Different Minds

by Joyce E. Rayess

  “Good morning,” he said with a warm voice.

  “Good morning…Eric.” I took off his glasses and put them over my face while smiling. That’s perfect, acting spontaneous and certain, just like Julie. His teeth appeared in an incredibly charming smile. It only made me respond with a wider smile. I looked across the right window while waiting for my exaggerated smile to fade; it took longer than I thought.

  “When was the last time I cut my hair?” Asking him such a thing helped me regain some sort of serious expression.

  “Only one week before you woke up from your coma.” He looked at me from the edge of his eyes, a look that brought back the exaggerated smile on my face.

  “Well, you’re a bad hairdresser.” I pushed my lips together until I looked like a fish.

  “I think it’s a very good haircut. Uneven is stylish.” He looked at the road. “You’re lucky I didn’t color it like that rainbow over the mountain.”

  “What rainbow?” I looked across the windshield.

  “Right there.” He pointed with his finger to the left. “You are very lucky, yeah?”

  “How did…” I shook my head, laughing. “Well, very lucky for you, Mr. Green.”

  During the drive, Eric had forgotten his hand in mine. I was glad he did, but soon my hand was sweating. I slid it away and wiped it on my jeans. By that time we had reached the campus and Eric was busy parking the car. I was glad it had gone unnoticed.

  As we parked, I received a text from Sarah that she had transferred the message to Elionora, and that Elionora had already reserved tickets for two for the weekend. It was all set; there remained only to tell Eric about it. Her next text message troubled me; she explained that Elionora found information about Robert. He had registered for a master’s program at the university and lost many credits while doing so. This meant that he was here for a reason. He was ready to repeat courses in order to attend this university.

  As we stepped from the car, I walked close to Eric, holding his hand. If Robert was anywhere, he would be able to see that. I tried to act in a way that didn’t resemble Cassandra’s character. I made sure my steps were big and long; I even walked too fast. I think I matched Eric very well; we looked nice together. Even our reflection on the glass of the cafeteria windows was beautiful. I stood close to him under the sun, looking through the reflection of the window to see if Robert was anywhere. It wasn’t easy to search for someone like that, but it was the safest way. Today it was warmer outside; students were making use of the sun, and I was very sure Robert was going to be somewhere among them.

  A minute later I received a message from Sarah.

  “You have friends already.” Eric looked at me with a bit of jealousy in his eyes.

  “It’s Sarah.” I smiled at him. “The only one.”

  “I don’t know about her, she seems too…aggressive.”

  “Oh, and also Elionora.”

  “Elionora Civile?” He looked surprised.

  “Yes, our dance instructor. Do you know her?” I acted like I didn’t know that piece of information.

  “Yes, Elionora I love. Be her friend; she is a great lady.” He nodded.

  “You love her?”

  “Yes, I mean…she suffered so much. Throughout her life she passed through so many things.”

  “Like what?” I was worried now for Elionora.

  “Amy told me about her brother being very sick for years until he passed away. She is Italian by the way, and when she came to Colorado she was brokenhearted and needed a job. Amy offered her one at our library. She is very trustworthy and responsible.”

  “She proposed that I travel with her for the weekend.” I took advantage of his words.

  He became silent for a moment. “Why?”

  “I’m not sure. She suggested it yesterday. Anyways I thought I could use this opportunity to do some shopping.”

  I looked at my phone to give less attention to the subject, but then Sarah’s message killed any attempt I had in trying not to be too nervous; it said that Robert watched me from a close distance.

  “Eric.” I stretched up and whispered in his ear. “If this is a problem for you, I can always tell her that I can’t make it.”

  “Umm…no. I trust Elionora very much.” He placed his arms around me and kissed my forehead. “I just don’t want to miss you so much.”

  “But I want that,” I whispered again as he grinned.

  “As long as you will be here for the dance festival.” He raised his head toward the people surrounding us. “You don’t want to leave me alone during that.”

  “I’m not worried.” I smiled.

  “You trust me too much.” He laughed with a sort of agitation; his plan to make me jealous was harder than he thought.

  “It’s hard not to.” I held his hand as I started walking toward class. Students’ eyes didn’t miss us. I could feel all the critical thoughts of the girls pinch my skin with jealousy. Indeed, Eric was very good-looking; his style in clothing was incredible. His way of messing up his hair was very professional. Wearing his shades made many girls nearly swoon. Eric seemed happy with the effect it had on everyone. It seemed to tell the guys to back off. I was intrigued by the smile on his face as he walked me through the crowd.

  “Are you seeing Elionora today?” He blocked my way into the accounting class.

  “Yes, I think. Why?”

  “I mean, she barely knows you. It came to my head…I mean, why would she ask for your company on a trip?”

  “I think I used to know her from before the coma,” I lied.

  “Really?”

  “I feel familiar toward her.” Everything seemed to get amended with the excuse of having lost my memory. Sarah had golden advice for me.

  “Yes, it is possible.” He let my hand go as the teacher entered the class. “Where is the trip to?”

  “Paris,” I said as I entered class.

  Accounting seemed easier with every lesson that passed. Things started making more sense, but I wasn’t fully attentive. I was more attentive to the fact that Robert had become a threat to my existence. I even worried more as I thought of meeting with Dad and Sam again. I missed Sam enormously and wondered what he thought of my disappearance. In any case, I wasn’t sure what I was going to tell them, but I was sure of one thing: I couldn’t tell them the truth.

  Dance class was next; Elionora was the first arrival of course. Eric had questions as he stared at her. She seemed to reassure him with her own look. I was glad that Sarah took care of the situation just in time.

  “Take position and repeat last session’s exercise.” She walked toward us and said to Eric with a low voice, “You talk to me after class, mister.”

  “Need explanation,” he said back to her as he held me in the correct position.

  “Be quiet.” Only Eric, Sarah, and I understood that she was joking. We all laughed.

  As the music got louder it dispelled all errors that the couples had committed during the practice. Our voices dispersed for those of us who said anything at all. Eric and I were calm for most of the session. His strong dancing performance enervated me, yet it enthralled the couples that watched us. Even Elionora stared at us with enchanted eyes. I knew how beautiful we looked together. Nothing was my performance; not even my thoughts were truly mine, and these weren’t my feelings. I was never that strong before, not even in my mind. I was feeling what Julie wanted me to feel, and I had become aware of her being alive in me. I only ignored listening to her voice because it didn’t resemble mine and it was scary. I couldn’t wait to go back home to see Sam and Dad. I needed to remember myself and exist all over again.

  As the lesson ended I was more curious to break the uncertainty I felt in what Elionora had to say to Eric. I hoped she had a good excuse for her sudden trip to Paris. Eric was too smart, and I was afraid he wasn’t going to buy it.

  “Ask me.” She pulled out a chair and leaned on it.

  “What is the purpose of the trip?” he said as he wa
lked toward her.

  “Fun.” She smiled.

  “You never left Colorado since your arrival here.”

  “I’m not doing it for me. She needs to be around places she lived in. That should help her regain her memory. It was only five months after she moved to Colorado that she had the accident. Most of her life was not in this country.”

  “That’s more like you.” He smiled. “You never do something for your own pleasure.”

  “Glad you’re convinced, although I need a vacation too.” She tried to look convincing, but her face was too pure to lie. I could see why Eric liked her so much; she was impossibly true.

  He turned toward me. “Make sure she has fun.”

  “I will.” I smiled, trying to look a little fox-like.

  “I take that back.” He took my hand and walked me outside the dance room. “Only you can have fun, Elionora.”

  The following hours passed quickly. At class Eric confessed that he was the one that colored Cassandra’s drawing. He said that it was too sad and he hated how it represented death rather than life. She had given life for too many, and her painting lacked the colors of summer that she had provided to others. I sort of liked the fact that he admired me when I used to be ugly, stupid, and shy. I had existed in his world despite thinking the opposite.

  “You haven’t drawn anything yet,” he said.

  “I was hoping you would do it for me.” I leaned back in my seat.

  “I didn’t know you even practiced laziness.” He traced a purple line on his sheet.

  “Only occasionally.” I set the pencil on the table.

  “What seems to be the difficulty?” He bent toward me staring at my drawing, which had only a few lines that said nothing.

  “I don’t feel it.” I exhaled with force. “I don’t know what to draw.”

  “What could represent a sad situation to you?” He looked at me with his wide green eyes, the black pupils occupying most of the space.

  “What is a sad situation to you?” I intended to buy myself some time before I hurried into wrong answers.

  “Losing you.” His eyes became moist; he blinked a few times as he pulled himself back to face his drawing. An awkward moment of silence filled the space between us.

  “A sad situation, I don’t know. Sometimes I’m just scared of becoming crazy.” I held my head with both hands as I heard Julie’s thoughts whispering inside my head, unclear words.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Too many voices inside my head.” I exhaled with force again. “I’m afraid that I don’t control them.”

  “What voices?” He seemed more concerned with my mental status. I think I scared him.

  “The voices of the memories.” I picked up the pencil and drew a line crossing the other two lines I had drawn in the previous class. “They’re not that bad.”

  “If they are bothering you, they are bad. We should call the doctor.” He paused.

  “Can you stop yourself from dreaming? Can you stop yourself from thinking?”

  “Of course not.”

  “It’s the same, they’re just thoughts.” I started drawing the face of my brother Sam. I thought of drawing a sad face with some tears. It looked sad enough to me.

  “What is it?” He looked at my drawing the same way he used to look at Cassandra’s drawing—a quick stolen look.

  “A sad face that I remember, but I can’t recall to whom it belongs.”

  “When you’re done maybe I can help you figure it out.”

  The rest of the day passed quickly. Elionora informed me of the details of our trip. I made a reservation in a hotel close to where Julie’s aunt lived. During dinner I explained to Donna and Chester the updates of my trip, which now included the company of Elionora. They seemed happier that I wasn’t traveling alone and had the company of an adult. Eric seemed to have filled Chester in with the information prior to dinner. In fact he seemed to be waiting for me all day to spill out the news. I didn’t know if I was bothered with their close relationship. I worried that Chester was going to expose the truth to Eric about who came up with the idea of traveling.

  Before I went to sleep I was again surprised with the rhythm of that Italian song that played in my head. It was unbelievably beautiful and addictive. I knew it was an Italian song because I was able to sing the last words of a few phrases even when I didn’t know their meaning. It lingered in my mind for some time before I showered.

  The flight to Paris was early the next morning, and the trip was extended to a whole week now. Elionora thought we needed more time in Paris, and I hated to make long trips with a short stay; it just exhausted me. I spent the next three hours packing. I didn’t take everything I needed, keeping in mind that I was going to do a lot of shopping. A medium-size piece of luggage was enough to take everything I needed for three or four days at least.

  I worried so much about the meeting with Dad; it made my heart rate increase as I imagined Elionora spilling out my secret and Dad’s look of extreme shock, or maybe him not believing it. I needed to do lots of hard convincing during the flight. I knew that if Dad believed it at all, there was nothing he wouldn’t do to take revenge on the doctors and on Juliette’s family. Even when I thought I wasn’t to blame for the doctor’s mistake, it didn’t exculpate me from taking over their daughter’s body and life.

  I packed the album of pictures to keep track of Julie’s style in clothing with one exception—the difference in style from two years till now. I packed the debit cards that Chester had inserted in my purse; I had no idea what the limits to each were, nor if it was possible to use other currencies. I always trusted cash more, but it was not commonly used in this family.

  I rolled in bed a few times before I lost consciousness into deep sleep; I was awakened by the sound of a few text messages and realized that I had forgotten to silence my phone. I had no energy to check it out anyways, and so I resigned to sleeping.

  Chapter 18

  dad and sam

  i watched Elionora sleep for most of the flight. My stomach churned as I thought of the moment when I was going to meet with my family. It broke my heart every time I thought of Sam, of the possibility that they might have told him that I was dead. The presence of Elionora was a perfect reason to be able to come close to them, as she used to be Mom’s friend. It was not so hard convincing Elionora not to speak out the truth, although I didn’t feel very convinced that she was going to keep her promise.

  By the time we had our first landing at Newark Airport I was tired and sleepy. The stomachache only became stronger, and it was impossible to maintain a good balance on my feet. As we took the second flight to Paris, I was extremely tired and sleepy. Upon reaching our final destination, and as we picked up our luggage and came out of the airport, I started feeling better but needed so much to make up for the lost sleeping hours. Elionora, on the other hand, was a little nostalgic. She looked at everything around her as if it were the ruins of some old empire.

  “Things don’t change here.” She pulled her luggage behind her as we walked toward the taxi station.

  “Yeah.” I followed her steps. “I think you should tell me about it.”

  “About what?” She raised one eyebrow.

  “Your story, what Eric talked about.” I tried to maintain equilibrium.

  “It’s short, not much of a story.”

  She pulled the luggage with an exaggerated force, like she was in a hurry to reach the taxi.

  “My brother got sick, and while I took care of him my fiancé was cheating on me. I learned this the day my brother died.”

  “What?” I said, shocked.

  “Imagine!”

  “Hey, hey, Elionora, look at me.” I pulled her luggage away from her and made her stand still. “It’s over; you have an extraordinary man in your life today. You have your own business, you have a different world.”

  “Yes, I know.” She was pulled back to reality. “But I’m still angry.”

  “Does he liv
e in Paris?”

  “No, he is in Italy, but I’m close enough that I can smell him over the distance.” She looked at her luggage that I held. I handed it to her and she started pulling it gently now.

  “We will have fun this week,” I encouraged.

  “I wouldn’t call it fun.” She moved her eyes in all directions. She stood still suddenly and exhaled. “I’m sorry, Cassandra. You are correct, it will be fun. If we believe we will have fun then we will.”

  I nodded happily. “We will, I know it.”

  At this time I really didn’t know what exactly I was going to do to bring fun into our trip. I was worried enough about meeting Dad and Sam. I hadn’t thought beyond that part, and I didn’t even know if there was any place in my mind for fun. It tore my heart seeing Elionora so hurt from her past; I knew I had to find a way to let her pain subside, and the only way to do it was by facing her ex-fiancé.

  “I think we should visit my dad tomorrow,” I said.

  “You are ready?” She raised her eyebrows.

  “Stalling only makes me more nervous. The best way to get over the hard feelings…umm, I want to face them.”

  She walked silently beside me afterwards. I think she wanted to do the same too if she only had the chance. I thought of the means to fit all that we needed to do within one week.

  The night passed quickly. I absorbed relaxation like a thirsty tree absorbs the first rain after a dry season. The place was familiar to me. I knew every street in Paris; I knew every corner, every sound. Everything came back to me like a forgotten dream that I remembered so suddenly. I felt safe, although no one would have recognized me in the worst case. Despite the awkwardness that I never felt safe before in this country, nor around my family, this night—knowing how near I was to home—made my heart peaceful and my mind so still.