Rodeo Regrets

by Shannon Taylor Vannatter

  “Sure.” Maybe he’d hand deliver it. Probably wouldn’t see her after the shoot tomorrow. Obviously, he’d have to create every opportunity to see her. She certainly wasn’t going to help him any in his pursuit.

  And pursuing Natalie Wentworth’s heart might just be the hardest challenge he’d ever faced. But she was well worth the effort and the pursuit was well worth the prize.

  She walked out the door. Hair prickled at the back of his neck. He turned to meet the hard stare of her dad.

  Lord, I need an ally.

  Her mom smiled.

  * * *

  Lane tried to act natural. It should be easy. He was at home in the arena at Cowtown Coliseum with the smell of manure, horseflesh and bovines. Yet the flash of the camera distracted him. But not as much as Natalie did.

  “It’s almost like old times.” Rayna, the creative director for the publicity campaign—whatever that meant—supervised from the box seats.

  Kendra kept her huge lens focused on him. “You’re doing great, Lane. You’re a natural.”

  He felt anything but natural. Especially with Natalie standing on the second rail of the fence nearby with her arms hooked over the top—watching his every move.

  Just a glance at her turned him into a quivering mass.

  “That’s enough riding fences, let’s get some of your horse,” she called.

  As if he needed a reminder of her presence.

  “Today’s a great start for the ads and the website, but we’ll have to set up another day to get more shots.”

  “More?” he whispered under his breath as he sauntered toward his horse.

  “I heard that. Why do men always complain about having their picture taken?”

  He probably wouldn’t if she’d go away. Maybe he could relax. “I’d think the dozens Kendra’s already taken would suffice.”

  She propped her hands on her hips. “Obviously you’ve never been involved in a publicity campaign.”

  “Can’t say that I have.” He lowered his voice. “Can’t say I’d wanna do it again either.”

  “I heard that.”

  But then, at least he was getting to spend time with her. He smiled.

  “See, now you’re getting the hang of it.”

  He could definitely get the hang of hanging out with her. Now, if he could just hang out with her—and think. At the same time.

  * * *

  Natalie turned into the long driveway leading to Lacie and Quinn’s ranch. The last time she’d been here she’d been uninvited and asked to leave. But not today.

  May warmed the temperature to the low eighties. With her windows down, strands of hair escaped her braid and whipped about, sticking to her lipstick.

  Perfect weather for a trail ride. Not too hot, not too cold. Perfect for her first Wyatt-approved time with Hannah.

  All moisture evaporated from her mouth. Several pickups lined the parking area near the large ranch house. Couples gathered at the barn. A few kids were scattered here and there. Her gaze scanned the group for Hannah.

  There she was—holding Star’s hand. A vise clenched around Natalie’s heart. Her eyes stung.

  Hold it together. No scenes. No upsetting her daughter. She’d promised. And if it killed her, she’d keep that promise.

  She sucked in a big breath, opened her car door and headed for the barn.

  Wyatt scowled at her from his seat atop a bay horse. The mare’s mahogany coat gleamed and her black tail swished, alert and ready just like her rider.

  “Natalie. Over here, I’ve got Susie saddled for you.” Lane’s voice sent a shiver through her.

  Lane?

  Her steps stuttered. Who invited him?

  He stood near the barn with her gray-and-white Appaloosa. She couldn’t seem to get away from him. At work, at home, at play. He keyed her all up and she needed to be calm today. Pull it together.

  Mustering up all the confidence she could gather, she strode toward her horse. “Hey, girl, I missed you.” She stroked the mare’s silky face. Her horse nuzzled her hand in return.

  “I’d say she missed you, too.” Lacie held Hannah while Star mounted her golden palomino.

  “Say hi to Natalie, Hannah.” Star settled in her saddle. “She’s a friend of ours.”

  Natalie let her gaze settle on Hannah.

  “Hi, Natawee.”

  Her heart hitched. Her eyes scalded.

  “We’re glad Natalie could join us today.” Star smiled.

  Lacie handed Hannah up to Star, and Natalie’s arms ached to hold her daughter.

  “You’re doing fine,” Lane whispered. “How about getting on your horse? We’ll lead the ride, so you can keep your back to everyone and get your emotions in check.”

  On autopilot, she swung into her saddle. Lane was astride his sorrel in moments and rode up beside her. Natalie clicked her tongue and snapped the reins. Susie surged forward. Lane’s rust-colored mount with its creamy mane and tail barreled ahead.

  Indian blanket wildflowers lined the trail with their daisy-shaped, vibrant scarlet centers, orange petals and yellow tips. The horses’ thundering hooves sent birds into panicky flight and unseen creatures scurrying deeper into hiding. The clear blue sky spread into infinity above with blinding sunlight. Sweat trickled down her back.

  The trail narrowed and the horses were neck and neck. Natalie reined her horse to slow down.

  Lane fell in behind her. “You okay?”

  “Yeah.” Her voice didn’t crack. The extra moisture in her eyes had dried.

  “It’ll be a bumpy ride. But, eventually, maybe you can get closer to her.”

  “I hope so. But I can’t talk about that if I’m gonna hold it together.” Why couldn’t he leave her alone? She really didn’t need any added complications today.

  “All right then—change of subject. How about them Cowboys?”

  “No one’s bothered me since your little show the other day. They all think we’re an item.”

  “Good.” Lane laughed. “But I meant football.”

  “Oh. I’m not into sports.”

  “Okay, what are you into?”

  “Seeing my daughter grow up. I think I’m okay, now. I’d like to slow down and get closer to her.”

  He slowed his horse. “I’m right here if you need me.”

  Her heart twisted. She did need him. Almost as much as she needed Hannah. How had Lane wrangled his way back into her heart when they could never be?

  The other riders caught up. She fell in stride beside Hannah and Star, while Lane stayed distractingly close behind her. She’d had enough one-on-one with Lane to last her a lifetime.

  “So, you like horses, Hannah?” Natalie shot her daughter a bright smile.

  “I lub Buttacweam.”

  “That’s Buttacweam you’re riding?” She mimicked her daughter’s cute mispronunciation.

  Hannah set both hands on her hips. “It’s Buttacweam.”

  “Oh, Buttercream.” She nodded. “I’ve had Susie for about four years, but I haven’t spent much time with her lately.”

  “Susie is Unca Quinn’s horsey.”

  “No, she belongs to Natalie.” Star tightened her hold on the child. “Natalie moved away from Aubrey for a while, so Uncle Quinn boards Susie for her.”

  “Why you move?” Hannah frowned.

  Natalie searched for a rational reason to spend a minute away from this enchanting child, much less a year and a half.

  “A job.” Star smiled. “Natalie got to work at Six Flags.”

  “My fav’wit.” Hannah bounced in the saddle.

  “Mine, too. When I was little I wanted to grow up to be one of those girls who get to roller skate around Six Flags all day and sweep up trash.”

&nb
sp; Hannah’s eyes widened. “You did?”

  How to explain publicity to a child? “But I got to do something a lot more fun. I got to tell people how cool it was, so they’d come see for themselves. What’s your favorite ride there?”

  “Tweety’s fewwis wheel.”

  “I love Tweety.”

  “Maybe next time you go to Six Flags, Natalie can come, too.” Lane suggested.

  Natalie had almost forgotten he was right behind her. Almost. “I’d love to go with you, Hannah.”

  “Let’s slow it down a little,” Wyatt barked.

  Natalie’s heart sank.

  “We not too fast, Daddy.”

  “Faster than I’m comfortable with.” He rode up beside Star. “Here, ride with Daddy awhile.”

  Wyatt scooped Hannah into his arms and surged to the front.

  “Now we fast.” Hannah giggled.

  “You okay?” Lane rode up beside Natalie.

  “Fine.” She snapped the reins and shot ahead of him again. Wyatt was determined she wouldn’t get too close to Hannah. And Natalie was determined not to get too close to Lane. Her heart couldn’t take either challenge.

  * * *

  Lane hung around when they got back to the ranch house. Natalie had held it together all afternoon, but if she crumbled he wanted to be there.

  “I’ve got lunch all ready. We just need to transport it to the picnic area out back.” Lacie headed for the house.

  Natalie followed toward the large cedar-sided house.

  Wyatt stepped in front of her. “You’re not staying for lunch.”

  Natalie blinked. Her gaze fell to the ground. “Of course.”

  “Come on, Wyatt.” Lane hurried to her side.

  “No, it’s okay. We didn’t discuss lunch.” She bit her lip. “It’s fine. I appreciate you letting me come today.”

  Star gave Natalie an apologetic look. “Hannah, Natalie’s leaving, why don’t you give her a hug?”

  Wyatt shot his wife a murderous glare as she leaned the little girl toward Natalie.

  Hannah’s arms wound around Natalie’s neck and Star let go of her. Natalie’s eyes closed as her daughter clung to her. She snuggled Hannah close. A sweet smile curved her lips as tears rimmed her lashes.

  “That’s enough,” Wyatt snapped.

  Natalie’s eyes opened; her smile disappeared. She dabbed at her tears and handed Hannah back over to Star.

  “Thanks for inviting me.” Her voice came out choked and she spun toward her car. “Bye, Hannah.”

  “Bye, Natawee.”

  Why hadn’t he figured out a way to drive her over? She was in no shape to drive. Her car engine revved. At least her place wasn’t far.

  Lane jogged to his truck and pulled out behind her. She drove too fast, but was otherwise in control, stopping at all the stop signs. Still, Lane was relieved when she pulled into her drive. He followed.

  “Why are you following me?” She slammed her car door shut.

  “You’re upset. I wanted to make sure you made it home okay.”

  “I’m not upset. I’m fine.” But even as she said it, tears traced down each cheek. She dashed toward the house.

  Lane sprinted after her.

  Hands shaking, she jabbed the key at the lock. “I was okay. Until she hugged me.” Lane pulled her into his arms, offering comfort.

  She didn’t resist. Her whole body shook, but she didn’t make much noise as her tears soaked his shoulder. Minutes passed and she stilled, but stayed in his arms. Paradise.

  He didn’t say anything, afraid to break the spell, just enjoying the feel of her trusting him.

  “How can it feel so great and so horrible to see her—all at the same time?” She pulled away from him.

  His arms felt empty. Cold.

  “Let’s sit.” He steered her to the porch swing.

  She sank into the seat. “I mean—holding her hurt, but it was bliss.”

  Kind of like holding Natalie.

  “It hurt because Wyatt’s still being a jerk.” Lane settled beside her. The chains creaked as they swayed back and forth. “If he’d lighten up, it wouldn’t hurt so much.”

  “Wyatt’s having a hard time. I’ve put him through a lot.”

  “You’re defending him?” Lane turned toward her.

  Her gaze stayed on her hands in her lap. “He doesn’t have to let me see her at all. But he is.”

  “What kind of man takes a child away from her mother?”

  “He didn’t do that.”

  “Okay, it was a judge’s ruling, then, but you’re different now. Anyone can see that. If he’d just get over himself and take a good look at you, he’d see it, too. You should take him back to court.”

  She stood and hurried to the door. “You don’t understand. You can’t.” She scurried inside.

  Lane strode to the door. The deadbolt clicked into place. His fist was poised in midknock. She had let him into her life today as much as she was going to. For now.

  Though everything in him wanted to camp out on her porch until she had to come out again, he turned toward his truck instead. Thoughts of her inside crying and alone tore at his gut. But he couldn’t push his way into her heart. He had to earn his way there. If she wanted to be left alone, he had to respect that. For now.

  * * *

  Natalie stared out the window of her sunroom. Large trees graced the backyard and a slight breeze billowed the leaves. The completed white rail fence looked nice. Maybe she’d have someone fence in the front, too. But not Lane.

  The light pouring through the windows onto the sunny yellow walls and white wicker with comfy, overstuffed pillows usually lightened her mood. But not today.

  A cold nose pressed against her ankle. She mopped her face and scratched Rusty’s ear. He clambered into her lap.

  “Amazing Grace”—her new ringtone—played. She scanned the screen of her cell. Wyatt. She took a deep breath and tried to sound like she hadn’t been crying. “Hi.”

  “Hey, Natalie. I called to apologize. Sorry for being difficult today. I should have let you stay for lunch.”

  “It’s okay.” She traced the phone with shaky fingertips. “I’ve put you through a lot, and I understand it’s hard for you to trust me.”

  “I put you through a lot, too. And, for the record, Star didn’t make me call. She did box my ears, but I decided to call and apologize on my own.”

  “I appreciate your letting me come at all.” Her vision blurred.

  “Your folks and Caitlyn are coming over after church for lunch tomorrow. How about you come along to make up for today?”

  Her breath caught. “That sounds wonderful.”

  “You can come to church, too, unless you want to go with your folks.”

  Her heart skipped. “You don’t mind me coming to y’all’s church?”

  “What kind of rascal would it make me if I didn’t want you in church?” His smile sounded in his voice.

  “Is anyone else coming to lunch?”

  “Naw, just us and your family. Rayna’s not involved, so she won’t be doing any matchmaking.”

  How had he known who she meant? “Great. I’ll see y’all then.”

  “What’s going on with you and Lane, any—ouch. Um, strike that question. Star reminded me that it’s none of my business. See you tomorrow, Nat.”

  Thank goodness she didn’t have to try and explain Lane’s presence in her life. Especially since she didn’t understand it herself. “Thanks, Wyatt. I really appreciate it, and I promise I won’t do anything to hurt Hannah. Ever.”

  “I’m beginning to realize that. Just know that if you do, you’ll answer to me. Hope to see you in church.”

  She laughed. “There’s irony in those last tw
o statements.”

  “What? Oh.” Wyatt chuckled.

  They laughed together, then hung up. She and Wyatt laughing together—for the first time without the aid of alcohol.

  “Thank You, Lord.” As the unbidden words echoed in the empty room, Natalie realized it was the first time she’d thanked her newfound savior. For anything. She sank to her knees.

  “Thank You for helping me be a new person. Thank You for fixing my relationship with my dad. Thank You for helping me to make my family proud for the first time in years.” Tears ran down her cheeks. “Thank You for repairing my relationship with Wyatt. Thank You for giving me an unexpected ally in Star. Thank You for letting me see Hannah. Thank You for my little girl. Thank You for bringing Lane back into my life when I really needed him and for making him the man I’ve needed him to be.” Her words stalled for a moment.

  “If there’s any chance for us, dear Lord, help me to tell him the truth about Hannah. And help him to accept my choices. The ones I made and the one I almost made.” She sighed. “Never mind that, Lord. I shouldn’t be praying over silly things like a relationship. Help me focus on You.”

  * * *

  Lane strolled toward the sanctuary. He’d barely slept and had drank four cups of coffee already. He wasn’t in the mood for small talk in the fellowship hall after Sunday school class and couldn’t hold any more java before the service.

  A brunette stepped through the glass doors. It was Natalie, looking like a bundle of sunshine in a modest yellow dress. And not sad, as he’d expected her to be after yesterday.

  “Hey, Nat.” He smiled. “I didn’t expect to see you here looking so chipper.”

  “Me, neither. Wyatt called to apologize and invited me to church. And I’m having lunch with them and my family afterward.”

  “That’s great.” Oh, to invite himself along for support. “I hope he’ll behave.”

  “We had a nice talk. I think things are getting better between us.”

  “Good.” Jealousy squeezed around his heart. No, Wyatt was married. Nothing to be jealous about. Or was there?

  Were there any old feelings between Wyatt and Natalie that might resurface? Even if there were, she was a Christian now. But a new Christian.