Heart Wish

by Mary Crawford

  The smile slides off my face. “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”

  As we wind our way up rough Forest Service roads, I’m filling the awkward silence between us with stories from Toby’s trip back to Oregon. “I don’t think anyone recognized us from the campaign to find Toby, but I did get some odd looks. He is too young to be my boyfriend but a little old to be my child. One guy in line actually muttered to himself, ‘Stupid cougars’. Of course, that meant I had to explain the term to Toby. He hadn’t heard it before. It’s hard to say which of us was more embarrassed.”

  “My little brother has grown up to be a handsome guy. Who knows? You might be tempted,” Jameson quips with a wink.

  I shake my head vigorously. “No thank you. One Payne brother is enough. To make matters worse, the ticket agent was gushing over his passport picture. I thought he was going to dissolve into a puddle of humiliation by the time she was done.”

  “Here’s a little secret about guys — we act all embarrassed when something like that happens, but inside we’re all puffed up like sage grouses.”

  “Toby didn’t look very puffed up to me. He looked miserable.”

  “Any problems getting through TSA?”

  “No! I was surprised that Tristan could help him get a passport so quickly.”

  “Truth be told, the way things go at Identity Bank, that was probably more Isaac’s doing. But I’m glad he was able to help out.”

  Jameson pulls into the parking lot at the Umpqua National Forest. I glance at my lightweight summer dress and sandals. “I’m not really dressed for a hike today,” I protest.

  “That’s okay, I’m just going to take you to Spirit Falls. It’s one of my favorite places. I always come here to think and to make important decisions. I want you here with me.”

  Jameson places his fingers through mine as he tucks me close to him. Together, we walk along the path to Spirit Falls. Finally, the silence begins to get to me. “Do you mean that? Do you want me in your life?”

  “I do,” Jameson proclaims squeezing my hand.

  “Honestly, some days I can’t tell.”

  “I know. I put you in a terrible situation, and I’m sorry. Instead of reaching out to you when I was feeling overwhelmed, I closed in on myself and tried to handle everything alone. As you know, that strategy didn’t work very well, and it caused you a lot of pain. That wasn’t my intention, but I still regret it.”

  “I’m going to try to make it easier for you. I’m looking around for another job. It won’t be right away because I promised Toby that I would see his case through until the end. We’ll have to see what happens once the media discovers that he has been found. Hopefully Tristan and I can mitigate the impact with our plan.”

  “You don’t have to leave Locate My Heart for me. In fact, I would be heartbroken if you did. I see what a great job you’re doing there every day. I wouldn’t want to rob another family of your skills and ability just because I regret my own choices. Toby has been found, and he is reunited with my family. I need to let the past go and move on with life.”

  “Move on with life?” I ask, my voice raising in pitch as bone-chilling fear hits me. “Does that mean going back to Florida and leaving me?”

  “No! This is the opposite of that conversation. I brought you out here to tell you I’ve made some monumental decisions in my life, and you are the reason I made them. I want to make sure you approve of what I’m doing, and that you will be by my side.”

  “This sounds a little frightening,” I quip as if it’s a joke, but even I’m not certain how much truth is in that little statement.

  Jameson leads me to a flat, moss-covered rock he takes off his coat and then his button-down shirt. He lays his shirt on the rock before motioning for me to sit down.

  Jameson straddles the rock and sits behind me as he cuddles me to his chest. “I’ve said a lot of things during our relationship that should’ve been left unsaid.”

  “I can’t argue with that,” I reply.

  “All this drama with Toby reminded me of something else too,” Jameson says as he runs his fingers through my hair. “There are a lot of things that I’ve left unsaid that I definitely should have told you.”

  My heart skips a beat or two. “Sounds ominous.”

  “I hope you don’t think so. I forgot to tell you the simple things.”

  I shiver. “Simple things?” I ask softly.

  I feel Jameson’s beard on the top of my head as he nods. “Yeah, the simple things like — I’m glad you’re in my life. I love you. I’m proud of you. I never want to leave you.”

  My heart gallops as I listen to Jameson say the words I love you. After the past few weeks, I wondered if I would ever hear them. But even as happiness surges within me, the practical voice in my brain insistently whispers questions.

  Hesitantly I ask, “How is that even going to work? You work in Florida, and I live in Oregon. Although, I guess I don’t have to live here. If I don’t work at Locate My Heart, I’m free to move.”

  “That’s the other thing — you don’t have to leave your job to protect me. I’m a big boy and I can cope. Those families need you.”

  “As relieved as I am to hear that, your reaction to my job is not the only reason I am planning to leave. I’ve been hiding behind the happy endings of other people for too long. I need to figure out how to move on after Quinn’s death and find my own happiness.”

  Jameson strokes my cheek. “This might be selfish of me, but I want you to find happiness with me. I love you, Kendall Kordes. You are my heart wish.”

  “My brother doesn’t know when to keep a private conversation private!” I exclaim as I roll my eyes. “I love you too — but I don’t understand how we’re going to make this work; we are on opposite ends of the country.”

  Jameson wraps his arms around me. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am to hear that. I was afraid I had wrecked everything. If you love me, we have a chance to work everything out. Tristan has offered me a dream job here. He wants me to set up a branch of Identity Bank on the West Coast. Before I do any formal work with him, I want to make sure that that’s what you want me to do.”

  “I’m not sure I’m in a position to tell you what to do about something so huge in your life,” I answer tentatively.

  Jameson spins me around in his arms and places my thighs over his so I’m facing him. “We’ve been dating for several months and the fact that you question your role in my life tells me I’ve been doing this relationship thing all wrong. I’ve been pushing you to the sidelines during times I should be treating you like my partner. I’m sorry I made you feel less than. I want to be different — if you’ll give me another chance.”

  I place my hands on Jamison’s shoulders. “It’s not really about giving you another chance. I’ve made mistakes too. This is about giving us a chance. As hopeless as things have seemed lately, I never gave up on the idea of us. As you’ve obviously heard from Will, you, Jameson Wesley Payne, are my heart wish. I can’t imagine life without you.”

  Jameson takes his baseball cap off and pretends to wipe the sweat off his forehead. “I was dreading this conversation. Your brother seemed to think I messed up beyond all belief and you might have given up on me.”

  “My little brother doesn’t know everything. I’ll be honest; there have been times I wasn’t sure where I stand with you. Sometimes, our relationship feels like a dramatic fairytale. When it’s good, it’s really great, and when it’s bad, it’s scary for my heart. It was all I could do not to call Tristan every day and ask him when you had to go back to work in Florida. I worried you might go and never come back.”

  “I won’t lie. This new position will require a lot of concentration and energy. I’ll be putting in tons of extra hours to get this up and running. I don’t just want to open Identity Bank here, I want to make it the kind of organization Tristan would be proud of.”

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less from you. I think Tristan made the perfect ch
oice. I understand things may be difficult for a while.” I lean forward and kiss Jameson thoroughly. “That’s what love is for. It seeps into the holes and cracks in our souls and replenishes our spirit when times are hard. As long as we’re together, we can handle anything.”

  Jameson pulls me close. “Together. That sounds like the best plan I’ve ever heard.”

  “A normal life filled with love is my heart wish. I never thought I’d be happy again,” I admit. “I love you so much.”

  Jameson brushes my hair out of my face. “When I first met you, I was prepared to hate you. But, you didn’t let me do that. Not only that, you didn’t let me hate myself for my flaws either. You helped me love the people in my life too and accept the people they had become. I had all but given up on my parents and the prospect of finding Toby alive and well. I never expected to fall in love with you. Kendall Kordes, you are the best thing to ever happen to me. At first, when Will explained heart wishes to me, I was confused, but now, it makes perfect sense to me. You are my heart wish and I can’t wait to spend forever with you.”

  As I hug Jameson tightly, I smile. My twin is on to something. A heart wish is a compelling force.

  EPILOGUE

  JAMESON

  I STAND BEHIND KENDALL AND wrap my arms around her as we sway with the music. Tasha and Jude are singing their latest hit for a huge benefit concert for Locate My Heart. My mom is beside herself because Tasha is wearing one of the sweaters she knitted. “Look at my mom. I never thought I would see her this happy again,” I shout into Kendall’s ear over the music.

  She nods. “I know! Isn’t it great? Your brother seems to be having a good time with Hayden too. Her amputation doesn’t seem to faze him. The two of them have been inseparable since they met.”

  “I was working on Tasha’s case through Identity Bank when she first met Hayden. Hayden has turned Tasha’s fan club into one of the most popular blog sites around. If I know my brother, I bet he is talking strategy with her.”

  Kendall shrugs. “If you say so, but I have a hunch there is a lot more going on than that.”

  Tasha and Jude finish up their set and leave the stage. I watch Toby and Hayden for a few more moments. I realize Kendall is right; my brother is flirting. Toby catches me staring at him, and he gives me an awkward wave as he blushes.

  “Toby has come a long way in a few months. He has turned his kidnapping into a message of online safety for other kids. It makes me happy to see him just be like a regular teenage boy for a change.”

  “It’s fun to see him come out of his shell. Things are still hard for him. He has a difficult time explaining to his classmates what he’s been through the last few years, but he has made some new friends at Lane Community College.”

  “He talks to you about this stuff?” I ask incredulously.

  “Well, we might’ve been in the middle of a marathon apple pie baking session when it came up. There are not a lot of things to do while you’re peeling apples other than talk. So, it works.”

  “You are not claiming enough credit. You really impressed Toby when you made all those pies and delivered them to the homeless shelters around here. I guess for a time Toby and Rapture were homeless, and they relied on shelters and food programs. He told me he felt a lot better knowing he wouldn’t be judged for doing that.”

  “Judge him? Never. Your brother’s actions were downright heroic. Every time I find out another horrific detail, I have to bite my tongue and not say anything. I’m afraid if I overreact, he’ll stop telling me what happened to him.”

  “At least Rapture Borges decided to plead guilty and save us all the trouble of a trial. It should help Toby move on. He doesn’t need to have his emotional scabs picked at by defense attorneys.”

  “I'm relieved too. Little by little, it seems like our lives are becoming normal for once.”

  Aidan O’Brien hops on stage and taps the mic stand and clears his throat. “Can I have everyone’s attention, please? Thank you also much for coming out to support Locate My Heart. There was a time in my life where the person I loved disappeared for several years. It was incredibly painful. I can’t imagine the anguish of having a lost child. So, I’m happy to support Locate My Heart as they help reunite families. Please help me welcome Colette Stephens, founder of Locate My Heart to the stage.”

  Colette looks embarrassed as the audience breaks out into thunderous applause. When the applause dies down, she addresses the crowd. “Thank you so much for being part of today and supporting Locate My Heart. You all have made this the most successful fundraising effort we have ever had. I am so grateful. When I started Locate My Heart, it was just a small dream. I wanted to help the families not have the same experience I had when my son was taken and killed. Through the generous efforts of people like you, Locate My Heart has grown exponentially and beyond all of my wildest dreams. I am pleased to announce today that I am stepping down from Locate My Heart.”

  A wave of sound goes through the crowd as people gasp and voice their protests.

  “No, wait. It’s a good thing. I have been at this for thirty-two years. I’m tired and stuck in my old technology. I have spent several months reviewing applications for the position of director of Locate My Heart. Being the director of a nonprofit agency is a challenge. It’s made even more difficult by the delicate nature of our mission. I hired the one person I knew had the heart, smarts, and passion to carry on my dream.”

  Kendall is holding as still as a statue in my arms as she listens to her supervisor. I wonder if she really doesn’t know what Colette is going to say. There’s no doubt in my mind that Kendall is the most qualified person to lead Locate My Heart. I am confident Colette made the right decision. However, Kendall seems less certain.

  Colette clears her throat and fights back tears before continuing. “In making my choice, I worried about whether Locate My Heart was going to be a burden to the next director. The job can be all-consuming and throw off the balance of your life. Over the past year and a half, I watched with pride and happiness as the new director fell in love and found another person who is as passionate about life as she is. I’m sure Kendall Kordes will be able to find the proper balance and lead Locate My Heart for years to come.”

  Kendall melts into me a little more as she whispers, “I thought this might happen, but I was afraid to hope.”

  Colette puts her hand up to shield her eyes from the stage lights. “Kendall, are you here? Come on up on stage and introduce yourself.”

  Kendall nervously straightens her skirt as another thunderous round of applause fills the venue. She steps up to the mic. “Thank you so much, Colette. I hope I can step into your shoes and do the legacy of Locate My Heart justice. When I started as a college intern all those years ago, I never dreamed I would one day be the director. You’ve given me so many opportunities and chances to succeed. I am so grateful. I’m thankful to the families who have trusted Locate My Heart to help you find your children. We take pride in treating every missing child we represent as the most important. We’ve had some wonderful victories recently and hope to continue the trend in the years to come.” Kendall stops to take a drink of water. “Most of all, I would like to thank the public for supporting us financially and sharing all of our missing children posts. If it were not for you, our efforts would be much less successful. Thank you.”

  Kendall steps back from the mic, expecting Colette to resume her speech. Instead, Bethany and Naomi enter from the other side of the stage. Bethany makes her way over to the microphone stopping briefly to hug Kendall. “I know you all want to get back to the business of having a great party. I promise my speech won’t be long — but I wanted to share with you all how much Kendall Kordes means to my family and me. With her help, we were able to find Asher alive and well. Now that he’s been home several months, he’s thriving beyond our wildest expectations.”

  Bethany grips Naomi’s hand as she announces, “I feel like I’m amongst friends here and the news I’m about to give you
will soon go viral. You guys are the first people in the entire country to know.”

  An excited buzz goes through the crowd as they look at each other trying to figure out what Bethany might be announcing.

  Naomi Fitzgerald stands nervously in front of the microphone. “Many of you know me from online stories and other media coverage. Some of you might have formed opinions of me based on what my aunt did. The one person who didn’t is Bethany Livingston. She not only didn’t judge me, but she also offered to be a surrogate mother for me. Her act of generosity was made possible by the efforts of Locate My Heart, and I will be forever grateful. Despite all the crazy circumstances that led to us meeting, I have to believe there was a bigger purpose. I’m happy to announce that Bethany Livingston is pregnant with our child and she is giving me a chance at motherhood I’ve never had before. I am so grateful to the Livingston’s and Kendall Kordes for all of their help to make my dreams come true.”

  Naomi and Bethany leave the stage as the room erupts in cheers.

  Kendall’s eyes are teary as she steps back up to the mic. “Isn’t that wonderful? What started out as a story of love lost has been completely transformed into a story of hope, determination, friendship and family. With all of your help here tonight, Locate My Heart can continue to have happy reunions like the Livingston family. Thank you so much for your support and donations.”

  Kendall backs up as Colette returns to the stage. “Perhaps I should’ve mentioned this before I gave you the job, but the job of director just got more complicated.”

  “What do you mean?” whispers Kendall, but Aidan’s high-quality microphones pick up every word.

  “Locate My Heart received an anonymous donation tonight. It is enough to move us to a new facility. It’ll be nice to have offices and an air-conditioning system that works. We’ll be able to add staff and expand our services. It will be quite the challenge, but I have no doubt you will rise to the occasion.”