Manage Me (Toven's Circus #1)

by Marlowe Fox

  “Kiki,” he starts and I cannot help the snort that escapes. He nips at my ear. “Kiki, has been my number one, and only, until recently. She has the best GPS tracking device money can buy. All I had to do was look on my phone and follow.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry I took off on your bike.” I murmur.

  “It’s alright, I wish you had told me but it did answer that question from the other day.” He says brushing his warm nose against my chilled ear. “Where did you learn to ride?”

  “Ex-boyfriend taught me a thing or two. I kinda have a soft spot for a sexy man on a motorcycle.” I appreciate that he is deferring to a distraction allowing me some time to relax before jumping into the crap storm, so I cuddle back against him, enjoying the view and this man who is so quickly taking me over.

  “First, successfully riding a Ducati demands knowing more than just a thing or two. And second, Beauty, you had a soft spot for me before you even saw my bike.” He rumbles into my neck sending chills down my spine.

  “To be totally honest, it was your fingers. Seeing them stroking the strings of the guitar made my body come alive and hum with need.” I purr attempting to rub against him but receive a slap on the ass instead.

  “You’ve been spoiled on my cock.” He says gruffly but nuzzles sweetly into my ear and neck. “Tell me what sent you running.”

  I turn to face him and take a deep breathe before laying out the phone conversation with my father. Jaden’s eyebrows and eyes became more pissed as I continue and by the end, his jaw is clinching. He turns to lean on the rail facing out towards the water then rests his head into his hands.

  “Mother fucker, I knew something was off that morning. FUCK!” He yells slamming his palms on the wooden railing. Turning to me, I expect to see anger but he look horrified. He steps towards me slowly reaching a hand out, like he expects me to bolt away.

  “Nell, Beauty, I want nothing to do with her. I promise you, you are all that I want.” His big hand brushes over my cheek and I lean into it. “But…I do need to tell you something that does involve Emily. The reason why I was meeting up with her that morning. I wasn’t keeping it from you, I swear, I was going to tell you but I wanted to know more information before I did. I didn’t want to chase you away, not when I just found you.” I brush his lips with mine seeking to comfort and to get comfort. While my stomach twist in fear, I know this is going to be bad but I am resolved to stick by his side and help him through this.

  “Just tell me.” I whisper against his lips. He takes a deep breath, shutting his eyes while leaning he forehead against mine.

  “Emily says she is pregnant.” And there it is, the kick to the chest and I suck in a breath of shock because of all the things running through my head, that wasn’t even close to one of them. “She says that it is mine despite the fact that I always wrapped up tight with everyone except you, but especially with her.” He continues to explain about the day she showed up in Portland at the bus and then the next day when he met up with her.

  “She sent me this today.” He pulls out his phone and shows me a grainy black and white video. A tiny white blob flickers and twitches. Then the sound comes through a fast wispy sound followed by a man’s voices saying it’s the heartbeat.

  My heart is hammering uncontrollably and I want to vomit all over the phone but I just stand there and stare at the little flickering life. Life that may be forever linked to Jaden. I have no doubt that Jaden will want to be in the child’s life and hope that he will be allowed to be a good father. Selfishly I cannot help but contemplate where that puts me or where I want to be in the situation. Jaden and I had been together for a couple days. We also do not even know if the child is really his.

  “Beauty, please say something.” Jaden has my face in his hands again, scared I am going to run. I give him a reassuring kiss, that he quickly deepens, and despite the tumescent blow that was just delivered, my stress recedes and my body comes to life. The quick kiss extends into several minutes of devouring mouths and groping hands. Despite the shit storm upon us, the connection between us is deeply prevalent, it goes past sex, past the needs of wanting each other, past needing one another. My soul feels freed with him, safe and happy for the first time in my life.

  When I step back I look at him and say, “It’s okay. We are okay. We will get a DNA test and figure it out from there. Until then, she’s agreed to keep you updated on everything, right?”

  “You’re not freaking out?” He looks completely dumbfounded and I cannot help but laugh. “Why aren’t you freaking the fuck out? Cause I am!”

  I run my hands along his forearms trying to sooth him. “There isn’t a whole lot we can do if the baby is yours or not. But it’s not worth stressing about until we know for sure. Then you can have a freak out and we can go from there.”

  “If the baby is mine or not, I won’t lose you because of it.” He firmly states, his eyes wild with fear. “I won’t lose the woman I love because of a situation I didn’t want and covered my dick up to prevent.”

  “Jaden, I am not going anywhere. I meant that we would decide what the plan would be if the baby is yours. I know you will want to be in its life. I can’t say that I am pleased with the idea of you having a baby with another woman, but it happened before we even met. We have only been together a few days, Jaden, who knows what will end up happening, especially if my dad finds out about us.” He wraps me up tight in his arms and kisses the top of my head several times, while I snuggle into his wide chest.

  “Craven can go fuck himself.” He growls

  “Jaden, my Dad hold yours and the bands career in his hands. You can’t just say, fuck off, and risk everything, even for me.

  “After today we will be out at The Gorge Amphitheater for a few days and its out in the middle of nowhere Washington. We will have some time to talk and figure out some kind of plan on dealing with your Dad and Emily.” He holds me tight, gently swaying us from side to side, while I try to relax against him.

  "How did I get so lucky to find you?"

  Being the face grabber he is, Jaden latches on once again looking deep into my eyes. “The moment I saw you I knew, the moment your eyes locked onto mine I knew, the second you bit this lip,” he pulls my lip from between my teeth. “I knew you were made to be mine. You were going to be the forever I’d always wanted but never found. Nell, my beautiful delicious sweet Beauty, my heart, my body, my soul, all of me belongs to you. I am so completely in love with you. I am the lucky one to have found you.” The honesty and love shines though in his eyes as he whips away the tears running down my cheeks.

  “No one has ever said such beautiful words to me before or love me like you do.” I just barely get a glimpse of tortured disappointment before Jaden’s lips come crashing down on mine. Silencing me from saying anymore or preventing himself from having to hear what I have to say and I will cowardly accept the escape.

  After several moments, Jaden pulls away, a huge smile on his face. “Come on. I’d still like to take you on that date.” Grabbing my hand he tugs me back towards the parking lot.

  “Do I get to drive Kiki again?”

  “Pift! You didn’t get to earlier. You stole my baby.” He spins quickly and I smack into his chest allowing his free hand to grab onto my ass. “And don’t think you won’t be punished for it later. You only ride my bike when I say you can…” his lips get close to mine but don’t touch. “Got it?”

  “Yes.” I whimper pushing forward to make contact but he pulls away, landing a much less playful smack on my ass, the kind that burns right into your core. If Jaden is phased, he hides it because he just turns around and keeps walking, dragging me behind him.

  First we drive to the outskirts of the city, through the beautiful green woods that seem to stretch forever. We find a little sub shop to grab lunch to go and set out in search of a quiet place to eat and talk. We caught up on all the trivial things in life; our favorite colors, foods, beer, ice cream, clearly the most important things. We laughed a lot
and shared our mutual love of music.

  Jaden

  I didn’t think I could fall anymore in love with Nell but the more that we share, the more that we laugh, the more time we just share breathing the same air, the more I fall for this girl. She shared her fear of performing and I secretly hope that I can help her overcome that. I deeply want to share the stage with her and her violin. I ache to play together, just her and me.

  “I would really like to hear you play again. Maybe we could play ‘Her Song’ together,” I ask. We are laying on a blanket in a grassy area we found along the shore of the Puget Sound. I lay on my back, one arm slung behind my head, while the other plays with her hair resting on my chest. Her head finds that perfect place on my chest. That place I am beginning to consider hers, likes it was made just for her.

  “You really want to hear me play?” she asks with uncertainty in her eyes.

  “Nell, I want to experience every part of you. I’d crawl inside your body and live there forever if I could.” She chortles as I realize how weird I sound, “And I mean that in the least creepy, psycho way possible.” She snorts and I love that she thinks my awkward creepiness is funny.

  “I love ‘Her Song’, it’s become my favorite of all of Toven’s songs.”

  “Mine too. Will you play with me when we get back to the bus?” I ask, mere seconds from begging.

  “Okay, but in the bedroom away from the rest of the band.” She agrees but with hesitation.

  “Deal! Should we head out?” I’m so excited, I want to jump up and go before she changes her mind.

  “Do we have to?” she asks looking up at me with pleading scared eyes.

  Changing tactics I throw out, “I still want to show you more of Seattle.”

  “Oh, then yeah, let’s go.” She starts to push off of me but I pull her back down and onto my lips. We plunge and purge each other’s mouth, getting as close to each other as our clothes will allow. When her exploring hands start to tug at my belt buckle, I pull back and stop their momentum. Proving a point can be a mother fucker. A mew of protest escapes her swollen lips and I just grin up at her.

  “Punishment remember.” I state, before flipping her on her back and settling one leg between her thighs. She glares up at me knowing my plan is just to torture her some more, so when I move in to kiss her, she stubbornly turns her head. I miss kissing her lips but that doesn’t stop me. I land at that magical spot, right below her ear, the spot that always causes her to suspire. Dragging my teeth down causing goosebumps to break out all over her body. Nell arches her back, pressing her chest up to mine and a growl escapes as I lick along her clavicle. Moving down, I use my chin scruff to tickle her skin setting it ablaze. With a single finger, I catch the collar of her shirt, exposing the valley between my breasts and using my scruff once more, I tickle and graze the soft tender skin. Before pulling back and blowing ever so gently along the valley causing her body to quiver and shudder. Every inch of her skin prickling with goosebumps. Her nipples are hard peaks, pleading for attention, practically drilling through the fabric between us, while her hip flex her center against my thigh seeking relief.

  Nell

  When Jaden pulls back and stands up, reaching a hand out to me, I just lay there panting and confused. My brain is so horny for his cock, I feel like I am drunk. Hmm, maybe this is what Love Drunk feels like, a giggle escapes, and Jaden frowns.

  “Is there something funny about your punishment?” He growls that sexy growl, causing another shot of moisture to spill into my already drenched panties. I push my thighs together tight and start to squirm around, hoping to relieve a little tension, but Jaden is on to me and pull my legs back apart. “Your pleasure is mine and I will give it to you when you have severed your time for stealing Kiki.”

  I snort in a horrible unladylike fashion, but fuck him, he’s driving me sex crazy on purpose. I’m light headed, horny as a fucking jack rabbit, and starting to consider punching him in his too pretty face. But maybe I’ll fuck with him instead. Maybe he will get so pissed, he will punish me with aggressive angry growly sex.

  “Kiki is truly the worst name for a bike I’ve ever heard! I mean really, that’s the name of a 1pm stripper or maybe a dog, not a hot as fuck motorcycle.” I say laughing my ass off. I know what I’m saying is stupid but from the look on Jaden’s face he is getting irritated that I am not as fazed by his “punishment” as he had planned me to be. I am sure he was expecting me to be whining and begging for his cock at this point, not laughing at him.

  “I see what you are trying to do Princess and it’s not going to work.” He grumbles with a scowl.

  “I think I need to come up with something clever to call you and the impressive friend you have there in your pants. Maybe Edward…” I ponder sitting up so I am eye-level with said trouser snack.

  “Like that fucking sparkly douche vampire? No!” He crosses his arms over his massive chest.

  “Whoa, got that Twilight reference awfully fast, Rockstar. There goes your man card. Come one, hand it over.”

  “Ashton likes to act like a dude but she’s into all that girlie shit like the rest of you.”

  “Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, Baby.” I say with a smirk as I am attacked to the ground by the angry man beast.

  Forty-five angry naked sweaty minutes later, we lay there panting and snuggling together.

  “Fuck, that sassy mouth of yours makes me lose control. I’m going to have to come up with another way of punishing you.”

  “I’ll look forward to it.” I mumble against his neck causing him to groan.

  “We need to get dressed and go, before I take you again.”

  We detangle ourselves, locate our clothes, before cleaning up our mess, and getting back on the bikes to head back into the city. We make the rounds to all the fun tourist places in Seattle; The Space Needle, the EMP Museum (Jaden was super excited about seeing Kurt Cobain’s guitar.) We explored the famous Pike Place Market, seeing the fish fly, all the hand-made goods, the art, and the foods. Jaden bought me a beautiful bouquet of wild flowers, which he had snuck off to get while I was distracted in a jewelry booth. If there was ever a more perfect day, I wanted nothing to do with it, this was the only day I ever wanted to live over and over again.

  ******************************************

  We got back to the bus after having an amazing dinner in a wonderful seafood restaurant called Aqua that was right down on the water. Jaden is practically bouncing as he rushes me into the back bedroom, his acoustic guitar in hand. I dig out my little black case as the nerves start to rush in. I’ve never played with anyone else. What if I screw up and can’t follow the same beat and timing. Upon standing, Jaden is right behind me, wrapping me up tight in his large arms.

  “Please don’t be nervous, I’ll still love you, always, even if you suck ass.” Surprisingly this makes me laugh and the nerves settle back. We sit down on the bed and fiddle with our instruments, when ready we look at one another and Jaden starts playing. I wait a few beats before I jump in. We play through the whole song a few times, playing in sync and getting lost together. Jaden starts to sing softly along and I pick up harmonizing on the chorus.

  “Silence is deafening

  Hearts are empty

  Love for none

  Decay eats it away

  The empty crevice remains.

  Her song singing,

  Her song weeping,

  Her song killing and feeding,

  That heart left to float

  A blackened soul will never repent

  Never again will breath escape

  My fucking soul to die

  My soul so filled with hate.

  Her song singing,

  Her song weeping,

  Her song killing and feeding

  Bleeding

  Time ticking, life careening

  To be used as a tool

  Will tonight be your night?

  Do you want to fill this hole?


  I’ll never let her go

  I’ll hold her heart

  I can’t promise her no pain

  I won’t promise her light.”

  We fiddle and played with the music and the longer we are at it the more curious the band got, each one slowly trickles in. I find myself comfortable with them, even when all five of us are crammed in the back with our instruments. We play nearly all night running through several other Toven’s songs that my violin would fit in. I have always loved music but I don’t ever remember a time where I had so much fun while making it. Where I have been so relaxed and calm as the sound flowed through me and out of Lil Ella.

  We worked on several other songs that we could dial back to an acoustic arrangement. Jaden was already playing ‘Her Song’ and they liked the idea of doing a couple others along with it. Then Finn shocked me.

  “Nell, why don’t you join us on stage for the acoustic part of the show? The violin really makes the songs sound perfect, the fans will love it.”

  “I…I…” I didn’t know what to say, I hated playing in front of others but him asking is me to join them on stage is beyond unbelievable. Before I can say no though Jaden jumps in.