Me & My Invisible Guy

by Sarah Jeffrey

  “When can you cheer again?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. Hopefully not too long.”

  “It’ll be a nice break, won’t it?”

  “No. I don’t want a break. I love cheering. I’ve done it forever. It’s who I am.”

  “You’re way more than that,” he said. “Besides, we get to spend more time together.” He stopped skating, and I rolled right into his arms. Suddenly, we could hear the guitar on the other side of the rink launch into a long solo that drew Liam’s full attention.

  “They asked me to join the band weeks ago,” he said, watching them.

  “You said no?”

  “My dad would never understand. He’s already upset about the college stuff, you…”

  “Me?”

  “Everything is a distraction until I choose army, navy, marines, or air force.” He brushed the hair from my face. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Liam took me home, and I was still thinking about the news that his dad saw me as a distraction. Liam’s assurances did little to ease my worry.

  I was going to bring up the topic again until I saw a woman getting out of a parked car. She started walking toward me, but she didn’t look familiar. This woman was young, perfectly manicured, and wearing an azure business suit that looked completely out of place in our neighborhood.

  Liam shut off the engine and was at my side.

  “Hi, you’re Mallory Dane, right?”

  I nodded.

  “I’m Christi Rea with Channel Four. I was interested in the piece that ran in The Falcon’s Nest this morning.”

  “It’s just a school paper,” Liam said.

  “Yes, but I’m working on a feature about sex in high schools and wanted to get your perspective on the situation.”

  I glanced around, and as if she could read my mind, she added, “I don’t have my cameraman with me, but I would like to interview you for a segment, if you’ll agree to it.”

  I looked up at Liam, who had his arm protectively around me. “You can say no,” he said.

  I heard the door open and close behind me, and turned to see Darby coming outside barefoot, picking her way across the grass to where we were standing.

  “What’s going on? Are you okay, Mallory?” Darby walked up and stood beside me. “Who are you?”

  The woman repeated what she had told me.

  “And why would Channel Four be interested in some high school story?” Darby crossed her arms and gave the woman a look that said Convince me.

  The woman sighed and flipped open a notebook. “Stieff and Reiden just completed a study that said despite the trend of movies and books that feature teens as sexually active, current data tells them that teen sexual activity is on the decline. North County High invited an abstinence speaker to its homecoming lineup and then this.” She held up one of the school papers. “It’s unusual to see someone like you, by all respects a popular cheerleader, taking such a stand for abstinence.”

  “I’m not taking a stand on anything. That locker thing—it wasn’t my idea. And that article—I was just defending myself.”

  “So why not share your story on a bigger level? Tell people why you chose to stay a virgin despite the pressures of high school.” The woman stood there waiting.

  I looked over at Darby because, without sharing her story, I could only tell part of mine, anyway. And Darby had grown very quiet. She looked back at me, but I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. And I was keenly aware of Liam standing next to me as we spoke about sex.

  Finally Darby spoke up. “Miss Rea. My sister and I need to talk about this. Is there a place we can call you?”

  The woman whipped out a card. “My cell number is on there. Could you let me know either way sometime today?” She left, and the three of us just stood there looking at one another.

  “Well, I guess you two need to talk. I’ll call you later.” Liam squeezed my hand and left. I followed Darby back into the house.

  “So what do you want to do?” she asked.

  “Nothing,” I said, shaking my head. “Things are hard enough at school.”

  Darby stared at the card, biting her lip. “I don’t know, Mal. I kind of think we should do it.”

  “We?”

  “Yes. We.”

  I dropped my bag by the stairs and followed Darby to the living room. “You’re not serious, are you?’

  Darby kept staring at the card and nodding. “Yes, I’m very serious.”

  I wasn’t interested in doing any of it, but Darby seemed more determined than she had ever been. Eventually, I gave in. Darby handled calling back Christi and setting up the interview, and she was the one who told Mom and Dad what we were doing.

  To say Mom was livid was an understatement. She slammed around the kitchen as if mere noise could reverse the trajectory of our lives.

  “Why would you do that Darby?” Slam! “I can’t even imagine what you think you’ll get out of it.” Slam!

  I had never seen Mom so frantic. Even after Darby’s suicide attempt, she was hyperfocused on not disturbing the atmosphere in any way, so slamming cabinets wasn’t an option. But the idea that Darby would tell her story on television had unleashed something in my mother that was slightly terrifying.

  Darby, on the other hand, was the picture of serenity. It was like watching two people you thought you knew reveal themselves to be the exact opposite.

  Darby sat on a stool, a countertop separating them. “It’s not what I’ll get. It’s about giving something. I didn’t know until just yesterday that my fiasco kept Mallory from having sex. Think about it. It could keep other girls from doing what I did. From making my mistakes.”

  “Other girls are not your responsibility! It’s no one’s business. No one needs to hear about this.” Mom moved to the counter and switched to a pleading tone. “Darling, please. Think about this. You can just move on, forget all of that ever happened. Why dredge it up?” Mom was close to tears.

  “Because it did happen. And this amazing opportunity could help others. God can take something that nearly destroyed me and turn it into something good.”

  Pleading Mom switched into Angry Mom. “God? That’s why you’re doing this?”

  “Yes. For the first time in so long, I feel like I can see things clearly. I think this is what I’m supposed to do.”

  “You need to think for yourself. That church isn’t going to pay the price—you are.” Mom started throwing dishes into the dishwasher, making it rattle.

  “I am paying the price, every day. That’s why I don’t want anyone to go through what I’ve been through. There’s another way.”

  “And what about the rest of us? You’re going to drag us all through the mud!”

  “I’m not dragging anyone through the mud. They were my mistakes. Not yours.”

  Mom grew very still, her face turned away.

  A long minute later, Dad cleared his throat, making us all turn.

  He didn’t say anything, but he slowly walked toward Mom and wrapped his arms around her. In one swift second she melted into him, pressing her face into his shoulder. Darby got up and put her arm around my shoulder.

  “I’m so scared.” Mom’s muffled words came from Dad’s shoulder, but then she looked up at Darby, the tears falling freely. “I don’t want you to get hurt. I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

  Darby rushed to her, dragging me along, and joined in the hug. “You’re not going to lose me, Mom. I promise. It won’t ever happen again.”

  We held one another for a long time. I hadn’t said a word, but I felt as if more had been accomplished in that one conversation than in all the conversations in the past year.

  The news crew—well, Christi Rea and a cameraman and some guy with a bunch of lights—arrived at our house and set up everything in our living room. It wasn’t live. They were taping it and would edit it with the rest of the program.

  I was scared spitless. Literally. I couldn’t make myself swallow, much less pro
duce sound. I sat like a statue in the corner trying to calm down as they checked and rechecked everything.

  Dad had put his foot down with Mom and insisted that we support Darby if this was what she wanted. Yet another family shift. He was with Mom in the kitchen, but I knew he’d disappear once the taping started. He didn’t have the stomach, thank goodness, to sit around and watch us discuss sex with a bunch of strangers. Actually, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be speaking at all.

  Darby looked calm and cool. She had already talked it out with Brian at lunch, and things had gone really well. I watched the camera guy clip a tiny microphone to Darby. She was amazing, and looked as if she had done this a hundred times before.

  I slipped out onto the back porch and called Tess.

  She was there within five minutes.

  They were packed up and gone by eight. I seriously couldn’t remember a thing I’d said. Tess and I went up to my room after it was all over.

  “Was I a blathering idiot?” I asked her for the tenth time.

  “No!” Tess flopped onto my bed. “But you didn’t say much. You kept staring at the camera like it might grow teeth and eat you.” Tess laughed, and I threw a pillow at her head.

  “So I looked like an idiot? That’s so much better.”

  “Trust me, no one but me would know. You did fine. Darby, though, was awesome. She’s my new hero. I cannot believe she said all of that. Out loud.”

  “I know.”

  “You never answered the reporter’s question,” Tess said. “About it being kind of hard to have sex with someone who doesn’t exist? She’s right, you know. Everyone’s going to wonder what you’ll do now that you’ve got a real guy.”

  “It’s nobody’s business what I decide to do.”

  Tess laughed out loud. “Like that even matters.”

  “I mean, at least for me, nothing has changed at all. I still don’t want to take the risk.”

  “Well, I don’t think Liam will be pressuring you. You two are cute together. Makes me want to ralph.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “I’m just saying you’d better be careful. I mean, you’re going crazy public with your chastity. Everyone will be watching.”

  Which made me want to ralph.

  CHAPTER 20

  And, boy, was Tess right. The newscast wasn’t going to air until Friday night, but every day of school was more torture. On Thursday they announced the nominations for homecoming queen, and even though it was only for seniors, someone thought it would be funny to make a fancy sash and write THE VIRGIN QUEEN on it and hang it on my locker. On Friday I found a list of suggested male candidates for getting rid of my title. Even less funny than the sash.

  My salvation was Liam and Tess. I always had someone to walk with in the hallways and to eat lunch with. It was enough to keep me afloat. Otherwise I might have hid in my room permanently.

  None of it made any sense to me, though.

  When I told that to Tess, she said, “It’s high school, Mal. It’s not supposed to be logical.”

  “Yeah, but who cares. Why does it even matter?”

  Tess pointed a stalk of celery at me. “It’s because of who you are. You defy the system.”

  “But I’m not the only one.” I shoved my food away, crossed my arms, and pouted. I felt as if I was entitled to a good pout.

  Tess put the celery down and brushed her hands together. “Okay, here’s my theory. Sex is one of those things that everyone thinks everyone else is doing. Whether they’ve done it or not, they feel like they ought to be knowledgeable about it and at least pretend they know what they’re talking about. The only people who get all ‘Be pure’ are the religious nuts—no offense, Liam—and since you’re not one of them, Mallory, and you still don’t want to have sex, well, you make no sense. You’re an unknown category, and in the jungles of high school, my friend, that puts a death target on your back.” Tess shrugged and took a bite of her salad.

  “You think I’m a religious nut?” Liam asked.

  Tess rolled her eyes. “Duh.”

  Liam screwed up his mouth and put his chin in his hand. “And here I was trying so hard not to be a nutcase.”

  “You can’t help who you are,” Tess said. “As for you, ride it out. People will forget all about it by the time we’re seniors. Probably.”

  I groaned, and Liam took my hand in his. It felt warm and nice and made me almost forget everything that was happening.

  For a total of two seconds. Then a group of skaters came by and suggested I come hang out with them in the parking lot to get a real education.

  Tess yelled “Losers” at their backs, but I was too tired. Too tired to be strong or brave or anything at all.

  I just wanted it to be over.

  I couldn’t watch the broadcast even if I had wanted to—which I didn’t. Tess picked me up for the home game that night. Besides being freaked about the show, I was completely bummed about going to a game and not wearing my uniform. Tess seemed to think it was no big deal and that Tara would relent, so she kept chattering about the fund-raiser. I really tried to listen. The broadcast was set to air on the six-o’clock news. The game started at seven, so people would have the chance to see it before the game started.

  “What if they make me sound like a nut?” I asked.

  “Good grief, girl, you didn’t say enough to sound like anything. Darby will get the airtime. And besides, who watches the news, anyway?”

  “The smart kids.”

  “Well, they’re probably all virgins, too. Except Cammie Herst, of course, thanks to Alex the jerk. I still can’t believe him.” Tess slammed the car into park. Before she jumped out she turned and looked at me. “Are you really sure about this whole thing? You don’t have to be at the game. Have Liam take you to a dark movie theater where no one will recognize you.”

  I reassured her that I’d be fine, and she left to get ready. I knew if I just quit talking about it, it would go away and I could move on. But it all felt important somehow. As if doing this had bigger implications. I had taken a stand—a reluctant one—and I wasn’t going to hide from it. I wasn’t going to pretend anymore. About anything.

  I went looking for Liam, who I found waiting with a Dr Pepper. He patted the seat beside him. “At least we’ll get to sit together.”

  “As much as I like being with you, I’d still rather be down there cheering.”

  Liam picked up his phone, looked at the screen, and shoved it into his pocket.

  “Was it a text about me?”

  Liam didn’t say yes, but his face told me. “What are they saying?”

  “Everything from ‘Way to go’ to suggestions on how to get you in bed.”

  I cringed.

  “You asked,” he said. “Are you getting them, too?”

  “I turned off my phone and left it at home,” I said.

  “That was probably smart.”

  I looked out at the field. It was so different from the bleachers. Instead of being up front, I was just one of hundreds. And despite wanting to be cheering and dancing, I got into the game with Liam and had fun telling him about who was on the team and which numbers they wore.

  At halftime we stood in line at the concession stand and ran into Samantha Morgan.

  “Hey! I saw the broadcast tonight. Nice job,” she said.

  “I didn’t watch it.”

  “You’re not cheering anymore?”

  I filled her in on my suspension as we moved up in line.

  “Aren’t you the one who designs the pep rally flyers and banners?

  “Yeah.”

  “If you’re not cheering right now, do you think you could help me with something?” Samantha told us how she’s been trying to figure out a way to make the newspaper more interesting and wants to redesign it. But no one on the staff actually knew how to drastically change the templates they were using. “Do you know how to do that stuff?”

  “Yeah, but I’m not an expert or anything.”

 
“Could you come to the newspaper office Monday after school and take a look at them? Please?”

  I agreed. But in the back of my head I was thinking that the plan didn’t make a lot of sense, anyway. No one read the paper because it was still a physical piece of paper that you had to pick up. If she wanted people to read it, online was really the way to go.

  Liam was oddly excited about it. “That would be so great if you could do it. Great college app stuff.”

  “I didn’t say I was going to do anything. I just said I’d look at their templates.”

  We ordered our food and began heading back to the bleachers.

  “But you never know. It might be the perfect thing for you to do.”

  “I don’t have time for anything else besides cheering.”

  “Maybe that’s what’s great about it.”

  We sat down as the band was marching off the field. Liam got a phone call and left to go answer it, gesturing that he’d be right back. But as I watched him go, he looked upset. When he closed his phone, he leaned on the railing for several minutes before he came back to his seat.

  “Everything okay?”

  Liam sat down on the very edge of the bleacher.

  “Mall, I hate to do this, but I’ve got to go home.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “My dad. He got a call from my OSO. It didn’t go well.”

  “Your OS what?”

  “The recruitment guy who’s been helping me with college applications and everything else. I guess I let on that I wasn’t exactly sure about what I want to do.”

  “Oh. But that’s good, right?”

  Liam shrugged. “I’ve got to go home. He’s got my mom all upset.”

  “Okay. Call me later?”

  “Yeah.” He kissed me on the cheek in a distracted way and hurried off. I wished I could help him somehow. I hadn’t met his parents yet, and the little I’d heard about his dad made me scared of him. That got me wondering what my “role” was here. Was I Liam’s girlfriend? We acted like a couple, but neither of us had used the words girlfriend or boyfriend.