Where the Light Glows

by Dena Blake

Shiny, red-rimmed eyes peered up at Nancy. “I’m sorry. It’s just everyone…” Mel snorted and sucked in a gasp of air. “Is so happy.” She let out a sob. “I just couldn’t take it. Why can’t I be like that?”

  “Because you’re too fucking stubborn.” Mel’s feet hit the porcelain with a thud when Nancy swung them into the tub. She tried to pull her upright, but she was dead weight. She looked back at Lauren, who moved in to help her. “Come on. Let’s get you out of there.”

  Mel heaved a big sob. “I don’t want to be alone.” Another sob spilled out. “Alone for Christmas…New Year’s.”

  “You won’t be alone, honey. We’ll be here.” Nancy stepped into the bathtub, wrapped her arms around Mel, and held her tightly as she and Lauren hoisted her out.

  “You need any help?” the woman standing guard asked.

  “Thanks. We got this.”

  *

  Mel woke up in the morning with Nancy’s arm draped over her. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping she hadn’t made a fool of herself last night. But her mouth tasted like cardboard and her head throbbed. She tried to slip out of bed quietly, but Nancy’s arm tightened around her.

  “How are you feeling, party girl?”

  “Did I do anything stupid last night?”

  “Besides the tub?” Nancy sat up and rested against the headboard.

  Mel winced and sat up next to her. “Besides the tub.”

  “No. But you sure have a lot of women interested in seeing you again. Apparently you kissed a few before you decided to have your breakdown in the bathroom.”

  “Oh my God.” She pulled at the T-shirt she was wearing. “I didn’t take my clothes off, did I?”

  Nancy smiled and shook her head. “I did that after you puked all over yourself.”

  “I’m sorry, Nance.” She leaned her head on her shoulder. “That probably wasn’t the way you wanted to spend your night.”

  “It’s okay.” She kissed her on the top of her head. “But you’re clearly not over Izzy.”

  She let her eyes slide shut. “I know.”

  Nancy got up and moved to the door. “I’ll get you a Sprite. Then you’re on your own. I’m going to go get into bed with my girlfriend.”

  It’s time for me to go home and deal with my life.

  *

  Mel’s eyes burned. She’d been putting in twelve-hour days at the office in front of the computer screen and then going home to put in several more on her laptop before collapsing into bed. The only thing saving her was the six hours of sleep she was able to get due to pure exhaustion. She kept her mind busy both at work and at home. Most nights she fell asleep with the TV on so she wouldn’t feel so completely alone.

  She left work and drove to Bella’s Trattoria and parked in the lot away from the building, but didn’t get out of her car. It had been months since Mel had seen or talked to Izzy. Still, she couldn’t get the feel of her touch out of her mind. She’d dealt with it by throwing herself into her work. It didn’t help. She couldn’t eat without thinking of Izzy. She couldn’t sleep without dreaming of her touch, her warm wonderful mouth, her fingers inside her. Izzy filled her mind constantly.

  Mel started her car without a clue where she was going. She just drove and found herself parked at the bottom of Tank Hill. She climbed to the top and settled on the edge of the rock where she and Izzy had sat when they were there together. The view was just as beautiful as she remembered, but it felt very different. She was alone. No matter how beautiful it was, she couldn’t enjoy it because Izzy wasn’t there to share it with. Izzy had told her how special this place was to her, and Mel had felt honored she’d shared it with her. The burnt-orange sunset was so amazing. Its vibrant orange glow and red flickering hues splintering the sky made her heart ache. As the sun dipped behind the zigzagged buildings of the city, a tear rolled down Mel’s cheek. Would she be able to forgive her? Could her love possibly outweigh the pain of betrayal she’d felt?

  *

  Mel stepped out of her car onto the cobblestone drive of her parents’ house, walked up the dimly lit pathway, and pushed through the heavy oak door. Her condo had sold faster than she’d expected, so she’d put all of her furniture in storage and moved back home with her parents temporarily while she searched for a new place. Nancy had told her she could stay, but she couldn’t very well move in with her and Lauren. Their relationship was new, and they certainly didn’t need the complication of an old girlfriend in the house. When her mother had suggested she move into her old room, Mel agreed. At five thousand square feet, the house had more than enough room for Mel to have privacy, and she honestly appreciated the company. Her father had converted one of the rooms on the second floor to a home gym, and Mel had started using the treadmill in the mornings to clear her head.

  She knew her mother would be in the sitting room reading by this time of night.

  “Mel, honey, where have you been? Your friend, Nancy, called. She’s worried about you.”

  Mel reached into her purse, took out her cell phone, and pushed the power button. When she’d seen Nancy’s number pop up on the screen earlier, she’d turned it off. “I’ll text her.” She used both her thumbs to type a message and tossed the phone back into her purse.

  “You look a little disheveled.”

  “I’ve been up at Tank Hill doing some thinking. Have you ever been there?” She propped her shoulder against the doorway.

  “No. I can’t say that I have.”

  “It’s beautiful. The view is absolutely breathtaking.” She walked across the room to the window and took in the moon. It was almost full tonight. “After that I drove to the beach.”

  “The beach? What on earth were you doing there at this hour?”

  “Thinking.”

  “You know I don’t like to interfere in your life, dear, but you haven’t been yourself lately, and you don’t look well.”

  “I’ve just been busy at work, Mom.”

  “This is more than that.” She patted the spot on the couch next to her. “Come. Tell me what’s got you so upset.”

  Mel did as her mother instructed and took the spot next to her. “If someone you loved made the biggest mistake of their life, would you forgive them?”

  Her mother skirted the question. “The answer to that lies within your heart. Do you love her enough to forget about whatever it is she’s done?”

  “How did you know?”

  “I may be old, but I’m not blind, dear.” She covered Mel’s hand with hers. “I just want you to be happy.”

  Mel was stunned. When had her mother become so progressive? A huge weight lifted from her shoulders. “I think I can be really happy with her. I just have to get past something.”

  “You were happy there for a little while after you divorced Jack.”

  “I was very happy.”

  “But I can see that’s somehow changed. Can you get back to that happiness?”

  Mel sat quietly for a minutes. “I do want to. I just don’t know if I can.”

  “You’re only hurting yourself by not forgiving her.”

  “You say that like it’s easy.”

  “Just think about it, dear. I haven’t seen you that happy or this sad in quite some time.” She squeezed her hand and then got up. “I’ll fix you something to eat, and then I want you to go up to your room and get a good night’s sleep. We’ll have a nice breakfast together in the morning.”

  Mel didn’t argue with her mother. She followed her into the kitchen and ate the grilled-cheese sandwich she’d cooked for her. When she was done, she went up to her old room and crawled into bed, thinking of how her life had changed over the past year. It had become full of love. She’d begun to anticipate a future filled with adventure, to plan a life with the woman responsible for making her see it.

  And now Izzy had become a stranger. Her mind longed to hear her voice, and her body ached for her touch. The depth of Mel’s aloneness weighed heavily in her chest. She hugged her pillow tight and sobbed into the cotton
case. She would never be that happy with anyone else, but she didn’t know if she could bury the pain of betrayal tormenting her.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Izzy wandered out of the hospital elevator and down the hall to the cafeteria. Coffee would be her only savior today. Lots of it. She hadn’t slept well in months, not since she’d seen or talked to Mel. Why does love have to be so fucking complicated? She slapped her hand to the wall. “What the hell is wrong with me? I was never gonna do this again. I can’t do this again.” She sighed and dropped back against the sterile-white cinder-block wall, catching a woman’s stare as she passed. Pointing a finger to her temple, Izzy made a circular motion. “Late for my appointment.” The woman gave her a tentative smile and hurried down the hallway. You think I’m crazy. You should meet the rest of my family.

  Squeezing her eyes shut, she remained glued to the wall, remembering the first time she’d brought Bella here. After they took her into the Intensive Care Unit, the nurse wouldn’t even let her in the room to see her right away. The nurse had led Izzy and her father to a waiting room filled with people, most of whom were exhausted. Some were sleeping, some were pacing, and some were just staring off into space. She shivered. Being here, in this hospital, unnerved her, and she knew it terrified Bella.

  She opened her eyes. The hallway was full, people hurrying in both directions. No one acknowledged her as they passed. None of them seemed to notice the fear invading her thoughts. Hell. No one even made an attempt at eye contact. She supposed all of them were dealing with their own problems. God, she hated this place—too big, too impersonal.

  She popped away from the wall and headed back to her mother’s room. Izzy didn’t think she could take much more of this, knowing the days to come could be even longer and more exhausting than the previous had been. She never wanted to experience this again. She could do nothing to help Bella and hated herself for bringing her here, for being so selfish. She should be at home in her own bed with people she loved caring for her. Izzy felt totally helpless and was going through it all alone. She was too stubborn to ask anyone for help, especially not the woman whose heart she’d broken. The woman she wanted to call the most.

  Next week, when this flare-up subsided, she would take Bella home and let her enjoy the holidays in her own home, surrounded by the people she loved. No more sterile white walls, surgical gloves, beeping monitors. She’d had enough of that. They all had.

  *

  Mel stopped at the nurses’ station to say hello before pulling open the sliding-glass door to Bella’s room. The curtains were already open on the floor-to-ceiling windows that covered one side of the room. Bella had commented before that the view of the pond was a beautiful sight in the morning.

  Bella was asleep, so Mel moved around the bed and sat in the chair. She studied the lines in her face. She’d definitely passed her beautiful features on to her eldest daughter. The high cheekbones, the small delicate nose, the dimples that made Mel shiver whenever Izzy smiled.

  The weight in her chest lingered, just as heavy as it had been since she found out about Dana. The trust she’d forged with Izzy had been shattered. She thought about what her mother had said about forgiveness. Could she possibly file it away and move forward? After what she’d been through with Jack, Mel didn’t know if she had the strength to do it again. She let out a heavy sigh and flipped through a week-old copy of People magazine to occupy her mind. The caption read Sexiest Man Alive, and the familiar face of her childhood friend stared back at her. If the public only knew he had a wonderful, loving male partner at home, he might not have ever made it to the cover.

  Bella shifted, and Mel saw her eyes begin to flutter.

  “Hi there, sweetheart. How are you today?” Mel asked softly.

  Bella smiled. “Not too bad.”

  “That’s good then, isn’t it?” She grinned as she inched closer to the bedside.

  Bella smiled at her for a minute, as though formulating what to say. “Have I told you how much I enjoy your visits?”

  “Yes, you have. But I think I enjoy them more.”

  “Are you sure you’re not one of my daughters?”

  “Not lucky enough for that, I’m afraid.”

  “Maybe a daughter-in-law.” She raised her brows. “With a beautiful girl like you, that could easily be arranged.”

  “That’s very sweet of you, Bella, but I’m steering clear of commitment for a while.” She responded to the offer the same way she had daily for the past few months. Bella had been trying to set her up with one of her children since she’d first started visiting.

  “I have a couple of lovely daughters also.”

  Mel chuckled softly. “Yes, you do.” There’s one in particular I need to erase from my heart, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen anytime soon.

  “Well, which one is it going to be then?”

  “Bella. Stop.” She reached over to squeeze her hand, but realized she hadn’t washed hers when she came in. “Be right back.” She popped up and went to the sink.

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “That’s not what the nurses say, and I’m not taking any chances.” She rubbed the empty space on her ring finger. The tan line had almost faded entirely. Izzy flashed into her mind again, and her stomach dropped. For the past few weeks, no matter what Mel did, she couldn’t seem to get Izzy out of her thoughts. Chances…maybe I should be taking more of them. She pumped the soap dispenser and lathered up. After drying her hands, she sat back down and took Bella’s hand. “Now, what’s on the agenda for today?”

  “Would you mind reading to me for a while?”

  “I’d love to.” She took the true-crime hardback book from the nightstand, found where they’d left off, and laid it in her lap before taking Bella’s hand again.

  Mel had just finished reading the first page of chapter nine when the glass door pulled open, and Izzy slipped in. Dressed in black jeans, flip-flops, and a turquoise V-neck T-shirt, she looked tired and had lost some weight, but she was just as gorgeous as Mel remembered.

  “Hi, Mom.” Her brows pulled together as she slid her gaze from Bella to Mel and back to Bella again.

  “Hi, sweetheart. I didn’t expect you back again today.”

  Neither did Mel. Emotions sparred back and forth within her. Happiness, anger, sadness, then anger again.

  “Lunch was slow. I got my dinner prep done early.” She turned her gaze back to Mel and held it there. “I didn’t think I’d see you here,” she said softly.

  Bella spoke up. “She comes to see me every day.”

  “What?” Her eyebrows flew up.

  “Don’t act so surprised. I told you about her. This is my friend, Mary Elizabeth.”

  “She’s the woman you’ve been trying to—”

  “Introduce you to,” Bella said eagerly.

  “Huh,” Izzy mumbled, and Mel thought she spotted a slight smile cross her lips. “Mary Elizabeth.” The name rolled slowly from her lips as she smiled at Mel and then grinned briefly at her mother.

  “I told you she was beautiful.”

  “Yes, you did.” She nodded and smiled. Those damn dimples captivated Mel again as Izzy returned her gaze to her. “Can I talk to you outside for a minute, Mary Elizabeth?” The name rolled deliberately off her tongue this time.

  Even with the smile masking her face, Mel knew from the steel in her eyes it wasn’t a request. “I’ll be right back,” Mel said, letting Bella’s warm, frail hand slip out of hers before crossing the room to the door.

  “I’ll put Animal Planet on for you while we’re gone.” Izzy found the bedside remote and switched on the TV before following Mel out.

  “What?” Mel growled, knowing she was in for an emotionally draining clash.

  “Not here.” Grabbing her hand as she passed, Izzy pulled her through another door and then out the exit. She kept walking until she made it to the farthest tree next to the small pond behind it. Mel yanked her hand away, and Izzy spun ar
ound with fire in her eyes. “Mary Elizabeth? That’s a fine Catholic name.” She lifted a brow and crossed her arms across her chest.

  “It’s my given name,” Mel responded, crossing her arms across her chest to match Izzy’s stance.

  “Where did Mel come from?”

  “If you must know, my little brother couldn’t pronounce Mary Elizabeth, so he called me Mellie. As I got older it seemed a little adolescent for the professional world, so I shortened it to Mel.” She bobbed her head mockingly as she spouted the information.

  “That was convenient.” Izzy didn’t make any attempt to hide the sarcasm in her voice. “Am I the only one you’ve hidden that tidbit of information from?”

  Anger bubbling inside her, Mel planted her hands on her hips. “You can’t honestly believe I was trying to deceive you.” She pressed her lips together into a thin smile.

  Izzy raked her hand through her hair. “No. I don’t believe that.” Izzy’s voice was soft and genuine. “Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been visiting my mother?” She stroked a small, heart-shaped cut that had been carved deeply into the tree trunk long ago.

  “It wasn’t important.”

  “The hell it wasn’t.” The attitude roared back.

  “Listen, Izzy, just because you and I can’t get along doesn’t mean I’m going to stop seeing Bella.”

  “You are if you’re doing it to get to me. I won’t have my mother used that way.” Izzy backed her up against the tree.

  “I think you’re mistaking me for someone else.” Izzy shifted uncomfortably, and Mel knew she’d caught her vague reference to Dana. “My seeing Bella has nothing to do with you. I was visiting her before you and I became friends. I’m not going to stop just because we’re not anymore.”

  Izzy cocked her head. “So we’re no longer friends?”

  “Hell. I don’t know what we are,” Mel shot back in a more hostile tone than she’d intended. “All I know is we’re not what we were.”

  “That’s the way you want it, isn’t it?”