Different Minds

by Joyce E. Rayess

  I suddenly remembered that I had no idea how to use colors. Eric was going to notice the coincidence that Cassandra and I both drew in black and white. I ran my eyes in circles looking for a solution; finally I decided not to draw anything during the first class but rather wait until I was at home. I could always search the Internet for tutorial lessons.

  I stretched toward Eric, looking for a way to ask him who colored Cassandra’s drawing. I paused in a silent moment. “Doesn’t it resemble the tree of our wooden house?”

  “Exactly! ““I was terribly shocked as I saw her drawing it two semesters ago.”

  “Who is she?” I pretended not to know.

  “The same Cassandra, the donor,” he murmured with a little irritation.

  “Oh…um, did she really draw that?”

  “Yeah,” he said, as if still not able to believe the coincidence.

  I moved back to my place still staring at the drawing and wondering who had colored it. I didn’t remember having used any colors on it. My signature was on the bottom of it, so that meant I had finished it the way I remembered, in black and white. I tried to listen to the teacher, but he never mentioned anything about it.

  The class was peaceful. I didn’t draw anything on my paper. I pretended to be brainstorming. Luckily the teacher didn’t check what I was doing; he was mostly busy with the students on the first row. We left class rushing toward the car as snow continued to fall. The indoor parking wasn’t heated, and the car was freezing cold. We waited a few minutes before the heater became effective and drove away toward home. On the side of the road Sarah was walking back toward the students’ residence. She didn’t look like herself. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her, and I knew I had to do something about it. It saddened me that she had to walk all the way in the cold weather alone.

  “How did you like your first day?” Eric asked.

  I nodded, concentrating on the snow falling over the windshield. It was becoming sunny and the flakes now resembled droplets of mist. I didn’t know yet what to talk to Eric about. I didn’t know if I was interesting to him as a person. What subject would Julie have tackled with him? I should go through her notes and books tonight to try to understand more about her.

  “It was good.” I distracted myself while opening my jacket to let the heat go into my body.

  “I have the accounting book. I’ll pass it to you this evening,” he offered. “I have some notes on it that could help you along with your studying.”

  “Thank you. Since it stopped snowing I was thinking to take a tour in the town in an hour. You know, try to recall places or just…maybe get familiar with the surroundings.”

  “Oh, sure.” He grew silent for a few minutes before he continued. “Do you want company?”

  “Well, sure, but I was thinking I’d walk with Luna.”

  “You know it’s freezing out there.”

  “Yeah, I’ll take care.” I smiled in an attempt to convince him. “I’ll wear a better jacket.”

  “All right, but I have one condition.” His eyes tightened a bit as he smiled, and he drove a little faster.

  “I agree to it, whatever it is.” I insisted to go alone.

  “All right.” The rest of the drive was silent.

  He stopped in the yard of our house and turned toward me. “I wouldn’t have asked you this question if it was two years ago, but now you seem to have changed a little.”

  I was starting to feel uncomfortable and scared as he spoke about the differences between Julie’s and my personalities. I noticed though that his eyes sparkled with joy as he spoke to me, as though he admired the changes I had undergone in his girlfriend’s nature.

  “Would you mind keeping this with you?” He took a phone from his pocket and offered it to me. “Just in case you get lost or something.”

  I scratched my hair wondering what Julie’s reaction would have been. Would she have accepted that? “I would if you explain something to me. In my usual world, would I accept this?”

  “You didn’t seem to like carrying a cell phone with you.”

  “Oh, well…I still don’t like that.” I frowned in a moment of silence. “But since too many things have changed, I think we can change another little detail if it makes you happier.”

  “Yes, it does.” He grinned.

  “All right.” I took the phone from his hand and stepped out of the car.

  “See you tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at nine-thirty,” he shouted.

  “What for?”

  “University of course.”

  “But you don’t have class.”

  “Since Chester is still not here…I mean, instead of walking.” I could see the muscles of his jaw contract.

  “Yeah, I would like that.” I smiled.

  I started walking toward the house, noticing that Eric did not close the window of his car. Instead he kept watching me until I was totally inside. He waited a few moments before he turned his car around and left. A minute later my mobile phone rang. I looked at the number and it said Eric Green. I cleared my throat several times before I answered.

  “Yes?” I was extremely happy with his call.

  “You never asked about my number.”

  “Well, maybe I remember it,” I lied.

  “Oh yeah? What is it?”

  I got troubled for a moment and then thought to quickly search the phone.

  “Hold on while I check,” I joked.

  He laughed. “See you tomorrow then.”

  “All right, Eric.” I hung up.

  The house looked bigger than usual, it felt wider and empty. The wind had stopped blowing; the chimney fire was still blazing. I put my purse on the sofa and went up the stairs looking for Donna. Luna ran toward me from the kitchen barking. I turned around and hugged the dog.

  “Where is Donna? Huh, Luna, where is she?”

  “Your mother is shopping,” an old voice said.

  I looked up toward the kitchen. It was Simmi. Ah, flnally…it was good to know that she had a voice. It still did not mean that she liked me; her face was a mask of anger and rudeness.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  I searched for a paper and pen; I found them in a drawer near the TV. I wrote a few words for Donna telling her that I would be taking a walk with Luna and placed the paper on the fridge. I made sure Simmi saw me as I put a magnet on top of it. I told her that I had a phone now, and if she wanted to call me she could always get the number from Eric because I didn’t know it and I didn’t know how to extract it.

  I didn’t need to call Luna; she followed me everywhere. I tied the scarf tightly around my neck and started walking toward the students’ residence accompanied by Luna. It was the coldest day of my life; my fingers were aching even inside the gloves, inside my jacket pockets. I walked quickly, but not even that helped to warm me up until finally we reached the residence. The moment I went inside I could see that everyone was looking at me. I smiled and went toward the stairs. A woman called me from across the room.

  “Excuse me, where are you going?” she said. I remembered her; she worked in the cafeteria.

  “I’m visiting a friend.”

  “We should call her first to inform her.”

  “No need, she knows I’m coming.” I smiled again, hoping to get away with it.

  “Well, no dogs are allowed in here.” She looked firmly into my eyes.

  I looked at Luna; she was now sitting near my feet looking at me with question marks in her eyes. I wondered how a person with a strong personality would act in such a situation to convince the lady to keep the dog. I suddenly remembered a movie that my little brother Sam watched. I picked the same sentence.

  “Well,” I looked at the lady with absolutely no expression on my face, “try and tell the dog that.”

  I turned my back to her and started walking up the stairs. Luna followed my steps and the lady remained silent. I was very surprised the further I went that she remained silent. I reached Sarah’s room and knocked stro
ng and loud. I waited a few seconds before I heard her footsteps approaching the door.

  “Who is it?” she asked.

  “It’s me, Sarah, open up.” I made it sound like I was someone who really knew her, although she didn’t seem to recognize my voice.

  She opened the door with a shocked look on her face; I walked in.

  “You’re alone?” I asked.

  “Excuse me? What do you want?” she asked rudely. I had never seen Sarah this way before.

  “Just sit down please?” I tried to be this girl with a strong personality that Julie most likely was.

  “I don’t want to sit down. What’s wrong with you? Okay, get out!”

  “Wow, that’s exactly what I want.” I smiled at her. “Teach me.”

  “What?” She stood with this weird look on her face.

  “Teach me to be rude, teach me to be tough and impolite…teach me to do that.”

  “All right that’s enough, get the—”

  “Cassandra used to love watching the fire by the window here,” I interrupted, and it made Sarah get totally quiet.

  I looked toward my old bedroom, which was separated by only a door from Sarah’s.

  “Sarah, please, I just want to talk to you. Could you please sit down?” Her face seemed a little less angry now.

  “I can listen to you while standing up.”

  “All right.” I leaned against the door.

  Luna walked in between Sarah and me and sat on the floor, looking sideways as each of us said something.

  “Why do you hate me?” I tried to pretend that I didn’t care and more like I needed a favor from her, but it should have come after we’d broken the ice a bit.

  “It’s nice that you have noticed.” She curled her lips and folded her arms around her chest.

  “It’s not hard to.” I walked around the room.

  “How about you tell me what you want because I have things to do.”

  “I want to understand why you hate me. See, I’ve lost my memory so I don’t really remember if we used to be enemies or something. I might have been a bad person, so here is your chance to hear an apology. They’re saying I might get back my memory anytime, so before that happens make use of it.”

  “I don’t need an apology. What are you talking about?”

  “Just tell me why you hate me,” I insisted.

  “I don’t hate you, I don’t hate any of you.” She walked across the room with an angry expression.

  “Any of us who?” I followed her.

  “You stupid recipients, you think you deserve the life in you? It’s all a conspiracy between the doctors and your stupid parents.”

  “What are you talking about?” I looked at Sarah; she was speaking madness.

  “Yeah, don’t go pretending like you don’t know what I’m talking about okay? She was still alive when they took her and gave her organs away. They didn’t even give her first aid. I don’t care if you don’t believe me but you are all murderers. I was there…” She looked at me with pleading eyes. “But the doctors just didn’t… they were happy she was a donor. That’s all they cared about.”

  “She was alive!” My breath suddenly became heavy and I felt a pain in my chest. “Are you sure?”

  I sat on the bed and held myself together. Sarah stared at me, a mix of anger and worry on her face.

  “Sarah, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be the only one who’s aware of this.” I placed my head in my palm, massaging my forehead.

  “Well, you can try telling them, but what’s the use now? You can’t bring her back to life.” She turned toward the window, giving me her back. “Get off my bed.”

  “I had to be sure that you are loyal to Cassandra. That you love her and care for her,” I said slowly, pausing after each sentence.

  “What do you care?”

  “I would have preferred that you sit to hear this, but anyways…I care because I am Cassandra.”

  She maintained her position, and I could tell she was thinking I was some kind of a freak idiot.

  “Why would you say something like that?” she asked angrily.

  “Because it’s true. I used to be your roommate; I had a green apple here that I had taken a bite from in Paris. I always had my laptop here on the bed…where is it now?”

  “What?” She looked scared.

  “They transferred a part of my brain to this body. I woke up as Cassandra. I’ve been pretending to have lost my memory because I’m afraid they will kill me if they know who I am.”

  “Stop it! Get out,” she screamed.

  “You told me about your dad and how your friend pushed you into the pool. We sat in that restaurant after church on a Sunday.”

  “What?” She was starting to panic.

  “I sleep with some light on, and only you would know something like that.”

  “What the…”

  “Sarah, if I thought you hated Julie for some personal matter I wouldn’t have told you. But knowing that you’re angry because you cared for me, it makes me feel safe to tell you that.”

  “What do you mean?” She was now interrogating me rather than being angry with me. She walked across the room and planted her back to the wall of the opposite end of the bedroom.

  “Do you believe me?”

  “I can’t…” She shook her head, confused.

  “Sarah, look at me.” I walked up to her and took her face in my hands; her face was colder than my own hands. “Who else would know all these things about you if I weren’t really Cassandra? I know that you like Robert, the geek guy with glasses. I know that hearing my voice and looking at me would make it hard to believe anything I’m saying, but just try to imagine what I went through when I woke up in that body!”

  “How did that happen? Is it even possible?”

  “I don’t know…Julie had this brain part that was ruined, and this crazy doctor thought it was okay to partially transfer a brain that could wake her up from the coma without major changes. As stupid as that might sound, he was just crazy enough to do something like that; it actually transferred all of my thoughts and memories, my own identity!” I started walking in circles.

  “That’s freaky crazy!” she said with shock, but a little smile appeared at the corner of her mouth.

  “Yeah, but it happened.”

  “Name one place Cassandra liked to go to.”

  “Outside in nature; God, I loved those walks. And you were starting to like them too.”

  “Oh God!” She blinked like a million times before she was able to continue. “That’s totally crazy.”

  “Yeah? You should ask me!” I leaned back on the bed, laying my head on the sheets. “God, how I miss being alone!”

  “You have always been this loner freak.” She walked a few steps toward me. “Well, did you get crazy?”

  “Crazy? I went hysterical. Look at you just hearing about it, I had to go through it!”

  “So it’s Julie that died?” She sat next to me on the bed.

  “I’m not sure.” I lifted myself into a sitting position. “I have some of her memories too.”

  She was startled, and her eyes fixed on me in a wide-open stare. I decided to take things easier on her, tried changing the subject a little.

  “What happened with Jack?” I asked, but she remained still.

  “What do you mean you have her memories?” she finally managed to say, and I couldn’t escape her interest in the subject.

  “Not memories, maybe some déjà-vu,” I lied.

  She exhaled in relief. I held her shoulders and shook her a little.

  “Sarah, I need you.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m here.” She nodded.

  “I’m a little scared sometimes.”

  “You should be,” she said spontaneously. “I mean, it’s not easy. Who else knows?”

  “Are you crazy? No one of course.” I started massaging my forehead again. “Do you think they would let me live if they knew I wasn’t Julie? I don’t have the ri
ght to her life and body. I’m using her.”

  “You are wrong! You were alive, Cassandra, you deserve this life more than any one of them. I know you’re a strange girl but don’t be stupid.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes I am. You were alive. You looked at me and made a noise. I told the doctors, but they said you were dying and that it wasn’t possible you opened your eyes.”

  “You were there with Elionora?”

  “Yes! Ah, thank God. We should raise a case and sue these idiots.”

  “Don’t be stupid, we don’t have the money to do that. They will buy the judge and the whole case too.”

  “You’re probably right. Anyways, I have a better plan.” She stood up and started walking in circles. “You could fight them better by being this Julie.”

  “What do you mean fight them?”

  “Oh my God! Tell me it’s true, Eric is your fiancé?” She gazed at me with a surprising look.

  “What? No, just a boyfriend,” I denied.

  “Ha! He still didn’t tell you.” She started laughing.

  “Yeah, he said that he proposed and I said yes. I mean, Julie did. But now it’s not the case; I don’t have these memories.”

  “Oh my God, you’ll get there soon.”

  “What are you talking about?” I zipped the zipper of my jacket up and down nervously.

  “Don’t do that. People of your class don’t do that.”

  “What’s my class? Stop this, they live like normal people,” I defended.

  “You’re starting to like them!” she accused.

  “How would you know that they don’t do something like that?”

  “I never told you, but back in Europe I used to be one of them. I’m actually wealthy.”

  “Interesting.”

  “Not really, I gave it all up. I don’t like this life. But I like it for you.”

  “Sarah, wake up and listen to me. I know you probably hate them, but things are not like you’re thinking. It was my choice to be a donor. I’m happy for all the lives that were saved. Luckily, I saved my own too. Now Julie’s mother Donna is a very sad woman; she got sick while waiting for her daughter to live or die. Eric was an angry guy because he was in love with this Juliette; he was failing his classes while waiting for her. I haven’t figured out Chester’s story yet, I mean her father, but it seems like some kind of sadness took over that family. I would know that because I had the same in mine.”