Live the Dream

by Josephine Cox

  For long, breathless minutes they sat very still, watching and waiting, until suddenly there she was—the most beautiful creature, slim and elegant, her body brown and dappled and her dark brown eyes wide and her face silky as she gazed at them with nervous curiosity.

  She looked at Amy and the boy, and for an instant it seemed as though she might go away, but when Luke dipped into his jacket pocket and held out his hand, she took one hesitant step forward. A wary moment, then she took another. Johnny began to fidget. She stopped, eyes alert and frightened.

  Luke whispered for him to stop fidgeting.

  Slowly, the creature began to tread its way towards them again. Luke kept his hand stretched out and, murmuring words of persuasion, enticed her nearer, until she was only a step away.

  Now, she was nuzzling Luke's hand, her soft, moist nose pushing against his skin and her eyes half closed as she tenderly took the corn treat. Slowly, Luke took Johnny's tiny hand and, bringing it to the creature's head, he tenderly stroked the length of her velvet-soft ears. 'It's all right,' he kept saying, 'it's all right.' And the deer knew they would not hurt her.

  After a while she turned and walked away, leaving the three seated on the steps: Luke delighted that she had come out to greet his visitors, and the other two trembling with the wonder of what they had just witnessed.

  'See!'Johnny was the first to break the wondrous silence. 'I told you I saw a dog.'

  Amy gave him a hug. 'It wasn't a dog,' she said. 'It was a deer.'

  'Can I have one?'

  'No,' Amy laughed.

  'Why not?' As always, Johnny wanted reasons.

  'They couldn't live in a house,' Luke told the boy. They're wild, you see? The forest is all they know. It took me an age to gain her trust, and now she comes to see me whenever she can.'

  The boy had put two and two together. 'Was that your friend?'

  Luke nodded. 'She's my best friend in all the world.'

  'Can I see her again?'

  Raising his gaze to Amy, Luke answered, 'That's not for me to say. You'll need to ask Amy.'

  Amy read his thoughts and her heart turned somersaults. 'We'll see,' she told Johnny. 'For now, though, we'd best be making tracks back to Daisy.'

  At that, Luke clambered up. 'Not before you've sampled my tea,' he said hopefully. 'There's plenty of time yet.'

  Amy agreed. 'But then we'll have to go,' she finished reluctantly.

  Taking a bucket, he walked ahead. 'You can come with me to the brook, if you like?'

  And so they went, and Johnny ran on ahead while Luke and Amy talked of the deer, and Luke's cosy cabin, and Amy revealed how pleased she was that he'd asked them along.

  As they broke through the woods to emerge near a fast- flowing brook, Luke warned, 'Stay away from the edge, Johnny. It's dangerously slippery underfoot.'

  While he filled his bucket with clean fresh water, Amy kept the boy a short distance away. 'I want to live here,' Johnny declared. 'We can bring Mammy and all of us, and make a house like Ben's.'

  'That would be nice,' Amy humoured him, 'only we have to work, or we won't have any money.'

  'Ben lives here,'Johnny answered. 'He doesn't work, and it's all right.' And the boy's innocent remark got Amy thinking.

  On the way back, while Johnny went forward towards the cabin, Amy took the opportunity to ask Luke about himself.

  'I think I already mentioned that I work in my parents' shop,' she began.

  That's right.'

  Curious, but needing to know more about him, Amy asked tentatively, 'Would it be too forward of me to ask, what kind of work you do?'

  At her question he slowed his step, but he kept his gaze to the ground and remained silent for a time.

  Her curiosity had set his mind racing. Should he tell her the truth about himself? And if he was ever going to confide in her, then surely this would be the best chance he might ever get.

  But wouldn't that put him in a bad light with her? After all, he had blatantly lied, calling himself by the name of Ben. If he was now to reveal the truth, what would she think of him? What if it turned her against him? Oh, he didn't want that. He would never want that.

  Amy waited for his answer. When he was hesitant, she suspected he might be angry that she should have asked about his business, especially when he was so obviously a man who valued his privacy. After all, he was evidently no woodlander but a man of means with a smart motor car and the time and income to indulge himself with this charming grown-up playhouse. Maybe he was well known in Blackburn—he seemed to know Blackburn well—and was hiding a very public identity. Whatever, Amy decided there was no sinister motive—Ben was much too kind for that—so he must just be an intensely private person and she had intruded with her question.

  As they reached the clearing, Amy murmured, 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you.'

  Luke's answer was curt. 'You didn't offend me.'

  Taking hold of Johnny's hand, Amy followed Luke into the cabin. 'I asked what you did for a living, and it's none of my business,' she persisted. 'I had no right to ask. Forget I mentioned it, will you? Please?'

  Luke turned to smile at her. 'It's forgotten.'

  He then went to the drawer and, taking out a sheaf of drawing paper, gave it to Johnny. 'You can sit at the table and draw if you like?' He had his own reasons for wanting to keep the boy entertained.

  Johnny climbed onto the chair. 'What will I draw?'

  'Whatever you please. You can draw our little friend with her big soft eyes, or you can draw the boulders with the water tumbling over. It's up to you.'

  'I'd like to paddle in that water,'Johnny declared boldly, 'but I might drown! That's what I think.'

  Luke laughed out loud. 'You think right!' he said. 'But you won't drown while me and Amy are about, because we'd soon be in the water to get you out. But the water here is fast-flowing and dangerous. The best thing of all is to stay right away from it, at least until you learn to swim.'

  While they talked, Amy stayed at the back of the room from where she observed them together. She saw how trusting Johnny was, and recalled how he had taken to Ben from the start. She saw how protective Ben was towards Johnny. And she was deeply moved by it.

  When he turned to regard her with that deep, intense gaze, Amy felt her heart turn somersaults.

  'Have you

  time for a hot drink before you go?' he asked hopefully.

  'Thank you, yes. I'd like that.'

  She offered to make the tea but he would hear none of it. 'You're my guest,' he said, and quickly set about boiling the water on the paraffin stove.

  When the tea was made and he had poured three cups, one of which he left to cool for Johnny, he took the other two and went in search of Amy, who had gone outside.

  Seated on the veranda steps, she had one wary eye on Johnny and the other on the distant brook. It was so unbelievably beautiful here, she thought. If she had not known different she could have imagined herself to be anywhere but in the vicinity of Blackburn.

  In town, the sky hung low and ominous, while here, the sky seemed far out of reach. In town the streets were lined with lampposts and never a tree in sight, while here the trees stood tall and strong, with their branches stretching all around like a galaxy of giant umbrellas. Then there, just beyond, was the water, just as he had described, 'fast-flowing and dangerous'.

  This countryside was all a new and splendid experience to Amy, and there was a glory about it that held her gaze and lifted her soul, and in that moment, in the clear light, with the rustle of leaves and muted winter call of birds, when she seemed so much a part of it, she never wanted to leave. She would be content to stay for ever in this magical place.

  Behind her, Luke stood holding the cups, his quiet eyes drinking in the sight of Amy, and his heart more content than he had known in an age. It seemed so right and natural that she should be here, and he could hardly believe it.

  All this time he had gazed at her painting and longed to speak with her and s
hare her smile, and now here she was, real and warm, and, if her expression was anything to go by, her heart, like his, was deeply touched by this very special place.

  Not wanting to break the silence but knowing he must, he stepped forward and reaching down, handed her the cup of tea. Then he sat beside her.

  'Just now, you seemed so far away…deep in thought?'

  She nodded, her voice little more than a whisper. 'I was thinking how a body might well want to stay here, and never leave.'

  'You're right,' he murmured. 'I've felt that way, since I first came to this little paradise.'

  Amy was curious. 'How did you find it?'

  He told her about coming here with his grandparents, who had owned the land, in his school holidays, and how the woods had become associated with those carefree times. Here he had learned to fish and survive a day at the hands of nature, to appreciate the beauty and solitude of this lovely part of Lancashire. Now the land was his.

  Amy finished the tale for him. 'So, you made this clearing and built your cabin, and now this is where you hide, when the weight of the world weighs you down?'

  For a moment he did not answer. He looked into her eyes and there he saw a reflection of his own, deeper feelings. 'I do love it here,' he answered, 'and you're right: this is where I hide.'

  He glanced back to see how Johnny was occupied with his drawing. 'Amy?'

  'Yes?'

  'Must you go?'

  'You know I have to.'

  'Will you ever come back, do you think?'

  Amy shrugged. 'Who knows?'

  'But you won't promise?'

  'I can't promise.'

  She so much wanted to come back here; even to leave little Johnny at home and be here with Ben, just the two of them. But she was afraid of the way he made her feel. There was something about this place, about him, that made her wary. She was fond of Jack, but she could not recall ever feeling like this with him. It was strange. And a little frightening.

  Finishing her tea, she stood up to place her cup on the handrail. 'It's time we went,' she said.I'll get Johnny.'

  As she brushed past him, he caught her by the hand.

  'Wait!' A look of anxiety shaded his features. 'There's something you need to know.'

  Amy sensed his concern and was afraid. 'What is it?'

  'I lied to you,' he went on quickly before he might lose his courage. 'My name isn't Ben. It's…" he hesitated, before finishing in a rush, 'my name is Luke Hammond.'

  It took only a second or two to register in Amy's mind.'Luke Hammond? Stunned, she stared at him. 'Luke Hammond, the factory owner?' The anger rose inside her. He had lied to her! Why had he felt the need to lie?

  When he nodded, she turned from him without another word. Hurrying into the cabin, she felt a pang of fear when the boy was nowhere to be seen. 'Johnny?' When suddenly her eyes alighted on him, she gave a, sigh of relief. Having wandered to the other side of the room, he was peering at something against the wall. She went across to him at a run. 'Come on, Johnny.' Taking him by the hand, she told him, 'We have to go.'

  Having put the fire screen in place, Luke waited at the door. 'I'm sorry,' he said.I'll take you back now.' He cursed himself for not having told her the truth from the start. But he had been afraid to tell her. He had hoped always to keep his identity secret, because the man he was today was the man he desperately needed to be. It was not the man who ran the factory and held his life together with duty and responsibility. He had never wanted Amy tainted with all that. She was already, in his mind, a part of this retreat on the Tuesdays when the factory owner became a free man.

  As they drove home, the silence weighed heavy.

  No one spoke, not even Johnny, who sensed an atmosphere and instinctively curled himself into Amy's embrace. In a matter of minutes the gentle bumping of the car and the hum of the engine lulled him to sleep.

  When the car drew up at the market, Luke clambered out to open the back door.

  'I'm sorry,' he told Amy. 'I should never have lied to you.' Reaching into the car he helped them both out, Johnny being still dozy from his sleep. 'Will you stay a minute?' Luke asked her. 'Let me explain?'

  Amy shook her head. 'We have to go.'

  Luke persisted. 'It doesn't matter, does it…who I am?'

  She had been doing up Johnny's coat buttons, but now she paused and, looking up, took stock of him for a minute—that mop of dark hair, those intense, sad eyes—and she felt a pang of guilt. He had been nothing but kind and hospitable to her and Johnny—and had done them the honour of sharing his private retreat with them. 'No,' she answered. 'It doesn't matter. But we have to go now.'

  Visibly relieved with her answer, he asked, 'Will you forgive me?'

  She nodded. That was all. A curt, hesitant little nod, but it was enough for Luke. For now.

  Amy finished buttoning Johnny's coat.

  'Are we going to see Daisy?' Wakening fast, he smiled up at Luke. 'I like your friend,' he said. 'She's mine too now, isn't she?'

  Luke ruffled his hair. 'She certainly is,' he said brightly, 'and I hope I'm your friend too…yours and Amy's?' He turned his attention to her, but she made no reply. Instead she wondered what kind of man he was, to lie like that, even to the boy.

  'Thank you for a lovely time,' she told him, for it had been wonderful—until he spoiled it, she thought regretfully.

  In a minute he was in his car and driving back the way they had just come.

  'You're a damned fool, Hammond!' he told himself. 'You should have been truthful from the start, especially with a woman like Amy.'

  He thought about his situation and the way he was forever torn two ways. He thought about his unhappy, mundane life and the split between the man he was and the man he wanted to be, and he wondered if sometimes his fantasies got in the way of real life. He hoped not. For if that was the case, it might well be the first step to madness.

  'Why aren't we going to see Daisy?' Johnny was bitterly disappointed. 'You said we could.'

  'I know I did, and I'm sorry.' Having rushed the boy and herself across the marketplace, Amy had paid the tram fare

  ' and now they were in their seats and on the way home. 'We stayed too long away,' she said. 'It's too late to go to Daisy's.'

  'Can we see her tomorrow?'

  Amy recalled something Maureen had said that morning. 'I think your mammy said she was going into town tomorrow,' she answered. 'Maybe you'll see Daisy then.'

  She wondered whether to tell Daisy about today, or if it might be better not to mention it at all. But then, Johnny was sure to say something. But even if he did, she mused, there was no reason why Daisy should know that the man involved was Luke Hammond himself.

  The name was emblazoned in her mind. Luke Hammond. A wealthy man. A man of secrets.

  Johnny busied himself looking out the window. 'I saw your picture.'

  Amy had been deep in thought. 'Sorry, sweetheart, what did you say?'

  He turned to look at her. 'He had your picture. It was nice.'

  Amy's heart skipped a beat. 'What do you mean, Johnny? Who had my picture?

  'The man…Ben. It was a nice picture.' He grinned shyly. 'I peeped.'

  'Are you sure it was me?' she asked, trying to sound calm.

  He shook his head. 'Don't know.' Now he wasn't so sure, especially as Amy wasn't very happy about it. 'I shouldn't have peeped, should I?'

  Amy hugged him. 'It's all right,' she assured him. 'I expect it was something and nothing. We'll just forget about it. All right?'

  Johnny had been drawing, and the drawing was left behind. No doubt he had drawn her likeness, as he had done many times before. It was of no consequence.

  His quick, bright smile warmed her heart. 'All right,' he said.

  And it was quickly forgotten.

  For the rest of the journey, Amy turned her thoughts to Luke. Why had he felt the need to lie? And why would a man like Luke Hammond want a 'hideaway'?

  Deep down she understood, because weren't there
times when she too would like a hideaway where she could sit and think and let the madness of the world pass her by?

  And why not a man like Luke Hammond; a man who worked as hard and long as he did, and when his work was done he had to go back to a reputedly difficult and demanding woman, a woman who had cheated on their marriage? Of course he needed a sanctuary.

  She had felt such a bond between them when they were at the cabin—a sense of growing friendship. She thought of his strong hands as he scooped the water from the brook with the bucket, his gentleness with the tame deer, and his delight in showing the creature to his visitors. She thought of his sad dark eyes, his handsome face and tender manner.

  So he had lied about his name? But that was just to protect his privacy, and to avoid making her feel uncomfortable, wasn't it? After all, if he'd revealed that he was Luke Hammond at the outset, would she have accepted his invitation? Probably not.

  It had been fun at his lovely woodland hideaway—until she'd spoiled things. Johnny was already asking to go back. But Luke Hammond would, she thought with a sudden rush of regret, not invite her to go again.

  Chapter Twelve

  The following Tuesday, Amy, after much deliberation, decided she would go to Tooley's Cafe after she'd done her shopping. It was no use avoiding the place on account of Luke Hammond. Daisy would soon be demanding to know why she was staying away, and, anyhow, Luke might not be there at the time Amy was. They didn't always coincide. Possibly, she thought miserably,he'd stay away from the cafe, not wanting to see the ungrateful girl who'd got on her high horse after he'd shared the secret of his lovely hideaway with her.

  When Tuesday came round, Maureen took Johnny with her to a new part-time job she'd taken, pushing a tea trolley round the town hall offices. Maureen thought it a poor job and was already talking about finding something better; Johnny was very pleased he'd be 'giving out biscuits, like Daisy does', and was rather keener than his mother.

  Amy was half sorry not to have Johnny with her and half pleased in case he saw Luke and blurted out something to Daisy.

  When Amy opened the door of Tooley's the first person she saw was Luke, sitting in the window, reading his newspaper. He looked up, smiled at Amy and then glanced quickly round the cafe. Daisy was nowhere in sight—evidently in the back, wrestling with the toaster, from the smell of charred bread pervading the steamy atmosphere.