Manage Me (Toven's Circus #1)

by Marlowe Fox

  “She doesn’t like playing in front of people. Even though she’s fucking astounding.”

  “You played in front of us.” Ryker says.

  “I was playing with you.” I correct and he laughs, there is always that one friend that has to turn something innocent, dirty…ours is Ryker.

  “I’m down for an orgy. I think it would bring the band closer together.” He reaches an arm around Ashton attempting to pull her close but she pushes him off.

  “Good luck with that Ry.” Finn says lightly but his face looks like he would rather rip Ryker’s arms off and beat him with them.

  “The Gorge would be a great place for you to try out playing with us. There won’t be any media out there and it’s really one of the most beautiful stages to play on. If you get nervous, you can turn and look at the view. Just think about it, okay? It’s a couple days until the show and we will continue to play together, so you can get comfortable with us.” Ashton adds ignoring the boys.

  “I’ve never played with a band before. It’s always been just me. Tonight was a lot of fun and I actually feel really comfortable with you guys. I would like the next couple days though. I would like to see the venue and settle into the idea. I want to thank you all so much for asking me, I don’t want you to think I am being ungrateful. I feel kind of speechless really.” I release a chuckle.

  They all ban together and swoop me up into a tight hug. “You’re a keeper, Beauty!” Ryker says before getting a smack from Jaden.

  Chapter 32

  Nell

  We head out in the morning for The Gorge but we need to pack the bus with supplies before we leave and I decide to drag Ashton along with me. We haven’t spent any alone time together without the boys and it would be nice to get to know her a little better and what better way to get to know someone than to go grocery shopping.

  “So Ashton, how long have you been sweating Finn?” I ask with the most serious face I can muster.

  “Wow, you really just jump right into it huh? Don’t you want to do some small talk first?” she deadpans. “Talk about my childhood, maybe? When I got my first period or lost my virginity?”

  “I only have a limited amount of alone time with you. I’m pretty sure the Finn shit goes back years, so stop evading and spill it, Sugar.”

  “God you’re bossy. Jaden and you are perfect for each other.” She says with a sigh, crossing her arms over her chest. “Yes, the Finn thing goes back fucking years. It’s goddamn pathetic, and no matter how hard I have tried, I can’t seem to shake these feelings I have for the big beautiful bastard. How did you know? Did Jaden or Ryker tell you?”

  “Honey, it’s written all over your face whenever that huge piece of Outlander man steak walks into the room. I take it he doesn’t know?” The sadness that fills her face as she shakes her head no about breaks my heart. “All this time, all these years, and nothing? Damn, that boy is dumb.”

  “Jaden noticed first, then Ryker figured it out later, after ‘The Kiss’. She says.

  “Wait, you two have kissed? How was it?” Fuckin-A, at least there was some hope.

  On a huge sigh she flops back in her seat. “Holy fuck me, it was toe curling incredible and perfect. But of course the next morning he came and apologized.”

  “You have to be fucking kidding me! Apologized? How insulting!” I’m so pissed off for her. “How did ‘the kiss’ happen?

  “We were in Dublin, Ireland, it was the last show of our European tour. So everyone was partying, drinking, and having a great time. We were completely pissed drunk. Jaden had gone off…Uh…Sorry.” She stumbles to a stop, looking guilty.

  “Ash, its fine, I’m well aware of Jaden’s former whorish ways.” I say causing her to giggle.

  “Yeah, he was a huge man whore. So anyway, Jaden was off being a slut. We’d been drinking at a pub and when Finn started trying to nap on the table, we decided it was time to go back to the hotel we were staying at. Ryker and I practically had to carry Finn’s gigantic ass to his bed. Ryker left to go pass out and I stayed to make sure Finn wasn’t going to die in his own vomit. I pulled off his boots and jeans, making sure he was comfortable, of course.” She sends me a wink.

  “I put a trash bin next to his bed and made sure he was on his side, just in case. At that point, I may have sat down next to him, just to look at him. I totally went creeper and ran my fingers through his hair, across his face, and into that fucking sexy beard he has. While admiring his lips, brushing the bottom one with my thumb, imagining how they would feel against my own, they opened, and my thumb was suddenly sucked into his mouth. Fuck, I was shocked, and instantly horny as a beast. He grabbed the back of my head and yanked me down to his face. I pulled my thumb from his mouth as he stared at me. I could tell he was questioning his next move, when he finally said, “Fuck it.” Slamming his mouth to mine. Nell, it was the most hypnotic, addictive, astonishing moment in my existence. Then his lips and hand go completely lax. The asshole passed out while I was experiencing complete euphoria. The next morning he pulls me aside, tells me he is sorry. That he disrespected me when he was drunk and it shouldn’t have happened.”

  “That fucking Asshat.”

  “Right! Ugh, I should have punched him." She says with anger but looks so sad. “I was so hurt that I couldn’t move or say anything. He said he never should have kissed me. We had all been drinking and I was like a sister to him.” The car comes to a stop as she finishes talking. I reach out a hand for hers and when she grabs it I pull her into a hug.

  “Finn’s a blind idiot.” But I think he does have something there for Ashton. Alcohol is like a truth serum, his actions that say a lot and I think he is just worried about messing things up. I’ll have to talk to Jaden and Ryker, see what they think, see if they will help open his eyes.

  We climb out of the car and head into the store. They guys helped make up a list of foods that they would need, pretty much everything from the junk food sections. Ashton and I decided to cut out most of the crap and get healthy stuff. They would bitch but George, WA was in the middle of nowhere, so they would have to eat it or starve. Ally, my nanny, while I was growing up taught me to cook and bake. So I decided I would cook several dinners and bake some snacks.

  With our two carts completely loaded up, we chat about life as we stand in line at the check-out. I glance over at the magazines on display deciding to grab a few to keep me occupied while on the road. I grab Vogue and Cosmo tossing them in the cart before looking at the rag mags and stopping dead in my tracks.

  “Oh shit,” I whisper but Ashton hears me a looks.

  “Fuck…” She says grabbing one. On the four celebrity rag magazines displayed, all of them have a picture of Jaden and me from the day before, hugging, holding hands, laughing, and kissing. One reads “CHEATER!” another “Jaden James Affair Already!”, “Jaden James: Caught with His Pants Down.” The fourth reads, “A Heartbroken Emily Snow Speaks”.

  “Jesus, how does this shit happen so damn fast?” I hide my face in my hands. Ashton grabs all the magazines tossing them in the cart. Why, I don’t know since most of it is probably lies but I’m masochistic enough not to stop her.

  We make our way through check out and back to the car. My phone is deeply buried in my black embossed LV Neverfull bag, I can hear its annoying buzz but I’ll ignore it for as long as possible. Jaden will call Ashton’s phone if he needs me, my dad will just keep calling mine and I would rather just avoid him thanks.

  When we pull up to the bus, Jaden’s standing by the back of the bus on his phone. He looks furious, his jaw clinched, and I can see the fire in his eyes from where I stand by the bus door. He catches me watching him and tries to send me a reassuring smile but I can see he is worried. I help bring the groceries in and start putting them away. I keep out some chicken for the whole crew. I make up a teriyaki marinade and put it all in the fridge. The boys can barbecue it when we get out to the camp site this evening. I realize then that I have been alone for a while. The band mu
st have needed to talk, I try not to feel hurt that I was excluded but they have been a group for longer than I’ve been a part of the team. I decide to grab my toiletries to put away, and take a shower.

  Chapter 33

  Jaden

  I feel a bit more settled after laying out a game plan with the band but I still need to get Nell to agree. Entering the bedroom, I am gifted with an eyeful of naked wet woman and any thought I might have been thinking dissipates into nothingness. Her hand on a luffa full of soap suds, she slides it over her clavicle, down over her full tits, and across her stomach. Tilting her head back, she allows the soap to wash away; I track the bubbles down the curves of her body, before making my way back up to start all over again but I get caught in her gaze. Sending me a soft smile she continues to circle the loofa around on her skin, watching me, watch her.

  “Want to join me?” She asks, her voice echoing around the glass room. Instead of answering I just strip off my clothes leaving them wherever they land. I remember that I need to talk to her but the news is bad, she’s going to be crushed.

  Stepping in I give her a reassuring smile but she reads right through it. “What’s going on, Jaden? What did he say?” her voice is soft, barely above a whisper. I pull her into my arms wanting to hold her when I deliver the news. News that I volunteered to deliver because I knew I would be much more genital than her fucking asshole father.

  “The band is being dropped from the label and he wants to cancel the tour but I told him we would finish it on our own dime.” I start while I run my hands soothingly along her back.

  “What? He can’t do that, you have a contract.” She jerks back looking at me and I lean down to kiss her head hugging her tight because it’s nice having someone want to fight for you.

  “He can actually. Our contracts were up six months ago and the lawyers were drawing up new ones. We were in negotiations and it’s been taking so long because we have been trying to get more control over writing our own lyrics and music. When you came into the office that day, I was playing him one of our songs, trying to convince him.”

  “Fuck, all this is my fault. If I would have just been professional and kept it in my pants, none of this would have happened.” Misery in her voice, she sinks her head down into her hands. “Shit, what’s Toven’s going to do?” she starts jerking her head back up to look at me, almost taking out my nose.

  “Toven’s will be fine. Most of the tour is taken care of already, we are just now responsible for the bills. After it’s finished, we are going to take our planned break, and then we will figure something out. Beauty, I‘m not worried about us.” I sooth.

  “Not worried about us, the band, but worried about me?” She state. “I know I’ve been fired, Jaden, and I’ll pack up my stuff to leave once we get to the next venue, if that’s okay with everyone.”

  “What? Nell you aren’t fucking going anywhere. You aren’t going to be leaving my fucking side, ever, got it?” I tell her.

  “Excuse me? Jaden you aren’t the boss of me. I need to go talk to my Dad.”

  “So call him. You don’t need to go there and beg for your job back. If I continue to pay you to be the manager, will you stay?” Shit that was the wrong thing to say, as her face twists and turns red.

  “Jaden, my dream is to be a producer, not be the tour manage for a band. I’ve put in years of hard work and at my first real opportunity I end up on my back.” She seethes throwing her arms around.

  “Beauty, it’s not like you were being careless and just looking for a good time. You and I are more than just a hook up.” I say gently, reaching out to take her face in my hands hoping to soothe her. “I am sorry you got fired and that all this has blown up”

  “Fuck Jaden, it’s not your fault, but I need to go try to fix this with my father. I won’t beg for my job back or apologize about us, because, for as upsetting as this is, I don’t regret us. But I need to try.”

  And damn it I have no argument because I know despite the outcome not being favorable, I know she needs to try everything or she might grow to eventually regret us someday. “Okay Beauty, I get it and I’ll be waiting for you here when you get back.”

  I admit that I worry she might not come back, that just because I love her with everything inside of me doesn’t mean that she won’t run.

  *****************************************

  Nell

  I walk through Deadly Sins Records, I feel the eyes on me but I hold my head high. I know what they are all thinking, but only I know the truth. It’s hard to grasp the excitement I felt when I walked into my father’s office a little over a week ago compared to the despair and dread that I feel today.

  He sits behind his desk, an iPad in his hands that he doesn’t look up from as I come into the room or as I proceed to walk to his desk and sit in a chair facing him. He makes me wait for several long silent minutes, not acknowledging my presences, just like he would when I was in trouble as a child, leaving me to dejectedly squirm. I hold my cell phone between my hands because Jaden promised to text when sound check was over. It’s on vibrate and might be rude to check it while talking to my dad but I miss him already, it’s only been five hours, and I need to hear from him. I nervously rub its smooth surface, willing it to buzz but it stubbornly stays silent.

  When he final does address me, it’s to steeple his hands and stare. When I was a child, this is the point I would usually breakdown and start crying, apologizing for whatever I had done, but I am no longer a child. I am so angry that he is pulling this manipulative crap that I refuse to play along and give in to him.

  “Why are you here, Nell?” He finally asks, his eyes like ice and his jaw muscles jumping.

  “I came because I wanted to talk to you. To explain in person about Jaden and me.” I say calmly.

  “Jaden and you.” He scoffs. “The man is a whore that’s probably already got his dick up a new cunt already.” My body jerks back in the chair at his harsh and vulgar words. “Jaden is a rock star with woman throwing themselves at him every second of the day, you’ve seen them, and you even fell for him. Why would he settle for you?”

  And with a few short sentences every idea and hope my heart was harboring, shatters and I am left breathless. I shared the exact same thoughts but allowed Jaden to whisk them away with his words and the feels that he stirs up in me. There is no way that he would be happy with me forever when he has so much being thrown at him constantly, what man would be?

  “Nell, I know you think he cares about you but you need to be smart here. Toven’s Circus is done. No one will touch them, they are a seasoned rock band past their prime that can’t write their own music.”

  “But they can write their own and are amazing. The fans are loving the original stuff that they have been performing.” I argue, defending them because, in spite of my hurting heart, I believe in Toven’s Circus. I believe they have the talent to be much bigger than they are.

  Just then my phone buzzes in my hand,

  Beast: Good luck, My Beauty. I miss you like crazy, hurry up and cum back 2 me. I love you <3 Your Beast

  And just like that, I am reminded and nothing my Dad says can change what I know Jaden feels for me. His support and love is all I need and I know it’s real. I trust Jaden and I smile.

  But he scoffs making a face of disgust. “Here I was about to offer you your position as intern back but if you think that the garbage band is the next big thing, then you have no right to the job and no future as a producer.” He sneers. “I guess your mother was right and you were just an ineffective waste of our time.”

  At one time his words would have been crushing but wrapping myself up tight in Jaden’s love, I find that I am stronger. That I obviously have never had his love and never will, so why continue to try to make him happy, when I have a man waiting for me that wants to shower me in love. Standing, I walk towards my father’s desk and look him dead in the eyes.

  “I could stand here and list all the reasons that I am worthy an
d all the reasons Jaden and I will work, but no one’s ever been able to tell you anything, so why waste my breath. But this is the last time I will ever allow you to talk to me like this and after today, after I walk through those doors, I am done.” I say slicing my hand through the air. “You and Mom never loved me and for years, I anguished over what I had done or what I could do to fix it but meeting Jaden taught me something. It was never me. It was you, both of you. You both are heartless, soulless beings that because you didn’t plan me, tossed me aside. Well, lucky for you I am over it and you can pretend for good that you don’t have a daughter to deal with.” Turning on my heel, I march away, and out the door. I don’t turn back, forward is where I am ready to be, forward to Jaden.

  Chapter 34