A Reason To Live (Reason #3)

by CP Smith

  “Now the claws come out,” Shane sighed.

  “Even kittens have claws when they need them,” Mia responded.

  “Kitten? I’m no kitten,” I defended.

  “No, you’re not. You’re more like a minx,” Shane stated, opening his truck door. “Soft and sweet looking until you bite.”

  “I have claws,” I muttered. “Big scary ones,” I complained.

  “Inside, Sage,” Shane ordered yet again.

  I rolled my eyes, almost stuck out my tongue, and started to turn toward the door. Then I realized he was bossing me around again, and I stopped dead in my tracks.

  “You know, I don’t need you ordering me around.”

  Shane didn’t reply. He crossed his arms and stared daggers until I threw my hands in the air and headed for the door.

  “He better get his shit together soon,” I mumbled under my breath. “If a man’s gonna order me around, I should at least be getting something in return for my trouble. Like an orgasm . . . or twenty.”

  ***

  “So tell me what’s actually going on with Shane?” Mia asked, looking over her shoulder at where Shane, Max, and Chester were standing. Apparently, I did need an escort to go to the carnival.

  Licking cotton candy off my fingertips, I looked back at Shane and scowled.

  “Hot and cold,” I replied. “He can’t get past the fact I’m Emma’s sister.”

  “And the hot part?” she asked, wiggling her brows.

  “He’s kissed me.”

  “And?”

  “There were fireworks and my knees gave out.”

  “Good kiss.”

  “Great kiss,” I agreed. “But this guilt he’s hanging on to is stopping him.”

  “And if he weren’t?”

  “If he weren’t, what?”

  “If he weren’t, would you be open to seeing where things went?”

  I pointed to a bench that was vacant, and we moved to it and sat down. Then I turned to her and took a deep breath. I wasn’t ashamed of my past abuse; it just took a lot out of me when I brought it up. However, it was about time I shared it with someone here.

  “I’m not the type of woman who falls into relationships quickly,” I explained. “I have trust issues because my stepfather was abusive.”

  Mia’s mouth dropped open when she heard this, and she asked, “He didn’t, you know—”

  “No! But he was verbally and physically abusive.”

  “Bastard,” she mumbled, her eyes sparking with fire at the news.

  “Yeah, very much so. And because of him, I don’t trust men easily. Emma and I learned early how to spot an abusive man; it’s one of the reasons I’m successful with the kids I counsel.”

  “Because you were one of those kids?” she asked.

  “Exactly. And because of the abuse. I was twenty-seven before I trusted a man enough to have a relationship, and even then I chose poorly. He never laid a hand on me, but then I knew he wouldn’t. He was weak, not dangerous.” I explained. “But I thought I needed a man who was easily controlled to avoid a man who might abuse me.” I shrugged, then shook my head and snickered at how foolish I’d been. “I won’t soon make that mistake again.”

  “So where does Shane fall on your radar?”

  “Shane?” I tilted my head and thought about the list I’d made all those years ago. “You know, I made a list of qualities I wanted in a man when I was a teenager. For obvious reasons the list was specific, and the shoes impossible to fill. But even though I knew such a man didn’t exist, I still prayed he’d find me someday.”

  “How does Shane hold up against that list?”

  “He fits them all.”

  I hadn’t realized Shane matched the list until that moment, but it was true. He fit my dream man to a T.

  “Holy cow . . . So does that mean you’d be willing to live in a place like Trails End for a man like Shane?”

  I looked around at the carnival, across the crystal water to the mountains beyond, and then thought about the people I’d met in the three days since I’d arrived. “I could think of worse places to live,” I stated, smiling.

  “It is kind of Pleasantville-ish, isn’t it?”

  “In a Mayberry, USA, kind of way,” I agreed.

  “So what are your thoughts on Shane? Do you think he can overcome this guilt he’s carrying around?”

  “Sure. I’m just not sure if he can ever look at me without seeing my sister. He’s dealing with PTSD, though Max thinks it’s not his biggest problem. He may be right since PSTD isn’t my area of expertise. If I were at home, I would consult with professionals who have experience dealing with combat soldiers returning from war. Though, I do know conventional therapy with ex-military seems to fail.”

  “Does anything work?”

  “I read animal therapy seems to help.”

  “Like training dogs?”

  “Dogs, horses, wolves. Animals seem to have an innate sense when a person is hurting. They bond with the veterans and give unconditional love. Something about that appears to help them readjust to civilian life.”

  “What about bears?” she mumbled, her brows pulled together in thought.

  “No idea. I suppose if a bear were tame enough, it could happen.”

  A smile pulled across her beautiful face.

  “Oh, he’s tame,” she grinned.

  “Are you thinking of having Shane take care of one of your bears?”

  “He already does. He and Booboo are thick as thieves.”

  “Maybe that’s why he’s not as lost to the PTSD as others. He’s been getting therapy all along and he didn’t even know it.”

  “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

  “Then encourage him to continue working with the bear.”

  “I definitely will. Shane is Max’s closest friend, and since they’re technically related I—”

  “Wait, Shane and Max are related?”

  “Distantly. So distantly, they don’t bring it up. I only found out myself when I addressed the wedding invitations. Shane’s grandmother and Max’s grandfather were cousins on his father’s side. They share the same great-great-great-great grandparents. Though, I think everyone in this town is related by degrees since they don’t tend to move away. But enough Hunter blood runs through Shane’s veins that he and Max seem cut from the same cloth. They’re more like brothers than fourth cousins. And because of that bond, I want to see him happy. Since he came home, he hasn’t been living, more like existing. He jumps from job to job and helps anyone who asks, refusing to be paid most of the time. If it weren’t for the fact he saved every penny he could while he was enlisted, I don’t know how he would survive.”

  “He’s doing penance,” I mumbled.

  “Penance?”

  “Working for whoever needs help without being paid. It’s kinda like those who think you can get into heaven by doing good deeds. He must think if he lives his life in a selfless manner, then he might be forgiven.”

  “Does that ever work?”

  “It’s a short-term bandage. Eventually, he’ll crash.”

  “Well, what can we do to help?” she rushed out, her love for her friend clear on her face.

  “All you can do is support him. Listen when he wants to talk. Until he’s ready to make a change, he won’t move forward.”

  Mia slumped back on the bench and sighed. “Now I’m depressed,” she stated, looking back at Shane and Max. “I think it’s time for a distraction. Ready for the Ferris Wheel?”

  Turning, I looked back at the slow-turning wheel and nodded. As we stood to make our way to stand in line, I heard a child cry out. Turning my head to the left, I caught a large man bent at the waist with his hand wrapped tightly around a boy’s arm, the other hand buried in his hair, tugging his head back.

  Few things in this life cause me to react quickly. I’m usually guarded and weigh my options, but seeing the frightened look on the child’s face and the rough hold the man had on him, I reacted immediately.


  One moment I was twenty feet away, the next I was grabbing his arm, pulling him off the child while Mia shouted behind me. The man was drunk and he stumbled as I shoved him back. His glassy eyes met mine when he recovered, and he leered. Then he swung at my head as the boy took off. I ducked easily. Five years in self-defense classes taught me how to react quickly. When he righted himself and started to swing again, I landed a heel to his instep followed by a knee to the groin. He went down on one knee, grunting as he went, but it didn’t take him all the way down like I thought it would. His head shot up and he leveled me with a scowl. He looked furious. So much so, I tried to take a step back out of his reach, but I wasn’t fast enough. He lunged, taking me to the ground, and then cocked his fist. He weighed a ton, and I wasn’t able to dislodge him, so I closed my eyes and turned my head, waiting for the blow that never came.

  He was airborne and on his back before I could take another breath. When I opened my eyes and turned my head, I found Shane standing over the man, ready to throw a punch.

  “Shane, don’t!” I shouted.

  Chester moved in quickly and restrained the drunk man while Max grabbed Shane’s arm to hold him back. Shane scowled at him, then turned around and looked at me, shrugging off Max’s hand as he reached out to help me up. Once I stood, he scanned my body from head to toe and then leveled his scowl at me and seethed, “I should put you over my knee. Jesus, woman, what did you think would happen when you took on a drunk man?”

  “I didn’t think that far out, Shane,” I admitted. “I just knew I couldn’t stand by and let him hurt that boy.”

  Max and Mia walked up before Shane could continue, and he bit his bottom lip while he glared.

  “Nice knee to the groin,” Mia said. “I have the knee part down, but the foot to his instep coupled with the knee was a thing of beauty. Could you teach me?”

  Max turned and looked at his wife with a look that said Mia was nuts, then he grumbled, “You don’t need to know how to take down a two-hundred-pound man.”

  “True, but I might want to take down an arrogant husband.”

  Mia smiled innocently at Max.

  Max’s eyes shot to me and they narrowed, then he turned to Shane and crossed his arms.

  “Don’t say a word,” Shane ordered at Max.

  “I got nothin’ to say that I haven’t said already . . . Except, misery loves company.”

  Misery loves company?

  Ignoring Max, Shane leaned down and grabbed my bag, mumbling, “Five-foot-nothin’, weighs nothin’, but she charges in like an invading army.”

  “I was trying to save a boy from abuse,” I sighed, snatching my bag from him.

  “Look around you, babe, there are hundreds of men here you could have asked for help,” he snapped between clenched teeth, his arm sweeping the entirety of the carnival.

  “That may be true, but I learned a long time ago not to depend on men for anything. Every one of them has let me down.”

  Shane’s head jerked back as if he’d been hit, and the fire in his eyes burned brighter. “I’m not like other men,” he hissed.

  My mouth snapped shut because he was right. He wasn’t like the other men in my life. “I know you aren’t,” I whispered contritely.

  His fire banked to a low simmer at my apology. “You should have asked for my help instead of going off half-cocked. You could have been hurt or worse.”

  He made me feel like a child, making my temper flare. “Well, I didn’t ask you because I’m not your problem.”

  “The minute you drove into this town lookin’ for me is the minute you became my problem.”

  Hearing that, I thought my head might explode. He’s hot, then he’s cold, he’s distant, then in my face. I was done with his mood swings. Broken or not, he didn’t have a right to order me around. No one did.

  “Really? Well, you’ve made it clear since I arrived you wanted me gone, that I should forget about you. So you’ll be over the moon to know I’m letting you off the hook.”

  Mia giggled at that point and turned to Max.

  “Remember this part?”

  “Yeah,” Max grinned. “Foreplay.”

  I scowled at them both and they smiled. Then I turned to Shane. “Since nothing can happen between us as you said, you steer clear of me and I’ll steer clear of you. Does that work for you?”

  “Not in the fuckin’ least,” he replied, crossing his arms.

  “You’re a smart guy, you’ll adjust.”

  “Sage?” Chester called out so I turned and headed toward him, more than done with Shane at that moment.

  The man who’d attacked the little boy and me was being ushered away in handcuffs. He glared over his shoulder at me as he fought the handcuffs, but I ignored him.

  “Do you know that man?” I asked Chester.

  “Yeah, his name is Roger Brown. He gets mean when he’s been drinking. We took his son to a squad and contacted his mother. I’m chargin’ him with resisting arrest, public intoxication, and assault.”

  “Chester, if he’s willing to manhandle his son in public, I can only imagine what he’s doing behind closed doors.”

  “Agreed. I’ll have one of my men look into it. If we need assistance with the boy, do you have time in your schedule?”

  “I’m leaving Friday on a rafting trip, but I’m available until then. Just call if I can help.”

  “Sounds good,” Chester answered, then reached out and squeezed my hand before he turned and headed toward the parking lot.

  When I turned back toward Shane, I caught him scowling after Chester. Then he leveled his oh so unhappy frown on me. The urge to stick out my tongue was strong, but I held it back.

  “I think what we need is a distraction,” Mia said as she walked up to me.

  “Ferris Wheel?”

  “House of Mirrors, I think. Come on.” Mia grabbed my hand and dragged me toward the building. I shot Shane a look of scorn as we walked away, but he upped the ante and won the stare-off when a twitch developed in his right eye.

  “Asshole,” I mumbled.

  “How’s that list looking right about now?” Mia asked as we paid the ticket vendor.

  “Like a stupid teenage girl wrote it and didn’t have a clue.”

  “Give it time, you’ll change your mind,” she giggled as we walked into the House of Mirrors.

  “Probably,” I sighed. “But the way I’m feeling right now, if I could find someplace else to hide while my stalker cooled his heels, I’d go. Oh, well, at least I have a job to take my mind off Shane. I can’t wait to go rafting this weekend.”

  We stopped in front of a mirror that distorted our heads and Mia said, “I’ve always wanted to learn. Is it hard?” as she made a face.

  “I didn’t think so. But I’m sure when you’re in grade five rapids, it’s a different story.”

  We moved around the corner and found a maze. Turn one way, and you find a dead end; turn the other, and you find your way out. In the center was a circle of mirrors that distorted our body image. We moved to each one and laughed. In one, our already generous breasts looked ginormous and Mia giggled, “Max would love that.”

  “How do you like being married?”

  “Most days, it’s paradise.”

  “And the others?”

  “I understand why Maxine sleeps with an ax under her pillow,” she deadpanned.

  “Wait, she actually sleeps with an ax under her pillow?”

  “Oh, yeah. Max said she used his dad for target practice. I think she had the right idea.”

  A group of people moved in behind us so we turned the corner.

  “Left or right?” I asked.

  “You go left and I’ll go right and we’ll see who gets stuck.”

  “Sounds good,” I laughed, then turned left and made my way around the corner. More mirrors reflected my image as I turned and then turned again. One mirror made me look like the five-hundred-pound woman at the carnival, so I puffed out my cheeks and turned sideway
s to see what a big butt would look like on me. As I checked out my ass, out of the corner of my eye I saw movement and looked up. I caught what I thought was a man wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap watching me. He ducked back into the shadows, and the hair on the back of my neck began to rise.

  “Mia?” I shouted, hoping she was close, feeling alone and vulnerable.

  She didn’t respond, so I kept moving forward, afraid to go back. But I came to a dead end. “Shit.”

  Turning around, I made my way back the way I came, peeking around corners to make sure the mysterious man wasn’t waiting to attack. As I turned the next corner, I shouted, “Mia?” again. I paused to see if she’d answer, but got no reply. When I turned the next corner, the lights went out and I froze. I could hear other people in the maze moving around, their startled screams bouncing off the walls. My heart began to race. Was I just being paranoid or did I actually see a man watching me?

  Reaching out, I put my hand to the wall and began moving forward. I took another turn and bumped into a solid wall, then backed up. “Turn the lights back on,” I shouted. Someone bumped into me and I screamed. A male voice whispered, “Sorry,” and I panicked.

  “Who’s there?” I asked, putting my hands out. I found dead air. “Is someone there?” I whispered.

  When I received no answer, I began moving forward again. I needed out of this place. “Mia?” I shouted for the third time.

  “Sage?” she finally shouted back, and the glow of a cell phone broke the inky darkness.

  “Thank God,” I mumbled and took off in the direction of the light. As I made my way closer, I was bumped from behind and knocked to my knees. I screamed out as I went down, and Mia came running toward me, shouting, “Watch it, buddy,” as a man pushed past her.

  “You okay?” she asked, putting out her hand.

  “Yeah. Just freaked out by the dark.”

  “Me, too. Let’s get out of here.”

  We clung to each other as she used her light to guide the way. When we rounded what I hoped was the last corner, we both came to a screeching halt and cried out when her phone illuminated a scowling Max and Shane.

  “You okay?” Max asked, taking hold of her outstretched hand.