Heart Wish

by Mary Crawford

  “Does Jamie know you love him?”

  “I hope so, but that’s a good question,” I admit.

  “If you love him, I don’t understand what your job has to do with that —” Toby interjects.

  “Right now, every time I go to work it reminds Jameson of the saddest time in his whole life. Every case is a reminder of what he should’ve, could’ve, or might’ve done in yours. It takes him back to all the pain your parents went through. If we have any hope for the future, I have to move on from my job. It’s time anyway. I think I’ve been using other peoples’ happily-ever-after’s as a substitute for my own because I was afraid if I let myself be happy it would mean I loved Quinn less. I’m ready to lay that burden down and find my own bliss. Quinn would’ve wanted that.”

  “That’s a pretty brave thing you’re doing for my brother.”

  I swallow hard. “Love sometimes makes you do things you didn’t think you were capable of doing.”

  “Do you think love is strong enough to get me back to Oregon?”

  “Definitely! Especially when it’s backed with a good credit card.”

  “Kendall … you gotta make me one promise.”

  “Yeah?” I ask as my heart beats out of my chest.

  “Please don’t leave until all this is over. It’s not just my brother who needs you.”

  CHAPTER 24

  JAMESON

  WHEN TRISTAN SEES ME WALK into the break room and throw my carry-on bag on the couch, he whistles through his teeth. “Gotta hand it to you, man. Your girlfriend is a force of nature.”

  I roll my eyes. “What did Kendall do now? Last time I saw her, she was breaking my parents’ hearts like dry kindling.”

  “What on earth are you talking about?” Tristan asks with a befuddled look.

  “She was the one who pushed for my parents to search for Toby again. It’s like she had some big point to make about Locate My Heart. I’m worried about my mom having another episode because she is so upset that Toby won’t come to see her. He wants to pretend we’re not even family. How is that progress?”

  Tristan sits ramrod straight and looks at me. “Allow me to point out the obvious. First, it was because of Kendall that you even know your brother is alive. If she had not pushed you to search, you would’ve never known. Second, your brother’s reaction to finding the rest of you and the trauma he’s been through is not her fault. Got that?”

  “Affirmative,” I mumble.

  “Why are you being such a jerk about this? It’s almost as if you don’t want things between the two of you to work out.”

  “I don’t know,” I confess. “It’s like Kendall is a reminder of all the things I should have done differently with Toby. I know that’s not fair, but that’s my gut feeling. I understand she’s not like all the rest of them, but it’s like a visceral reaction for me.”

  “You won’t have to worry about all that stuff much longer. After she gets Toby situated with your parents and develops a media strategy with Identity Bank to make sure that your brother and parents are protected, she’s stepping down from Locate My Heart. I’m telling you, if you’re not careful, she will march right out of your life, and you are going to regret it forever. Women like Kendall don’t come along very often.”

  “What do you mean situated with my parents? Last I talked to Toby, he was watching HBO on the TV at the Hampton Inn in West Virginia. I couldn’t get him to budge an inch.”

  “Do you ever check your phone? I sent you like a dozen text messages about all this. Your girlfriend is a hero. She flew out on her own dime to talk to Toby. Whatever she said convinced him to go back to Oregon and to give up his plan to strike out on his own.”

  “She went to West Virginia?”

  “Jameson, I gotta tell you — you’re missing the headline here. Kendall Kordes is planning to leave Locate My Heart. Think on that for a minute.”

  “I can’t check my phone because the TSA conveyor belt malfunctioned and busted it beyond recognition. Who knows, she might’ve told me all about this, but I don’t understand why she would leave her job.”

  “I don’t know — maybe because you’ve criticized her and held her at arms distance nearly every step of the way. You accused her of being a liar and a cheat. Then, after she helped you find your brother, you shut her out of the process completely and told her that what she did wasn’t even worth so much as a moment of your time.”

  “That’s not true. I asked her to help coordinate the video call with my parents,” I stammer.

  “And then you promptly blamed Kendall when the call did not go well. Smooth move, Romeo.”

  Although Tristan’s words were said with casual ease, there is no mistaking the fact that my boss has a point to make. Although my first instinct is to defend my actions, I know they are indefensible. He’s right. I have undermined Kendall’s every move. I let my anger and insecurities about the past color every decision I’ve made about her. You would think I would’ve learned my lesson after my assumptions about Kendall had been proven wrong time and time again. I don’t deserve the generosity Kendall has extended.

  “Did she tell you why she wants to leave Locate My Heart?” I ask, still trying to digest all the earth-shattering news I’ve been given in the last few minutes.

  “Something about loving you so much that she doesn’t want to cause you any more pain. I know I’m officially your boss, but I’m also your friend. As your friend, I’d advise you to figure this stuff out before it’s too late.”

  “Looks like I’ll probably be needing a job in Oregon. Your offer still on the table?”

  “It is — after you take some time off to get reacquainted with your brother.”

  “Consider it accepted. For once, I’m not going to argue with your logic. I just want to go home and tell everyone how much I love them.”

  If looks could kill, I’d be dead. William is here to pick me up, but he looks like he would rather be anywhere else in the universe. I slide into his car and buckle my seatbelt. “Good to see you too,” I greet.

  “My sister may love you and think you’re Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome, but I think you’re a chump.”

  “Fair enough,” I reply. “I suppose I deserve the traditional ‘grilling by the brother’ routine.”

  “I don’t think you understand. I’m standing in because our old man couldn’t be bothered to stick around. The fact that Kendie trusts you enough to let you into her life and see her pain should fill you with shock and awe.”

  “It does,” I reply solemnly.

  “Really? That’s not what I see. From here, it looks like you’re just going through the motions with my sister. It’s fun for you to have a girlfriend when it suits you. She’s a great pal when you want to go rock climbing or flex your Prince Charming chops. I get it. My sister is gorgeous. It’s probably fun to show her off to all of your friends.

  I start to respond, but Will holds up his hand as a car behind us honks. Will pulls away from the curb and into a parking space.

  “Kendall is so much more than that. The thing that burns me is that you know that. You’ve seen her work with families and the press. You’ve seen her grace under fire — yet, you still try to place her in some imaginary box in your head. It’s as if she can take part in only so much of your life. Guess what? That’s not the way love works. If you love someone, they are part of your life. You don’t get to qualify it.”

  “That’s not what’s going on between us,” I insist.

  “Uh-huh. So, completely disrespecting her professional training and expertise and leaving her behind in Oregon while you reunited with your brother — the one Kendall helped you find — was an example of a fully supportive relationship?”

  I roll the suddenly tense muscles in my shoulders and pinch the bridge of my nose. “No. That was me being a numbskull.”

  “So, if you know you made a mistake, why are you pushing Kendall out of Locate My Heart?”

  I jerk in surprise. “I swear I had nothing t
o do with her decision to step down. I didn’t even know about it until Tristan told me.”

  “She reached out to you for advice, and you blew off her phone calls. That’s way up there on the jackass scale.”

  I groan in frustration. “I couldn’t answer my phone. The screening machine at the airport essentially ate it for breakfast.”

  Will smirks at me. “What the heck is that? The grown-up version of the dog ate my homework?”

  I hold up my hands in front of me. “Look, it’s the truth, okay. I looked for a screen repair kit at the airport and couldn’t come up with one. Even if I had, my phone was likely too far gone to function.”

  “Plausible. But, that doesn’t explain why my sister feels if she wants to have a successful relationship with you, she has to give up the most important thing in her life,” Will challenges.

  I turn and place my back against the car door as I address Will, “I don’t know how much Kendall has told you, but I have spoken words to her that should’ve never been said — to anyone, let alone someone I love. Maybe I haven’t been clear that I was the one in the wrong.”

  “You don’t want her to quit her job?” Will clarifies.

  “No! Why would I want her to do that? I have watched her perform near miracles with families and the media alike. She has brought so much healing to my family it’s almost as if all those bad nightmares from before are gone. My mother is back to organizing coffee clutches to knit little hats for kids in the NICU. It’s something I never thought I would see again. We haven’t even been part of the best reunion yet, and already Kendall has changed our lives as a family. I’m certain every family she deals with feels the same way.”

  “This is going to seem like a pretty obvious question, but does Kendall know how you feel about all of this? When I last talked to her about it, she seemed to think her job is mental torture for you.”

  I scrub my hand down my face as I admit, “Yeah, it’s hard in some ways because I have to relive all the things I wish I would’ve done differently in Toby’s search. In every mother and father she helps, I see my parents. That doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t help people. I need to deal with my guilt over how I handled Toby’s disappearance — Maybe I could’ve done things differently, or maybe not. Either way, those are my issues to sort. I don’t want Kendall to quit her job over it,” I reply.

  “I’m not a relationship expert or anything, but I really think you guys should sit down and talk about this. Do you know that you are Kendall’s heart wish?”

  “Heart wish?” I ask, confused by the term.

  “The thing you want the most, but you’re afraid to ask for because you would be devastated if your wish never came true,” Will reveals.

  I let out a slow breath as William’s words sink in. “Are you sure Kendall wished for me? I haven’t treated her very well lately.”

  Will confirms, “Not just once — multiple times. I’ve got one question for you. Is my sister your heart wish too?”

  I wipe a tear away from my face as I say in a strong clear voice, “I’ve done a poor job of expressing myself and my feelings, but yes, Kendall Kordes is without a doubt my heart wish.”

  Will nods tightly and grins before he turns the car on and pulls out of the parking lot.

  “Jameson Payne, all I can say is it’s a good thing I am filthy rich now because we are going to have to move heaven and earth to dig out of the hole you’ve made for yourself.”

  “William Kordes, I am glad you’re on my side. You would make a formidable enemy.”

  “Keep that in mind. Mess with my sister again, and I can easily change your status.”

  CHAPTER 25

  KENDALL

  TOBY PLACES THE SILVERWARE NEXT to the plates as he helps me set the kitchen table. “I guess this house seemed bigger when I was growing up. Are you sure this is okay? Mom and Dad aren’t here.”

  “I know. Your mom wasn’t planning for anything extraordinary to happen today. So, she’s taking a flower arranging class at the local craft store.”

  “I wonder if she still makes caramel apples at Halloween?”

  “I bet she does. Maybe you guys can make them together this year.”

  “I don’t know what I’m going to say to them. I was pretty rude before.”

  “I find a sincere apology goes a long way,” I suggest.

  “I always thought so too, but it doesn’t seem to be working with Jameson,” Toby observes. “I mean, it’s not like he’s my best buddy or anything, but we hung out for a while. Now, he’s not returning my calls.”

  I shrug and try to look nonchalant. “I don’t know what’s up with him. I’ve stopped trying to figure it out. I left Jameson a voicemail about today. If he shows up to our party, great. If not, I guess it’s his loss.”

  Toby raises an eyebrow as he gestures toward the counter where all the deli containers are arranged. “I don’t know. Could be a stretch to call rotisserie chicken ‘party food’. Rapture didn’t care if I watched the food shows on PBS, so I’ve got years’ worth of party ideas in my head.”

  “A man after my own heart. Someday, we’ll do the party thing proper justice. There’s one thing I’ve learned about Bonnie and Wesley. They love this kind of stuff. I was confused at first too, but I’ve just learned to roll with it.”

  I hear the garage door open and Bonnie’s voice floating into the kitchen. “Kendall, is that you? I wasn’t expecting you today. You’ll never believe all the stuff I got from the craft store. Wait until I show you.” Her arms are full of bags as she rounds the corner into the kitchen. “Who on earth are you talking to? Is Will here?”

  Bonnie stops in her tracks when she looks up and notices Toby. “Wesley, get in here!” she shrieks as she drops the bags on a nearby chair.

  Wesley runs through the door wielding a shovel from the garage as if it were a weapon. “What? What’s wrong?”

  Bonnie places her hand over her mouth as she shakes her head. “Nothing. Nothing is wrong. For the first time in forever, things are right. Look who’s here!”

  Wesley drops the shovel on the kitchen floor and sprints over to Toby. As he wraps Toby in a tight embrace, he says, “Thank God you are finally home.” Tears roll down both their faces as they stand there absorbing each other’s presence.

  “You are home for good, right? You’re not just visiting?” Bonnie asks tentatively.

  Toby moves away from Wesley and walks over to Bonnie. He pulls her toward him and hugs her. The expression on her face as she takes the measure of her son up close and personal is priceless. “Yeah, Mom. I’m home for good. Kendall convinced me that it’s going to be difficult to start over, regardless of where I live. The only person I was punishing was me. If I didn’t come home, Rapture would win.”

  “That woman is never getting another thing from the Payne family unless it’s a good, long jail sentence,” Wesley vows.

  “It might not be so easy, Dad. Rapture had a plan in place in case we were ever caught. She’s got documentation dating back years to show she is not mentally stable or responsible for her own actions.”

  “Well, she can just take those plans and shove them. She’s never been up against you before. You are the strongest person I know,” Wesley growls.

  “I don’t know if I can fight her all by myself,” Toby admits.

  “You don’t have to. You’ve got a whole army of people fighting for you.”

  “Speaking of the Army, have you heard from your brother? I’ve been trying to call his cell phone, but nothing is happening. I’m starting to get worried. Jameson is always so good about returning my messages.”

  A feeling of dread settles in my stomach. “So, it’s not just me? None of you can reach Jameson?” I ask.

  Everyone in the room shakes their heads.

  Toby pulls away from his mom and sits at the breakfast bar. He buries his head in his hands. “What if Rapture was right and something happened to Jameson because I’m in contact with you guys?”

  �
��I’m sure there’s a logical explanation,” Bonnie asserts. “Maybe he’s working on something military related for Tristan Macklin. Some of those jobs are highly classified.”

  “I suppose so, but it’s weird for him to be out of contact with everyone. The guy is all about technology — I don’t think I’ve ever seen him without his cell phone in his hand,” I reply.

  We jump in surprise when the front door latch clicks with a loud metal scrape. Like a conquering hero straight out of a scene from a movie, Jameson strides through the door.

  For a moment, all of us just stare at Jameson as if he is some sort of apparition. As usual, my heart beats faster at the sight of him. After days of no contact, I am afraid to believe he’s real.

  “Sorry I’m late. I got here as fast as I could.” Jameson stacks his bags at the front door. He glances over at Toby. “Hey bro, I heard you were in town. Welcome home!”

  William slips in the front door with no one noticing until Bonnie says, “There are fresh chocolate chip cookies in the cookie jar. Help yourself, Will.”

  Will blushes. “Thanks Mrs. Payne. I’m always up for a homemade treat. I’ll never believe eating cookies before dinner ruins your appetite,” he responds with a wink.

  Toby clears his throat abruptly. “I hate to be the clingy little brother, but, Dude … a phone call would’ve been nice,” Toby says as he gives Jameson the teenage version of a guy hug.

  Jameson pulls a mangled phone from one pocket and a phone I’ve never seen from the other. “Would you believe I’ve got two phones and neither of them work? The airport screening device destroyed one of them, and I can’t get the other one to activate on my account. It’s lost somewhere in cyberspace and, even I can’t fix it.”

  “That explains so much,” I mutter, as I breathe a sigh of relief.

  Jameson puts his phones on the kitchen counter and ambles toward me. “It explains some things, but not nearly enough. You and I need to talk after the home-coming party.”