Scars and Songs (Mad World)

by Christine Zolendz

  Lea busied herself getting whatever she needed, yanking open drawers and slamming closets, hooting whenever she found things we could use.

  Grace still sat at the table as if she was waiting for me to tell her I knew whatever it was I almost walked in on. She looked like a frightened little girl and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her and take her fear away. Shit, this was getting worse.

  I leaned back against the counter and folded my arms. “You look like you are terrified. I really didnʼt hear anything else you and Lea were talking about, so please take that sad horrified look off that beautiful face,” I said.

  Grace didnʼt move and didnʼt even acknowledge my comment. I only walked out because Lea came back in asking us what we wanted on our pizza, because she was going to order a few pies. If Lea hadnʼt come in, I could have just stayed there all night looking at those soulful eyes as they looked right back into mine. I had no idea what Grace saw in mine, but I couldnʼt help but hope she looked past Shane and saw the real me.

  We ended up lying around the living room designing posters to hang in the bars in the area explaining our predicament. We had a large following in the New York City area, so I was betting that Connerʼs idea was going to be a great one.

  Each of us sat around a giant poster board and colored in letters while eating pizza on paper plates. A comfortable silence hung in the air and just the soft sounds of markers on paper could be heard. The strong stench of permanent ink stained the air.

  I repeatedly snuck glances at Grace as she lay on her stomach and colored her poster. Her legs bent at the knee and she lifted her teddy bear slipper clad feet into the air. She caught me watching her once and her cheeks burned crimson; I could only wonder what her thoughts were of me that she blushed so deeply. Whatever it was, just the thought of her mind on me made my heart sputter in my chest.

  She scanned the rest of the room and giggled. “Does anyone else feel like a five year old on a play date?”

  Alex chuckled and yelled, “We always act like weʼre five years old, I mean Brayden even picks his nose and eats it.”

  Choking on a mouthful of pizza, Brayden shouted, “Yeah, well, Alex has the cooties!”

  “So we look like five years old, huh?” Ethan barreled over to Grace. He wrapped his arm around her and held her in a headlock, giving her nuggies on the top of her head.

  Grace screamed when he grabbed her. She dropped to the floor on one knee and easily got out of his hold, which surprised the crap out of me. It was ninja quick like she was skillfully trained in the art of self-defense; even Ethan’s facial features expressed surprise at her escape. She bolted out of his reach and grabbed her open water bottle. Her lips curled up in that sexy devilish way and she ran back at Ethan. The look of complete shock was on his face as she dumped the entire bottle over his head.

  Conner and Lea went after each other with their water bottles. Brayden jumped up on the table, pulled his jeans down and mooned everyone. I really could have done without seeing his skinny white ass shaking in my face.

  I held my open water bottle and watched Grace until she noticed me looking at her. She noticed my bottle first, and then looked at my eyes, back to my open water bottle and to my eyes again. She bit her bottom lip. I could swear to hide a bigger smile from coming out. Then she ran.

  Alex saw the exchange between us and he jumped, broken arms up, right in Graceʼs path so Iʼd be able to catch her. “Get her, Shane, get her!” he cheered me on.

  She slammed right into Alexʼs chest and bounced off of him. She stumbled backward and fell on me, both of us tumbling to the floor. For the briefest moment of complete rapture, she straddled my body. Her hands on both sides of my head, our eyes locked. Holy shit, I never wanted to grab someone’s face and kiss them as much as I did then.

  I felt her body shift to leave me, and hell, I didnʼt want her to. I leaned up on my elbows, bringing our faces closer. Holy crap, she bit her lower lip when I did. I easily rolled her body over, so I was on top of her. I pinned her down and offered her an evil laugh.

  Alex kicked over a bottle of water, since mine flew out of my hands when her body collided into me.

  I tried to open the damn thing with my teeth. I didnʼt want to use both hands to open it, because that would mean Iʼd be putting all my weight on her or she’d have a chance to escape. I didnʼt want to chance either.

  She jerked her body up underneath me. The thrust of it almost sent me flying, but I held my position. Damn, it felt good to have her under me.

  She still held her lip between her teeth, a coy smile teasing the edges. A slow rosy glow traveled across her cheeks and down her neck, like the most exquisite sunrise.

  I leaned down closer to her; her eyes widened and her pupils dilated. Her lips parted and her body tensed. If we were the only two people in the room, I would have kissed her. I chose not to. I wanted to but I couldn’t, she’d probably try to kill me if I did. Instead, I lowered my face even more, touching her ear with my lips and breathed out slowly. “She is a mortal danger to all men. She is beautiful without knowing it, and possesses charms that she's not even aware of. She is like a trap set by nature - a sweet perfumed rose in whose petals Cupid lurks in ambush. Anyone who has seen her smile has known perfection. She instills grace in every common thing and divinity in every careless gesture. Venus in her shell was never so lovely, and Diana in the forest never so graceful as you,” I whispered. Lifting my head up, I looked deep into her eyes. She stopped trying to wiggle away from me and seemed to arch her body deeper into mine.

  “Cyrano De Bergerac, Shane? For a self-serving man-whore, you know way too many romantic quotes,” she whispered. How the hell does she know my quotes? She tried to squirm underneath me again, which just aroused me more. I wanted to kiss those beautiful lips so bad it physically hurt me not to. The thought snapped out of my mind when one of her hands got free and she slapped me in the face with her pizza. Then she smashed it in; I rolled off her laughing.

  I laughed even harder when Grace launched another slice of pizza and it landed right in the middle of Alexʼs forehead, sticking there for a few brief moments before falling. What made it even funnier was the ass was trying to whack at the pizza with his hands, but because of his casts, he couldn’t bend his arms to reach his face. So his arms were just flailing in the air like he was trying to land a plane. Fucking epic.

  The food fight ended when Lea started screaming about pizza on the ceiling. Without complaint, we cleaned everything; even Alex with his broken arms and pizza smeared forehead. He probably just cleaned up to impress Grace, because he never cleaned. Alex and Tuckerʼs apartment was unbearable to hang out in because of the disgusting mess in it. Brayden complained about it all the time, since he lived there too-but he never did anything to change it. Alexʼs mom once even paid a cleaning service to go there twice a week as a surprise for them. The poor girl quit after a few weeks because of Tucker and Alexʼs over the top flirting with her. She slept with them both though. Girls always do when they find out about the band.

  When the apartment sparkled with cleanliness, we split ourselves up in groups to hang the posters we created in a few bars around the neighborhood. I took control of the situation because I wanted to spend some more time with Grace. Not to make any moves, but just to hang out with her and talk. I figured that the Cyrano De Bergerac quote today and the Shakespeare from the other day was a bit too much. I was also feeling desperate to find something to take her out of my mind, anything. There had to be something that I could learn about her that would make me shake the feelings. “Conner and Lea, you guys hit the Bowery Ballroom and the bars around there. Brayden and Ethan, you guys hit the Highline and wherever else you can think of on the West Side. Alex, you go home. Both your arms are broken and you look like an idiot. Grace and I will hit the East side.”

  I smiled at her shocked expression. “Ready?” I asked her.

  “Uh...yeah...sure,” she answered arching her eyebrows up to the middle of her fo
rehead.

  Laughing at her reaction, I grabbed her coat and tried to put it on her like a gentleman. She yanked it out of my hands before I could even try to put it on her and shoved her arms in the sleeves.

  “Donʼt worry, I wonʼt try anything, unless youʼve change your mind...” I joked.

  If looks could kill, she would have shot me at close-range, bullet right between my eyes. I flung my hands over my head in surrender. I stepped closer to her. “Yeah, Grace, I got it. Youʼll never have sex with me. Right. I know. Maybe Iʼll make up a few tee shirts so thereʼll be no confusion for anyone who thinks my dysfunctional ass canʼt just innocently flirt.”

  She continued putting her coat on, stuck her tongue out at me and walked out the front door. Damn, what I would do with that tongue.

  I followed her down the street to the corner of the block and we stood there watching for the light to change so we could cross the avenue.

  “Thank you for helping,” I said quietly. I looked ahead into the distance not wanting to see how much of a disgusted expression she wore from being with me.

  From the corner of my eye, I saw her head turn up to look at me. She seemed to watch me for a moment, probably measuring my sincerity. “No problem. Conner and his friends are very special to Lea, and Iʼd do anything for her,” she looked back away from me. “Besides, itʼs just handing out a few fliers. Iʼm not playing a guitar for him, just helping you guys find someone who can.”

  The thought of her playing guitar like Alex made me laugh inside. God, that would be the worst thing ever. Iʼd never get her out of my mind if she could make music with me. Selah and I made music together. I decided she couldnʼt, I didnʼt even want to know if she could. I was crazy about her too much already. “Yeah, that would be a hoot. Those delicate little hands of yours playing Alexʼs heavy riffs, now that would be hysterical to see.”

  She gave me a little glance, but said nothing. We continued our walk and placed posters up in about half a dozen bars. Everywhere we went people came up to me and patted me on the back saying theyʼd spread the word about the auditions. Everyone was sorry to hear that Alex wouldnʼt be able to play for a few weeks, but each person was visibly excited about who would possibly become a new member of Mad World, at least for a little while.

  Grace was outgoing and friendly to everyone that stopped to talk to me. Each guy that came to talk to me only had eyes for her, and each girl gave her a jealous once over and walked away angry. She captivated every person she met, from the old guy who swept the floors in Trampʼs Bar and Grill, to the ten-year-old kid who helped his father bus the tables at Macʼs Pub.

  She even fell into a relaxed conversation with me as we walked along the busy city streets. Anybody passing us by would have thought we were a couple. Maybe from the way I looked at her, or maybe the way I put my hand on the small of her back and the comfortable way she leaned into my touch. Whatever it was, it was like a small sliver of heaven to me.

  “Hey,” I tugged on her coat softly as we stood in front of the bar we posted the last flier in. “I was going to head over to Boozerʼs, maybe grab a beer, want to come?”

  “Yeah, that sounds great,” she replied. A smile swept over her lips, illuminating her eyes. My God, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in this life.

  “Well, damn, Grace,” I whispered. “When you smile, it certainly does some serious damage to a man’s insides.”

  Blinking quickly, she looked away and started walking, shoving her hands deep into her coat pockets. I had to run to catch up to her and we walked the rest of the way to the bar in silence. However, there was a huge smile plastered on her face and I knew it was what I said that put it there.

  Chapter 6

  Alex was sitting alone at our regular table when we got to Boozerʼs. We ordered a bucket full of beer and a basket of cheese fries as soon as we joined him. Lea and Conner met us there, after I texted Conner. Brayden, Ethan, and Tucker came in a few minutes after.

  When Tucker saw Grace, he shoved my chair over, with me still sitting on it, and pulled over another chair in its spot, to sit in between us. “Hey, Shane, you donʼt mind, right?” Oh, hell yes I mind. I didnʼt say anything though. Tucker would act like a jerk within an hour and Grace would hate him. Heʼd screw it up himself and I needed to have her witness for herself how much of a jerk he was. I wasn’t going to be a douchebag friend and tell her.

  Alex burst out laughing at Tuckerʼs efforts to get Grace to notice him. “Wow, Tucker. What are you, like twelve?” Alex teased.

  Tucker lifted his shoulders and let them drop dramatically. He tilted his head adoringly at Grace, “Dude, I just want to sit next to the prettiest girl in the bar, thatʼs all.” Oh, he was so slick, wasnʼt he?

  Alex laughed at him and slapped the table. “Tuck, you think she looks pretty now? God, you should have seen her in her little pink teddy bear pajamas before. It made me start thinking of very indecent things,” Alex whistled and winked at Grace.

  Tucker looked down at her and raised an eyebrow. “Hmmm. Damn, I miss all the good stuff.”

  “Oh yeah,” Alex continued. “She looked all sweet and innocent. I just wanted to corrupt her.” Alex was egging Tucker on.

  “Corrupt her? What were you thinking of doing? Show her the smallest penis in the world? Make her dislike men forever?” Lea asked him, laughing.

  “Yeah, dude. One night with you and sheʼll run screaming to a convent,” I offered.

  Alex nodded agreeing with me. “Ah. Youʼre probably right. But, sorry, Grace, watching you in those little pink pajamas, put pictures in my mind of how freaky Iʼd get with you.”

  Grace didnʼt seem to be bothered about anything they were saying, she just laughed along with everyone. She didn’t even blush.

  “So, Alex, what kind of freaky things go on in your place? Hmm? Whatʼs the freakiest thing youʼve ever done?” Lea asked. Holy crap, can I tell a few freaky tales about Alex.

  “I love bondage. Iʼd love to spank you, Lea,” he said. Man, is that true. I’ve seen him tie a few girls up. “But what Iʼd really love to know is what freaky things you get up to, Lea,” Alex continued. “And you too, Grace.” He gave her one of his predatory smiles and leaned in closer to her; it made my stomach drop.

  Grace beamed. She doubled over, bursts of breathy laughter escaping from her lips. She looked up and winked at him, “I bet you would, Alex.”

  Conner threw a handful of cheese fries at Alex causing him to lean away from Grace. “Leave my girlʼs freakiness outta your thoughts,” he laughed.

  I leaned across the table closer to Grace, leaning my face so close to hers our noses almost touched. “Okay, Leaʼs off limits because sheʼs Connerʼs girl. Iʼd like to hear about Grace though.”

  Tucker shoved me so hard that he almost pushed me off the chair. “Real nice, ass!” He screamed at me. Grace flinched. A frown etched itself across her beautiful face. Confusion clouded my brain. Why was it okay when everyone else flirted and teased her, but I got the look of death when I did it? I gave her a confused, unblinking stare.

  “Some of my close friends have called me Black Widow, because after I sleep with someone, I kill them,” she joked. The laughter just didnʼt reach her eyes, and I knew what I had said bothered her. I wished I understood why.

  “I have no doubt in my mind that you have had that effect on men, since I feel like Iʼve died every time youʼve smiled at me.” I spoke the words so softly I didnʼt even know if they reached her ears.

  She narrowed her eyes and looked away quickly. She couldnʼt even meet my stare. While the rest of the table kept on laughing and talking nonsense, Grace got up and walked away with some empty bottles. She walked over to the trashcan and threw them in. Then she walked up to the bar, sat by herself on one of the stools, and threw down a fistful of twenties.

  I watched her talk to Ryan, the bartender, who gave her a deep throaty laugh and a wink. He pulled down a bottle of Jack Daniel’s black label and poured her a shot. She put th
e glass to her lips and gulped it down like a champ. Ryan watched her as she drank, wringing his bar towel in his hands, and then adjusting himself in his pants. Fuck, even Ryan wanted her.

  I got up to talk to her. I wanted to apologize, tell her how fucking beautiful she was and how she made me a mess inside. But, Tucker put his hand out to stop me, “Let me talk to her, Shane. Iʼm the one thatʼs in a relationship with her, not you.”

  His words made me stumble back into my chair. Relationship? With Grace? What the hell did I miss? “Wait…what?”

  Tucker ignored me and sauntered up next to Grace at the bar. He gestured to Ryan to pour two more shots. His hand slid down to the small of her back as he leaned down close to talk to her. My blood started to boil.

  She tried to move away from his hand nonchalantly by turning to face him and clinking her shot glass up against his.

  They sat together and talked closely. Every time Tucker tried to touch her, she would move away. She looked uncomfortable and agitated. I watched her down about four shots and then Tucker made his move. He brought his hand up to her face and caressed her beautiful pale cheek with his greedy fucking fingers. He lowered his face and said some line to her and my head almost exploded with rage.

  She took another shot and turned away from him and her eyes collided with mine. Her jaw tightened and her posture stiffened. Her fingers flexed at her sides and she slowly released a deep breath. She turned on her heels, away from me, and grabbed Tucker and whispered something in his ear.

  Whatever she said made Tucker jump and run towards our table. She walked to the door as he grabbed their coats off chairs. His feet shuffled as his cheeks reddened looking at the table. “G-Grace wants to be alone with me!” he stuttered. Then he ran out. My freaking heart went with him.

  Ethan smacked me in the arm. “Whatʼs up with Tucker and Grace?”