Sarah Millican--The Queen of Comedy

by Tina Campanella

  Because of their format, in which a series of comedians appear on a ‘panel’, making gags in turn about a particular subject, the TV producers who make them require a steady stream of people who can provide quick-fire laughs. In the process the comedians turn themselves into a walking advert for their own material, which, instead of requiring word of mouth from those who might have been to their show to recommend it to others, is suddenly being seen directly by millions.

  In the 15 years or so since they were created, panel shows have gone from being rare but successful formulas, to one of the dominant types of programming on TV. Almost all of those who have appeared on such shows have gone on to make a lot of money. Even though they may only make a few hundred pounds from each appearance, being a regular guest on QI, 8 Out of 10 Cats or Argumental, among others, creates an instant audience eager to hear what a comic has to say live on stage.

  It is this profusion of panel format programmes that some believe will be the death of stand-up on TV. Although people still want to laugh, they will only continue to find it funny if they haven’t seen or heard the gag before. With so many shows trotting out the same formula, some believe that this over exposure will end up with many people losing interest.

  Another victim of the dangers of earning too much, with the recession as a probable influence, was Jonathan Ross. Not that long ago he was tied to the BBC with a golden handcuffs deal said to be worth £6 million.

  Although he was not a comedian, his shows often had a comedy element and he regularly teamed up with comics on the shows he presented. One of those was Russell Brand, who he joined on Brand’s Radio Two late-night show back in 2008. When the pair thought it would be hilarious to ring up the grandfather of one of Brand’s litany of conquests, Fawlty Towers actor Andrew Sachs, and brag down the phone, they hadn’t bargained on the level of vitriol that would be unleashed.

  Both lost their jobs, Ross having to take an extended period of leave from TV in Britain and Brand having to head across the Atlantic to find someone prepared to employ him regardless of his reputation.

  While many found what the stars did unacceptable, the fact that they were both paid large amounts of money at the public expense almost certainly contributed to the rage felt. It was yet another sign that people were starting to feel that while comedians may be entitled to earn a reasonable amount of money to stave off poverty in later life, if they started to mock those who paid their wages, they had better watch out.

  It wasn’t a new phenomenon. In 1970s America, during the country’s last bad recession, comedians were king. The stand-ups of the time, like Robin Williams, Richard Pryor and Bill Cosby, were among the first to make the move from the theatre to film and television. Many others began appearing on mainstream TV, on late night shows like The Tonight Show or Saturday Night Live. While these programmes were incredibly popular when they first started, eventually the audience began to tire of seeing the same old formats and increasingly similar jokes.

  The comedians listed above made millions in the 1970s and 80s. With a handful making so much, soon, everyone was wondering if they could make a fortune as a stand-up. The number of comics rose and the quality of joke telling dropped. As the 1990s dawned, TV viewers who were starting to suffer the effects of that decade’s recession began to yearn for something new. Seeing those who were making them laugh earn huge amounts of money began to stick in some throats. Others just weren’t being funny enough. As a result, earnings began to fall.

  American comics are back on ridiculous earnings, but even they have seen the amount they can earn fall again in the last few years. In 2009, Jerry Seinfeld earned $85 million (£55 million), partly off the back of his final TV series deal. In the same year, Chris Rock earned $40 million (£25 million). All in the US top 10 earned $10 million (£6.5 million) or more, including two ventriloquists.

  Just a year later, the uncertainty of it all was demonstrated by how much the figures had changed. In 2010, the highest-paid comic was another ventriloquist, Jeff Dunham, whose DVDs and film appearances earned him $22.5 million (£13 million).

  Most of those in the top 10 were able to take advantage of the money offered by roles in Hollywood films. With such a huge audience for laughs in the States, the fees they could earn from appearances were at the top end of anything even Michael McIntyre could earn. The tenth placed comedian, for example, Bill Engvall, could earn $100,000 per gig. But, perhaps showing how things had started to change, in 2010, Jerry Seinfeld didn’t even get into the top 10, and the overall amount earned was well down on the previous year.

  But, in the meantime, Sarah Millican has been on a high and taking advantage of the fact that comedy is currently literally gold. And, perhaps true to her upwardly mobile working class roots, she is adamant that she will be not one of those left working in a kiosk at the end of her career.

  Shortly after the incident with the videoing fan, she made no bones about the fact that it was essential to preserve the source of her income, to make sure she didn’t end up with nothing worthwhile to say.

  She told The Independent: ‘If I write a joke and it works, and it works consistently, that is gold to me. One hundred thousand people have bought tickets to see me on tour and if any of them see that and go, “Oh, I’ve heard this…” it’s spoilt a night out. It’s not just me saying, “it’s my material, leave it alone”.’

  Talking about the huge amounts she stood to earn in the modern era she said: ‘I’m aware that it does reap very good rewards, but I’m not embarrassed by that. The British newspapers’ fascination with money is slightly vulgar – that rather than going, “well done, you picked yourself up from nothing and you’ve really made something of yourself and you worked really hard almost constantly for four or five years and drove 50,000 miles a year”, which would be the American way – the British way is, “how the hell have you got that much money?” It’s quite jealous and dismissive of the work.’

  But, again true to her humble background, she is equally determined that she will not be changed by her new-found fortune. She told Jonathan Ross on his show: ‘It’s always nice when you work hard and it pays off. It hasn’t really changed me, it hasn’t really changed my life very much. I still shop in the same places and I still eat the same things, I think I need to upgrade a little bit, like, [but] I don’t go to designer clothes shops and things like that.’

  Demonstrating such typically down-to-earth northern ways of thinking, it is unlikely she’ll suffer the same fate as those from an earlier depression – who ended their days struggling to make ends meet.

  CHAPTER 26

  Home Bird and Beyond

  ‘I could never write an autobiography. There’s nothing left – it’s all on stage…’

  When the second series of The Sarah Millican Television Show aired in January 2013, it was swiftly followed by an announcement that a third was on its way.

  Sarah was now a fully-fledged television star, a comedian who could command an audience of nearly a quarter of a million on tour, and a proud cat owner. She had achieved her ambition with a steely determination – a fire in her belly that had begun seven years before when her first husband walked out on her, and had since been stoked each time she heard a crowd laugh at her witty jokes.

  In late 2012 she announced her third tour, Home Bird, a mammoth 86-date tour that stretched as far into the future as May 2014 and sold out, just like all her others.

  So what was next for the potty-mouthed Geordie? Certainly not Hollywood, where she says they wouldn’t understand a word she says. ‘They’d be saying: she’s lovely, but is she foreign?’

  Instead Sarah’s ambitions were much simpler. ‘To still be doing this in 30 years’ time, that’s all I want, just to be constantly getting better. I just want to be constantly improving. I want to be able to play the Albert Hall and nail that, but then be able to nail a gig that’s got four people in a pub who haven’t paid to be there, and there’s snooker and slot machines in the background… You want to mak
e those four people wee themselves as much as the people in the Albert Hall, you know? Just to be able to turn your hand to any room and make it work. I think I’m a long way off, I think most comics are a long way off, there’s only a handful that can do it. But that’s the ultimate aim.’

  Her other aim was to get a Nando’s For Life card. ‘A few high-profile comedians have got one,’ she has said, dreamily. ‘You can have free Nando’s whenever you like, up to five people each time.’

  But despite her incredible achievements Sarah has been grittily realistic about the future and never takes anything for granted – it’s one of the reasons she has been so successful.

  She embarked on her new comedy career with no room in her mind for failure. She worked day and night until she achieved critical acclaim, and she has approached each milestone since with the same work ethic. For Sarah, every award and every positive review was never enough. It simply spurred her on to do bigger and better things.

  And if it all ended – this magnificent, glittering career she has made for herself? ‘I’m very good in a call centre, so if this all goes to pot I’ll just try and get back into that,’ she says. ‘With this soft Geordie accent I could probably get a job in the complaints department. I’m pretty good at calming people down.’

  Even then it was doubtful you’d ever hear Sarah’s voice on the line again, and things were only going to get better for her, personally and professionally, in 2013.

  CHAPTER 27

  The Best Is Yet to Come…

  ‘I used to laugh really quietly, but I’ve grown in confidence. Now I don’t wait for permission anymore; I just laugh.’

  Sunday 12 May and the rain was taking centre stage at the 2013 BAFTA awards at the London Royal Festival Hall. The crème de la crème of television actors, reality stars, national treasures and well-known TV presenters gaily trotted up the red carpet, smiles plastered as they signed autographs, spoke to journalists and posed for the paparazzi whilst dodging the puddles. And Sarah was no exception. She was delighted to have been nominated for a BAFTA in the Best Entertainment Performance category alongside Ant and Dec, Alan Carr and Graham Norton and was excited about hitting the red carpet. ‘I was thrilled. If winning is chips and gravy then being nominated is still chips,’ she told the Radio Times. ‘Lovely, lovely chips.’

  She was certainly giddy with nerves as she waved to fans and spotted ‘amazing people, the best in the business – writers I’d admired, actors I’d cried to and comedians who’d made me laugh so much I got a headache’ - before taking part an interview with Heatworld.

  ‘Where is your lovely dress from?’ asked journalist Lucie Cave. ‘Er, it’s from the Trafford Centre,’ giggled a nervous Sarah. ‘To be honest, I’m not worried about what I am wearing, I am more worried about presenting an award. I have a job to do,’ she told them. Little did Sarah realise that her dress was soon going to be what everyone was talking about. In the run up to the big event, Sarah and a pal had visited John Lewis to choose an outfit for the special ceremony. ‘Fancy designer shops are out for me as I’m a size 18, sometimes 20 and I therefore do not count as a woman to them,’ she later revealed in the Radio Times.

  After Sarah tried on five dresses, she chose the one that she and her friend had ‘oohed’ at and that was that. She found it slightly bewildering that so many press had asked her who she was wearing but didn’t think anything else of it. She had a fabulous time at the awards. She might have lost out to Alan Carr, but she did get to meet long-term TV hero, Matt LeBlanc. However, it wasn’t until she was in a taxi on the way home that she realised what a hoo-ha her outfit choice had caused to the opinionated public.

  ‘I went on Twitter and it was like a pin to my excitable red balloon,’ she explained, in a touching feature for the Radio Times after the event. ‘Literally thousands of messages from people criticising my appearance. I was fat and ugly as per usual. My dress, (the one that caused oohs in the department store fitting room) was destroyed by the masses. I cried and cried in the car on the way home. The next day I was in the newspapers pilloried for what I was wearing. I was discussed and pulled apart on Lorraine.’

  In this heartfelt account of her experience that night, Sarah went on to explain that she wanted to apologise. ‘Sorry because I thought I had been invited to such an illustrious event because I am good at my job. Putting on clothes is such a small part of my day. They may well have been criticising me for brushing my teeth differently to them.’

  And the comedian wasn’t going to let this vile abuse get her down and she vowed to herself the following day, when her upset turned to anger, that if she was invited to the BAFTAs again the following year she would wear that same dress. ‘I felt wonderful in that dress, surely that’s all that counts?’ she asked readers. When she appeared on Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs the following year she talked about the more modern form of bullying that exists on social media. ‘The public, fans, nice people, realise how unimportant it is,’ she told Kirsty Young. ‘I was thrilled to be there [at the BAFTAs] it was so flattering. And then to be pulled apart for something so unimportant seems really odd. If I saw somebody wearing something and I thought, “oh that’s brave”, I wouldn’t go up and tell her. And that’s what Twitter and Facebook are. It’s tapping somebody on the shoulder and saying; “Oh you look rubbish, you shouldn’t be wearing that, you’re too fat for that, you’re too ugly for that.” Of course that hurts.’

  The following year, she did indeed get an invite back the prestigious awards as The Sarah Millican Television Programme was nominated again in the same category. Sadly, she was performing her stand-up show in Buxton at the time of the ceremony so wasn’t able to attend. But that didn’t stop her making a point. When fellow comic Jason Manford tweeted her to ask if she was going to keep her pledge of wearing the same dress, she posted a photo of herself in the that same frock with the caption ‘BAFTA dress on and almost showtime in Buxton.’ The public and media loved her gutsy attitude with Metro listing ‘6 reasons why Sarah Millican is simply brilliant (and her BAFTA bullies should run away and hide)’.

  Sarah later revealed that she had received an extraordinary response from the audience that night with the tweet, ‘Well, I’m glad I didn’t buy a new dress,’ and then later, ‘And an extra special thanks to those in my audience in Buxton last night. Your response when I walked out in my BAFTA dress choked me up.’ It was a statement of power, a two-fingers-up at the fashionistas of the world who bullied and insulted her and she won. Not only was she making a statement to everyone that it shouldn’t matter what you wear, it was a personal triumph for the comedian who has never been and will never be dictated to over her appearance. ‘Am I funny? Yes. Do you care what I have on? No. As long as I’m covered, as long as nothing’s hanging out unless I want it to hang out. I think that’s enough,’ was her simple yet powerful reply to the bullies.

  But there was an extra special accessory she was supporting with her BAFTA dress the second time she wore it, a sparkling wedding ring! Having previously summed up her relationship with Gary Delaney, who she had been dating since 2006, by saying ‘we’re having a lovely time but don’t believe in forever,’ she announced to her fans on Twitter in a New Year message at the beginning of 2014 that they had tied the knot over the festive season.

  In a post on January 3, she said; ‘Thrilled to announce that @garydelaney and I got married last weekend. We are loved up and beaming. X.’ It didn’t take long for the messages of congratulations to come pouring through the social networking site and Sarah was inundated with well wishes. ‘@sarahmillican75 @garyDelaney many congratulations, little bit hurt, not gonna lie;) x’ exclaimed TV presenter Philip Schofield. Overwhelmed by the amount of congratulatory messages she had received, she put out a touching tweet from her and new hubby. ‘Thanks for all the lovely messages from friends and fans alike. Bunch of smashers, you are. X’

  The wedding was a simple yet personal affair and Sarah revealed some of the details of the big day when
she took part in Desert Island Discs later that year. She told radio host Kirsty Young that, as she wasn’t particularly religious, there weren’t any hymns that she particularly liked so she decided to choose something less traditional – Paul McCartney’s ‘Frog Chorus’. As an avid listener of Desert Island Discs, she told Kirsty she had got the idea when she listened to actress Kathy Burke on the show. ‘There was a Frank Sinatra song and it was in the order of service of a wedding she was at and it said it in the service sheet “everybody sing with gusto” and I remember listening to that and thinking how lovely, to just go “we love this song, we want all of our friends and family to sing it.” How awesome would that be? So when we were planning the wedding and thinking what could we pick that everybody would sing, Gary started playing this [the Frog Chorus] so I started to laugh. Then he said, “listen to the lyrics” and I started to cry so we played this at our wedding and the whole congregation sang all the noises. We made sure all the noises were in the order of service as well and this is what we walked out of the wedding to.’

  She had come a long way from her interviews in which she insisted she would never marry again, which proves how much she has grown in strength – as a person ready to face that commitment but not desire it so intently it is the be all and end all. ‘I don’t think a piece of paper changes your relationship,’ she had previously told the Mirror Online. ‘If it makes it more acceptable to others, others should butt out. I like the security of knowing I’ll never be out on my ear again. I’m a whole person – I never wanted to be part of a couple in that ‘my other half’ sort of way’.