My Clarity

by M. Clarke

“Kind of. When are you coming? I’ve been waiting for you all day.”

  “I’m so sorry. I got tied up, but I’ll be there soon. Listen, I’ll be bringing a few friends so I don’t have room in the car for you. Do you think you could meet me at the Campus Karaoke? I have a reservation under my name at eight. I should be there in couple of hours.”

  “At eight?” I huffed. “I waited for you all day. You know I don’t like going to those things.”

  “Come on, Baby. Just do this for me. It’s my friend’s birthday. I’ll make it up to you.”

  What could I say after that? I was just glad I didn’t start saying things I would regret. “Fine.” My tone became tender. “I know where it is. It’s not that far. I’ll probably be there first.”

  “Thanks for understanding. I’ll see you there.”

  I was just about to ask him if he was going to spend the night, but he hung up first. I don’t know why I was annoyed, other than the fact that we were supposed to have some quality time together. If I knew ahead of time, I would have told him not to come and I would have gone out with Lexy instead.

  I didn’t want to be the type of girl that had to have the guy come pick her up, but at the same time, I wondered how much he actually missed me.

  Elijah hadn’t come home all day. Not that he needed to tell me where he was, I was just curious. All I knew was that he went to the gym on a daily basis, but nothing more. I couldn’t help but wonder if he had a job or where he went when he wasn’t home. I had to stop being a nosy roommate.

  Opening the door, the hostess greeted me, and then took me to the reserved seats. It wasn’t a secluded setting as it had been with my dad before, where we had a private room and nobody could hear us sing. This was a restaurant with a bar and a stage in the center.

  It didn’t look crowded, but after ten minutes, people started walking in, including one particular crowd I hadn’t expected—Elijah, Seth, Lexy, and some members of the broom hockey team. Great! I sunk down as low as I could, looking at my watch. It was eight thirty and Liam was already thirty minutes late. He was going to hear it from me.

  Thank goodness they headed to the opposite side, but sooner or later, they would notice me. Not that it was a bad thing, but having them see me alone would make Liam look bad. When I sat up, I saw another crowd of girls walk in. Heather and her friends headed toward Elijah’s table. I don’t know why, but I felt a little sting of jealousy.

  “Alex?”

  I turned at the calling of my name. “Lexy, hi,” I greeted, feeling guilty for trying to dodge her.

  “I didn’t know you were coming here.” She sat down and gave me sideways hug.

  “I didn’t know, either. Liam told me to meet him here at eight.”

  “He told you to meet him here? Why didn’t he pick you up?” She arched her brows in disapproval, and looked at her watch. “He’s late.”

  My tongue had slipped and I said too much. I didn’t mean to make Liam look bad. “It’s a long drive and he’s bringing his friends,” I explained, trying to make it seem like it was no big deal.

  “We’re sitting on the other side if you want to come join us later. I was passing by to use the restroom and saw you sitting here.”

  “Thanks, I’m sure he’ll be here any minute. When he does, I’ll make sure to introduce you to him.”

  “You better,” Lexy smiled and left.

  Ten more minutes passed as I stared at my watch. Singers entertained me on the stage. They were calming me down from the anger that was building up toward Liam for being so freakin’ late.

  How brave that girl was, to sing up there in front of all these strangers. I guess she felt confident since her friend sang with her. Watching them only brought sadness to my heart. My dad and I used to sing together all the time and every time those memories came crashing through, it pained me deeply. I tried to push them away and forget.

  Hearing lots of laughter and being curious, I had to peek. Leaning my back against the wall, hoping not to be noticed, I saw Elijah and his friends surrounded by the group of girls that walked in earlier.

  “Come on, Elijah. Sing for us. I’ll do anything you ask.” Heather’s tone was flirty and her hand glided on Elijah’s biceps, then over his dragon tattoo.

  I could see Lexy rolling her eyes. She was sitting in between Seth and Dean. When Heather’s hand slithered lower on his chest, I had seen enough. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Sure, Elijah was good-looking, but he was not the type of guy I would go out with or would even be attracted to. Knowing I should go back just in case Liam was here, I was about to turn when I flushed with heat big time, hearing Seth call my name.

  “Alex, I didn’t know you were coming.”

  Having no choice, I strode to their table. “Hi,” I waved. Without thought, my eyes went straight to Elijah. He didn’t even acknowledge me. I thought I saw his lips curl a little, but that was it. Maybe he was annoyed to see his roommate here. Maybe that was the reason I hadn’t seen him as often lately. I could understand. He was used to having a place all to himself, and now he had to see me almost every day. Maybe I needed to find another place, preferably with a girl roommate this time.

  “Actually, I’m waiting for Liam. He’ll be here soon,” I said quickly before one of them gave me an invitation to stay.

  “You’re Alex, Elijah’s roommate and Liam is your boyfriend,” Heather announced, looking way too happy that I had one.

  “He’s really not my boyfriend.” I wanted to stress that to burst her wicked bubble.

  “Oh,” she replied, looking slightly baffled.

  Not wanting to talk to her any longer, I shifted my attention to Lexy. She rolled her eyes again from Heather’s remark, and then looked at her watch, but she didn’t say a word. I knew why. Liam was almost an hour late.

  “Well,” I said, trying to give her a smile, but it wouldn’t come. I was not good at faking it. “I should get going. Liam should be here any minute.”

  “Cool,” Seth nodded. “Bring him over.”

  I shifted my eyes when I saw Elijah sit up straight. He seemed tense.

  “He’s coming with his friends so…anyway…I better go. Bye.” With the last word, I speedily got out of there.

  Elijah

  Seeing Alex after so many days made my heart thump faster. Not liking the feeling she caused every time I saw her, I tried to ignore her by staying away from our place. The other guys around me sure didn’t have that problem. I cringed seeing them undressing her with their eyes.

  I couldn’t blame them though. She wore a tight short sundress that flared out to show her sexy legs. It clung around her breasts, showing a little bit of cleavage, which the guys were salivating over. And how could anyone resist her sweet voice and the beautiful smile that could make a guy do just about anything for her?

  If she asked for a glass of water, the guys would have jumped over the table and each other just to be the first one to hand it to her. She had no idea the effect she had; that was the cutest thing. Trying to stay away wasn’t working. Maybe I needed to get used to her. At that moment, I decided to try a different approach. Perhaps I needed to be around her more to get used to her presence.

  Heather seemed jealous of Alex and she should be. If Heather were more like Alex, she and I could be a possibility. Who knew?

  I don’t know what got into me. I hadn’t planned to sing, but I wanted to impress Alex, especially since the guy she was seeing was going to be here.

  I don’t know why everyone kept saying her boyfriend. There is a big distinction between seeing someone and being a couple. Seeing someone meant that she was open. Not that I was going to ask her out. She was off limits. It was one of the reasons why nobody dared to make a move on her.

  Knowing Alex would hear me sing, I nudged Heather to scoot over so I could get out of the booth.

  “Woohoo, Elijah is going to sing,” the girls shouted, clapping.

  I turned around and gave them a wink, and then a round of whistling
resonated through the room. Our group was loud. Everyone in the restaurant could hear us. At this point, I didn’t care. I just wanted Alex to hear me.

  I picked up the mic and cleared my throat after punching in the numbers for my song choice. I had the perfect song in mind, Mr. Big, “To Be With You.” When the melody started, my friends were screaming. I didn’t know why, but my heart pounded so fast against my chest. I was nervous. Hell, I was never nervous. Alex made me nervous. Then I got cocky. It was a way to help me calm my nerves. “Here’s to all the ladies in the house,” I said into the mic. More screams exploded again.

  As I sang my heart out, it suddenly took a flip when I saw Alex. She was watching, but she was trying to hide that she was. Her heavenly big blue eyes were wide, glistening against the light above her. I could tell by the look on her face that she was captivated. Suddenly, my gaze locked on hers, and I was singing to her.

  As I continued to sing, I saw a dark gray T-shirt approach her from the corner of my eye. Next thing I knew, she had turned away. My heart twisted, but not in a good way as I watched Liam kiss her on her lips. He introduced her to his group of friends, but I could tell she was not interested. Just before she disappeared out of my sight, she looked over her shoulder and gave me a long, approving smile.

  Chapter 11

  Alexandria

  Wow! What a voice. I was completely blown away. His voice vibrated through every nerve in my body, giving me a sense of pleasure and peace. He not only touched my heart, he touched my soul, if that were even possible. I had chills running through every fiber of my being. I was totally lost, captivated, and I heard nothing but his sexy voice. To top it off, he happened to sing one of my favorite songs.

  My heart gave no mercy as it pounded against my chest. I felt dizzy and needed air, but Liam gave me what I needed when he suddenly appeared, wrapping his arms around me, holding me steady. It helped somewhat. What I really needed was a good slap in the face to wake me up and to help me snap out of Elijah’s spell. Looking over my shoulder one last time, my eyes caught his and I pretended he was singing only to me.

  After apologizing a few times, Liam introduced me to his friends. We sat at the table and ordered dinner. I smiled and laughed on cue, but my mind was somewhere else. When I noted the redhead across from Liam that couldn’t keep her eyes off of him, I didn’t care. I’d already forgotten her name. Was that normal? Should I care that she was flirting with him in front of me when she knew I was seeing him?

  Since dinner was taking so long, everyone kept ordering beer. In order to pass the time, Liam had a stupid idea. He wanted me to sing. The only time he heard me sing was at my father’s funeral, but that was it. He kept persisting and dragged me to the stage.

  Knowing Liam didn’t have a great singing voice, I figured I’d choose a safe, easy song, and it was another of my favorites.

  After I punched in the number to “Follow Me” by Uncle Kracker, Liam handed me the mic. The music started and Liam sang. He was unable to follow the speed. Just so he wouldn’t make a total fool of himself, I stepped up.

  “Way to go, Alex,” I heard Lexy shout. I kept looking at the words since I was not at all comfortable seeing strangers watching me sing. I hadn’t realized Elijah and his friends had gathered close by. Not only was I embarrassed, I was infused with blistering heat from head to toe. I had no choice but to finish, but when I saw Elijah’s huge grin, I couldn’t help but smile, too.

  Elijah looked cool and collected leaning against the wall. With his arms crossed, he stared back at me, making me shyly turn away. Seeing him looking so dreamy made me forget about Liam. If only Elijah didn’t smoke. If only he wasn’t my roommate. If only he didn’t frighten me, though I didn’t know why he did.

  “My Baby is awesome,” Liam shouted, twirling me around, leading me back to his friends after the song ended. Then the clapping died down.

  I’m not sure what happened, but I realized this was the first time I sang karaoke without my dad. Singing in front of my friends was not dreadful. It was actually kinda fun. My dad would have been proud.

  As we ate dinner, more people sang. Hearing some oldies that my dad and I used to sing made me teary-eyed. I couldn’t help it. I had to excuse myself to the restroom a couple of times. It had only been three months since he passed away. Was this normal?

  When I came back, Lexy was standing by the table. She had already been introduced to everyone. She was so sweet and friendly. It was no wonder everyone got along with her. Lexy had a personality that everyone clicked with.

  “Alex.” Lexy gave me a tight squeeze. “Who knew? You’ve been hiding your talent. I’m glad Liam dragged you to the stage.”

  “I’m okay,” I said shyly. I wasn’t used to the compliments.

  “This was nothing. You should’ve heard her sing at her father’s funeral,” he gushed.

  Lexy looked at me with a questioning look, but she knew better than to ask. I’m sure she saw the surprise and sadness in my eyes. She was good at reading people. I hadn’t told any of my new friends about my father’s death, but now Liam just opened his mouth. I was pretty sure it was the alcohol that was making him so insensitive.

  “Anyway, I was on my way to the restroom so I’ll talk to you all later.” Lexy didn’t look at me before she headed away.

  My dad told me many times when I was young that you could never know how another person felt unless you walked in that person’s shoes. He was right, of course. Liam never lost anyone he loved. He had no idea what I was feeling right now. It was through his actions and words that I knew this.

  Liam started talking and laughing with his friends while he placed his arms around me. It was getting close to midnight. I was not only feeling a little tipsy since I rarely drank, but I was also emotionally tired.

  Liam bringing up the funeral and hearing songs my dad and I used to sing together was not agreeing with my stomach. The ache in my heart started to twist deeper and I knew I needed to get out of here. The air suddenly became thick and heavy and I couldn’t breathe. I held it together as long as I could, but when I heard the last words my dad sang to me from his hospital bed being sung by one of Elijah’s group of friends, I completely lost it. Why did it have to be that song, out of the hundreds of songs on the list?

  Excusing myself, I started to run toward the restroom, but since I hadn’t seen Lexy come out yet, I ran the other way as tears streamed down my face. I didn’t want her to see me like this. Pushing the exit door, I ran outside. I bawled like a baby as I tucked my arms around my waist to hold myself together.

  It hadn’t been that long since I cried like this. The last time was when I dreamt about my dad. Gasping for air, tears filled my hands and I was unable to stop them from flowing. Feeling my body tremble, I reached for something to lean on, but there was nothing there.

  Feeling weak in the knees and unable to control my crying, I sat on the step. The ache was so deep that it felt like someone had ripped my heart out. So much pain poured through my tears that my eyes were puffy and my throat was dry.

  As the memories of my dad came crashing through, all I could do was feel sorry for myself as I gasped for more air. Why? Why did it have to be my dad? When I felt a warm body next to mine, I managed to calm down somewhat.

  Feeling a strong arm wrap around me, I threw myself on Liam’s lap. He had no idea how happy he’d made me feel that he was comforting me. I felt like he really understood my pain for the first time. He had always told me to stop crying, but he didn’t tonight. Molding into every space, every curve, every muscle of him, I pressed into him. He felt so good, so strong, so right, and I let myself go.

  “I miss him so much,” I cried, starting to realize he felt bigger than before.

  “Shhh…it’s okay. Let it all out,” he whispered, caressing my hair. “I know your pain.”

  I freaked out when I realized it wasn’t Liam. I pulled away to see his face. “Elijah?” My lips quivered as tears blurred my vision. I was surprised to see him.<
br />
  “What happened?” he asked, wiping my tears away. There was so much tenderness and care in his words that it made me speechless.

  I was just about to tell him when the door thrashed opened. Liam set his eyes on us and they only grew wide with anger. He was in shock. “What the hell?”

  Elijah lifted me up and placed me down. I could see how this would look in Liam’s eyes.

  “Don’t read too much into this. She needed a shoulder to cry on,” Elijah explained.

  “Whatever. Fuck you,” he said angrily. Liam grabbed my arm and yanked me inside.

  Chapter 12

  Elijah

  Seeing Alex rush out of the back exit door like she was on fire, I debated whether to go after her. I had no idea what Liam had said to her or what he had done, but she was crying. Not knowing what to do, I followed her out, but kept my distance. I wasn’t sure if I should approach her, but when I heard that gut-wrenching cry coming from her, I had to go to her.

  Alex was slumped over crying on the steps, which made my heart sank. I sat next to her and draped my arm around her shoulders to give her comfort, but unexpectedly she wrapped her whole body into mine tightly. Not even a slip of paper could fit between us. I wasn’t sure if she knew it was me. She might’ve thought I was Liam.

  I didn’t mean for this to happen, but I couldn’t help embracing her back. It was the first time we held each other like that. It felt so good, so soothing. Her hug was like my morphine, physically taking away my pain. At that point, I wasn’t sure who was actually comforting whom. One thing for sure, a part of me pushed my pain aside for her. Now the smell of her and the feel of her body would be imprinted in my mind. Crap!

  When Alex finally realized it was someone else, she backed away somewhat. Her breasts ended up being at my eye level. Shit! It was hard not to take in the view, let alone try to control my urge to stick my tongue between her breasts. She was so fucking beautiful. Thank God we were interrupted before I did something stupid.