Scars and Songs (Mad World)

by Christine Zolendz

  “He put his fucking lips on you?”

  With wide frightened eyes, she nodded slowly, “Yes.”

  “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

  She let out a long deep breath, and then gave me an evil smile. “Good. May I help?” That just turned me on again, so I pulled her over me and without warning, I thrust myself deep inside her. The way she looked down at me and moaned made me almost come right then, but I held back and took my time as she rode me. I pulled her face down to mine, making damn fucking sure I erased any lingering traces or thoughts of Gabriel from her mind.

  Chapter 36

  Peeling my eyes open slowly, a heavy feeling agitated and churned in the pit of my stomach. Cautiously, I lifted my head from where it lay against the warm beautiful body besides me. Grace was tucked tightly in my arms, our legs tangled together under mountains of blankets, her bare skin hot against mine.

  The heavy feeling seemed to spill through my conscious into the room, pressing firmly down on my shoulders. A slow slide of my hand from beneath her exquisitely smooth skin caused her body to shift and slide; a sweet purr escaped her lips as she slept. I slowly traced my fingertips down her naked skin, wrestling against the troubling emotions that had awakened me.

  Something thudded sharply against the door and I narrowed my eyes in that direction and pushed myself off the bed. The clock on her dresser said it was nine o’clock in the morning. No one else should be in the house with us, because Conner and Lea would already both be at work. That heavy feeling became thicker, more weighted against my chest, and sparks of adrenalin flamed all over my skin.

  Grabbing my jeans off the floor, I stepped into them quickly and pulled them up. Yanking last night’s tee shirt over my head, I tensed my hands and opened her bedroom door.

  I could see Gabriel pacing back in forth in the living room as I stood in the hallway. As I stalked towards him, he stopped pacing and leveled his glare at me. “It’s time for you to go now, Shane.”

  I moved closer to him, my chest bumping his hard. “There’s no way I am ever leaving her with you. She’s mine,” I growled.

  Gabriel laughed, took a small sidestep and turned his back to me. Placing his hands on his hips, he chuckled again. “I was thinking of making Grace some breakfast. I know French toast is her favorite.” Delusional bi-fucking-polar-angel.

  My hands clenched as my entire body shook with rage. Blood pounded in my ears and clouded my vision as I lunged forward. All I could visualize was beating him senseless. It was foolish of me to forget he was an angel and I was just a man.

  His hand was around my throat instantly, my feet raised up off the floor. My hands clawed at my throat, desperate to alleviate the choking pressure of his fingertips. His sharp steel feathers emerged from behind him. A raw energy hummed from his entire body and his pupils blazed with the fires of Hell.

  The sound of my slowing heartbeat thrashed in my ears, and I could feel my human body shutting down from the lack of oxygen. My lungs burned and my chest convulsed against the emptiness. “I’ll make sure to tell her you said goodbye. Maybe, I’ll even leave a few singles on her nightstand so she knows what she was worth to you last night,” he snarled. My vision blurred and darkened, but not until I saw Gabriel extract one steel feather from over his shoulder and then I watched him plunge it into my chest. A rippling fire tore through my skin and surged around my convulsing heart. My veins trembled deep beneath my skin, desperate for the flow of blood that was ripped from them violently. I never felt physical pain like that before, ever. My world went black as the warmth of my human blood seeped through my shirt and spread itself down my chest.

  I’m going to come back and kill this motherfucker until he’s beyond dead.

  Even in the darkness of my mind, in the complete emptiness of my soul, a vengeance twisted; breathing itself into a frenzy and snaked through my core. I could no longer feel my body; I could only hear my slow raspy breaths and the gurgling blood that filled my throat and spilled from my lips.

  Falling in and out of consciousness, I could hear Grace’s screams from somewhere above me. Her cries. Desperate. And calling for me. My eyes burned with tears, my body burned with numbness; paralyzed and broken, once again, not able to save her.

  I struggled to breathe, stay aware, and fight against the oblivion trying to pull me under. I had no idea where I was or how long I was there.

  Muted daylight streamed in through a thin rectangular window at the base of the low ceiling. Basement was the single thought in my mind as I choked and vomited up the metallic taste of blood.

  Then a bright light shone down from the top of the stairs and Gabriel’s laughter echoed harshly along the stone walls that surrounded me. I could hear Grace’s fight and then the terror of the wet sounds of her body slamming against the concrete and the steps, landing heavily, crumpled on the floor in front of me.

  The tears poured out of me, blurring my vision of her. I wanted to scream out for her, reach out and hold her in my arms, but all that came was the raspy spit of blood from my lips. My mind spun out of control, maddening, rage, pure fury; I could not get to her. Terror. Real, tangible, alive and raw. I could do nothing but see her dying in front of my eyes and hear her breath within my ears. I wanted to claw out of this skin. I begged for release. Let me go, let her live. God, take me…do what you will…but spare my Grace.

  Then in the dim light of our prison, she opened her beautiful eyes.

  I wished he had killed me. The horror in those eyes when she saw me…the absence of my movements, there was nothing I could do to take the pain from her…the complete and utter despair was crushing. Crushing and squeezing the life from me faster.

  “NO! SHANE!” She threw herself over my mangled body and cradled my head in her bloody hands, pulling me up against her chest. She gripped at my chest and my neck trying to find a pulse. She was screaming my name over and over, begging me to get up, begging me to move, and begging me to live. All I could do was look at her through my tears and scream on the inside.

  Gabriel’s laughter broke through her screams. He stood large and imposing behind her. And how did my beautiful Grace react to him? She fucking ignored him. “Stay with me, Shane,” she pleaded repeatedly. “Please don’t leave me.” Tears poured from her silver eyes, landing against the skin of my face; yet I could not feel them and that pierced me deeper and hurt way beyond anything Gabriel could ever do to me. The inability to feel her, not able to save her, not able to fight for her…the thoughts swam together and faded in and out of the darkness and the emptiness that was trying to consume me.

  With a sudden whoosh of air, Gabriel swung his arms around her, yanking her back violently, locking her in his arms. His lips bent down to her ears, but his eyes were locked on mine. “Grace, my love. You can still save him,” He slid his tongue along the edge of her ear and she cringed against him. “Come with me and I will let him live.” She squeezed her eyes shut and struggled against his arms and mouth.

  Inside me, the fury boiled over, bursting into flames.

  Opening her eyes, she focused right on mine, as if she was trying to tell me something. With all the strength I had left in my body, I blinked and whispered through my throat that was quickly filling with blood again, “Don’t, Grace, don’t listen to him.”

  “Time is running out, Grace,” Gabriel snarled, pulling her further from me.

  My body convulsed as my mouth flooded with so much blood that it began to pour out from my lips, spilling thickly to the floor. I took one last shallow breath through my nose and exhaled a whisper, “Your heart belongs to me.”

  Gabriel raked his lips along her neck embraced her tighter. “Then, watch him die, Grace.” She heaved, her body spilling its contents onto the floor.

  My vision blackened and a low hum began to fill my ears. Echoing like a far away dream, I could hear Grace screaming, “I WILL ALWAYS BELONG TO HIM, GABRIEL, NEVER YOU!”

  That was a fucking sucky way to die.

  Chapter
37

  I’ve heard it said that when you meet your death that the life that you have lived flashes before your eyes. All your memories, your deeds, your sins are weighed and measured, seen before you like your own personal movie. I would think most humans would compare their lives to a made for TV movie, with all plot devices nicely put in their correct places. Or maybe if you were lucky in life, you could compare it to a beautiful Hollywood epic romance. Mine, not so much. It was like watching a horrible B-rated movie with low-budget special effects. And, my movie screen blows up to shit and everybody in the theater is screaming and running for their lives. Grace’s beautiful face was all over the screen, hunted by Gabriel. Gabriel was forever waiting and hiding in the background, trying desperately to cause mayhem and war.

  I could clearly see what had happened to everyone and why through the flickers of each scene. Gabriel was at the heart of it all. Since the beginning, he loved Selah and was jealous of our love for one another. He betrayed me and took Selah, hiding her in the bodies of humans who had died, allowing her to live out the rest of their lives, keeping her soul from heaven. Every time she died, she would be hidden in another body, and she never knew it was Gabriel who did it. She thought it was her punishment for falling in love with me. An awful existence. An incomprehensible existence. A harsh, ugly, deplorable existence. However, it only made Grace stronger, and only made her love me more.

  Gabriel tried to break her from loving me. He tried to sever the bonds she clung to, the only good she had ever seen in her existence, and tried to make her love him. Simply because, if she loved him and created a child with his evil-angel-ass, a Nephilim would be born. Then the world and all its humans would be destroyed once more. Not by floods, but by the chaos and evil that the Nephilim would bring; the humans would slaughter themselves. Gabriel would win the war and there would only be heaven left. Only angels left.

  However, Grace could never love him. Never let him touch her, because she loved only me. The movie of my life that flashed before my eyes sucked, and I wanted my damn money back.

  Then everything just disappeared, and I ended up just standing in complete darkness. Alone.

  Waiting.

  Well, that just wasn’t going to work for me. There was no way, in any existence that I was going to stay in darkness while Gabriel hurt Grace. No damn way.

  The blackness that had engulfed me started to become lighter and a bright light shone off in the distance. Are you shitting me? What is that, the clichéd light at the end of the tunnel?

  Dark figures walked through the bright light, creating strange shadows that danced across the radiance. Michael and Raphael.

  Everything seemed to slow down; time, movements, even my thoughts. Pure white-hot adrenaline surged through my body. I lost all rational thought, and I could hear nothing from Michael when he spoke to me.

  Every part of my body shook with violence and rage consumed me. Storming to within an inch of Michael’s face, I growled, “Take me back to finish him. I need to help Grace, she’s been through enough.”

  My arms were locked in their hands and I was being pulled backwards. From their hands, a strange calmness tried to enter my body, but I refused it. Then I was in Grace’s living room with Michael and Raphael holding me tightly.

  In front of us, Gabriel in all his demonic glory, wings spread out wide, stood over Grace laughing manically. His eyes were cold and remorseless, his fingers twisted tightly in fists ready to hurt her.

  Grace slowly stood up in front of him, her face reddening with every calculated movement she made. “You and your merry men can tear me to shreds, Gabriel, but I will go down fighting. You can have my body after it’s cold and dead, but you will never have my soul.” Her voice was dark and full of pure raw hatred.

  My muscles stretched against my skin trying to fight my way through the angels to save her. I didn’t care how many times I had to come back from the dead, or what I had to give up for her, I would always come back for her. Gabriel would NEVER have her.

  As soon as the thought ran through my head, Gabriel’s eyes looked past Grace and locked on mine. He snarled loudly at me and his eyes flamed bright red.

  I heard Grace’s gasp when she turned her head and saw me, but I couldn’t take my eyes from Gabriel’s. I tried to lunge forward, tried to twist out of their grasp, “You lay one finger on her, Gabriel, and I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOU!”

  “Oh come now, Shane. We both know I’ve laid more than one finger on her already,” his voice clawed at my skin like sharp glass. He walked past Grace taunting me.

  Screaming and struggling to get free, my body rocked with tremors. With every ounce of strength I could gather, I lunged forward, trying violently to get my hands on Gabriel. Michael and Raphael grunted, trying to restrain me, but they lost their grip and stumbled backwards.

  I charged toward Gabriel with violent glee, slamming him into the wall with such brute force that it cracked the drywall and it crumbled over us. Gabriel shoved me off and dark shadows surrounded me, Gabriel’s little demons. I hadn’t noticed them before, but now they scurried around us, sniffing and growling like rabid dogs.

  “NO!” Grace jumped in front of Michael and her screams tore through me, “Michael, do something!”

  When Grace distracted Gabriel with her scream, I clenched up my fists and pounded him in the face. I continued hammering my fists into his head until I was yanked off him and thrown against the wall by his little band of monsters.

  Fucking hob-goblin-fucknuts. Pain sliced through my shoulders and down my arms, my spinal cord burned as if it had been set on fire. Stumbling from the wall, I leaned against whatever I could to help steady me.

  Seeing my weakened state, Gabriel rushed towards me, but Grace threw her body in front of me and held her arms out to stop his advance.

  Tingling bites of horror sparked across my chest. “No, Grace! Get behind me!” I tried to yank her behind me, but when my hands touched her skin, she fell into my arms and wrapped herself around me sobbing. My hands were around her instantly, holding her close to me. Bringing my lips quickly to her, I kissed her forehead and said, “I am in fucking complete awe of your strength and your reverence. But you have to get behind me, babe.” Then I looked at Michael and his eyes met with mine. “See what’s right, Michael. Stand up and fight with us,” I whispered.

  Gabriel charged at us, with his steel claws grasping and reaching out, trying to get us. Grace’s body stiffened in my arms and she tried to pull me away. Then suddenly, without any movement or sound, Michael stood in front of us, blocking Gabriel from his attack. The archangel’s wings spread the span of the room, towering over everyone, and Gabriel stumbled back with fear in his eyes.

  Gabriel’s little monsters swarmed around him in fear, backing themselves against the opposite side of the room from us.

  Michael turned toward Grace and me, and he gently cupped her cheeks between his giant hands. Lowering his gaze to her, his eyes widened and his lips parted.

  Grace lifted her chin up higher to him and she touched both her hands to his hands, holding them against her face. “Yes, Michael. Take a good look at my soul and at what I have been through because of Gabriel for the last two thousand years or so. Weigh and judge it well, Michael. Shamsiel and I had never done anything wrong.”

  Michael straightened his posture as if he was going to move away. But Grace held onto his hands tightly, stepping closer to him and leaning in, “The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis.”

  Now my girl was quoting Dante Alighieri. What chick could freaking do that?

  Michael’s lips curved up into a slight smile. “You are so much like Job, Grace. You never faltered in your search for him, you never lost your faith, and you never questioned it.” Then his eyes smiled at me, “And you. You gave up your heavenly place to be with her. I stand in awe of the both of you.”

  Turning his face toward Gabriel, his lips pulled back baring his tee
th. “Gabriel, your envy, lust, greed and all the trouble you’ve caused in between, are far worse crimes than that of a simple kiss. A simple kiss that I might add was forgiven and sanctioned long ago. If I remember correctly, and I assure you I do, Selah was supposed to be escorted by you into heaven, forgiven for her slight transgression. And Shamsiel was to be given a SHORT sentence in prison, then be reunited with her.”

  “NO!” Gabriel’s voiced boomed. Its sound vibrated below our feet and made Grace clasp her hands over her ears. “I will not let him have her. SHE IS MINE!”

  As Gabriel’s face contorted and reddened with his rage, a calming warm breeze drifted slowly through the room. It quickly tangled itself into a sublime sensation that crept along my skin. Looking at the other expressions of everyone around me, it was evident that I wasn’t the only one who felt it. Everyone, except Gabriel, who still had his face twisted in rage and his monsters, felt it. I knew in my heart and with all of my soul, who the presence was.

  “Enough,” a small voice whispered musically in our minds. It jingled lightly like a breeze blowing through wind chimes. Warmth spread throughout my body, filling it with the deepest feeling of love that I had ever known and I squeezed Grace’s hand to let her know that everything was going to be okay.

  When he realized that we were hearing and feeling something he could not, Gabriel’s mouth fell slack. His face blanched, making him as pale as the wings I once wore. Shaking his head, he backed up closer to the wall away from us, cocking his head to listen for the voice of God. By the well of tears in his eyes and his clenched jaw, I knew all he could hear was silence. The messenger of God, Gabriel, the mighty archangel, shunned by his creator. Priceless. The bastard deserved it.

  Beside me, Grace puffed out a faltering breath, and she slid to the floor on her knees. I crumbled down next to her, landing on my knees, and I gathered her closer to me.

  “It is a pure soul who can hold true the innocence and timelessness of passion in another soul. Each unveiling of the greatest pieces of the other, locked together at the heart for eternity,” the voice sang to us. When it silenced, the quietness was so painful and empty that you craved to hear it again. I squeezed my eyes tight when the voice spoke directly into my thoughts, “Shamsiel, how exquisite this love is. My child, you were once one of my faithful loyal angels, and now a faithful loyal human. Live a beautiful life together and then both of you come home to me. There is a high place in heaven for you both when you get here. Cherish her; no one will ever love another like she has loved you.”