Scars and Songs (Mad World)

by Christine Zolendz

  Please help me find my way home

  Listen to the sounds my tears make

  Filling up my heart, filling up the world

  Save me from myself, take my hand

  Say my name, breathe your warmth into my cold

  Will I be lost forever?

  I have nothing left inside, after all these years

  Hope was just a thing to laugh at

  The last beats of your heart still pounding in my ears

  And when darkness comes back for me

  Laying under the brick and stone

  Will I hear your haunting whispers

  And know I’m not alone?

  Please save me from myself

  This prison in my mind

  Where all I could do is remember

  All that was left behind

  Am I too lost to be saved?

  I’ve become as cold and hard stone

  My eyes were opened to everything

  Please help me find my way home

  Find my way home

  My way home

  Needing to touch her, feel her heat, her warmth against me, I moved across the stage and slid my back against hers. With our backs touching one another, the intense and electric charges between us took over and spiraled into something tangible. Her voice still rising alone with mine, she slid her body around mine, as if she was a hot breeze on my skin. For a few minutes, I wondered if we would actually burst into a brilliant ball of flames and consume everything around us.

  When our last song was finished, as both our voices held their harmonious notes, I watched a lone tear fall down her cheek. Whatever was making her cry, I had to fix it and I needed her to know. To know everything, without wasting any more time. Too much time had been wasted already. Turning to face her, I gently tipped her chin up, making her look into my eyes. The gesture was so intense that the crowd watching us held their breath in silence, waiting with heavy anticipation of what I was going to do.

  I dropped my guitar, letting it swing behind me and I cupped her face with both of my hands. “I love you, Grace Taylor,” I said through the microphone before I yanked it from around my head. Then I brought my lips to hers and kissed her in front of everyone. A slow, deep kiss causing her hands to twist my shirt into fisted clumps as she pulled me closer. Her hair tumbled around me, I slid my fingers through the hot strands, entwining my fingers within the locks, and I lost myself completing against her lips.

  Within moments, the crowd erupted into an outpouring of screams and cheers. Then Ethan’s deep laughter detonated through the speakers, “God, Grace, were you the only one who didn’t know?”

  Laughing at Ethan, I reluctantly pulled my lips from Grace’s. A stunning blush colored her cheeks, her lips were still parted and her breathing was heavy like mine. Then she opened her eyes and they were clouded with terror and tears. My stomach churned, almost rolling right out of me. What the hell was she thinking right now that made her look so terrified of me?

  She ripped the microphone off her head and gave me a panicked tight-lipped smile. “I, um, need a drink,” she said through her clenched teeth. She looked down at her hands, and then placed one softly against my cheek. She looked up into my eyes as tears streamed from hers, “Shane Maxton, I love you more than I ever loved another human being.” Dropping her fingers from my skin, she turned her back to me and jumped off the edge of the stage, walked to the bar right to that fucking fuckwad Ryan. The crowd still cheered and clapped, as they watched her gulp back her shot. I held my hands up, high above my head, stretching my fingers wide so the audience would quiet down. Seeing me, Alex brought his fingers to his mouth and whistled into his microphone and the crowd immediately silenced.

  I bent down, picked up my wireless mic, and put it close to my lips, “I’m not done, Grace.” I watched her pick up her second drink and freeze. “Look at me. Really look at me, Grace,” I said.

  Slowly, she turned her body and faced the stage with her drink squeezed tightly in her fingers, with her eyes locked on the floor. Lea and Conner walked up next to her. Lea lifted Grace’s chin until her eyes fixed onto mine.

  I could still see the tears glistening, but I couldn’t stop, not now. “I’ve waited for what feels like two thousand years to tell you how much I love you and to touch your lips again,” I called to her. The crowd exploded in screams again and I swung my guitar around and started to play feverishly, the words and music pouring out from my heart.

  I didn’t know I was lost

  Until you found me

  I never knew what love was

  Until you touched my hand

  I lost myself long ago

  In between your lips

  And now here you are

  You steal my breath away

  Until you I never really knew heaven

  Cause until you it was only ever hell

  I didn’t know I was so far gone

  Until you brought me home

  I promise you, girl

  I know you’re shattered

  I’ll pick up your pieces

  And make you whole again

  Cause until you girl

  I’ve been shattered too

  Since my very first kiss

  It’s only been you

  Before I even ended the song, I jumped off the stage and ran to her. I gently took her face in my hands, wiping away her tears softly with my thumbs and pressed my body against hers. Bringing my face slowly down to hers, I gently kissed her lips.

  She squeezed her eyes tight, grabbed onto my arms, and dug her fingernails into my skin. Pain shot through my arms. “Please don’t be Gabriel. Please don’t be Gabriel. Shane, please just be Shane. I can’t take this anymore.”

  “No, no, baby. Grace, it’s me,” I whispered against her lips. I couldn’t stop the tears that stung at my eyes and streamed down my face for my poor Grace. “A feather, Selah. I gave you a feather. That was my gift to you. You asked me when I saved you from Gabriel in your coma. A feather from an angel’s wing.”

  Her knees buckled as she threw her arms around my neck and her body shook with sobs. I held her upright and slammed my lips against hers, tasting the salt of our tears. “I love you. I love you. I love you,” she whimpered against my lips.

  I swept her feet off the floor and cradled her in my arms; our lips locked together. I carried her through the bar like that, out the front door and around the corner to her apartment building. Lea and Conner walked alongside us, trying to sing the song I wrote for her, but epically failing at it. Conner drunkenly messed up the words and Lea’s voice cracked so horribly I was afraid for my ears.

  None of it mattered. Nothing mattered before we stood in front of each other in the warm hazy light of her bedroom. Nothing mattered until then, standing and facing each other for the first time in centuries, knowing the truth of who we really were. I could see the questions in the silver orbs of her eyes, but I just shook my head and reached my hands out to cup her perfect face. Words were not what we needed then, everything could be said later, what we needed was raw and primal. Something to lessen the tense electricity that coiled tightly and hummed like it had breath between us; we needed the fire.

  We stared at each other, each nerve ending in our bodies buzzing with anticipation, pulsating with a feverish need to touch. My chest tightened when my fingertips touch her skin, and the tilt of her head into my hand made me know she was all mine. It was overwhelming. Then she sighed my name, “Shane,” she whispered, and I was ravenous.

  “Grace,” I sighed against her mouth as I slowly brushed my lips over hers. “You, Grace, you’re my heaven.” Oh my God, she was my heaven, she was my everything. Everything.

  Her chest was heaving, her breath warm against my mouth, and her hands clenched tightly around my neck, pulling me in deeper. Growling into her mouth, I deepened the kiss, our tongues licking and dancing, needing and wanting. She slid her hands under my shirt and up my chest; our kisses became rougher and harder.

  This wou
ld be her first time in this body, and I knew I had to be gentle. I knew I needed to hold back and it was going to kill me. “Gray, I promise I’ll be as gentle as I can,” I whispered, raking my lips along her jaw up to her ear. My hands trembled with their slow gentle movements, and my body shuddered from holding back.

  She tore her lips away from me and leaned back. Yanking my shirt off, she threw it on the floor, and looked deeper into my eyes than ever before. Taking my lower lip roughly between her teeth and tugging me forward, “Please don’t. Don’t hold back, Shane. I’ve waited too damn long; I need every ounce of you right now.”

  Oh God, yes.

  My body slammed against hers, pushing her forcefully against the door. “Thank God, because I have no fucking desire whatsoever to hold back on you,” I breathed heavily, then slipped my tongue deep between her wet lips, devouring her.

  My hands tangled in her hair, our tongues roughly slid against each other, and her hands were clawing down my skin. Uncontrollable and so fucking delicious. Lifting her arms above her head, I ripped her shirt off, letting it fall wherethefuckever, and I crashed my lips back against hers. I ran my fingertips along her skin until I reached the lace cups of her full bra and wrenched them down. Fuucckk, I needed this off now. I needed everything off. I spun her around, pressing the front of her body against the door and unhooked her bra, removing it from her body with my teeth. Her skin was so soft and smooth against my lips. I was never going to get enough of her, never. Slowly, I trailed my fingertips over the creamy skin of her shoulders and pressed my body against hers, burying my face in her hair.

  Wrapping the long dark strands of her hair around my fingers, I tugged her head to one side and traced my tongue and lips along her soft flesh.

  When I pressed my erection against her bottom, a small whimper escaped her lips. Her tight little ass pressed itself back, grinding against me, making me throb and vibrate almost painfully. Taking her shoulders in my hands, I twisted her body around to face me again.

  Of all that is freaking holy…she was perfect. My eyes ravaged her, drinking in her beauty. Her skin was like cream, her nipples the color of pale pink roses. Cupping her breasts gently, I sucked a breath in, trying to savor every single feeling. Lowering my head, I took one nipple into my mouth and sucked hard, Grace’s head fell back hard against the door and she moaned loudly. With each tug and lick from my mouth, she arched her body into mine. “Your skin’s like sugar,” I whispered.

  Breathing heavily, she pulled me to her lips with one hand clenched tightly around my chin. With the other hand, she tore at the button of her jeans and pulled down the zipper. She yanked at the button on my pants next and they dropped heavily around my feet.

  Her pants hung open, baring the tight skin and curves of her body. I skimmed my hands against the material, guiding it all the way down her silky legs, trailing kisses down as my head lowered with them. “So beautiful, Grace,” I murmured against her trembling skin.

  Her little lacy panties were darkened with her dampness, and I almost fully lost it, right there. I tried breathing slowly as I gently lick and nipped her inner thighs. I was breathless and dizzy, just her smell alone was intoxicating, making me feverish beyond anything I could ever imagine.

  Kneeling before her, I lifted the back of her knee, slowly sliding my tongue over her bare skin and then I raised it over my shoulder. Her breath quickened and she tangled her hands through my hair when I ran my fingers under the wet lace of her panties and lightly brushed my fingertips over her warmth. “You feel like heaven,” I said. “God, Grace, I want to slide my tongue over every inch of your skin. I can’t help myself when I’m this fucking close to you.”

  Lifting my eyes to look into hers, I stared up at her and watched her expression as I slowly slid a finger deep inside her. “So wet,” I murmured.

  Her breath caught and she whispered the sexiest fucking sound I had ever heard. She slid along my fingers, I tore the lace right from her body and my mouth was on her instantly. “Oh God,” she cried and rocked against my lips. My fingers pumped slowly in and out of her as my tongue licked and sucked hard against her. I never knew a woman could taste so damn good.

  “Please, Shane,” she whimpered and pulled me up by my hair. I stood up and gazed down into her bright eyes. There were tears in them, breathless happy beautiful tears. Gently, I cupped her face in my hands, “You have had my heart with you for thousands of years, and I have been so empty until now.”

  “I’m completely yours, Shane, forever,” she whispered. Slowly, she slid my boxers down and we stood before each other bare and hungry. So fucking hungry.

  Leaning back, I ran my eyes over every inch of her body, worshipping each part of her. Her soft skin, the curves of her hips, the swell of her breasts, the pink of her lips…

  My eyes locked on hers, as I slid my hands around her waist, cupping her bottom and lifting her into my arms. She wrapped her long legs around my waist and I slowly eased into her, burying myself deeply inside her, finally. I groaned and pressed my forehead to hers. “Ah, Grace,” I cried out and slid back with the most delicious slowness. “I love you so much,” I growled. I slid deeply into her again, hoping the pain wasn’t too bad, but with the way she bit down on her bottom lip and squeezed her eyes tight, I knew it did.

  Pulling myself all the way out of her, I carried her to the bed, still wrapped around me. We tumbled against her sheets and she pulled me deep inside her again, and we stilled, looking at each other. Then she smiled and rocked her hips against mine.

  “Fuck, Grace. You feel so good,” I whimpered, thrusting into her. I was lost to her; there was nothing but her. The feel of her slick skin against mine, the sounds of her murmurs and the sensation of my cock plunging over and over deep inside her. Our lips moved across each other’s skin, fingertips clawed, hands grasping at flesh tight, her hips matching my thrusts. It was so fucking intense that it was almost too overwhelming; too fucking good. I never wanted it to end. My body trembled and strained with the effort of not finishing.

  Grace screamed my name and dug her nails into my back as she clenched around me so tightly I exploded, spilling myself deep inside here. No woman ever made me come so hard, no woman ever made me feel like that before. I couldn’t fucking stop. After the first time, I just kept ravaging her body, taking everything she would give me. Grace gave me all and each time was more intense than the time before.

  An hour before dawn, as I tried to consume her again, she laughed and shoved me away playfully. “Oh my God, Shane. I can’t effing move; I think you broke me,” she laughed.

  Exhausted and muscles shaking, I wrapped her in my arms and covered us with her blankets. She snuggled her body into me. Our bodies fit perfectly together, as if we were made for each other. I pressed my lips against her shoulder and skimmed them over the back of her neck. I rested my face against her warm skin and smiled. Gently stroking her hair back, I whispered softly into her ear, “You’re mine forever now.”

  Instantly, she spun around to face me. “But…how in the world are you here with me? You left, I watched you leave,” she asked.

  I couldn’t tell her what I gave up; I was too damn scared of her reaction. Yeah, now I’m just a pussy whipped chicken shit. Hell, I turned into Conner. I kind of liked it. I pecked tiny kisses across her face hoping she’d drop the subject. “What’s the point on living in the past? This is where I am right now. Right here in front of you.”

  Immediately, I could feel her heart rate speed up and the panic rising off her. “Why won’t you tell me? What did you do? What happened?” She lifted her head and leaned it on her elbow, waiting for my answers. “Please tell me, Shane. Please. You had Michael do something. He asked you to make your decision. What did you do?” My stomach dropped when her beautiful pale skin turned into a greenish hue.

  Son of a…“I gave it all up,” I coughed out. “I’m completely human. Mortal. Both of us are.”

  Her eyes widened and she stopped breathing. “What? Why?”
she exhaled.

  “You were the best part of me, and when they took you away…” Tears stung at my eyes when I looked at her. God, if I wasn’t good enough for her now, if all she wanted was an angel, if being Shane wasn’t enough…“Truth is, a soul of an angel is only capable of one pure true love, and you are mine. It didn’t make a difference that you were human. The kiss, the first time my lips were on yours...the hell...I wouldn’t take one moment of it back…”

  She sucked in a harsh breath.

  “When I saw you, and you looked so much like you did as Selah, I couldn’t think of anything but being with you again. Don’t push me away now, Grace. I can’t live without you. For the rest of my life, I want to spend every moment showing you how much I have loved you. I learned long ago to savor every moment, not to waste a second of it. I once found the other half of my soul and I’ve spent the last 2000 years in hell, and here, just wasting my time until I could be with her again. Did you think that I wouldn’t give up everything I could, anything I could to be with you again?” Please let me be enough for you, please.

  Tears streamed down her cheeks in silent sobs.

  “Don’t cry, babe. Every damn tear I have seen that fell from those silver eyes broke my heart. This, right here with you is the closest that I’ll ever come to heaven. That’s all right by me, because you are my heaven, Grace.” I wiped away her tears, “Unless you don’t want me like this,” I whispered.

  She wiped at her tears, “I was going to leave tonight…Gabriel threatened me…”

  “Shh…Grace. Gabriel works on fear and lies.”

  “Shane, I’ll take you anyway I can get you. But Gabriel, he’s shown me so many things,” she whispered. “I trusted him for so long.”

  Shown her things? The only way an angel could show someone their thoughts and manipulate them is by kissing…them. My body tensed, muscles hardening into a granite kind of tense. I locked my jaw tight and spoke through clench teeth, “He showed you things? You mean he…he touched you?”

  “Yes,” she whispered.