Different Minds

by Joyce E. Rayess

  “Good luck!” He laughed.

  My bedroom was the place where I was allowed to feel strange and ask myself all sorts of weird questions. Was this even for real? A father that forces his daughter to spend his money…what was this la-la land? Suddenly Simmi came into the room and started cleaning the window glass. She didn’t even realize I was in the room.

  “Hi, Simmi,” I called. She looked at me and went back to her cleaning without saying a word. “Well, I just wanted to tell you that I missed you today. It was a long day, and I didn’t see you in the morning. I’m glad to have seen you now.”

  She still didn’t respond. She had her eyes on the spot she was cleaning with full concentration, as if it was the most important thing in the world. She looked like she had some earphones on and was so taken by the song that she couldn’t hear anything else.

  “All right, so maybe you don’t like to talk much. You are right; I like calmness too. I just wanted to tell you that I missed you and I don’t know how to say it in a calm way, so I had to make some noise with my mouth while saying it. You know, because words are made of noise.”

  She suddenly looked as if she was making a huge effort not to burst into laughter. Finally she laughed hysterically. I stood facing her with a big smile on my face. I rushed outside the bedroom before she had changed her mind and taken back the previous rude expression. I hurried down the stairs into the kitchen where I found the smell of steak and vegetables. Chester came into the kitchen too, due to the wonderful cooking smell I think.

  “Something burning here?” he asked.

  “I don’t think so. The cooking is done.” I opened the oven where I found the hot juicy steak with boiled vegetables and creamy sauce on top.

  “Who’s peeking into my surprise?” asked Donna. She hurried to the sink and washed her hands. “Two hungry rats here should be waiting outside.”

  “But we’re hungry,” complained Chester. I was glad I didn’t have to be the one complaining about that.

  “Just a few minutes until we have the table prepared. Go now, go!”

  “Bad daughter first,” he said to me.

  “Hey!” I frowned at him and started walking out.

  “Did you buy anything yet?” he asked me.

  “I still didn’t go out.” I looked at him with a shocked face as he burst into laughter.

  “You’ve got to teach your mom your saving techniques; she needs them,” he whispered.

  “I heard that!” said Donna, amused.

  A few minutes later lunch was ready, and the three of us sat to eat in the kitchen. It was a nice time where the family was all together at the table. I missed Dad and Sam so much at this moment. It suddenly occurred to me to go to Paris and visit them. Chester wanted me to spend money, and I had a good long weekend to do so. Monday the accounting teacher was going to miss class, and I would be missing only the dancing and drawing courses. Tuesday it was okay to miss anthropology; all I needed was to read the next chapter and I’d be up-to-date.

  “Umm…Mom, Dad.” It was weird to address them this way, and it actually created an awkward silence. “I was planning to take a trip on my own for the weekend. You know Eric asked me to marry him, and I feel like I need some time anywhere in the world, just to be on my own a little.”

  “Where are you planning to go?” asked Chester.

  “Is Eric going with you?” Donna asked right afterwards.

  “Well, no, that’s the point of being alone. I was thinking maybe Paris, a place that is familiar to me. Maybe it would help me to remember some stuff.”

  “That seems like a great idea. I would prefer it if Eric traveled with you though,” Donna said with the food inside her mouth.

  “I think the same. Why don’t you travel with Eric?” Chester said.

  “I just don’t want to be influenced.” I smiled.

  “Does Eric know already?” Donna swallowed.

  “No, I will tell him tomorrow.”

  “Work your things out, girl. You’re planning on going heavy on these debit cards aren’t you?” Chester shook his head.

  “Yes, you have given me the chance to make a quick decision.” I laughed.

  “We are one weird family,” said Donna, shaking her head. By that time Simmi had entered the kitchen and burst into laughter again. I followed her laugh while Chester and Donna watched us as we wiped our tears away.

  “Is there something we should know?” asked Chester.

  “No, not really,” I tried to say properly.

  “One weird family you said,” said Simmi while looking at me and laughing.

  “Now it’s getting even weirder with this laughing.” Donna went back to her plate. “Anyways it will be good to stay at your aunt’s house if you like. She now lives in the house we used to occupy. That could help you with regaining the lost memories.”

  I didn’t want to stay with anyone, but it seemed impossible to escape this one. Donna was correct; if I needed to regain my memory I should be staying in our old house.

  “Yeah, absolutely,” I said with less confidence than how I sounded earlier. “The problem is that I don’t remember my aunt.”

  Simmi suddenly started laughing again and quickly left the kitchen.

  “She’s going crazy,” said Donna to Chester.

  “We’re all crazy I thought,” he replied carelessly.

  “All right, you can fill me in with all the information later.” I stood up and grabbed a piece of the garlic bread, which I strangely happened to like. “I have to go study in the library with some friends.”

  “Buy yourself a coffee or something.” Chester turned toward Donna and said, “This daughter of yours is killing me.”

  I quickly washed and looked for my jacket. I found it lying on the sofa, and Luna was sleeping on top of it. It bothered Luna a little as I pulled the jacket away, but she didn’t seem to react. Just before I opened the door she barked at me.

  “No, Luna, I can’t take you with me this time.” I went back to her and kissed her between the ears. “Tomorrow though, I’ll take you for a walk.”

  I ran toward the library where Sarah and Elionora waited for me. I found them sitting in the exact spot where Sarah and I had met the last time on the second floor.

  “Am I late?” I asked, breathing hard.

  “No, we just arrived,” said Elionora, looking at me sadly.

  “What’s wrong?” I came closer while trying to catch my breath.

  “Are you sure about this whole thing? Are you sure you are Cassandra?” she asked again.

  “What? I thought we passed that stage.” I placed a hand on her shoulder. “Elionora, I used to love being alone outside in nature. You tried to convince me to take more dance lessons in order to socialize and make more friends.”

  “Yes, yes, this is like Cassandra. But what if Sarah told you all that?” She looked at me, speculating.

  “What is one thing only Cassandra would know?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” said Elionora. “Oh, I know…your email and password.”

  “Exactly! Do you have a laptop?” I asked, excited.

  “There’s a computer room down there,” Sarah replied.

  “Do you believe in this?” I looked into Elionora’s eyes.

  “I sent you a few emails myself after your death.” She wiped her tears away.

  “Well, I never read them.” I laughed, but then I managed to hold my laughter. “Will you believe me if I open my email?”

  “Yes,” she said with wide-open eyes.

  “Let’s do it.” I nodded. We all went down to the computer room where I placed myself in a rolling chair and they each pulled one up from the sides. There I opened the page and typed in my email and password.

  “What’s your password?” asked Sarah.

  “Robert under-score school,” I replied.

  “Why Robert?” asked Elionora.

  “You’ll know why later.”

  The email opened of course. I had about eleven e
mails from both Elionora and Clara. Elionora was seriously shocked; she looked at me closely and burst into crying.

  “I couldn’t believe it.” She sniffed. “I just couldn’t believe it.”

  “It’s okay, Elionora.” I hugged her. Sarah was about to cry too. I think even she wasn’t sure until I actually opened my email.

  “Your father should know.” Elionora started crying hysterically.

  “No, Elionora, don’t do this.” I held her face. “I’m going to see Dad this weekend, but don’t tell him anything yet.”

  “I want to go with you.” She instantly stopped crying and paused, awaiting my answer.

  “All right, it’s not a bad idea. On one condition: don’t tell Dad, Elionora.” I looked into her teary blue eyes. “Even Donna and Chester will be happy that I’m not going alone.”

  “Who cares about them?” said Sarah angrily.

  “Hey, it’s not like you think. Maybe the doctors hurried in taking all the organs, but it could never be under the pressure of Donna or Chester.” I hoped I wasn’t wrong, at least about Chester.

  “What about Robert?” She wiped her tears away.

  “I used to be in love with him. I mean, when I was Cassandra. He barely recognized me back then, but I think when I died, I mean…you know what I mean. Clara must have told him about how I felt toward him before the accident.”

  “Who is Clara?” Elionora asked, looking at the screen again.

  “She used to be my best friend. She’s very close to Dad and Sam. She’s like family.” I sighed and continued. “Anyways, for some reason Robert came to Cassandra’s memorial party with Clara, and I think he recognized me there because I spoke of being lost about who I was.”

  “He can’t prove anything.” Elionora dabbed her eyes with a tissue. “Why did you never tell him how you feel?”

  “He was in love with another girl. She left him just one year before graduation. He traveled to Utah afterwards, and I came here.”

  “Why did you never tell me?” She looked at me with eyes like a cat’s.

  “What were you going to do about it?”

  “Cassandra’s right, it’s not like we were going to convince him to love her.” Sarah stood up and rolled the chair back to where she got it from.

  “Ah, you mean…yeah. Can we call her Julie?” Elionora stood up and rolled the chair she was occupying back to its original place too.

  “I want to stay here a little to read a few emails,” I said.

  “Well, don’t read mine. I don’t want you to read mine now.” Elionora bit her lips in anxiety. “Can you delete them?”

  “Yeah, sure.” I selected the few emails I had received from her.

  “Okay. I must get back to the school; I still have one late class for the adults. Remember what I told you; don’t be scared because he has nothing on you.” She looked at the ring on my hand. “Are you engaged?”

  “Yeah, Eric proposed.”

  “Do you even love him?” she stressed.

  “Yeah, I think I do.” I suddenly felt very warm, even on the tops of my ears.

  “I don’t know about Eric. He’s too aggressive for you,” she complained.

  “Only because he was sad about losing his girlfriend. Now he is the sweetest person I’ve ever met.”

  “We need to talk about this.” She raised her finger and started walking away. “I will tell you tomorrow about the reservations.”

  “What do you think?” I turned toward Sarah.

  “Eric is hot!” She smiled.

  “You’re a mess.” I started laughing.

  “By the way, naughty one…”

  “Me?” I refused to believe she actually called me that.

  “Kissing Eric in public? I knew there was a dark side in you.” “No, silly.” I shook my head, smiling. “I did that in front of Robert. Can you believe he transferred to our university?”

  “No way! Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Well, I’m telling you now.”

  She walked a few steps toward me. “You did say you were getting Juliette’s memories, no?”

  “Yeah.” I tried to follow.

  “That’s your proof you are Juliette.” She smiled. “Don’t worry.” “Yeah, could be,” I agreed. “Let’s read Clara’s emails.”

  There were only two. One of them was dated before the accident and the second was just two weeks after it. I read the first email where she informed me that she, her boyfriend, and Robert were coming for a ski trip to Colorado in January, which would be a good opportunity to get close to Robert if I wanted to. It probably explained why Robert was present during Cassandra’s memorial ceremony. But the question remained: why did he enroll to the same university as I?

  I delegated the reading of the second email to Sarah. After reading Clara’s second email, I was glad to have deleted Elionora’s. I didn’t even want to know their contents. Just reading this made me feel so sick. The desolate life of a depressed person can truly be devastating. Only then did I understand what my friends were going through as I mutated in this endless phase of depression. I quickly signed out and asked Sarah if she wanted to get something to drink. I needed to get the words of this email out of my head. They resonated like a dirge.

  In the evening I searched my phone for any message from Eric. There wasn’t any. I wondered where he had disappeared to all evening. I didn’t like to think that he’d forgotten about me. I walked around the room for a while, dressed in the most comfortable pajamas I could find. I looked at my phone every few minutes and tried to stop myself from calling and asking why he had not spoken to me since he dropped me off.

  Are you sleeping already?

  I waited five minutes but he didn’t reply. I placed the mobile on the table and slid underneath the sheets of my bed and placed a pillow over my head to block the light, still hoping for Eric’s reply. I hadn’t noticed that I fell asleep until I received a reply message at six in the morning.

  Since the moment I dropped you off. Just woke up. Had a beautiful dream of us.

  I hadn’t noticed how quickly the night passed. I had imagined a worse scenario where he was out with his friends, probably with many beautiful girls too. Or that he might have seen my message but it wasn’t the most important thing on his mind, so he ignored it. Of course should that have happened, there would have been a huge discrepancy between his sudden behavior and the words he’d said to me during the same day; but that was just me, always worrying.

  I worried for you

  How easy it was to wake up when he had sent me a message. It wasn’t like those mornings where I forcibly pulled myself out of bed.

  I can’t help but feel happy when you say something like that. Don’t worry though. I’ll wait for you at nine-thirty.

  I wondered how I was going to justify my lonely trip to Paris. It came to me suddenly to tell him that Elionora had proposed the trip and I wanted to do some shopping in Paris. Although once there, I would finally have a good opportunity to meet with Dad and make sure he was doing well.

  Remind me to tell you something when we meet. See you in a while.

  Suddenly I realized that my new life was based on lies. Lying had become a means of living, an essential thing for survival. Even I couldn’t imagine what it would do to everyone if I decided to tell the truth that I was Cassandra. Donna would be devastated to have lost her real daughter; she would even feel angry that I was using her daughter’s body. Eric would become a monster all over again, and Dad would sue the doctors if he believed it and didn’t go crazy first. What would that do to science? Would Dad always be proud of me? I distracted myself with the sweet sound of music that started playing once again in my mind as I closed my eyes.

  Chapter 17

  paris bound

  i don’t think I slept after that moment. My mind was totally awake even when my eyes were closed, and my thoughts could not be controlled. There was a moment when the voices inside my head just sang to me a beautiful Italian song that followed
the musical rhythm inside me. At the start I didn’t understand the lyrics, but as it continued I recalled few words at the end of every sentence until it all made sense to me. It was so sweet to my heart, so captivating that at some point I felt like I could play it on the piano. The extent of familiarity it gave me was unbelievably strong. It was reminding me of a particular feeling of love. I spent the following three hours repeating the beautiful song inside my mind until I started feeling crazy. How was it possible that my mind played songs I’d never heard? It must have been Julie’s mind playing. I could swear I knew that song from somewhere, but every time I opened my eyes the voices disappeared and the rhythm remained. I emptied my mind from all words in order to recapture the music, but then it was gone. At my last attempt the alarm rang.

  I dressed quickly and prepared myself for the speech I needed to give Eric. I texted Sarah and asked her to inform Elionora about what I wanted to tell Eric. Our stories had to match in case Eric asked Elionora anything. After all, they did know each other; she used to work in the library that Eric owned near the university. I couldn’t help feel sad for all the lies I was making. I was even afraid to mess up one day should I forget a lie I had already told. However, due to the necessity I had to do it. But I was worried because my real nature was weak and I tended to mess up a lot. I had no self-confidence, and my nervousness was enough to reveal the truth. I was hoping that by now more of Julie’s memories would have come to me and it would be easier to convince them I was her or that I was becoming her.

  I thought I looked extremely stylish until my eyes met Eric as he leaned back against the car. His shades had a mirror reflection of the white clouds that floated in the wide blue sky. He stood so beautifully watching the clouds swimming slowly in the space above his head. I happened to distract his calm contemplation as the door slammed behind me and Luna’s barking awakened him. My heart leaped as his eyes met mine even from underneath his sunglasses. His face turning toward me just captured my heart.

  I walked toward him as he smiled. I lowered my face timidly and slid my hands in my jacket pockets. He helped me to my seat, and just before he closed the car door he caught a strand of my hair that waved on my shoulder. Was that supposed to mean something? He smiled broadly and closed my door slowly. Perhaps I needed a haircut. Of course, why did I never think of this before? I was in a coma for two years and my hair might not be even. I never noticed because I wasn’t used to having long hair. God, it should be a mess.