An Imperfect Circle

by R. J. Sable

  “You smell nice,” he smirks.

  My response is to twist his nipple a full one-eighty. How dare he smell me?

  “Ouch,” Ian declares, joining us in the common room.

  “Looks painful,” Rob agrees with a wince of sympathy.

  “He sniffed me!” I proclaim, taking a step back from Karl in case he decides on some sort of vengeance.

  “It was a hug, you nutter!” Karl grimaces, his hand protecting his nipple.

  “It was a hug with a sniff!” I argue because he isn’t allowed to sniff me. I only happened to notice what he smelt like, I didn’t sniff him.

  “Whatever,” Karl rolls his eyes. “Stay away from my nipples, woman.”

  “Keep them away from me and I will,” I challenge stubbornly.

  Ian laughs and breaks the pseudo-tension by swinging his body up to sit on the table between us. Becky Blossom bounces into the room and greets us all happily. She’s her usual chirpy self and I relax a little as she beams at me. I love that girl.

  “Hi,” Rob grins at her, lacing his fingers through hers.

  “Hi,” Becky squeaks. It’s a bold move and one we’ve not yet seen him make in public. Judging by the flaming red colour of Blossom’s cheek, the impact of the gesture is not lost on her.

  “Hey, E!” Matt grins, scooting onto the table next to Ian. “Guess who’s coming to dinner tonight.”

  I know he’s done it to draw the attention away from a bashful Becky and I’m grateful, even though it means the attention is on me.

  Ian looks at me curiously and I can see he’s trying to figure something out. Knowing him, he can probably see the hesitance on my face but I’m certain he doesn’t know the reason and I’m glad for it.

  No matter how Karl rejected me, at least he kept my secret. I don’t need anybody pitying me. I survived it and I’m healing. I’m getting better and I’ll be fine one day.

  I’m sure of it.

  “The more the merrier,” Ian grins. “Jamie was talking about making us something green because green is her favourite colour.” He grimaces and wrinkles his nose slightly.

  “Like broccoli?” I frown, rethinking my plan.

  “She drew a picture to show us what she was making and it looked more like a witch’s cauldron,” Matt chuckles.

  “I’m just going to swallow it down and hope I don’t chuck it up before the pizza arrives,” Karl laughs.

  “Can’t we just pretend to eat it?” I grin because they all look slightly green just thinking about it.

  “She’ll notice,” Ian shakes his head. “Far too observant, that one.”

  I raise my eyebrow at him because that’s like the pot calling the kettle black but he just smirks back at me. It’s sort of sweet how far they’re willing to go to keep their little sister happy.

  Chapter 16

  I change my mind at least twenty times on the walk home. I can’t believe I’m doing it but it’s like I’m playing a game of chicken with myself. There's no way I'm backing out now.

  The Carters function as a fairly good distraction though and it helps keep my mind clear of thoughts of what’s waiting for me at that house, or rather its next-door neighbour. I leave school with Karl, Matt, Ian, and the twins and we stop off at the primary school to pick up the rest of the clan from their after school club.

  “About time,” a squeaky-voiced Jake grins at Karl. The littlest Carter-male looks adorable in his uniform but he has his chest puffed out like a pigeon as he challenges Karl with his eyes.

  “You been timing us, little man?” Karl laughs, ruffling his brother's hair.

  “Don't call me that!” Jake protests with a scowl, ducking out of his brother's reach and trying to straighten his hair.

  Karl just grins and starts off towards the house with Ian and Matt. Jake spares me a glance before he scrambles off after them, jumping onto Matt's back for an involuntary piggyback.

  “Why you hiding, Jamie-Lea?” Craig, the second youngest, frowns and scoops up the little girl who is practically attached to the back of him, clearly not wanting to be seen.

  She glances at me briefly and then immediately buries her face in his neck and wraps herself around him.

  “I'm not carrying you all the way home, Jamie,” Craig tries to sound serious but he’s smiling and he doesn’t pull it off too well. He pries the girl off of him and lowers her to the floor, taking her hand and following his older brothers.

  “You're Elise, right?” He looks at me, cocking his head to the side slightly.

  “You remember me?” I ask in surprise.

  “A bit,” he shrugs. “Karl used to… He's mentioned you a few times.” He hitches his backpack up on one shoulder. His arms are slightly over-long as though he hasn't quite grown into them.

  “Has he now?” I smirk.

  “Yeah, he-” he's cut off as Karl jogs back to us and interrupts him.

  “What's keeping you lot?” He frowns at Craig and the little girl puts herself between the two of them. It surprises me because she seemed quite timid on first impressions.

  “Your little sister seems to be a bit scared of me,” I grin at the little girl and wink at her.

  “Really?” Karl chuckles, squatting down to meet her eyes as we come to a stop. “Are you scared of Elise, Jamie-Lea?”

  The little girl sticks her chin out stubbornly and shakes her head in a firm gesture.

  “No?” Karl chuckles. “Want to know a secret?” He asks her conspiratorially.

  Jamie-Lea nods and shuffles closer to Karl, releasing Craig's hand and leaning in so that Karl can whisper in her ear.

  “She terrifies me,” he stage whispers.

  I laugh and shove him so that he falls sideways onto the ground, oddly satisfied with the notion that I scare him.

  “See, she's mean!” Karl grumbles, getting up and winking at me. “You know what she did to me earlier today?”

  Jamie-Lea shakes her head, glaring at me angrily as if she’s ready to jump to her brother's defence. This girl is surprising me already and I love it.

  “She gave me a turnip!”

  Jamie-Lea cocks her head and scrunches up her face in confusion.

  “You don't know what a turnip is?”

  “It's a vegetable,” Jamie frowns, taking a step back to look at Karl as if he's lost his marbles.

  “It is,” Karl chuckles. “But it's also one of these.” He grabs Craig and gives him a fairly painful looking purple-nurple.

  Craig grimaces and shrugs out of Karl's reach, his brow furrowed in irritation. I expect him to retaliate but he doesn’t, he just walks off and heads towards where Ian and the others are waiting for us at the other end of the street.

  “That was mean,” Jamie-Lea crosses her arms and stomps off after Craig,

  “I had to show you what it was,” Karl grins, catching up with her in a few easy strides and picking her up under one arm.

  She kicks her legs a few times lamely but gives up and lets him carry her. “He didn't do anything to you.”

  “Well, I couldn't demonstrate on you or Elise now, could I?”

  “Why not?” She frowns up at him, wriggling in his arms as he lowers her to the ground.

  “You're both girls,” he shrugs.

  “But Dad says-”

  “I know, I know,” he cuts her off. “Dad says we have to treat boys and girls the same.”

  I grin at this because I always loved how Andrew never treated me like a girly-girl. I ran the same assault courses as the boys, sprinted just as fast as them, and gave them a run for their money when we speed-ate hotdogs.

  “But I could get arrested by a policeman if I did it to one of you,” Karl explains.

  “Why?” Jamie-Lea asks.

  I notice she's still wary of me; she makes sure she stands on the other side of her brother, far away from me.

  “Um,” Karl hedges, looking at me with a plea for help in his eyes.

  “You know how girls wear bikinis or swimming costumes and boys wear sw
imming trunks?” I prompt.

  She nods.

  “It's like that. Girls are just as good as boys but we still have our differences and men and women have to respect those differences.”

  She studies me contemplatively and I can tell she's mulling something over. “Like how you're not allowed to kick boys in their special parts?”

  “You're not meant to kick anyone in their special parts,” I grin at her.

  Karl coughs at this and gives me a pointed look.

  “Unless they hurt you or make you scared they'll hurt you, then it's okay because it's self defence,” I add because I most definitely kicked Karl in his 'special parts'.

  By this point, we've caught up with the others and Ian scoops his inquisitive little sister up and places her on his shoulders. She grumbles but I can tell she loves it so I think it's mostly for show.

  “What kept you?” Matt demands, falling into step between Karl and me.

  Karl doesn't seem inclined to answer. In fact, he looks kind of pissed off. I'm not sure what I’ve done to annoy him this time but I ignore it for the time being.

  “Just having a fairly interesting chat with Jamie-Lea,” I inform him with a smirk.

  “Oh?” He prompts.

  “The sexism of nipple twisting and crotch kicking.”

  “What?” He laughs. “Jamie asked about that?”

  I nod with a wry smile. “She's cute.”

  “I guess,” he shrugs.

  I'd make him admit it but I realise where we are and we're far closer than I want to be. My steps falter and I have to really focus on my breathing to keep it even. Karl obviously notices because he stops and gently grabs my hand. We're almost holding hands but I'm too busy trying not to hyperventilate to notice.

  “Go ahead, mate,” Karl grunts, not even looking at Matt because his eyes are on me. “We'll catch up with you. I need to talk to Elise. Tell Ian we'll be there in a minute.”

  “Alright,” Matt frowns, looking at us both before he trots off after the others.

  “Look at me,” Karl demands.

  I do, instantly, and I can see the intensity of his gaze. It almost feels like a static shock to the eyes. Is that even possible?

  “I scared you.”

  “What?” I frown because it doesn't seem relevant to the mini-panic attack I'm having.

  “When you kicked me, I scared you.”

  “Oh, that,” I scowl because that's so not where my head is at right now.

  “I scared you?” He prompts again.

  I nod with my teeth gritted because I hate myself for letting him scare me. “It's okay,” I mumble.

  “It's not okay,” he growls. He's holding my hand tighter now and our fingers are almost intertwined. It's like nothing has changed from when we were kids and we held hands under our tree.

  “Karl, it doesn't matter,” I shake my head dismissively, pulling my hand away because I hate that I like it.

  “Elise, why did it scare you?” He prompts, re-grabbing my hand and lacing our fingers once more.

  “Don't make me say it,” I snap, violently ripping my hand away. He should know why I didn’t like it when he pinned my body with his.

  I see the realisation in his eyes and turn away because I can't stand to look at it.

  I will kick him if he apologises again.

  “Don't!” I cut him off when I hear him start to speak. “I told you. Nothing from before this year.”

  He must see the resolution in my eyes because he backs down and nods after a second's hesitation.

  “You ready to see the house?” He prompts and it’s obvious he’s struggling to let it go but at least he’s trying.

  “Ready as I'll ever be,” I grumble taking a deep breath.

  He hooks his arm round my shoulder in silent apology and I let him keep it there because I sort of feel like I need his solid form as support to stop my jelly-legs from failing me.

  As we approach the bottom of the drive that leads up to the two semi-detached houses, I cave and hook my arm round Karl’s waist. He’s gracious enough not to say anything because I’m not doing so well.

  “Dad bought your old house,” he explains softly, holding me close to him as we slowly make our way towards the structure. “We completely gutted it. The front door isn’t even there anymore. We rebuilt the whole interior.”

  “You did?” I manage without choking. This is news to me and, as the house comes into view, it’s obvious that things have changed.

  A huge double garage sits on what used to be our side of the driveway and Karl’s right; the door is no more. The grass is as neatly trimmed as ever. Andrew always mowed both our lawns or got one of the boys to do it as part of their chores and it seems nothing’s changed there.

  It feels different though. I’m not sure if it’s the change in me that makes it feels different or the fact that I know that old room has been taken away, but the aura of gloom I was expecting isn’t there.

  “Yeah,” Karl answers me as we approach the front door. “We all have our own bedrooms now.”

  “Really?” I grin. “No more sharing?”

  “Nope,” he chuckles. They all shared for a while and it must have been tight even though none of them ever complained.

  “Think the rebuild gave Dad something to do after Mum died,” Karl explains solemnly.

  This is the first time he’s mentioned Helen and her passing and it’s obviously still a sore spot, judging by the pain in his eyes. I can almost feel his hurt as my own like it’s permeating my skin as we hold each other. I don’t imagine the pain of losing a loved one ever goes away.

  “Your mum was a beautiful person.” I say sorrowfully. And I mean it; inside and out.

  “She was,” Karl nods. “She loved you.”

  This kind of breaks the rules but it needs saying.

  “I loved her too.” I missed her like crazy after we moved, almost as much as I missed Karl.

  There are no more words to be said as he holds the front door open for me and I take a deep breath before I step inside.

  Warmth sweeps over me as I cross the threshold and my ears are instantly overwhelmed by the gabble of voices. The twins thunder down the stairs, already out of their school uniforms and dressed in matching football kits as they sprint past us.

  “No running in the house!” Karl shouts after them, just as we hear a gravelly voice shout the same.

  “Is that your granddad?” I ask excitedly because I always thought he was awesome, no matter what happened the last time I saw him.

  That wasn’t his fault.

  It was Karl’s.

  “Yeah,” Karl nods, sliding his shoes off and putting them on the shoe rack.

  I remember the house rules so I slide my boots off as well and follow him into the kitchen. It looks like the house has changed quite a bit because they’ve merged both houses together.

  “Lookie here!” Granddad Carter grins as I enter the kitchen. He looks as if he hasn’t aged a day and, when he opens his arms to me, I throw myself into them without thinking because it’s what I used to do and it’s nice to pretend nothing ever changed.

  Even if it’s just for a second.

  I must remember to thank Blossom for re-teaching me the whole hugging thing.

  “Nice to see you, Elise,” Granddad Carter, Peter, booms as he releases me. “Are you staying for tea?”

  “I hear Jamie-Lea is cooking,” I nod, cocking my head at him in a silent question.

  Am I going to die of food poisoning?

  “I’m cooking!” Jamie-Lea squeaks, tumbling into the room and falling over her own feet.

  “Slow down, princess,” Peter helps her up. “What have I told you about looking where you’re going.”

  “If I don’t watch where my feet are going, I won’t know where they’re taking me,” Jamie-Lea answers as if she’s memorised it from a script.

  “That’s right,” he chuckles. “What are you making for us?”

  “Stew,” she brighten
s up, obviously excited at the prospect.

  “I see,” Peter nods. “Let’s go find Grandma so you two can get started.”

  “Grandma’s in the garden. She says she has to water the flowers but Grandma already watered the flowers this morning,” Jamie informs us.

  Peter sighs and exchanges a look with Karl before heading towards the backdoor.

  “Her memory keeps getting worse,” Karl grimaces.

  “Oh,” I frown. “That must suck.”

  “Yeah,” he sighs.

  “Alzheimer’s,” Ian chimes in. He’s sat at the island with a newspaper in front of him. “It’s only going to get worse.”

  Karl frowns at Ian but doesn’t reply. Ian’s face is neutral as he talks but his eyes are sad and I can tell it bothers him. I guess he just doesn’t want to lie to himself and I can appreciate that.

  “Karl, go do your chores,” Andrew, the father of the family, comes into the kitchen with his toolbox and a set of overalls on. “Oh, hi. You must be Elise. I’d recognise that hair a mile away,” he smiles as he notices me and it’s a genuine smile. I can tell he’s happy to see me but the smile doesn’t quite sit right on his face. It’s like it’s only half there and the other half of the emotion is missing.

  Ian was right when he said his dad wasn’t the same. He’s definitely not. I’m broken enough to recognise another broken person when I see one. Despite the overwhelming amount of people in the house, there’s still a distinctly empty feeling without Helen’s presence and it’s obvious Andrew feels it more keenly than the rest of us.

  “Can I do them after Elise has gone home, sir?” Karl asks, glancing at me.

  “I can help,” I offer because I don’t mind chipping in and we can do it twice as fast if there are two of us.

  “Problem solved,” Andrew smiles. “There are some spare overalls in the garage so you don’t ruin your clothes.”

  “Overalls? What are your chores?” I turn to Karl.

  “We’re building a new swing-set in the backyard for Jamie, Jake and their friends,” Karl grins. “It’s right up your alley.”

  “Oh, why’s that?” I frown at him. I’ve never been much of a swing-set enthusiast.

  “It’s wooden,” he grins at me, tugging on my hand to lead me to the garage.