food for everyone as they all celebrated the unusually quick wedding.

  * * * *

  Making his way around the room, Seth noticed Daniel standing in the corner with a glass of whiskey, and when Daniel lifted his glass in a mocking toast, Seth scowled. He didn’t bother to respond to the gesture before he turned back around to look for his wife.

  His wife. Now that was odd to think of. When he’d first seen Lily on the train, the last thing he would ever have thought just a short month or so ago was that she would be his future wife.

  He spied her across the room, chatting with several of the women, and he had to smile. She had to be explaining to them how they had become so enamored with one another; they just had to get married although they hadn’t known each other long. The smile she gave them when she placed her hand on her heart and told them the story was brilliant. When she saw him over the shoulder of one of the woman she was speaking with, her smile got a little wistful.

  He held her gaze the entire time it took him to cross the room to her side, and then he bent to whisper in her ear, “Ready to go home?”

  She shook her head in agreement, turned to the ladies she had been talking with and said, “Ladies, you’ll have to excuse us.”

  “Of course, my dear,” one of them said with a large smile.

  Lily turned and slipped her arm through Seth's.

  “Now go on, you two. I’ve taken care of everything, so don’t worry about a thing,” Madge said, ushering them out the door. As they walked out, the crowd pushed behind Madge to send them on their way.

  Seth helped Lily onto the wagon seat and went around to the other side while the crowd yelled good wishes.

  She waved from the wagon as they pulled out of town, until the throng of people disappeared around the bend in the road. A moment later, she turned around in the seat, and her smile faded.

  “Anything wrong?”

  “No. I’m just not sure what to expect from here, I guess, but that shouldn’t be anything new since this has been such a whirlwind anyway,” she said, studying the gold band on her left hand.

  “Nothing has to change, Lily. We can just keep on the way we’ve been.”

  “I suppose you’re right. It’s just strange.”

  “Strange? Why?”

  “I don’t know. I just never imagined myself in a marriage of convenience. I know it’s done—it’s done all the time in Boston—-but I always thought that I’d be able to find someone that I loved, who loved me in return.”

  He kept his eyes on the road in front of the wagon while he absorbed her words. A pang of guilt ripped across his heart, and he frowned. Silence surrounded them for the rest of the ride until they pulled into the yard at the ranch and he came around to help her down. Instead of letting her go right away, he stood there for a moment, holding her waist and looking into her eyes before he said, “You didn’t have to do this, Lily.”

  “I know, Seth. I didn’t mean for you to think I didn’t want to.”

  He searched her face—for what, he wasn't sure—before he said, “I’m sorry. I just don’t think that I can give you what you want.” He dropped his hands and turned on his heel to head to the house while Lily was left standing in the yard alone.

  The office door opened to the pressure of his hand. He grabbed the whiskey bottle and poured a hefty amount into a tumbler on the desk. He hadn’t felt the need to drink in a few weeks now, not since the night he had spent following the afternoon at Victoria’s grave, but tonight he needed one. More than one, probably. The look in Lily’s eyes when she stood so innocently in the yard had told him all he needed to know.

  God help us both. He ran his hands over his eyes before he took another large drink from the glass. Sitting back in the big chair, he contemplated what the hell he would do now.

  * * * *

  Lily silently walked into the house and shut the door softly behind her. When she passed the mirror in the front hall, she was stunned at her reflection. The dress fit her perfectly, with its beautiful skirt and scooped neckline, and the flowers Madge had put in her hair made her look like a real bride.

  A bride who will never know her husband’s love. She shook her head and turned from the reflection before she moved down the quiet hall toward her bedroom.

  She didn't bother to shut the door behind her as she moved toward the window. She stood looking outside while the sun began to fade in the evening sky. A soft sigh escaped her lips, and she reached up to pull the pins from her hair, letting it cascade down her back. She put the pins on the top of the bureau, but when she set them
down, she looked up to see Seth standing in the hall between his office and her room. He watched her with a hooded expression and a smoky gray color to his eyes.

  Everything had happened so quickly that later she would wonder if she’d just imagined it. One minute he stood outside her room, and the next he was in front of her, his mouth coming down hard on hers, taking her breath away.

  She wrapped her arms around his shoulders while he ravished her lips with his, invading her with his tongue. His hands wandered down her back before he wrapped them in her hair. When he finally lifted his head, his lips traveled down her neck, licking and nibbling as he went, and she moaned under his touch. After a moment he cupped her face with his hands and looked deeply into her eyes. “I need you, Lily. Please, let me make love to you.”

  She didn’t know what to say. She was now married to this man, and he had every right to take possession of her body. He had said he wanted only a platonic relationship, but now he said he wanted to make love to her.

  His warm whiskey-scented breath flittered across her lips and made her tingle all over, as he whispered, “Just say yes, Lily, please.”

  Inhaling sharply, she did the only thing she knew. She pushed against him until he let her go. “I’m sorry, Seth. I can’t do this. You said you wanted only a mother for your children, nothing more.” She stepped farther away, putting as much distance between them as she could.

  She wasn’t sure which was worse to see, the pain flickering across his face, or the rage that took its place. He spun on his heel, walked out of her room and slammed the door behind him.

  Shortly afterward, she heard the office door slam shut too and a glass shatter when it hit the wall. With dread grasping at her heart, she slid to the floor and buried her face in her hands while she wept. This was such a mistake. How am I going to survive being married to him like this?

  The long night was hell. She sat in the rocker near the window watching the clouds roll across the moon and listening to the crickets in the distance. Lily didn’t know how she was going to stay away from him until he fell in love with her. She had come to realize during the night, she was indeed in love with her husband. The realization only made things much more painful to endure.

  “God help me.” She didn't want to be just a mother to his children; she wanted to be his wife in every way.

  After she finally got dressed in a working frock, she headed for the kitchen. She knew Seth had given Carmen the day off, so she made her way there to prepare breakfast. When it was almost done, she heard him come out of the office, where he’d evidentially spent the night.

  When he came around the corner, squinting at her from bloodshot eyes, she asked, “Coffee?”

  “Yeah, I guess I should.”

  * * * *

  It had been one hell of a long night while he tried to make himself comfortable in the chair in his office. He could have moved to his own room, but guilt over his behavior made him stay where he was, drinking heavily throughout the night. When he was finally roused by the banging in the kitchen, he opened the door and walked a little unsteadily toward the noise.

  He knew his eyes were bloodshot, and he knew he looked like hell, but when Lily met him at the door, he couldn’t help smiling a little sheepishly. She never turned around until she’d filled the cup and handed it to him.

  “Thanks.” He lifted the hot coffee to his lips and took a tentative sip.

  “You’re welcome. Breakfast?”

  His head felt like it wanted to split wide open when he peered up at her from his seat. “I’m not sure my stomach can handle it.”

  “Actually, Edward used to say a good breakfast could cure any previous night of too much inebriation, so here, eat.” She placed the heaping plate of food in front of him and then disappeared back into the kitchen to fix her own. She returned a moment later and took the seat next to him.

  He ate slowly, and when his stomach didn’t completely rebel at the food, he ate more. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until the entire plate of food had disappeared and he felt a hundred times better.

  “About last night." He paused for a moment and took a deep breath. "I’m sorry. I'd already had too much to drink at the party, and then when we got home…”

  Lily stopped him with a raised hand and said, “It’s all right. I’m sure it won’t happen again, right?” She stood, picked up their plates and returned them to the kitchen.

  “Uh…” He furrowed his brow while her statement rolled around in his mind. Maybe she didn’t want to make love with him, but then again, she returned his kisses every time their lips met, and she had moaned in response to his touch. Now he wasn’t sure what to think.

  She returned to the table with more coffee. “I mean, we don’t have a real marriage, so we just need to keep it simple.”

  “Tonight when the children come home, we’ll have to share my bed though.”

  “I know. We’ll just deal with that when it comes.”

  He didn’t like where this was going. He’d told her he wanted to be just friends, yes, but after last night, it would be nice to hold her and make love to her each night, in his big bed. He wanted her, Lord knew he wanted her, but he had to figure out how he could make that happen without falling in love with her. He stood and said, “I guess we should hitch the wagon and go get the children then.”

  "I suppose so, unless you want to go alone. I’ll stay here and straighten up a bit since Carmen is off today.”

  “That’s fine, if you want to.”

  He grabbed his hat and swung open the door, only to realize he’d never gone back out last night to unhitch the horses when they’d returned.

  “Damn it!”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “The horses never got unhitched.”

  He walked out, unhitched them and took them into the barn, grumbling the entire time. When he returned, he walked back into the house and hung his hat back on the rack.

  “I won’t be able to go until later now. Those horses need to rest since I was stupid and left them out last night.”

  “I’m sorry. I guess that I should have said something when I came in.”

  “It wasn’t your fault, it was mine. I guess I was a little preoccupied.” He looked at her, standing there in front of him, and he ached to kiss her, but he kept his distance.

  “I have some things I need to work on in the office today anyway. I’ll see you later.”

  * * * *

  She watched him walk down the hall with an ache in her heart. She wanted a regular marriage now, but she wasn’t sure how to get it. Maybe tonight, when they had to share a bed, she might be able to convince him he cared for her, even just a little. Love would come in time if he could just open his heart to someone other than Victoria.

  Lily spent the rest of the day cleaning up around the house and preparing things for when the children came home.

  She had even taken a big step in trying to make Seth see her for the loving woman she was. She had gone into the guest room, where so many of Victoria’s things were kept, and had packed them away in a trunk. Seth hadn’t seen it yet, and she was almost afraid of what he would say when he found out, but this was her home now too, and although she didn’t want to take Victoria’s place in the children’s hearts, she did in Seth’s. If that meant erasing Victoria from his life in small ways, then so be it.

  During the day, Seth hadn’t come out of the office except to eat lunch when she’d called him. They ate in uncomfortable silence until he returned to the office and she felt she could breathe again.

  He left around three to pick up the children from Madge’s place, so she worked on getting supper ready and tried to focus on some lesson plans for the children. She would have to return to teaching no later than Monday, she’d decided. She had talked to the mayor during the party, and he had said it was fine to wait until then since she and Seth had just gotten married. Her contract said she couldn't marry, but since Seth was a prominent member of the community, the majo
r said he would overlook the little detail.

  Shortly after five Seth returned with the children, and Lily was glad to see them. A big smile spread across her face. Some of the tension between her and Seth lightened when the children came bounding in the door, chattering away, telling Lily what they had done with Madge all day. They were so full of energy, she had to laugh because she knew it would be several hours before they would settle down and be able to go to sleep, which was fine with her. The more time she could avoid crawling into Seth’s bed that evening, the better. She needed to formulate a plan.

  When the children finally settled down and she had tucked them all in for the night, she headed back down the hall to Seth’s office. He’d retreated there again after supper, but she wanted him to kiss the children good night.

  She knocked on the door, opening it without waiting for his reply. “Seth?”

  As she slowly opened the door, she could see him bent over what appeared to be ledgers of numbers. When she entered, he raised his head, scrubbed his eyes for a moment and ran his fingers through his hair.

  She wanted so much to finger-comb those curls back into place, and her hand rose almost instinctively when their eyes met across the expanse of the room.

  Her hand dropped back to her side. “I… uh… the children wanted you to kiss them good night.”

  “Oh, yeah, all right. I’m finished for tonight anyway,” he replied before he got up from his big chair and blew out the lamp on the corner of the desk.

  His gaze never left hers as he walked toward her. He stopped next to her, and his stare dropped to her half parted lips. Her heart started to pound wildly in her chest. In the next instant he sighed and walked out the door without so much as a backward glance.

  She stood frozen to the spot after he left and put her hand on her chest to try to calm her racing heart. When she was finally able to breathe again, she turned around to follow him back toward the front of the house. Their bedroom loomed in front of her, and she moved toward it with only one thought: she knew it was going to be a long night.