by Linda Maran
“We’ll split it.” Jacob took the bun, cut it in half, and placed one half in her plate and the other in his. “My stomach is churning in a big way for eating much.”
Kristen turned to him and their eyes met. He had to be as nervous as she was. For some reason that made her relax a bit. “I’m sorry if I’m acting strange toward you, but I’m still trying to take in all that was said last night.” She handed Jacob a napkin.
He took it with a weak smile. “And I, too, Kristen. To learn that I have had a dochter all these years is quite a shock. I cannot say it is an unhappy one, though. I am honored to have such a fine young maidle as my child.”
Heat spread across Kristen’s face. How could he say that? He barely knew her.
“I know you have decisions to make down the road. But I hope we can get to know one another better while you are here.”
Kristen nodded as she picked off a small piece from the cinnamon bun. It was beyond weird to suddenly have a father. Especially since she’d been considering looking for her real dad the last year or so.
Aunt Elizabeth placed the pot of fresh coffee on the table.
The screened door opened.
Aunt Miriam stopped in her tracks and stared at Jacob. “Ach, I didn’t realize you had company. I’ll come by later.” She spoke so quickly that her words nearly tumbled one into the other.
“Miriam, stay and have a cup of kaffee with us. We have delicious cinnamon buns that Madeline sent over with Jacob.”
Aunt Miriam stood motionless for a moment as if she didn’t know what to do.
Kristen had never seen her aunt so ruffled. If she wasn’t so shaky herself, she might have openly chuckled.
“Nee, I was thinking of going over to the store to help and stopped by to see if you wanted me to take anything there.” She remained motionless by the door.
“Vell, maybe Jacob and Kristen would like to go with you. Then you can drop them back here for dinner. Jacob, please join us. I’m making a gut beef vegetable garden soup. Miriam’s recipe.”
Jacob looked at Kristen the exact same time that she looked at him. Then they both smiled.
“Jah, if you’re sure it isn’t any trouble,” he said, looking as if he didn’t know where to focus his gaze.
“Ach, no trouble at all. Miriam, of course, you’ll stay for dinner too, jah?” Aunt Elizabeth turned and faced her.
“If Aunt Miriam is going to take us to the store in her buggy and then back again, it doesn’t make sense for her not to have dinner with us.” Kristen stood and walked over to her aunt and took the two pies she held in her arms.
“Jah, vell, I suppose that’ll be fine. Denki.” Was that a tremor in her voice?
Kristen then realized that Aunt Miriam was still sweet as could be on Jacob. She was like a tongue-tied teenager in his presence.
“Shall we go? There’s lots of work to be done, I hear.” Aunt Miriam was trying to sound like her usual brisk self, but the tremor was still there.
Jacob stood. “If we’re going in Miriam’s buggy, then I have to unhitch the horse from the bishop’s buggy. He said he won’t be needing it today. I’ll ride back home in it after dinner.”
“OK. We’ll meet you outside. See you later, Aunt Elizabeth. Have fun making the church peanut butter.”
“Jah, I always do. I eat many a spoonful now and again as I go along. Ach, Jacob. I’ll make you a jar to take back with you.”
“Denki, Elizabeth. Margaret and Eli love it as much as I do.”
Aunt Miriam led them out the door, and Kristen turned to wave to Aunt Elizabeth. Her aunt stood at the door watching them with a smile peeking out from under the hand that covered her mouth, and the other on her chest. She looked overcome by emotion.
This was one of those good memories in the making.
~*~
John loaded sacks of flour onto a pallet in the corner of the store where bulk goods would be sold. He turned when he heard the jingle of the door and thought he was hallucinating. What was Jacob still doing here? He’d thought he’d headed out first thing this morgen.
By the look on Aenti Miriam’s and Kristen’s faces, this was a gut thing. And we know that in all things God works for the good in those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. John always kept Romans 8:28 in his heart, and especially during the meeting at the bishop’s haus last nacht. The revelation of secrets and deception seem headed in a direction of healing.
He put the last sack of flour down, brushed off the powdery white that had gotten on his hands and walked over them. “Goede Mariye. This is a surprise.” John extended his hand to Jacob and then locked eyes with Kristen.
She seemed nervous but not fearful or unhappy. “Aunt Miriam was on her way to the store, so we came along. Now you won’t have to go back to the house to get me, and my, er, well, Jacob, could see the store.”
“This is gut, Jacob. You have experience with running a store. Maybe you can look around and give us a few pointers. We never got to that with all that’s happened.”
Jacob walked slowly around the store with John. He stopped several times to suggest a different arrangement of the tools. John respected his opinion greatly, with Jacob running his own store all these years.
“You don’t have any brooms?” Jacob turned to look in all directions.
“We’ll be getting them tomorrow.”
“You can put the ones used for inside the haus in a barrel on display. The barrel makes a gut holder.”
“That’s a great idea. Denki.”
“Starting a business was a lot of work, but it gave me a new purpose at that time. Eli is learning the business gut nowadays. That means I can come for more visits if Kristen chooses to stay on here. I’m hoping she does.”
“I’m hoping she stays, too.”
Jacob looked at John with a glint in his eye. “Vell, then. Let’s hope that she stays for the both of us.”
John gave his familye’s long time friend a wide smile. “I’ll be praying on that.” He felt a satisfied relief that if the time came, it would be Jacob he’d be asking about courting Kristen more so than his daed. Although by now, he was pretty sure that Daed knew he’d be moving forward with this. But did Kristen?
Kristen walked over with a bin of bagged clothespins. “Where should I put these?”
“Those would go where we sell the clotheslines,” John said.
Kristen looked at Jacob for a long moment, opened her mouth to say something, and then paused again.
“Something wrong, Kristen?” John couldn’t refrain from asking, even with Jacob standing right there.
Kristen hung her head, took in a breath and lifted her eyes to Jacob. “This is awkward. I just realized I don’t know what to call you.”
Jacob glanced at John then returned his gaze to Kristen. It seemed that she trusted John enough to say this in his presence.
“Most folks call me Jacob. A few call me Jake. But no one has ever called me Daed.” He smiled and a red tinge peeped from under his bearded face.
“So, uh, you want me to call you, Daed?”
“If you feel all right about it.”
“I guess I’m OK with that.”
“Kristen, I know that we are practically strangers, so if calling me that makes you feel out of sorts, Jacob is right fine.”
Kristen looked away from him and placed the basket of clothespins on the floor. Her gaze remained on the basket until she answered. “I’ll always love and miss my mom. And now it looks like God has given me my other parent. Isn’t that something?” She looked at John, and then to Jacob…her daed, where she rested her gaze.
Two similar sets of dark eyes searched each other’s faces.
John smiled to himself then quietly walked away.
It was time for Kristen to get to know her daed.
19
“Would you like to come outside for a short walk?” Jacob’s gaze held steady into Kristen’s.
“Sure. I can put the clothespins out
later.” The tremor in her hands nearly caused her to drop the basketful before she set it down.
Jacob went ahead of her toward the front of the store and held the door open.
When they got outside, the sun had faded into the clouds and the breeze picked up.
“I’m not used to this mountain weather.” She looked up at the sky. “It seems to change from one minute to the next some days.”
“Jah, it does. Farmers around here have a short growing season. Seems to me that the Waglers have the right idea opening a store. Should do gut, no matter the weather. Folks need the kind of items sold here.”
“I hope so. They’ve worked so hard getting it all ready. How is your store in Lowville doing?”
“It’s gut. Some weeks are slow. Then it picks up. But it’s a living and for that I’m grateful.”
Kristen didn’t know what else to talk about with her newfound daed, as they walked along the side of the road.
A horse and buggy went past and the driver tipped his hat.
Jacob did the same as dust rose from the ground.
Then a car passed and turned into the driveway up ahead.
“The homes around here all look alike, even the Englisch ones.” Kristen hoped her attempt at conversation wasn’t boring him.
“All you have to do is look at the electric poles.” Jacob pointed ahead to one.
“What do you mean?” Kristen looked at the pole they approached.
“If there aren’t any wires running from the pole to the haus, then they’re Amish.”
She stopped walking. There were wires going from the pole to the house that the car had just pulled into. But none at the next pole. She smiled. The conversation definitely wasn’t boring. At least not for her. “I never would have noticed that.”
Jacob smiled back. “When you grow up around here, it’s something everyone comes to know.”
“This is a silly question. But if you’d been hiding the fact that you and my mom got married in secret, why do you wear a beard? Seems only the married men around here grow them. Right?”
“Vell, every married man must grow a beard. But unmarried men can also wear a beard. Not having a beard, though, is a sure sign of an unmarried man because married men cannot shave.”
Kristen smirked. “So all the ladies around here know that John and Daniel are unmarried. It’s like an advertisement.”
“It tells their marital status mainly to those who are new in the area. Or if John and Daniel were to visit another community. In our tight-knit communities, word has it who is married and who is not, even the bearded ones.”
“Hmmm, OK. Um, how do you like living in Lowville?” As long as she kept the conversation going, the awkwardness seemed to lessen.
“I am content there. It’s not so different than here as far as the weather and folks go. We just have a few more stores in town, like the Wal-Mart.”
“Yes, I remember. In New Jersey we have stores one on top of the other in the malls there. And so many fast food places, too.”
“It wonders me how they all stay in business?”
“There are enough people to go around to all of them. At Christmas time, you can’t get near the stores. They’re jammed packed. Mom never liked to shop in the crowds.” Kristen almost hushed herself. She hadn’t intended on mentioning her mother to Jacob. It was too awkward.
“Jah. Your mamm liked peace and quiet. It’s gut that she lived near the ocean all those years.”
“It’s not that quiet compared to here. Especially in summer when all the city people come to the beach on the weekends. I guess she adjusted.”
“I hope she did. How about you? Have you adjusted to the Plain life?”
“Me? I guess so. I just wish the dresses had buttons and that we had a shower and…”
“Kristen, I’m not talking about things. I’m talking about inside yourself. Most Englisch folk think the Plain life is all about what we go without, because that’s what they see from the outside. But really, it’s about what we become on the inside.”
“Really? Like what?”
“Vell…a steadfast heart for one. An uncluttered mind. And always a joyful spirit in doing all our work for the Lord and His people. A simple life gives those things to us on the inside.”
Kristen wanted all of that. She longed for it. A tear escaped with the unexpected surge of emotions that assaulted her.
Jacob stopped walking. “What is it, Kristen? What did I say to upset you?”
“You made me realize that I haven’t adjusted to the Plain life on the inside, like you say. I’ve only done it on the outside, with how I dress and what I’ve given up. My cell phone, television, and long hot showers. I don’t have a steadfast heart or an uncluttered mind.
“And I definitely don’t get much of a chance these days to have a joyful spirit because every time I begin to, God throws something else at me to deal with. Like you!” Her hand shot up to her mouth. She was surprised and frightened by the sudden anger that shook her very core. “I’m sorry,” she said as the breeze cooled her hot cheeks. “I better not talk anymore. Can we head back to the store now?”
Jacob nodded.
They walked down the long road in silence. So much for their father-daughter talk.
Kristen had to hold back the onslaught of tears that threatened to gush forth. She’d hurt Jacob. Her daed. And she knew that if she didn’t have an Amish heart on the inside, as Jacob described, then she would never be able to join her heart with John’s.
~*~
As they approached the store, John was out front shaking out the welcome mat. He looked up, placed the mat down and with arms crossed over his chest, gave Kristen and Jacob a big smile.
Jacob stopped walking just before they got in ear shot of John. He turned to Kristen. “Seems you have a big admirer. John is a gut man.”
“It doesn’t really matter, does it? Seems that I’ve inherited all my traits from what the Plain people call, the outside.”
“Kristen, that is not what I was trying to say to you. I—”
“Everyone knows I was born of Amish parents but raised in the Englisch world. Inside, that’s who I am.” She held out her apron in front of her. “This is just a costume. What was that word we last learned in English class? Oh yes, a facade. I’m sorry to disappoint you. Daed.” She let go of her apron and rushed past Jacob, then John, and went into the store.
~*~
When Jacob reached John, he appeared worn and troubled.
“What happened, Jacob?”
“Kristen’s not feeling the peace and joy that I told her being Plain can bring to us on the inside. And because of that, she thinks she’s just going through the motions in what she wears and what she no longer does. She feels that she doesn’t have the ability to be Amish. And it’s all my doing, John.”
“Nee. She’s had a rough time since her mamm was killed. It’s been one thing after the other. She’s had little time to let our ways heal her wounds and renew her life. I guess my daed is right.”
“What do you mean?”
“When he noticed that my feelings for Kristen were growing, he advised me to back off. At least for now. He said she has a lot to work out and doesn’t need me to complicate things even more.” John kicked a rock and sighed. “And it just came to me, that maybe he’s thinking that the whole reason for Kristen trying to be Plain is because of me.”
Jacob looked into John’s eyes. “Ach, John, nee. Kristen was born Amish and Gott has sent her back here to be who she was born to be. I truly believe that her mamm knew this too.”
“Jah, maybe you are right. And I know she wants to be part of this familye. She has led a very lonely life in the Englisch world. Amish or not, she is part of us all now.”
Jacob patted John on the shoulder, and in that moment he felt sure Kristen wouldn’t ever experience that loneliness again.
~*~
At 6:00 PM, John arrived back home with Daniel and Daed.
The bishop’s
buggy was hitched to the pole.
Apparently Jacob was still at the haus and would stay for dinner.
When John opened the screened door, he nearly dropped his hat when he entered the kitchen. He looked at his mamm. She merely looked back with saddened eyes.
Jacob was seated at the table looking down into his iced tea, swirling the ice with the spoon. He raised his head just long enough to motion a greeting.
Aunt Miriam was setting the table with a heavy hand and a tight-lipped scrowl.
There stood Kristen by the stove in the same exact clothes she’d worn when she’d first arrived to Stone Arabia. No kapp, her dark hair in a ponytail with a red crunchy thing that matched the striped t-shirt she wore with blue denim jeans. Her eyes met his. “Something the matter?”
“Maybe I should be asking you that question.” He hung his hat on the peg and walked to his seat at the table.
Daed and Daniel joined him but remained quiet. They both looked as if they were waiting for some kind of a show to begin.
“Nothing the matter with me at all.” She turned to the counter and placed baked biscuits into a basket.
John didn’t like her snippy attitude. Yes, she was hurting, but she had no cause to take it out on him and to cause poor Jacob such heartache. “We don’t play games here, Kristen. You’re being cruel.”
She whirled around, nearly knocking the basket of biscuits off the counter. “I’m being cruel? No, I think you have it backward, John. Here I was making a complete fool of myself, thinking I could fit in just because I wore Plain clothes, used my cell phone out of the house, or whatever. Well, the joke’s on me, isn’t it?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Where is all of this coming from? Jacob feels mighty awkward, and he’s our guest here.”
She turned her gaze on Jacob. “I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable and for anything unkind that I’ve said. I know that you were only being honest. Besides, I’m not really a Mast, am I? I don’t even bear the name. I was raised Englisch. One hundred percent inside and out.”
Aenti Miriam turned to Kristen with her hands on her hips. “You’re an Esh, Kristen,” she said in a firm voice. “Same as me. Same as your Aenti Elizabeth before she married your Onkle Jonas. And same as our elder brudder, Matthew, who lives way out in Indiana with his frau, Ruth, and their three kinner.”