An Imperfect Circle

by R. J. Sable

  “Yup,” he nods happily.

  It’s then I realise where this apple has come from. It’s from our tree. I’m not sure what to make of that

  “You only gave me a Wagon Wheel and you didn’t even offer me friendship, just peace. I kick your ass ten times over at this.”

  “An apple I’m not allowed to eat!” I stress. How is he not getting this? Wagon Wheels are better than any other form of food.

  “They’re not quite ripe yet. Just keep it on your bedside table for a few days,” he grins.

  “You’re not going to try and convince me it’s a magic apple and it’s going to become a beanstalk are you?” I raise an eyebrow at him and try my best not to smile at the ridiculous notion. “If girls normally fall for that then you need to set your sights higher.”

  Matt laughs and elbows Karl in the ribs but Karl ignores him.

  “Just trust me,” he sighs. “Does this mean we’re friends now?” He turns to face me and his knee brushes mine. The static shock jolts us both and I’m wishing I had some moisturising cream to stop this from happening.

  Luckily, we both seem to decide not to mention our weird tendency to electrocute each other.

  “No,” I reply adamantly. “I only offered peace. A new beginning.”

  “So?” He prompts. Demanding more of an answer.

  “You can’t just become friends like that. We can try and be friends but I’m not making false promises.”

  “We were friends before, we can be friends again.” His voice seems to have lowered an octave and I get the sense he’s saying more he actually is.

  All I’m hearing is that we were friends before and he decided he didn’t want me. I don’t want to go through that again. Maybe he thinks he can handle it now but I’m still broken and he’s going to realise that soon and it’s going to backfire on me.

  “Here’s the deal,” I say decisively. “We can be friends on one condition.”

  “What’s the condition?” He smirks, leaning closer and resting one arm on the back of my chair.

  “We start again. You can’t mention anything about me from before this year. As far as this friendship goes, we just met.”

  He looks at me contemplatively and it’s like he’s trying to figure out a hidden agenda. His dark eyebrows are set as his blue eyes meet my green. He’s clearly thinking.

  “Why?” He prompts.

  “You don’t get to ask that. You can accept it or you can leave me alone for the next two years.”

  “Just accept it, mate,” Matt grins. “She’s too much fun to mess with.”

  “You mess with me and I will make you wear your birdhouse,” I warn him.

  “Alright, deal,” Karl laughs and Matt mocks me by pretending to be terrified.

  “You might live to regret that, Elise,” Ian’s cocky voice erupts from behind me and I jump slightly because I didn’t realise he was there.

  Now that I’m not looking into those dangerous pools of blue, I’m realising that the common room has filled up. We’re surrounded by the Queen Bee and her working girl drones who hover behind Ian and Rob.

  “Why’s that?” I frown at him, cocking my head because I always get the sense that Ian never quite says what he means.

  “Have you seen the way he treats his friends?” Ian grins, locking his arm around Matt’s neck playfully.

  I laugh as they jokingly wrestle and it kind of feels like old times. The Carters were always messing about and pretending to fight each other and it rarely got out of hand.

  “Where’s Becky?” Rob asks me hopefully, much to the frustration of the girls behind him.

  “She’ll be here soon,” I reassure him neutrally. I’m getting closer to being convinced that he’s a good guy but they come around so rarely and it seems too good to be true.

  Ian’s watching me as he pulls Annie onto his lap and I know without asking that he’s studying me. It kind of pisses me off but it’s also intriguing. He was inquisitive even as a child but it seems to have gotten much stronger now.

  “How did your date go?” Karl grins at Rob, shifting back in his chair so he’s sitting on it properly. He keeps his arm on the back of mine and I see him glance sideways at me and I immediately understand.

  We’re playing chicken again.

  He’s left his arm there as a silent challenge for me to call him on it. He’s mocking me. He knows I want him to move it but I’m not going to ask so I just sit there and let him have his arm on the back of my chair. If he so much as touches my skin, I’m going to break his fingers.

  Friendship be dammed.

  “None of your business, asshole,” Ian grins before Rob can answer.

  “Who’d you go on a date with, Rob?” Shelly asks and it’s obvious that she’s irritated that she’s out of the loop seeing as she considers herself centre of the school social world.

  “Did you just call your own brother an asshole?” I call Ian out because I won’t be able to control my temper if she finds out Rob is dating Becky Blossom and makes a bitchy comment.

  “I did,” Ian nods.

  Karl fakes hurt and pouts ever so slightly, holding his hand to his chest as if he’s wounded.

  “Poor, Karl,” Stacey coos, coming closer as if she wants to sit in his lap.

  That pisses me off because he’s got his arm around me. I don’t want it there but she doesn’t know that. It’s not that she wants to sit in his lap. I don’t care about that, I don’t. It’s just rude.

  “Grow a pair,” I grin, smacking Karl on the arm. He twists his body in response which has the double effect of meaning Stacey can’t sit on him.

  “Jesus, being your friend is going to leave me bruised isn’t it?” Karl laughs, pretending to rub his arm.

  “I believe she just told you to grow a pair,” Ian laughs.

  I just grin and nod, considering that my payback for the game of chicken he’s playing by keeping his arm on my chair. Let that be a lesson to him.

  “I told you I liked you,” Matt grins.

  I smirk at them both and relax a little. This isn’t so bad. Maybe Bear was right, maybe we can do the friendship thing and let sleeping dogs lie. We’ll never be as close as we once were but maybe we can just be a lesser version to make the next two years easier.

  “Sorry, I got held up talking to Mr Jones,” Becky sighs, slumping into the chair between Rob and Ian and facing me.

  “He can talk for England,” Rob winces in sympathy, subtly shuffling closer to her.

  “I was going to sit there,” Stacey scowls at Becky, pointing at her and waiting for Blossom to move.

  “Oh, um, sorry,” Becky starts, making to stand up.

  “Find somewhere else to sit,” Ian growls at Stacey and there’s no room left to doubt that he means it.

  Becky looks awkward and uncomfortable and I’m annoyed at Stacey but also at Rob for not speaking up sooner. I glance at him ready to call him out but he’s glaring at Ian. I get the impression he’s pissed off with him for saying something because he wants to be the one to defend Becky. He clearly wasn’t about to let it slide and he’s obviously annoyed at Stacey as well.

  He just earned a plus point in my book.

  Chapter 15

  As the week goes on, Karl and I seem to be developing a routine. It’s not so much comfortable as just habit. I’m reluctant to admit that I actually like it but I think, at the very least, I’m starting to.

  It could quite easily be considered bullying if we weren’t both actively involved. We kind of just bounce off each other and pick on one another without really meaning to. I blame Matt. He started it.

  Honestly, I’m not sure any of us meant for it to happen but, because Matt and Karl tend to muck around quite a bit, I seem to have been pulled into it. We’re like a terrible trio, only we’re only terrible to each other.

  We have the occasional free period together and we tend to spend them in the common room. Today is Friday and, as students tend to be on a Friday, everyone is slightly hyp
er and ready for the weekend. We usually work together for a bit if we have homework to do but there’s still time for a bit of messing around. I noticed that whenever there’s something that needs reading, Matt will always ready it aloud. Karl always follows the words on the page but I have to wonder if Matt is doing it to help him out.

  Today, we’ve pretty much given up. People around us are too riled up to get any work done so Matt and Karl are talking football whilst I roll my eyes at them.

  “You seriously don’t like football?” Karl asks incredulously, not for the first time.

  “Ball up the pitch, ball down the pitch, over and over again for ninety minutes. Every now and then somebody pretends to be injured and even less often, somebody will actually score a goal,” I sigh. “Ninety minutes.” I stress this again because they don’t seem to get that ninety minutes is a long time to watch that rubbish.

  “There’s something wrong with you,” Matt scoffs.

  “Says the person who spends an hour and a half chasing after a little black and white ball,” I mock affectionately. Matt’s growing on me. He’s more fun when it’s just the three of us and I’m starting to learn to ignore the anger and look past it because, most of the time, he controls it.

  “You just don’t get it,” Karl sighs.

  “Clearly I don’t,” I agree. I don’t want to either.

  “Something wrong with you,” Matt repeats, elbowing me with a wink.

  “Meh, she’s alright,” Karl smirks. He’s wearing a far too tight t-shirt again today and I’m having to make a concentrated effort not to look at it. Although it is a really nice shade of green and the material does look soft. Maybe it’s okay to stare because of that.

  “Oh, wow. Alright. What an honour. Excuse me while I go swoon in the corner and regain myself,” I say sarcastically once I’ve drawn my eyes away from his biceps. I’m not checking him out. It’s all about the soft cotton.

  “Feel free,” he grins, gesturing to the corner.

  “Can I borrow your flying pig to get there?” I mock and Matt guffaws.

  “Probably need some sort of transport to get there. Your lazy arse does no exercise,” Karl grins.

  “How do you know my arse is lazy, have you been looking at it?”

  “Only as a courtesy to make sure you didn’t sit in chewing gum,” Karl winks.

  “If I catch you looking, I’ll pay the twins to dye your skin pink in your sleep,” I threaten seriously.

  “They wouldn’t dare,” Karl scoffs.

  “I think you underestimate what those two will do for money,” Matt laughs. “They’d probably sell Jamie if they could get any money for her.”

  “Who’s Jamie?” I prompt in confusion.

  “Our sister,” Karl smiles and it’s a proper smile without the façade or the cocky disposition. It’s the secret smile he used to wear under our tree. It almost makes me sad for a moment because it’s not aimed at me but the smile vanishes quickly again as our eyes meet.

  “You have a sister?” I gasp.

  Karl nods, one side of his mouth pulling up slightly as his gaze meets mine. I can’t figure out what’s happening but this moment’s really intense.

  “How old is she?” I ask. I know Helen always wanted a daughter and I’m happy she finally got what she wanted at the end of her life but it saddens me to think that the littlest Carter probably didn’t get much time with her Mum.

  Karl seems momentarily confused and his mouth hangs open as he stares at me

  “She’s five going on fifteen,” Matt grins, obviously less confused about the age of the Carter I’ve yet to meet. “She’s cooking us dinner tonight.”

  “Is that safe?” I raise an eyebrow and do some quick maths. Jamie must have been born whilst I was in therapy. Maybe Karl replaced me with her?

  “Gran is helping her,” Karl chuckles as he regains himself. “She helped make bread last week and we had to soak her in the tub for an hour to get her clean but she likes making stuff.”

  “Sounds like my kind of girl,” I grin. I love working with my hands.

  “You should come meet her,” Karl perks up, his eyes lighting up at the idea. “She’d love you.”

  “And how do you know that?” I stall.

  “You’re a girl,” he shrugs. “She may be five but she’s already cottoned on to the fact that having seven brothers makes for chaos.”

  I nod because I remember the chaos of the Carter household but I remember it with fondness.

  “One day maybe,” I agree noncommittally. I’m not sure I want us being that close. I don’t want to start going round for dinner or anything. Especially not if they still live where they used to.

  “Come tonight,” Matt encourages. “The more mouths there are, the less we’ll have to eat. Dad promised us pizza if it tastes like crap but only if we eat it all.”

  “Pizza?” I ask, drooling slightly. Pizza is round, need I say more?

  “Yeah,” Karl nods, looking encouraged. “We usually get like twelve pizzas so there should be a few slices spare if you’re quick.”

  “I eat a whole pizza,” I cross my arms, entering the bargaining phase.

  “Jesus,” Matt grins. “Where do you put it?” He checks me over quickly with his eyes. There’s nothing sexual about it, I can tell. He’s just kidding but Karl punches him in the arm anyway.

  “Don’t check her out, dickhead,” Karl growls.

  “Why not? Aren’t I pretty?” I pretend to be horrified because it’s too fun messing with him.

  “No,” he deadpans.

  I have to admit, I’m caught off guard and slightly disheartened. I wasn’t fishing for compliments but I wasn’t expecting him to be such a pea brain about it.

  “Ouch! Burn!” Matt laughs and I throw a textbook at each of them.

  They both duck but Karl holds my gaze and I smirk at him to let him know I don’t care what he thinks. So what if he doesn’t think I’m pretty? Like I said, only idiots care about the skin-deep and he doesn’t need to think I’m pretty for us to be friends.

  I don’t care.

  “Elise, you’re not pretty,” Karl begins and Matt starts guffawing again so Karl stops to punch his arm again.

  “Yeah, yeah… point made,” I sigh with boredom. “Where’s my pizza?”

  “You’re coming?” Matt grins, glancing sideways at Karl.

  “Maybe. Where do you live now?” I prompt. I’d really like to meet the newest Carter, I suspect she’ll be awesome.

  “Same place,” Karl shrugs.

  My expression falls. I’m not going back to that place, no amount of pizza is worth that. If I saw that house again, I think it might undo all the good that’s come into my life in recent weeks. I can’t do it.

  “Elise?” Karl prompts and he’s suddenly crouching in front of me with his hand lightly on my arm.

  I hadn’t realised I was gripping the table with a death grip until Karl’s other hand started trying to ease my fingers away. I can hear him calling my name with a concerned voice but my mind is back in that room with its dark corners.

  “Elise, listen to me,” Karl’s gentle but demanding voice is right in my ear. “It’s not there any more.”

  “What’s not there any more?” I bite back, more aggressively than I meant to but aggression is better than weakness and I’m struggling slightly.

  “That house… that room,” he whispers, still crouched down in front of me and trying to meet my eye. “It’s gone, Elise.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I snap because I hate that he knows what I’m thinking about. It means he remembers. I sort of wish he didn’t.

  “It’s gone,” he repeats, his hand squeezing mine gently.

  “You’re breaking the rule,” I growl, yanking my hand away and snapping myself back to reality. He’s not allowed to talk about anything from before this year.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he smirks, standing up and giving me some much needed space.
r />   “You can walk back with us after school,” Matt cuts in, ignoring the awkwardness hanging between us even though I can tell he doesn’t understand what just happened.

  I kind of like him a little bit more for not asking questions. I also kind of like that Karl hasn’t told him, even though they’re best friends.

  “I don’t think so,” I frown, wiping my now sweaty palms on my legs.

  “Come on,” Matt urges with a frown of confusion.

  “It’ll be fine, trust me,” Karl nods, stressing the last two words. He’s asking for a lot by asking me to trust him. There was a time when I would have trusted him with anything but once bitten, twice shy. I’m not sure I’m willing to take a leap of faith yet.

  “If you want to leave at any point, I’ll take you home, no questions asked,” Karl adds, his eyes meeting mine again. I hate that I can see my reflection in them and that my reflection looks scared even on that small scale.

  I’m not that scared little girl any more. What sort of a sixteen year old is scared of a house? Not this one.

  “Fine,” I concede with a roll of my eyes. I need to move past my fear of what happened there. I feel like I need to do it to heal.

  Karl beams at me and wraps me in a hug. I tense my body against his because he didn’t ask for permission. He just hugged me. Whilst his breath may smell of cinnamon, his clothes smell like freshly cut grass and wood stain.

  Seriously. Wood stain.

  That may not sound like an attractive smell but I love it. Like, actually love it. It makes me want to punch him because I don’t want to love anything about him. I actually sort of wish I could go back to trying to hate him.

  “This is where you hug me back, Elise,” Karl grins in my ear.

  I get the impression he’s not letting go and I want this over and done with as quickly as possible. The practice with Becky Blossom must have paid off because my arms naturally go to him. They slot into place around him and it feels like somebody has carved a space just for me.

  He pulls me tighter in and my chin rests on his shoulder. It feels so familiar and yet so different and I sigh contentedly before I catch myself.

  As soon as I realise what I’ve done, I pull away and glare at him. My glare only deepens when he winks at me.