The Golden Padawan

by Diane Lau

  “Yes.”

  My mind could not quite grasp all the ramifications of what we were discussing. But there were some things about it I would simply have to do without understanding for now. Finally I said, “We’re the Golden Pair, Brenan.”

  “That we are.” He squeezed my hand and released it.

  The rest of the afternoon we talked through everything, Brenan told me a great deal of what he had learned during the link: the layout of the Sith lair, the state the captives were in, the defenses to the building. In addition to the poisoned Jedi, the Sith Lord and his Apprentice were well defended by an array of battle droids. Meanwhile, time was of the essence; I was the last Jedi they planned to take before they commenced sending envoys to ambush our people.

  It was an exhausting conversation but I finally felt fully prepared. I didn’t feel like eating but Brenan said it might be awhile before I was fed again, so he took me out for dinner. There was a pub a half mile away that was renowned for shaak stew and their own colbia wine. Once the meal was in front of me I found myself hungry after all, and the wine settled my nerves. My meditation of the afternoon had helped immensely, but I was still apprehensive. Brenan told me stories all during dinner, and by the time we returned to the inn, I was as ready as I could have been.

  When Brenan took leave of me in my room, he said little. He just put his arms around me for a long moment and said, “Goodnight. I’m not leaving you.”

  I gave him a smile. “I think tonight you will, if anything, do the opposite.”

  “Hold that thought,” he said, returning the smile. Nevertheless, he couldn’t conceal his anxiety for me. Then he left, closing the door quietly behind him.

  I sat on my bed, focusing, and after a few minutes there was a knock at the door.

  “Aeli? It’s Lyrus.”

  “Coming,” I called. I rose and opened the door resolutely.

  My foe greeted me with a broad smile. “Aeli! I’ve been so anxious to see you. How are you?”

  I let him in. “Good, I’m good. My Master’s mission here is going well, I think I’ve been a little help.”

  “I’m pleased to hear it.” Lyrus sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m just grateful you’ve had the time to spend with me. It’s helped a great deal just having someone to discuss this with.”

  I took a seat on the bed as well. “So you told me you have…certain abilities which made you suspect you had Jedi blood?”

  “That’s right. Even when I was little, sometimes strange things happened. I confess I do practice a little, even though if Father knew—well, I can’t help it.”

  “I understand, Lyrus.” I reached over and touched his arm. “But if you truly do have Jedi blood, and you feel the calling this strongly…well, you know my opinion on that.”

  Lyrus regarded me solemnly. “After we do this, after I show you what I can do, if you think there’s a good chance, then I’ll go to the Temple to be tested.”

  “Good. All right. Now what exactly are we going to do?”

  “My best talent seems to be telepathy. Sometimes I can read people’s minds, and sometimes I know I’ve put my thoughts in their heads as well…occasionally not at the most opportune time, I might add.” He chuckled. “But at any rate, it does work, more often than not. Especially if the other person is open and accepting of me.”

  I smiled at him. “That would be me, then.”

  I wouldn’t be able to claim that this excellent performance on my part was due to good acting skills. In fact, from the moment Lyrus entered the room I was flooded with alarming affection for him. He was dressed in black and dark gray, an informal suit in the Naboo style, which flattered his coloring. Everything about him seemed more beautiful than any time before: his hair, his eyes, his smile, his voice. I knew Brenan was still protecting me from the full force of Lyrus’s suggestive powers, but be that as it may, I was in the grip of his charms. I found it almost impossible to believe this man wished me ill. It seemed so much more realistic that he was slightly infatuated with me and only wanted to spend time in my company because of it.

  “All right,” said Lyrus. “I’ll do my best. Here, just take my hand, look me in the eyes, it will help me concentrate. I’ll try to speak to you…”

  I did as he asked, taking hold of his slender, cool hand, and looking at him calmly. In the back of my mind I knew the moment had arrived when everything I had feared would begin, but I found myself instead preoccupied by Lyrus’s eyes. They were such a remarkable liquid brown, with perfect irises like jewels—it was a delight just to stare into them.

  Then all the strength left my body and I fell back onto the bed.

  Lyrus bent over me and smiled. It was not at all the same smile. “It’s basically paralysis, Aeli. You’ll find you can’t move even your fingers.”

  I knew at this stage it was acceptable for me to show fear, and that was a good thing. The sudden shock of the paralysis was terrifying.

  Lyrus lifted his hand and stroked my cheek. “Don’t worry, love, I won’t leave you like this. It just makes the next step easier. After that, I believe you’ll just start enjoying yourself.” His hand seized my chin and clamped it so hard it hurt. With his other hand Lyrus grasped my forehead. “I do have talents, as you will see now. It will only feel for a moment like you are dying…”

  He was right. It was not a feeling of physical death, but something else…like my very soul was shutting down. Like the stars I had seen spreading from inside Brenan to the far corners of the universe were all dimming and going out at alarming speed. If I had been able to scream, I would have.

  But then all at once I felt I was recovering a little…the death-like feeling was fought back.

  Aeli…

  It was Brenan.

  In a little while I will make you forget we had this conversation, along with several other things— forgive me, but if you remembered it might bring suspicion. It must seem as genuine as possible to Lyrus. Aeli…you have to yield to me now.

  I sensed his urgency. I had to obey him at once. I tried to release my will to him but it was surprisingly difficult. It was like surrendering the will to live, it was completely against nature.

  Just a little more, and I can force the rest. I’m almost strong enough now.

  The way I did it was peculiar even to me: I pictured us in a lightsaber battle, our beams in a deadlock. I could see by the look on Brenan’s face that he wanted to take my life. I didn’t know why. But I looked deep in his eyes and my loyalty rose in me like a tower of strength. I dropped my saber and waited gladly for death.

  I was caught in a wave of dizzying disorientation. The charade begins, the charade begins, I thought, and then…

  …I ceased to care.

  So this was what it was like, having no will. Desiring nothing, one also feared nothing, hoped for nothing. It was painless.

  The paralysis abruptly went away, but it made no difference. I had no motivation to move.

  Lyrus feigned sympathy and said, “Poor little Padawan, I won’t leave you empty like this. No, Aeli, you will be quite full—full and sated and happy. ”

  He shifted his hands slightly and I knew he was going to come into me. The knowledge moved me not in the slightest. I simply watched his face and waited.

  Will rushed back into me, and only then did I realize how horrible it had been the moment before. Now I was alive again. I knew Lyrus wanted me to sit up, and so I did.

  Lyrus stared at me, smiling. “All kinds of desires will be yours now, Aeli. And with them, all kinds of emotions. Some bad, I’m sorry to say…you will feel sorrow and terror. But others very good—rage…hunger…and lust. Let’s take right now, for example. What do you most want to do right now?”

  I wanted to kiss him. It was like a horrible itch, it was like thirst, tormenting. I had to do it, before I died of the desire. I reached for him, and he held me off for a moment.

  “You’ll find me a good Master, my little Padawan. I won’t deny you something you obviously w
ant so badly.”

  He let me kiss him. I took no pleasure in it except to realize that my entire soul was flooded with desire to please him. The thought that he might enjoy the kiss filled me with desperate hope for the reward of his approval. But I also knew he was hard to please…it was far more likely I would fail somehow.

  Lyrus drew away. “A nice betrayal, we are off to a good start.”

  This praise soothed my fear. I hoped he would give me another command quickly, that I might obey him again.

  “But what of your former Master, Auri-Owan? Are you so quick to forget such a great man, so…‘unique,’ I believe you called him?”

  I had utterly forgotten about Brenan until Lyrus mentioned him. I remembered then what Brenan had told me, that it would be his will taking me over, not Lyrus’s. It seemed he had failed. I hoped he had failed.

  Lyrus stood up, looked down at me. “Renounce the bastard.”

  I rose to my feet and looked at him earnestly. “I renounce him, my lord—I want no other Master than you! You believe me?”

  Lyrus took me in his arms and stroked my back. He was pleased again, I glowed with it. He looked down into my face and said, “You are mine now. Oh…let me correct myself…mine and Lord Sidious’s, of course. But I think we both know you want only to be mine.”

  I nodded vigorously. “Let me prove it to you.”

  “So you shall, soon enough. The unique and wonderful Auri-Owan will no doubt try to come after you. He won’t find you, but if he could, all the better. I can think of no better tribute you can pay me than to kill him.”

  “I could kill him now, Master!” I was already imagining the look of pleasure on Lyrus’s face if I were to do something so important for him.

  He laughed, and it was a harsh laugh that made me fear again that he might become angry, cast me aside. “I wish I could allow you the privilege, love, but it might cause a scene. For now we simply need to take you home as quietly as possible. My Master Sidious will be very glad to see you. But where is your lightsaber? You’ll be needing that.”

  I found my saber and hooked it to my belt. Lyrus took my key, beckoned me out the door, and locked the room behind us. We took the back exit, and no one saw us. If anyone had, I was certain Lyrus would have made them forget instantly what they had seen. We avoided the main street and took some smaller side roads, at a regular pace that would draw no special attention. I took no note of our route; I was far more concerned at discerning Lyrus’s mood. I had no reason to think I had done anything to offend him, but I was so fearful of his displeasure that the possibility of it loomed large each minute.

  Sometime after we had crossed into a more disreputable district, Lyrus made me stop in an alley. He checked to see if anyone was in view, then pulled me into a doorway. In a moment the door was unlocked and he pushed me inside. I found myself in a large but decrepit kitchen, dark and deserted except for a pair of battle droids flanking the door. These ignored us.

  “First I must deliver you to our Master,” Lyrus told me irritably. I had very mixed emotions toward this Lord Sidious. I knew I had to obey him, but the thought of doing so was not pleasant, as was doing the bidding of Lyrus.

  We ascended some stairs and walked up a hallway to the last door. “It’s Lyrus, my Lord,” said my new Master, knocking.

  “Enter,” said a low voice from within.

  Lyrus motioned for me to go first, but I knew he was not happy. I hesitated, and he gave me a shove, hissing, “Go!”

  I stumbled forward, horribly chagrined. I looked around and found the room to be a large, formal suite, no doubt the best in this building which appeared to be a fallen-down hotel. It was appointed sparsely but with slightly better furnishings than the structure itself warranted. A figure in simple hooded gray robes sat at a table which was covered with charts and the typical equipment used for military planning.

  “Lyrus,” said Darth Sidious, “I should never have given you the extra day to obtain this Jedi. It’s a day we could have well spent in some other capacity, we have only tomorrow now. I would delay this whole thing if it wasn’t imperative I return to Coruscant when the Senate reconvenes.” His face was shadowed by his hood, but I could tell he was studying me. “This wisp was so important to capture?”

  “Since she is—was—Padawan to Auri-Owan, I guarantee you she’s among the best in the galaxy.”

  “Well, you make it your business to know. As usual I suspect you had your own agenda, however.”

  “No agenda but your own, my Lord.” Lyrus gave a solemn bow.

  “Of course,” said Sidious with audible sarcasm. “See to your compliance, Lyrus, and I will have no objections.” He seemed to study my Master’s face a moment, although his face was largely hidden by his hood. “And leave this one alone. Spare her your lascivious interests.”

  “My Lord?”

  “I have let you have your way with the other females who interested you, but that’s enough. Restoring this old brothel is not what our work is about.”

  I held my tongue during this exchange, but I felt dismay and bitterness toward Lord Sidious. If Lyrus was permitted the others, why not me?

  Sidious spoke again. “Show her around, get her settled in to her quarters. Tomorrow you and I have too much to do; let Xis work with her.”

  “Yes, Master,” said Lyrus. He grabbed my elbow, bowed, and pulled me out of the room.

  What followed was a cursory tour of the premises. Lyrus was in a sour mood that made me feel like I was bleeding inside. He showed me the various floors where the other Jedi were housed, every room guarded by a battle droid, and each one filled to capacity with men and women who looked at me either blankly or with tormented eyes. Over and over I saw the same reaction when they saw Lyrus: first a look of alertness and hope, and then when he took no particular interest, distress followed by emptiness. In spite of his ill spirits, I was thankful for the time to be the object of his attention. I didn’t know what I would do when he left me alone.

  That moment came far too soon. “This is your room,” Lyrus told me, and pointed to one of the two beds. It was fitted with a stained pillow and a single worn blanket. The room was dimly lit, and as in all the rooms, the window was boarded over. On the second bed sat another woman, who had been lying down until we came in. She seemed typically agitated over the presence of Lyrus, but said nothing.

  My Master turned to me. “Believe me, I would prefer to stay with you awhile…Sidious can be maddeningly capricious and unreasonable.”

  I saw absolutely no reason why Sidious’s command should supercede Lyrus’s. I longed to ignore it. I didn’t want him to leave me, there had to be some way.

  Lyrus put his hands on my shoulders and shoved me to the bed, then sat next to me. He put his face close to mine and his eyes searched me. Then he said, “Tell me what you would do for me if you could.”

  “Anything,” I answered at once.

  He reached over and seized my left breast, and squeezed it hard. Physically it hurt, but I knew he wanted to hurt me so that didn’t matter. “Specifically,” he said.

  I wanted desperately to give the answer he sought, but I couldn’t imagine what it was. My mind raced. “Let me kiss you, Master,” I offered.

  “Your kiss, believe it or not, is nothing much to me,” he replied. Then he stood up, “This is a waste of my time. In the morning Puer Xis will work with you after you eat. Till then,” and he gave me a sarcastic smile, “enjoy yourself.”

  He seemed to linger only long enough to observe the pain on my face. He was leaving me…it was hell. I wouldn’t know what to feel, what to want, what to think about. With a slight smile Lyrus turned on his heel and swiftly left the room, pulling the door closed with a bang.

  My new roommate and I looked at each other. I knew she had shared my current pain many times but I didn’t expect sympathy because I knew it was not my Master’s command that she give me any. We averted our eyes, she fell back on the bed, and shortly later, I did likewise. Neither one
of us had the motivation to turn off the light. I had no will, but my body still functioned as all human bodies do, and after a time I gave in to fatigue and slept.

  It wasn’t long before I began to dream. In the dream I was sitting on a bed made of black sky strewn with stars. Someone sat down with me, and when I looked up, it was Brenan.

  I burst into tears and threw myself into his arms. “Oh gods, Brenan,” I sobbed, “what have I done? Forgive me, forgive me…”

  He held my shuddering body gently, rubbing my back. I felt his voice: “You did nothing, nothing, do you understand, Aeli? You’re just my puppet.”

  “I said I would kill you!” I remembered everything I had done and felt and said, and the shame was overwhelming. For a moment I actually felt I would be sick, but my Master seemed to be exuding calmness and I settled down enough so it passed. Still, I couldn’t bear to look at him, and buried my face in his shoulder, feeling hot tears dampening the fabric of his shirt.

  “Aeli— ” He took my face in his hands and lifted it so he could look at me. His clear blue eyes calmed me further, and I stopped sobbing. In a quiet but authoritative voice he told me, “It was me. I made you do everything. There isn’t a word you said that I didn’t put in your mouth myself. None of it was you—not an emotion, not a desire. You did nothing to betray me. Do you understand?”

  I caught my breath. “Yes.”

  “Your pain hasn’t been for nothing. Already I’ve seen enough to know what we can do.”

  “That’s good, that’s good, Master,” I told him, wiping my nose on the back of my hand.

  “This won’t last much longer, dearest Padawan.” His eyes were full of sadness and pain. “I hate seeing you suffer, I hate stripping you of all your dignity and loyalty and goodness, everything that makes you a Jedi. I hate that I can’t let you remember this meeting. But even though you’ll forget the dream, I think you’ll awaken in slightly less pain. I hope so.”

  “Brenan…” I said, a new emotion budding in my heart. “I’ll be willing to let you kill him, but I’d much prefer if it were me.”