Breaking Shaun

by E. M. Abel

  “Well, I’m willing to give you that, but you’re gonna have to let me call the shots out here.”

  Shaun studied my face. I could see him contemplating my words.

  “You got it, Killer.”

  I sighed and turned to face the front again. “Really? That’s all you have to say?”

  Shaun smiled as he let off the brake, and the car started moving again.

  “Hey, I’m not stupid.”

  I was trying to have a serious conversation with him, so I tried to fight it, but I couldn’t help but laugh. He seemed to always have that effect on me.

  Even when she’s being a bitch, there’s something so sexy about her.

  Maybe I was still high from the mind-blowing orgasm I’d experienced, but there was just something about Natalie. She would speak her mind with no hesitation, and she wasn’t intimidated by me at all. I liked it. It was nice to finally find a woman who was confident and not ashamed to take what she wanted without feeling the need to justify it. Only time would tell if she was any different from the other women I’d been with, but I had a feeling I had finally met my match.

  As I pulled into Asia and Marcus’s driveway, I could sense Natalie getting nervous. Her grip tightened on her purse, and her posture turned rigid. She was worried we would be found out, and I could understand why. Honestly, I didn’t give a shit who knew. I’d never been good at keeping secrets. But if that was how she wanted it, I guessed I would play along.

  When I parked the car, Natalie turned to give me a tight smile. “Thanks for the ride.”

  I grinned and winked at her statement, and her real smile came out.

  “It was my pleasure. Trust me.”

  I rubbed my sweaty hands on my dress as I made my way to Asia’s front door. Taking a deep breath, I tried to relax before ringing the doorbell.

  Nothing happened. Nothing happened.

  A few seconds after pressing the button, Marcus opened the door. He was standing there in a pair of black shorts with no shirt, and he was covered in sweat. I thought I actually gasped.

  Luckily, in the next second, a white T-shirt came flying through the air, and it landed on Marcus’s head, covering half his face. He turned and saw Asia approaching. She was too busy laughing at Marcus with a T-shirt covering half his head to tell us why she’d thrown it.

  Marcus and I started laughing, too, and he took the shirt down and started putting it on.

  When Asia finally stopped, she told Marcus, “Babe, you can’t go walking around with no shirt on all the time. You’re way too fucking hot, and it makes people uncomfortable.”

  Marcus smiled at her and then looked over at me. I instantly blushed and covered my face with my hands.

  “See!” she shouted.

  Then, we were all laughing.

  Marcus cleared his throat. “Ahem. Well, I’m just gonna…” He pointed to something behind Asia and left.

  Asia and I both smiled at each other.

  “I’m just here to get my car. Sorry I didn’t call earlier. I realized that I don’t have your number,” I told Asia.

  “Well, here, let me give it to you.”

  I pulled out my phone, and Asia told me her number, so I entered it into my Contacts.

  “I know you don’t work during the days, so if you ever want to come hang out or anything, just give me a call. Marcus and I are usually around, and we have the pool and the beach here if you just want to come relax.”

  I smiled at Asia as I dropped my phone back in my purse. I was flattered that she considered me a friend, and she was making an effort to make me feel welcome.

  “That’s really nice of you to offer. I’ll do that. Thanks.”

  Before I could turn to leave, Asia put her hand on my arm, and her face got serious.

  “I know my brother acts like an asshole,” she told me, raising her eyebrows. “But he’s really a good guy. He’s hell-bent on never settling down though. You should know that going into this.”

  I grimaced before asking, “Is it that obvious?”

  She smiled and shrugged. “He’s my brother. I know he always gets what he wants…if he wants it enough.”

  Well, so much for keeping things a secret.

  I knew it would only be a matter of time before everyone knew Shaun and I’d had sex now that Asia was on to us. I’d found it funny that she warned me about Shaun never wanting to settle down. I wondered if she would have been less concerned if she knew I was just as reluctant to be in a relationship as he was. I wasn’t used to my private life being common knowledge, but then again, I’d never really had friends to tell even if I’d wanted to.

  As I drove to Nick’s apartment, I couldn’t help but daydream. The image of Shaun’s eyes staring at me through his mirror flashed in my mind, and I rubbed my fingertips over my lips as I remembered the way he’d kissed me. There was no question that he was the best I’d ever had. The way he’d teased me and effortlessly driven me to the edge was something I’d never experienced, and I wanted more.

  God, I wanted more.

  My night with Brad felt like a distant memory. But it isn’t, is it? I was with him two days ago.

  And there it was again—the shame and guilt following me like my shadow, darkening every light moment. It was funny how I was feeling like a slut for having been with two guys in a span of two days, but if I were a man, I’d be happy, proud even.

  Well, fuck that. I wasn’t going to feel bad for doing something that had felt good, for taking something I’d wanted. It was time I let it go and allowed myself to be happy—or at least try.

  When I walked into Nick’s apartment, he was already gone. I’d forgotten he had to work. That bought me some time to figure out how to tell Nick about Shaun and me. The only problem was, I wasn’t sure what to say. He knew I’d moved here for a fresh start, but I didn’t think he really understood just how unhappy I had been before I came here.

  I figured if I was going to change, I would also have to learn to let people in and be vulnerable for once. That would probably be the hardest part of all this. I’d spent so much of my life keeping things bottled up that I wasn’t sure if I was capable of doing anything else.

  It was three in the afternoon, and I’d been sitting in my office at the shop, staring off into space, since two. I was still replaying this morning in my mind, and every time I had, all I could think was how I wanted more. I typically didn’t take my time when I fucked women. Now, if they wanted to play, I was all for it, but I’d never gone out of my way to drive someone to the edge the way I had with Natalie. I fucking loved it. She was so responsive, like she’d been waiting months to have my dick inside her.

  Shit.

  Baseball. Baseball. Baseball.

  Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on the desk and clasped my hands in front of me. This girl had me strung already, and I’d only been with her once. I rocked back in my chair and stared at my ceiling for a few seconds before deciding to go home. We weren’t busy, and I really didn’t need to be here anyway. What I needed was my board and the endless ocean under me.

  I stood and began straightening up my desk. Then, my phone started ringing in my pocket. I grabbed it to see that it was Dre.

  “What’s up?”

  “Shaun, man, sorry I didn’t make it to your party last night. I had some bullshit goin’ on out here. What are you doin’ tonight?” Dre asked.

  I heard his car door close and his engine start.

  “I was just gonna chill at my apartment tonight. Why? What’s up?”

  “Nothin’. You know, the usual. How about I bring some drinks over?”

  I walked out of my office and locked the door.

  “Come by around seven or eight. I’m about to hit the beach for a few hours.”

  “All right. Later.”

  “Bye.”

  Slipping my Ray-Bans on, I made my way out into the parking lot. I could tell something was bothering Dre, but there was no way I would get anything out of him until he was drunk
.

  Even the fucking beach was reminding me of Natalie now. This is bullshit. I couldn’t stand just waiting around. I’d never done what people told me in the past. So, why am I starting now?

  Because you want to fuck her again. Because you want to see her again. Because you want her.

  I tossed my surfboard down on the sand and fell onto my back next to it. The sky was dark and ominous. A storm was coming, but I didn’t care. It was nice having the beach to myself.

  Usually, once I’d gotten what I wanted from a woman, the magic was gone, the thrill of the chase was over, and it was easy to move on. This thing with Natalie was different. Getting a taste of her had only made me crave her more. I still felt like I was chasing her. I should be happy that she wasn’t attached or swooning over me.

  That’s exactly what I want. There had been no pressure, no awkward moment where I had to explain that I didn’t want more than sex. I’ve had her, so why can’t I stop thinking about her?

  Women like me break men like you.

  Sitting up, I looked out at the horizon.

  The ocean was my freedom, and it reminded me every day why I loved it so much. I wasn’t sure what kind of men Natalie had dealt with in the past, but I was sure they hadn’t been anything like me. If she thought she was going to break me, she was sadly mistaken.

  Dre had been at my house for about an hour when he finally started to tell me what was up.

  “Jasmine called me yesterday,” he muttered as he watched himself pour another shot.

  Jasmine was Dre’s baby mama—as he liked to call her—but I knew she was a lot more than that.

  I guessed there were a couple of more things we didn’t have in common. He had a son, and he believed women when they told him they were on the pill.

  “Uh-huh,” I grunted after swallowing another shot of vodka.

  He peered up at me and clenched his jaw before looking out the windows by my dining room table. I could tell he was trying to control his temper.

  “She’s been fucking around with this dude, Alex.”

  Sighing, I leaned back in my chair and took a sip from my beer. I’d seen this before. Jasmine would hook up with a new guy, and Dre would get jealous.

  “Just fucking admit that you want her back, Dre. This shit’s gettin’ old.”

  He scowled at me. “What?”

  “Jasmine. You’ve had a problem with every guy she’s been with. None of them are good enough because none of them are you.”

  “She’s got my son. Of course none of them are good enough. I don’t want some fucking douche bag around my kid. You don’t get it, Shaun. When a woman has your child, you’re in each other’s lives whether you like it or not.”

  My eyes moved to my beer bottle, and I contemplated telling him about my morning with Natalie, but I decided against it.

  “So, what happened with that chick from the club? What did you call her? Cupcake? She didn’t seem like your type.”

  I looked up from my beer and shrugged. “We fucked, but I barely remember it. I was fuckin’ wasted.”

  “Really? She didn’t seem like the kind of woman to be down for a one-night stand.”

  “I don’t think she is. It just kinda happened. She was all upset about seeing her ex at the club, and I guess she wanted me to help her move on.”

  Dre smiled. “Ah, so you were the rebound.”

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “How was your party last night?”

  I peered up at Dre, and I couldn’t help the smirk that appeared when I thought of Natalie. “It was good.”

  Dre’s eyebrows rose, and he waited for me to elaborate, but I just took another sip from my beer.

  “That’s it? What the fuck is that smirk about?” He paused, his eyebrows furrowing. He leaned forward in his chair and studied my face. “What did you do?”

  I chuckled and leaned back into my seat, but I still didn’t tell him. It felt wrong for some reason. It wasn’t because Natalie wanted to keep things a secret. I knew Dre wouldn’t say anything. No, it was more like I felt possessive over her. I didn’t want him thinking about Natalie like that. I didn’t want anyone to think about her like that.

  As hard as I tried to fight it, I thought about Shaun most of the day and well into my shift at work. It wasn’t until I was taking orders and pouring drinks that I was able to push him out of my mind.

  And it pissed me off.

  This was not how things were supposed to go. This was not how I worked. When I found a guy attractive, I would come on to him, or he would come on to me, and then we would fuck. If it was any good, I’d call him back. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t. But I would not—I repeat, would not—ever spend an entire day thinking about that person. I wouldn’t stare at my phone, itching to text or call him just hours after having him. Yet, that was exactly what was happening.

  I was scared. I’d been very careful to keep everyone at a distance. It was just far enough so that when they left me, it wouldn’t hurt quite as bad. I even had a wall standing between Nick and Lili and my heart. I’d always been alone, but that was changing now. If things ended badly between Shaun and me, it might mess up everything I had been trying to fix. I had to remember that this thing between us was purely physical, and I couldn’t confuse it for anything more.

  It was two in the morning, and we were closing everything down at Red. Mandy, Trey, and I worked that night, so we walked out to the parking lot together. It was raining out, so we all rushed toward our cars. Trey turned to the left toward his Nissan, shooting two fingers in the air as his good-bye, while Mandy ran next to me.

  “You work tomorrow, right?” she shouted to me as she headed toward her car.

  I unlocked my car door. “Yeah!” I shouted back.

  “Okay, see you then!” she said with a smile before slipping into her Honda.

  I unlocked my door and when I got into my car, I pulled my wet hair away from my face and tossed my purse down on the passenger seat. I was looking forward to going home and taking a hot shower. I stuck my key into the ignition and turned it. My engine made a sad groaning noise, but it didn’t start.

  Shit!

  I smacked the steering wheel and tilted my head back against the seat to stare at my ceiling. The stains and holes there only aggravated me more. Unfortunately, Mandy and Trey had left already. Reaching into my purse, I grabbed my phone to call Nick, but then I remembered it was two in the morning. Going through my texts, I saw the ones Shaun and I had sent back and forth, and before I could chicken out, I sent one to him.

  My car won’t start.

  He responded a few seconds later.

  Where are you?

  I replied quickly.

  Red.

  After a few minutes, my phone started ringing in my hand. It was Shaun.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Then, he hung up.

  I reached over and pushed the lock down on the passenger door just in case. I wasn’t sure how dangerous this area was at night, but Jay’s speech had made me paranoid.

  Better safe than sorry.

  About ten minutes later, the rain had stopped, and I was wondering if I should have called Brad for help. I was sure he would have come, and I wouldn’t be sitting here in my car, nervous about what might happen to me. Locking my doors wouldn’t be enough to protect me from Shaun.

  As if on cue, Shaun pulled up next to me in his Jetta. The parking lot was well lit, but the roof of his car cast a drastic shadow over his face, so I could only see his mouth and jaw at first. He had some light stubble growing, and it was sexy. I felt my stomach starting to flutter when I thought about him coming out at two in the morning to help me with my car. I didn’t know many people who would do that for me.

  But that train of thought wasn’t going to help me. I had to remember Shaun’s interest in me was purely sexual—as was mine for him.

  Taking a deep breath, I unlocked my door and popped the hood of my car before get
ting out and meeting him in front of it. Shaun’s eyes met mine, and I realized he must have been sleeping.

  “Did I wake you up?”

  “Nah, I just dozed off on the couch for a while,” he muttered as he pulled the hood of my car open.

  Shaun was dressed in a pair of loose basketball shorts and an old Billabong T-shirt with flip-flops on his feet. His hair was wet and in its usual effortlessly sexy and chaotic style. It looked good. At that moment, I realized he could have been standing there barefoot in a trash bag, and I still would have thought he was hot. It wasn’t fair.

  I took my time admiring his physique as he started checking hoses and different things on my engine. I could change a tire and change my own oil, but I was actually pretty clueless when it came to engines.

  “Start it,” Shaun said after adjusting a few things under the hood.

  I stifled a sigh as I made my way back to my seat. I didn’t know why Shaun bossing me around bothered me so much. Maybe it was because it also made me horny. Sitting down, I turned the key in the ignition one more time, but just like before, I heard the sad groaning sound from my engine as it tried to start.

  “Is that duct tape?” Shaun asked from under my hood.

  I cringed.

  “Did you seriously use duct tape to cover up that hole?”

  I jumped out of my seat and ran to the front of the car. He was peeling the duct tape off of one of the hoses.

  “Don’t take it off! What are you doing?” I shouted.

  Shaun just shook his head as he threw the piece of tape behind him onto the ground.

  “This car needs a lot of work, Killer. I mean, I feel bad for the poor thing.” He rested one of his hands on the edge of the hood above his head and continued inspecting the engine.

  I looked at the oil stains on his hand. Then, my gaze trailed down his muscular arm and over his ribs. I felt like a damsel in distress, and as much as I loathed the cliché, I couldn’t deny the electricity shooting through me from that thought. It would be so much easier to just let him help me, but sometimes, the easiest choices weren’t always the best in the long run. I didn’t need to be rescued.