My Clarity

by M. Clarke

  “Oh, good. We’ve made it just in time,” Lexy said breathlessly as we finally reached the bottom of the hill. “Do you see Seth or Elijah?” She glanced around. I tried to as well, but there were so many people that it was nearly impossible to spot them, not to mention the darkness that complicated matters more.

  Just when I wondered how long we had to wait, I heard the engines revving. One black and one silver car, neither looking like typical racecars, were at the starting line. They were just plain solid colors. What was I expecting? This wasn’t the Indie 500.

  The first driver stepped out of his car, waving to the crowd. He wore jeans and a black sweater. I also noticed his buzzed hair when he took off his helmet. There were loud cheers as well as booing sounds. Since Lexy was clapping and whistling, I did the same. When the next driver stepped out, I heard the same sounds echo around us, but Lexy didn’t clap.

  “That’s Nolan,” she said, booing loudly.

  “Nolan?” I repeated and stood still. I had no idea. Great. I was here to watch that ass-grabbing jerk. Just as I said his name, he spotted me and winked. I looked away. He had taken off his helmet to greet the crowd. After waving his hand, he blew kisses at the audience. Gross! I turned my head away to spot a girl swaying seductively and standing a distance away from the cars. That got all the males’ attention and the wolf whistles sounded from every direction.

  She was wearing high heels, a short skirt, and a tight red sweater. Wasn’t she cold? When she held up a white scarf, the engines roared louder. I had to cover my ears because of the dreadfully thunderous sound. The crowd was watching and waiting. The air was still and so was my heart. Wondering what she was doing there, I watched intensely. When the scarf came down with a flash, the cars zoomed away. Dirt kicked up, producing clouds of dust that blanketed the area. When it cleared, that’s when I realized it was Heather. How could I have missed her? She was almost perfect with that killer body.

  The dust from the race started covering over the area where we stood, so Lexy and I headed to higher ground. Everyone was cheering or cursing, since the money they had bet was at stake. You could see the tension in their eyes, their bodies, and their gestures. The crowd seemed possessed with the excitement, the rush, and the desperation for the money they could win or lose.

  Watching the cars pass with great speed was exhilarating. I could feel my heart thump faster, wondering who would win. They were neck and neck throughout the race so far.

  “Look,” Lexy pointed. “See those guys holding the flashing number signs? When they hold up number ten, that’s the indication that the race is about to end.”

  “I see,” I nodded. “So they go 10 laps around the track?”

  “It depends. Sometimes more.”

  Standing there watching the racecars zip by and seeing the number cards reaching closer to ten, I was sure I was going to have an anxiety attack. The cards changed again…7…8…9…. Then ten flashed endlessly, like an SOS sign. Everyone started cheering louder. This was it.

  I didn’t know why I was holding my breath. Maybe it was because I wanted the other guy to win, but it was not going in his favor. It got worse when Nolan skidded to his right, almost hitting his opponent, causing the gap to widen. Damn, Nolan was crazy. There was no doubt now who had won. Nolan’s car crossed the finish line first.

  “Crap. That means….” Lexy never finished her words. Her eyes grew wide. The cheers that erupted were very short lived. “Shit! The cops.”

  Before I could say a word or even spot them, Lexy grabbed my arm and pulled me up the hill. “Run, Alex!” she said out loud.

  It was chaos. I never heard the sirens, but I saw the crowd. They scrambled like ants on a hill. Everyone was screaming and running as if the place was on fire. Someone bumped my shoulder, almost knocking me over, and then another and another, causing me to stumble. It was as if people suddenly lost their motor coordination when all hell broke loose. What was wrong with these people? We were almost at the top when I had the wind knocked out of me. I lost Lexy’s link.

  “Alex!” I heard Lexy scream. I was stumbling downhill. Luckily, the hill wasn’t steep, but I had to use my hands to break my fall. Burning pain shot out from the cut on my palm. I just hoped it wasn’t too deep, but seeing no blood was a good thing. Feeling dazed, I panicked after losing my balance and trying to figure out which way to go as the people around me bumped into me again.

  I heard someone call my name, and I was suddenly lifted off the ground. Too busy feeling dizzy, I hadn’t realized until a second later that I was slumped over someone’s shoulder. I didn’t fight the guy who was holding me. I just wanted to be out of there. When I was lowered to the ground, I knew then who it was.

  “What the fuck, Lexy? Why did you bring her here?” Elijah was mad. I hadn’t seen him mad like this before. Did he not want me here? Why couldn’t I be here if it was okay for Lexy?

  “I…I—” Lexy started to say, but her words were caught in her throat. She was caught off guard by Elijah’s wrath.

  “Never mind. Just get her home. I need to find Seth. You made me lose Seth.” His tone was accusatory and angry.

  When we got home, I thought Lexy would have left, but she stayed. I headed straight for the bathroom to take care of my wound. Lexy followed behind me and leaned against the door.

  “Sorry, Alex. I shouldn’t have brought you there. I thought it would help get your mind off your dad.” Her tone was apologetic at first, and then it became filled with excitement. “But wasn’t it fun?”

  “I did have fun, Lexy,” I confirmed. I didn’t want her to feel bad for doing something thoughtful. “I’m glad you took me. I’ve never been to one of those before. It was exciting. But do the cops come every time?”

  “No. Sometimes we get lucky. They change the location every time. The guys who were taking the money are the ones who arrange it all. Either someone ratted the location or the cops played a hunch this time. If you get caught, they’ll throw you in jail and let you out the next day.”

  “How do you know?” I asked, pumping liquid soap in my hands, and then running them under the sink. Thankfully, I only had minor scratches.

  Lexy gave me a sly smile and handed the towel to me. “Jimmy got caught once.”

  “Really?” I said, laughing as I hung the towel back on the rack. Our laughter was cut short when we went to the living room and saw Seth and Elijah walk through the door. Elijah was still huffing mad. His jaw muscles were tight and his lips were pressed in a thin line.

  “Out!” Elijah was short and to the point. He made everyone jolt.

  Thinking he meant me as well, I started heading to my room. I didn’t want to be around him either.

  “Alex, where are you going?” he said softly, confusing me.

  I stopped when he called my name. Without answering, I went to the kitchen instead and waited for him. I heard harsh whispers as if they were arguing and didn’t want me to hear, but it didn’t last long.

  “Good night, Alex. See you tomorrow at work,” Lexy said.

  “Good night, Alex,” Seth said next. “Go easy on her.” I heard him say to Elijah. Why would he say that?

  “Bye,” I said loudly without a thought to walk them out the door.

  Feeling restless, my heart hammered faster as I took out the milk carton and a bag of chocolate chip cookies. It was late at night, but I just felt like having something. After pouring milk into the cup, I took out a cookie as I watched Elijah walk in.

  Though his shoulders were relaxed compared to a minute ago, I could see the worried look in his eyes, but not for long. “What are you doing?” he chuckled lightly, apparently finding humor in what he saw.

  “Dunking my cookie in my milk. Haven’t you ever done that before?”

  “No.”

  “Then you’re missing out. Want some?” As I wondered if he would maintain his calmness, I took a bite.

  “No, thanks. Not right now. I’m not a big fan of milk.” He paused for a second, dragged h
is hair back with his fingers, and released a short, sharp sigh. “Look. I’m sorry I got angry earlier. It wasn’t toward you. It was toward the situation and Lexy. She shouldn’t have brought you there.”

  After I swallowed, I retorted, “Why not? Have you seen the crowd? Why can’t I be there?”

  “I can’t believe you’re asking me that question.” His face tilted, angling his brows at me as if I should have known better. “Have I seen the crowd? Have you seen the crowd?” He blinked rapidly, rattling off his words, but his piercing, beautiful brown eyes and long lashes were distracting me. “There are gang members, gamblers, drug addicts, not to mention the cops.”

  “I didn’t know about the cops, and who put you in charge of me anyway?” I challenged.

  “I did.”

  “I don’t need you to take care of me because I’m Jimmy’s cousin. I wish everyone would stop doing that.” My tone went up a notch.

  “That’s not the reason.”

  “Then what is? And I didn’t see any gang members or drug addicts. Although I wouldn’t know what they look like.” I dunked the cookie again and took another bite.

  “Exactly. And have you ever been in a jail before?”

  “No.” Biting my cookie helped me deal with how he continued to distract me. Something about the way he was being so protective and how he was staring at my mouth, he oozed sex appeal.

  “Exactly.”

  “Stop saying ‘exactly.’ Have you?”

  He didn’t answer. I’d guessed that was a yes. Before he could walk away from me, I pointed at him with the half-eaten cookie in my hand as I asked another question. “How about the other students and your friends? They were all there, too. Am I not good enough to be there?” I don’t know why, but anger boiled inside me.

  “No, you’re not!” he stammered, startling me. When he took a step toward me, I backed away and bumped into the cabinet.

  His words were like a dagger to my heart. Did he really say that to me, making me feel worthless? How dare he!

  With his hands planted on either side of the cabinet just inches away from my face, his body was way too close to mine. I couldn’t help but stare at the tattoo that curved as his muscles flexed. His broad shoulders and his hard, defined chest were too much for me to handle, especially recalling how he looked without a shirt on.

  Blistering, heated energy ignited in the space between us. I was drowning into his smell…into him…into that cage he created around us, and I wanted to dive into his arms. Lowering his head and brushing his lips against my ear, accentuating one word at a time, he murmured. “You. Are. Better.” Then he paused. No movement…completely still.

  I don’t know how long we stood like that. A second seemed like an eternity. I had no control over what I was feeling just then. After a soft intake of breath, he continued. “I don’t know what I would have done if something were to happen to you.”

  His words quickly soothed me, making me melt in awe. I tried not to choke on the cookie still in my mouth. When I felt the warmth of his breath against my neck, I wanted so badly for him to devour me right there. The heated feeling got worse when I saw his lips heading toward mine with a slow hesitation. My heart went into overdrive as the room spun around me. We were now face-to-face as he stared into my eyes with want and need.

  Never taking his eyes off me, he rested his hand on my shoulder, and then gingerly slid down my arm, giving me pleasurable tingles…EVERYWHERE. Afraid to move the tiniest of my muscles, I felt locked in place. I was enjoying him far too much. I didn’t want it to end. When he finally reached my hand, he pulled it up to his mouth and made the most pleasurable groan I’ve ever heard.

  Looking exhausted and dazed, he shifted his eyes to the cookie in my hand, and mumbled slowly, “I think I’ll have that cookie now.”

  Nothing registered until I saw his lips part and my fingers disappeared into his mouth. Oh. My. GOD! My pulse skyrocketed and I whimpered from the warmth of his tongue and the sensation that shot up my arm. My fingers were very wet sliding out of his mouth. I even felt the feather-light graze of his teeth; and I could swear every single muscle in my body became limp.

  His jaw worked quickly, chewing. It was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. He made eating a cookie so hot. After he swallowed, he turned the other way, picked up my cup of milk, and chugged down whatever was left.

  Looking like he couldn’t believe he just drank milk, he placed the cup down. “Good night, Alex. Don’t ever go racing without me,” he ordered, and then he left.

  What just happened? Milk and cookies will never be the same for me…EVER.

  Chapter 15

  Elijah

  I was so close to kissing Alex…again. What the hell was I thinking and what the hell was wrong with me? She was my roommate. To top it off, she was in a relationship with someone or whatever the hell was going on between them. I had no clue. All I knew was that Liam was an asshole. He didn’t even deserve to be with her.

  If Alex were my girl, I would treat her so much better than he does. I would be with her whenever I got the chance. Either he was a dumbass or he was sleeping around. I didn’t know which one was better. Why the hell was I even thinking like this? I was not interested in being in a relationship in the first place.

  Thank God for that cookie. After using every ounce of my will power to move my lips away from hers, I needed something in my mouth. That cookie saved me. I didn’t mean to finish it, but I wanted to stick her fingers in my mouth at the same time. That put me over the edge and I would have taken her right there on the kitchen counter if she’d let me.

  I didn’t mean to go off on her like that, but what if I wasn’t there? What if I hadn’t seen them? She might have ended up in jail or worse. I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I know she can take care of herself, but I have this need in me. Ever since she moved in, it was as if my body was tuned in to hers. I am always aware of her.

  Now that she’d seen what it was like, I guess I could tell her that I was going to be the next one to race against Nolan. I wondered what she would think of me then. Too exhausted to think anymore, I closed my eyes. I went to sleep thinking about my brother.

  White board:

  Just a reminder rent is due next week.

  -E

  Three weeks has passed since school started, but it was the first day of school for me, at least for this boring class. To top it off, it was on a Friday. I only took it to get an easy “A,” but now I’m thinking I shouldn’t have taken it at all…until I saw Alex.

  With her backpack slung over her shoulder, she scurried down the stairs as fast as her legs allowed, and so did that fine ass of hers in those jeans. I watched her take every single step toward the front. She was late to class. I knew the reason why. Liam had visited her last night. He was probably still there.

  I didn’t know we shared art history class together, but then again, this was the first time I had shown up. I didn’t bother to look at what classes she took, even though her schedule was attached to the fridge. Now I had an excuse to study with her. What was I thinking? I had told myself I wasn’t even going to look at her that way, but now that I knew she was here, all I could do was zone in on her. The girls that had purposely sat around me to get my attention disappeared just like that.

  The class was held in a huge auditorium. That was a good thing. My plan was to sit in the back since she liked to sit toward the front. Maybe she would never find out that I was in the same class. But if she looked at the schedule, she would have known. When she glanced around as if she were looking for someone, she looked straight at me. She knew exactly where I was seated. I’m sure it was a coincidence. When she turned back without acknowledging me, I figured I was wrong. Then she looked at me again and rewarded me with the biggest coy, sexy smile.

  My heart skipped a beat, and then it took a nosedive. That smile fucked me over. All I could do was lift my pen up in the air as a way of greeting. Damn! How was I supposed to concentrate after that? I’ll be
thinking about that smile all day.

  Alexandria

  I didn’t mean to look for Elijah, but I had no self-control. When Lexy confirmed he was taking this class too, I about had a heart attack. I saw it when I looked over his schedule, but since I had never seen him, I thought he dropped the class. A part of me felt so guilty that my heart pounded faster every time I thought of him, but I brushed it off thinking that I was just physically attracted to him. What female wouldn’t be?

  A part of me knew Liam and I wouldn’t last. I was on the verge of breaking up with him, but when he stayed over last night and was really sweet to me, I became soft and gave in. Deep down inside, I knew Liam wasn’t going to be the best boyfriend if we ever got to that point, but no one was perfect. No relationship was or ever will be. Maybe I was determined to make it work, especially since my parents’ marriage fell apart. Maybe I was holding on, unable to let go of anyone. My heart couldn’t take too much pain right now.

  While jotting notes down as fast as I could, the girl next to me kept looking at me and whispering something to her friend. Having had enough, I turned to her. Turning red, she gave me a quick smile and asked me a question. “I was wondering, are you Elijah’s roommate?”

  “Yes,” I said hesitantly.

  “You’re so lucky,” she gushed, keeping her voice down. “How do you do it? How do you sleep across from his room and not want to jump into bed with him?”

  She had no idea how many times that thought crossed my mind, but seeing someone else did help tremendously. “I’m seeing someone,” I whispered back.

  “It’s a good thing,” she giggled. “My name is Cynthia. If you ever have a party, you’re welcome to invite me. We’re his fans.” She pointed to her friend.