Helmut Goes Abroad

by Matt Sheehan

  Ramón said, “You’re up, lad,” and that seemed to wake him all the way up.

  He yawned and stretched. “Okay, sir.” He stuck his head into the front of the cab. “Hey buddy, can I drive for a bit?”

  The cabbie looked panicked. “Um, well, that’s really against policy...”

  Ramón asked Sha, “You know how to drive?”

  He answered, “I’m aware of how to drive. How hard could it be?”

  The cabbie still looked panicked, and so did Ramón. I said, “What if you just sat up front? Would that help?”

  Sha looked dejected. “I guess. Would that be okay, buddy?”

  The cabbie wiped his brow with the back of his hand. “Yes, sir, I think that’s a wonderful idea.” He pulled over and waited for Shamus to get in the front seat with him. Once he was situated, we were back on the road. That’s when the fun began.

  It started with Shamus asking, “Hey buddy, can you go a little faster?” And he did. Then, “No, I meant a lot faster.” Then, “Turn left. No, here, left, left.”

  “Sir, I think you mean right.” The cabbie seemed to be in his element now. We were drifting as he spoke, in the direction Shamus meant rather than spoke.

  “Okay, yeah. I guess you’re ri—Um, correct. Let’s see, go straight for a while. No, right now. I mean turn right, right now.” We fishtailed but kept on going. Ramón looked at me with eyes wide.

  We were passing through orchards of some kind, seeing a farmhouse now and again. Suddenly Shamus yelled, “Stop!” The cabby hit the brakes and we came to rest in front of an immense stone structure.

  Ramón, who had shown no fear in his death match with Magnus, was pale and sweating. I think it was the lack of control of a dangerous situation that got to him. For me it was just another day with Shamus.

  When we got out of the cab, I asked Shamus if this was the place.

  “Almost, Helmut.” He pointed at the ground in front of us, where a small tortoise was crawling by. “That turtle knows where Jacob is. We just need to follow him.”

  We watched it for a few minutes as it ambled bit by bit down the road and away from the stone building. Then Shamus said, “Just kidding, this is the place.”

  It was quiet for a few tense moments, then Ramón laughed. I didn’t. It just encourages him.

  Ramón said, “I’ve passed this place before, while searching for Silas.”

  I asked, “Where are we?”

  “A monastery, I think. The perfect place for a fugitive to hide.” Ramón looked disgusted with himself. He asked Shamus, “Will you know Jacob if you see him?”

  “Probably, but I’m betting he looks like an older Jax.”

  We walked in and had a look around. The main building was a beautiful white stone structure with a red clay roof. There were many smaller buildings in close proximity, with gardens, a hop orchard and what looked like a brewery close by.

  There were a few men in gray robes milling about, and they nodded when they saw us, but otherwise they paid us no heed. We were about to give up on the exterior and start searching the buildings when I saw an older version of Jax trimming hops from a vine.

  I pointed him out, and we made our way over to him. When the man saw us, he nodded to us and went back to his work. Then he stopped and took a second look at Ramón. They locked eyes, and we knew it was him. Jacob pulled a knife from his robe.

  He was looking right at Ramón, and the knife was shaking in his hand. “I recognize you! You’re the one who took Silas.”

  Ramón’s draw was so smooth and fast that I didn’t see him do it. I honestly didn’t even know he was packing.

  “I’m a little too sore for another knife fight.” The gun was pointing in the general direction of Jacob’s head, and Ramón’s hand wasn’t shaking. Jacob dropped the knife at his own feet and slowly raised his hands.

  Ramón asked, “Is there somewhere private we can talk, Jacob?”

  He looked confused. “Talk? You’re just going to disappear me like you tried to do with Silas.”

  Ramón kept his face neutral and took a step forward.

  Shamus put a hand on Ramón’s shoulder to stop him and said quickly, “Buddy, there really is an easy way and a hard way, and you seem to be choosing the hard way. We only want to ask you a few questions.”

  You could see the wheels in his head turning. Ramón had the gun back at his side, but I had no doubt it would be pointed at Jacob’s head again before he could blink if the monk decided to get squirrelly. Finally Jacob said, “Why should I trust you?”

  Shamus took a few steps toward him. “Because your wife and son miss you.”

  Instantly there was fury on his face and he advanced on Shamus. “Don’t you dare threaten my family!”

  I was at Shamus’s side in a heartbeat, but Jacob didn’t seem to notice. He looked ready to fight. Shamus held up his hands in a disarming manner. “Jacob, you misunderstand. We were just at your house. Jinni asked me to bring you home. You have a son who needs his father.” Shamus pointed back at Ramón. “Now that bad man back there, he just has a few questions for you. Just answer honestly and we will leave you in peace. He’s already killed Magnus, and after that the whole coven collapsed. Xerxes is in charge now, and they are all learning how to heal the sick. It’s over. You don’t have to run anymore.”

  Jacob’s shoulders slumped as the fight drained out of him. He motioned for us to follow him into the larger stone building. Inside was a long hallway with small rooms branching out from either side. Halfway down was Jacob’s room, which had a small bed, a desk and nightstand. Jacob sat on the bed and Ramón pulled the desk chair in front of Jacob before sitting.

  Ramón wasn’t smiling. “First question. Where is Silas? You said I tried to disappear him, which must mean you saw him again.”

  “He’s dead.”

  “How long?”

  “I don’t know for sure.”

  “Then how do you know he’s dead?”

  “The abbot told me some years ago. They hid him when he escaped from you.”

  “And how is it that you recognize me? I’ve never seen you before.”

  “I’ve seen you twice before. I was there when you took him. He said he would hold you off and I could run. He knew I had a family, and he didn’t.” Ramón just nodded, and Jacob continued. “Then, once in Lapithos. I used to go there to see Jax. Give him things now and again. I told him I knew his father. But after seeing you so close to home I knew to stay away.”

  Ramón was silent for a moment and rubbed his face with his hand. I knew what he was thinking. He had been so close. Finally he asked, “Where are the bones?”

  “You’re not going to believe me.”

  “Just spit it out.”

  “Silas and I threw them in the ocean.”

  Ramón stared at him for a bit, and Jacob held his gaze.

  “You’re right, I don’t believe you. Why the hell would you do that?”

  “We were in over our heads. When I joined Magnus, I just wanted to be part of something important. It was fun developing our powers, but I didn’t want to start a war. After barely escaping from Crete with our lives, Silas and I knew we had to get out. When they stuck us on a rowboat with that bag of bones, we decided to dump the bones and go home.”

  Ramón stood up and threw the chair against the wall. It smashed into kindling. He screamed at Jacob, “All this time! At the bottom of the ocean!”

  After that, he went to work on the desk. Jacob had the good sense to remain silent. When the desk was a pile of scrap, he stopped to gather his thoughts. Ramón allowed his breathing to slow before asking, “Shamus?”

  “Yes, sir, he’s telling the truth.”

  Ramón turned and looked Jacob in the eye. “I’m not going to need to look for you again for any reason,
am I, Jacob?”

  His eyes darted to the ruins of his room for just a split second before he answered.

  “No, sir, you won’t.” Everyone just naturally calls him “Sir.”

  Shamus said, “I love a happy ending.”

  Ramón gave the desk one more kick on the way out of the room. I asked Jacob if he wanted a ride back to his house, but for some reason he said he’d find his own.

  The drive back to the ship was spent in silent contemplation; the only sound other than the road was the crunching from Shamus finishing his pork rinds. Once we had left the cab, the cabbie sped off as quickly as he could. I don’t know if he was happier to get his pay or to see Ramón in his rearview mirror.

  At least Captain Roberts was happy to see us, if only because his holds were empty and he wanted Sha’s help in filling them back up. That little task was accomplished the next day, and the very same evening, we were on our way back to Capri.

  Chapter Twenty

  We said our goodbyes to Roberts and his crew in Capri and watched them pull back out into the harbor. Capri really wasn’t Roberts’s type of place, and he had a ship full of cod that he couldn’t sell there anyway.

  Ramón figured that this was as good a place as any to catch a boat back to the States, with, as Shamus reminded him, a quick stop at the Emerald Isle.

  We stayed in the same hotel, in the same immense suite, and once again I got a good night’s sleep. What can I say? It had been a long week. Shamus once again took Willie into the big room and locked the door behind him. That at least gave Ramón and me a chance to talk before we parted ways. He had kept to himself mostly on Roberts’s boat, but that night he was finally in the mood for a chat.

  I asked him what his plans were, and he said it was complicated.

  “Helmut, there’s always something going down that needs my immediate attention, but I’m just not in the mood for any of that right now. I feel like I’ve wasted the prime of my life chasing ghosts. That talk we had with Phoebe has me wondering if I shouldn’t visit Queen Myrene in Themiscyra. I made Shamus a promise as well.”

  I told him the Amazon thing was a fabulous idea. I momentarily considered the notion of going along with him. I figured a new athletic warrior girl or two each night of the week. My prowess in the bedroom and on the battlefield would see them make me their king in no time.

  Ramón wasn’t sure it would be such a good idea. Their loss, I suppose. What was the promise to Shamus? Ramón wouldn’t tell.

  The next morning Ramón got us booked on a cruise ship bound for home. Apparently the stopover in Cork was a bit of a sticking point. For one, the stop wasn’t on the itinerary, and more important, they weren’t sure the docks in Cork could support a ship of their size.

  In the end Ramón applied the right amount of Alliance money and personal intimidation to guarantee an extra port of call. Once the plans were made, Ramón bid us farewell. He was going to Themiscyra after all. He did say he would be seeing us again soon. Shamus and Ramón were in cahoots on something, but they were keeping me out of the loop.

  The first leg of this trip was nothing like the previous voyage. No training, no pranks; just a lot of rest, a little dancing, one new friend and a lot of free time with Shamus and Willie.

  But Sha still wouldn’t tell me why we were going to Cork. I had an idea what was going on with the stopover—I’m a detective after all—but I wasn’t sure what part Ramón played in whatever Sha had going on.

  Cork really is a beautiful place, at least when the Sea People aren’t setting it on fire. The coastline is a stunning emerald green, hence the nickname, and the town proper is a mix of stylish and colorful row houses, elaborate temples and the occasional fortified military tower.

  A cruise ship docking in Cork’s harbor is not a common occurrence, so when we pulled in, there was quite a crowd waiting to meet us. Once they were sure we weren’t there to loot and pillage, they put away the pitchforks and welcomed the passengers into the city.

  Our ship must have accounted for a year’s worth of tourist dollars on our one-day stopover. At least for the night the shops and restaurants were teeming with customers. Shamus, Willie and I had a different set of plans. Instead of a dinner of mutton and stout at the local pub, we took a cab out to the O’Sheagan sheep ranch for Sha’s top secret mission.

  Our destination was just a couple miles outside the city. The O’Sheagans lived in a little white farmhouse on a few hectares of grazing land. The whole area was ringed by a meter-high stone wall, which was in a bit of disrepair but good enough to corral the sheep.

  Shamus actually made me wait outside the house while he and Willie completed their secret mission. I’m not sure how involved Willie was with said mission, but he was present. I did peek in the window and caught the hand off of some small item from mother to child. Shamus saw me spying and gave me a dirty look, but after that I was allowed to come in and greet Sha’s family.

  I had met Dalia and Alfred a few times when they had come to visit Sha in Limerick, but that was when Shamus and I were both teenagers. Sha’s parents couldn’t stop smiling and hugging him, and they wanted to know all about our exciting life in the big city. I told them about a few of our heroic exploits, embellishing here and there in Sha’s favor, until he was thoroughly embarrassed and they were beaming with pride.

  His parents had understood Shamus’s decision to leave the island and the order when we made the jump to the States. Both knew that being a Druid had never been Sha’s choice—particularly Alfred, who was fiercely independent and didn’t like the idea of government interference in the personal lives of its citizens.

  After dinner Alfred gave us a ride back to the ship in his old pickup. There wasn’t enough room for all of us to fit in the cab, so Dalia said her tearful goodbyes to Shamus at the farmhouse, and Willie got to act like a real dog and sit in the truck bed. Willie did his best to look offended, but I think he liked it. His tongue was hanging out of the side of his mouth and his tail was wagging the entire ride.

  At the docks we did the firm handshake and manly pat on the back with Alfred. He mentioned he would see us soon. At the time I thought it was a figure of speech. The amount of planning that Shamus did before this operation even started really made me wonder, after the fact, if I let him off the hook too easily with some of the more mundane aspects of our business. Apparently he could plan quite the operation if he was so inclined. Of course, there’s always the so inclined part of that statement. Ah, Shamus, a riddle wrapped in a conundrum.

  The trip back to the States was nothing special. By nothing special, I mostly mean boring. It turns out that we were booked in the rooms remaining on a senior cruise. Thank the gods a few of them brought along their granddaughters, so at least it wasn’t a total waste.

  It did give me time to think about my relationship with Katina, really for the first time in a few weeks. I found that I slept just fine without her, and waking up with multiple heads on the pillow now and again was pretty darn spectacular. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ll still probably marry her someday, but only when I can’t catch the twentysomethings’ eyes anymore.

  That thought brought me to a place where I finally knew what to do with my nest egg. It was both simple and elegant, but it’s a tale I’ll save for next time. I do however want to leave you with an ending you’ll be happy with. That starts at the dock in Wudong, when we pulled into port.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  It was a beautiful day on the northern coast, meaning the fog had rolled out for a few hours and you could safely take your gloves and hat off. We were met at the dock, first by paramedics who were needed to cart a few of the seniors—who had taken the shuffleboard a little too seriously—off to the local orthopedic ward for some new hips. Then, once that business was complete, waiting families were allowed to fill the pier, and the rest of us were able to dise
mbark.

  I was glad to be home, no richer, but a little wiser. Phoebe and Katina were both there waiting for us, and Sha and I greeted our respective others with the passionate kisses one would expect from couples who had spent time apart. That’s where the similarities ended.

  Shamus dropped down to one knee, and he pulled a little box from his pocket. I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad, for him or for me. I tried my best to block Katina’s view of the proceedings, lest she get any strange ideas. I’m not sure how many words Shamus actually got out of his mouth before Phoebe lifted him back up and then off his feet, to resume the kissing. Willie ran around them in a loose circle, barking excitedly.

  The wedding was a few months later. I brought a different date. It’s just that I didn’t want any silliness with Katina and the bouquet. She seemed to understand. Really more than understand. I was almost offended at her level of understanding. I don’t want to say she was relieved at my renewed appreciation for open relationships—not because it wasn’t true, but for reasons of ego—but she certainly didn’t cry or ask me to reconsider. Lions shouldn’t be kept in captivity, regardless of gender.

  I was the best man of course. Willie—whose suit cost more to make than mine did—was in the bridal party too, as were Phoebe’s two new additions: the ferrets Chloe and Fergus. Phoebe had been productive with her free time while we were away on holiday, and had trained the little creatures in search-and-rescue techniques. When Shamus came back, he trained them as well—he denied it of course—and now I have to be really careful about keeping my keys and wallet on my person while visiting the office, lest they disappear.

  I was happily surprised when Ramón made an appearance and gave the bride away. One of Sha’s requests and conditions. Ramón also brought a date. A certain royal member of the Amazon Nation. Ramón filled me in on a little rumor about Phoebe. It turns out Amazons are raised by the tribe, without knowledge of who their birth mother was. But let’s just say that Queen Myrene did a lot of that happy crying thing when Phoebe said, “I do.”