Different Minds

by Joyce E. Rayess

  In the evening Donna and I sat at the big salon table having dinner. We ate silently and awkwardly.

  “Um…what Eric did, I mean…it upset you,” I said.

  “Oh, it’s nothing. Within the last two years I was very stressed and picked up a bad habit of smoking. My breathing became very heavy; it’s when Chester and Eric wanted me to see a doctor. I refused. So he and Eric started hiding my cigarettes and putting them out every time I had one.” She chewed her bite calmly.

  “Oh,” I murmured. “But I’m okay right now, Donna, you don’t need to be stressed anymore.”

  “The day you opened your eyes I took an oath to myself to stop it. I’m on the way.” She smiled and continued her eating. “I would only appreciate it if they would let me do it on my own.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed.

  I resigned myself to no further conversation during dinner. At nine I went to shower and prepare for the next day. By ten-thirty I was in bed recalling the minutes of our kiss. A pleasant feeling ran through my veins, interrupted by the thought of Robert’s shocked face as he stared at me. Even worse, my heart broke as I thought of Dad. I needed to see him again; I needed to make sure he was okay. I didn’t know how I was going to do that. I thought of calling him, but I didn’t know in which hotel he was or if he had a local number. I rubbed my feet together, kicking off the anxiety until I fell asleep.

  It was a night full of dreams; luckily none was a nightmare. I woke up several times hearing voices inside my head again. I searched for some water until I found a bottle near my bed. I walked around the room; it was a little chilly outside the covers of my bed. Outside the night had resumed snowing and the wind was blowing like madness. I went back to the warm sheets, hugged a pillow, and closed my eyes. I waited for the voices to come back so I could listen to them, but they didn’t say a word afterwards. Within a few minutes I lost myself in another dream.

  Chapter 12

  school of music

  it snowed even more during the night. Strangely, there was no snow around the trunks of the trees. I gazed through the window for several minutes before I put myself in Eric’s choice of clothing. It took a longer time than usual to brush my teeth as I stared at my face, startled at its appearance. A minute before I went down for breakfast Donna knocked on my door.

  “Ready for a simple makeup session?” She smiled.

  I should get used to how important that is, I thought to myself. “Good morning, Donna…I mean Mom.” It sounded awkward as I said that.

  “It’s okay, you can use Donna. It makes me feel younger.” She smiled again.

  I was starting to like her more. She was always finding ways to make my life easier. We sat facing the mirror as she explained about the use of day cream and why it was perfect for my skin. She added only two things on top of it, a tanning foundation and mascara. Julie’s face…I mean, my face seemed to light up. I added some pinkish powder that Amy had showed me a few days earlier, and it gave an amazing effect.

  A few minutes later we came down together for breakfast. Simmi was always silent; I never really figured out if she was deaf or simply didn’t like to talk to anyone. She constantly had an angry face, even when she walked around the house with no one near her. I tried to avoid looking at her face and it wasn’t hard to; even when I stared at her she never gave the impression that she noticed it.

  By seven-thirty Eric was already waiting in his black car outside. This time it was clean, and I could tell it was a new car. I staggered to my feet, sliding a little until I reached the car and got in the front seat next to him. His face lit up as I buckled my seatbelt.

  “Good morning,” I saluted, my face easily turned into a perfect mirror of his expression.

  He nodded, smiling. I kind of just sank into the warm seat. I knew exactly where the campus was, and I guessed we weren’t too far. I tried to memorize the road. It wasn’t hard, but I decided to double check it anyways on our way back. There was the residence hall where I used to share a room with Sarah.

  “Eric,” I whispered.

  “Yeah?” He turned for a second toward me then focused back on the road.

  “Have I ever been to college?” I turned toward the window, looking at the white hills.

  “For a whole semester.”

  “What did I major in?” I kept my eyes tracing the treeless edges of the hills.

  “Finance.”

  “That sounds hard.” I rubbed my nose, wondering if I had to stick with the same major. “What about you?”

  “The same one.” He grinned.

  Soon we were entering the indoor winter parking garage of the school of business, which I didn’t know existed until Eric parked in it. We went up a circular stair until we reached the outdoor yard of the campus. There was no one outside on the hills. The moment we reached the cafeteria I noticed two things: first, it was very crowded because it was cold outside so everyone was sheltering, and second, everyone was staring at me. It seemed as if the moment we stepped inside, everyone in the cafeteria became silent. It was an awkward moment that didn’t bother Eric at all; seems he was used to so much attention. He took me smoothly by the hand and walked me to the counter, ordering two bottles of orange juice. We walked to the nearest table and sat down. Suddenly Luke and Marc joined our table while the crowd started talking and watching us.

  “Hi, Julie,” said one of them; I wasn’t sure if it was Luke or Marc.

  “Hi,” I replied politely.

  “You don’t remember us do you?” said the other blond one.

  “Hi guys, I’m good too thank you,” Eric said as he opened one of the juice bottles and slid it toward me.

  “I’m Luke,” said the blond one.

  “I’m Marc,” said the other one.

  “I’m Julie, I guess…” I grabbed the bottle and drank some juice.

  Eric smiled and stared away at the ceiling while he drank from his bottle.

  “We’re Eric’s best friends. Normally this would imply that we have your back. Anything you want we’d gladly fill Eric’s place,” Marc said with an uneven smile.

  “I should really look for other friends,” joked Eric.

  I looked around and saw that most of the students now were whispering to each other. Obviously Eric was a very good-looking guy, and he was in the company of a girl now. So it was new for everyone; I wasn’t very comfortable. Suddenly I remembered that I wasn’t acting like Julie would. I reminded myself of the other important thing—that I was pretending I had lost my memory. So it must be sort of normal that I wasn’t very confident and had fears because of what I had passed through. As I looked around I became more scared, and for the first time I wished Julie inside me would take control and tell me what to do. For the rest of the ten minutes I focused on my drink, nodding to anything the group was saying.

  Eric leaned toward me. “You’re okay?”

  “Yeah, it’s just…I’m okay.”

  “Well, I’m not. All eyes are on you,” he said, covering his mouth with the position of his hands.

  I laughed shyly.

  “Don’t worry about it,” he whispered. His smile easily softened the stress. “Everyone’s wishing to be at the same table with you, but they are a little scared of me.”

  All right, so he knew how to make me feel better. I think I was a little jealous until he said that to me.

  Soon we went to the registration counter. Eric asked me if I had any thoughts on what I wanted to major in. I told him that I had no idea, so the woman responsible for our registration proposed that I talk with an advisor in the adjacent building. Eric walked me there and suggested on the way that I go into business in order to help out Chester in the future. I learned that Chester owned a factory that produced toothpaste and a distribution company that worked in tandem with it. I didn’t think I was smart enough to work in the business field. Eric suggested that if I wasn’t sure I could always pick required courses which are common for all majors until I made up my mind. In that manner, it wasn�
�t important anymore what I was going to major in since next semester I could change my major. I agreed to that, and so we made our way back to the registration lady. I picked a major I had no intentions of maintaining, international business. Eric majored in finance.

  We were able to find two common elective courses, dance and drawing. I was required to take a major course, so the system automatically registered me for accounting, which was common for all business majors—and which I was sure to fail by the end of the semester. When I came to the final course, there were no more places in any class. Finally the woman told me about three empty seats for a course called anthropology. I just took it. When I asked about it, she said it meant the study of humankind, evolution, society, and culture. I knew by then that it meant studying history and revolutions. It wasn’t really my thing but I liked it better than accounting.

  Eric and I had two classes together every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Dancing classes were at the School of Music in the building facing the campus; drawing was in the same class I had taken in the earlier semester. Luckily none of my courses meant waking up too early.

  By the time we finished our registration it was nine-forty. Eric and I agreed to meet at the cafeteria by the end of the first course. He walked me to class and even sat next to me while waiting for the teacher to arrive. When the teacher arrived though she got in and closed the door behind her—Eric was locked inside the class with me. The class became silent; Eric had two minutes to run to his class if he wanted to reach it on time. He stood up and started walking toward the door silently. The teacher watched Eric open the door and close it after him. She shook her head, disappointed.

  “I think we have the first dropper of the course,” she commented.

  The class laughed.

  “You don’t need to be afraid of me,” she continued.

  The class laughed harder.

  A minute later a guy jumped to the empty seat that Eric had occupied near me. His hair was groomed in a faux-hawk. His eyes were a perfect black.

  “So you know Eric huh?” he asked while nodding.

  “Hi.” I gave him a weird look.

  “Oh, I’m Ryan.” He offered me his hand.

  “Hi, I’m Julie.” I shook his hand.

  “I’m new here but everyone knows Eric. They said you lost your memory.”

  I looked at the teacher, hoping she would spot us talking and ask Ryan to be quiet. I didn’t like his speculation approach. But the teacher was very slowly taking attendance, probably trying to memorize a few names.

  “Wow, that spreads fast,” I said. Just before he had the chance to ask anything else I asked him something myself. “Do you think this class is very hard?”

  “Accounting? It’s a piece of cake. I’ve been working in accounting since seventh grade. My dad’s friend had a distributing company for books. I only quit last month; had to come all the way.”

  “Oh.” What else should I ask him until the teacher had finished taking the attendance.

  “Um…you know I can help you out anytime you want,” he offered. “It’s simple, balance sheets and income statements, some entries.”

  These were the types of technical words that scared the hell out of me. Julie’s life must have been hard. I didn’t know she had this responsibility to handle her father’s business in the future; I had no idea what all this involved.

  Finally the teacher called my name. I raised my hand and she nodded. It was the last name she called.

  “Four absences,” she said loudly. “Today’s lesson will not be counted, but if you are absent more than five times a semester, I will automatically drop you out of this course. In fact you will be happy to have an early re-registration for the second semester. Unless you are willing to be absent in the next one too; it’s your money, you can waste it as much as you like.”

  I languished in my seat as the teacher lectured us for half an hour about the rules and regulations, but I was happy that no course material was given on the first day, and Ryan had stopped talking to me. Luckily, the teacher let us leave class ten minutes early. I walked out glad that it was over; Eric was waiting for me just by the door.

  “Thought we’re meeting in the cafeteria.” I smiled.

  “Still is the case.” He took me by the waist as he walked beside me.

  I wasn’t too sad to find him waiting for me.

  “Just…everyone seems to have their eyes on you,” he whispered in my ear. “Thought I should do something about it before I let you walk around on your own.”

  I gazed up at his face as he spoke. Although now in Julie’s body, I was way taller than I used to be, and Eric was even taller. His way of holding me and taking care of me was easy to get used to. I never had someone who followed me so much before. Guys looked at me as they passed us; the girls were watching Eric as he hugged me during the walk.

  By the time we reached the cafeteria, I was sweating with nervousness. We picked a table in the corner of the cafeteria and had ten minutes to sit and relax before going to dance class. I knew what to expect there: Elionora! Although I was a little sad to see her, I was happy at the same time. I looked around for Sarah, Daniel, and Michka, but none of them was around. In fact it was too crowded inside; it was hard to find anyone at all.

  We picked an indoor route that connected the campus to the School of Music. It was not heated; it seemed even colder than the outdoor weather. Luke had a free hour so he accompanied us, jumping like an Easter bunny with his hat on and his hands in his pockets. Upon our arrival, the class had started and Elionora was standing in front of the students, who were grouped in couples.

  “Ooh-la-la, I was waiting for an additional male. Please hurry.” She waved for Luke.

  “Excuse me?” He removed his hands from his jeans pockets.

  “Please partner with Sarah.” She waved again.

  I quickly looked in the direction she was waving to; it was indeed Sarah. She looked angry. Probably because she was left last and alone. I stared at her face happily; her cheerful face though had succumbed to hatred. She gave me an offensive look and quickly ignored me.

  “You two, please stand over here,” Elionora said to us.

  We removed our jackets and moved to the front corner. Luke didn’t dare explain to Elionora that he wasn’t registered for her class, so he joined. Eric laughed and let it happen anyways.

  “This is a Latin class,” Elionora said. “Here you will learn Bachata, Salsa, Samba, Cha Cha Cha, and a little bit of something I really love, the Tango.” She walked to the center and continued with her Italian accent. “I suppose if you’re here it means that you love dancing. So let’s make use of it.”

  Elionora didn’t seem like she was mourning or anything; I was happy with that. At least I didn’t need to feel bad for her too. Maybe she was distracted with the lessons and all. But anyways I was glad she was doing well. The class was a total mess; everyone was stepping over everyone else’s feet. Eric on the other hand was a good partner; he knew all the basic steps and handled me well. Elionora kept saying that the guy should be the leader, the girl should only follow. It wasn’t hard to read what Eric signaled me to do. The hard part was being that close to him in physical contact. Sometimes we just stared into each other’s eyes, but every time shortly afterwards we managed to recapture Elionora’s comments and continue.

  When class was over, Sarah left quickly, bumping into my shoulder as she passed by me.

  “Watch out, girl!” Eric said, loudly defending me.

  “It’s all right.” I held his hand.

  We walked back to the campus—it was a few minutes before Eric was back to joshing and laughing with Luke.

  “You know, I’m thinking I can join this class every time without even paying for it.” He laughed.

  “They will catch you eventually,” Eric disagreed.

  “No, they won’t. If they ask I’ll tell them that I tried to explain but the teacher wouldn’t listen. So I thought I’d help them out since the cla
ss was missing a partner.”

  “Do you think he would get away with it?” Eric turned toward me, smiling.

  “Probably, yes.” I hoped that what I said resembled what Julie would answer.

  I waited with Luke and Marc until Eric was done with his classes, all until we were together again for drawing class. He and I picked the furthest available seats at the back of the classroom. It was the same teacher from the previous semester. I quickly noticed my drawing that was hanging on the right side of the board. The half broken, half alive tree that I drew was now colored, with green on the leaves and red on the apple. I was surprised that someone made amendments to it.

  “It’s the drawing of that Cassandra girl, from last semester,” Eric whispered in my ear.

  I remembered that Eric had never told me he was attending university classes while I was in a coma. “How would you know that?” I asked, pretending that I didn’t know.

  “I was there.” He nodded. “I failed every class I attended while waiting for you to come back to me.”

  “Why?” I looked into his face that expressed pain and suffering.

  “Just looked for a distraction that could keep me from going crazy. In case you woke up again, I wanted to be rational.”

  I reached for his hand underneath the table. “Eric, try to get used to the new circumstances.”

  He squeezed my hand. “Yeah.”

  I took another look at the drawing; it looked so beautiful hanging there. I couldn’t help but feel a little proud, especially when the teacher referred to it while addressing the students. It was a nice feeling to have accomplished something and be successful. It was a new feeling for me.

  “Creativity is what I am looking for,” the teacher said. “Look at this. When I asked two semesters ago for a drawing that represented life, this one brilliant student drew the tree of life. Now as you see in the half broken part of the tree, there is an apple that’s missing a bite. If I take it as a reference to the Holy Bible, I could see the evil that came from biting that apple; it broke and burned half the tree. It shows the evil side of life, temptation. And the other part is healthy, happy, and alive. Now this semester I will ask you to draw exactly the opposite. I want to see death in your drawing, a disaster, something that could make you unhappy…”