MUSICAroLina

by Daniel William Gunning

  “Now, that’s more than enough time spent embarrassing hard-working bank guards. We need to get back to the far more pressing business at hand. Here’s the deal, stupid, and I assure you it is an especially good one, if I do say so myself. You can send all these lovely men, women and children home without them having to deal with any more hardship and misery than they’ve already had to endure and all for the low, low price of opening your bank vault!” John exclaimed. The manager simply lowered his head and began to sob. “Well, that’s most disappointing, I must say, and not just the crying,” he said and turned his attention back toward the hostages. “Well, folks, my most profuse apologies. I tried my best; I really did. I hoped we could conclude our transaction quickly today, but it appears that we’re going to be here a little while longer than I had originally planned.

  Apparently, the bank that claims it treats its customers just like a family would rather have its family members held hostage at gunpoint by a bunch of possibly mentally deranged desperadoes than to simply open their precious li’l vault. Granted that’s a certain type of family to be sure, but I don’t believe it to be the type you’re led to believe from the TV commercials. This is more akin to the Donners, or perhaps the Mansons. Man, I hope this place gives you really nice calendars or something when you sign up because I’m just not seeing a commitment to quality customer service here. Let me put your minds at ease though, my dear hostages, and assure you that my criminal enterprise is all about the customer service unlike the come-get-taken-hostage bank here. You have my personal, genuine, one hundred percent, money back if you are not completely satisfied, guarantee that if you just sit tight, nobody will be harmed; and you can take that to the bank. Ha, see what I did there? Now, all we have to do, since Mr. Myers here doesn’t appear to be at all interested in securing your release, is just wait here and kill some time until the police arrive. So, uh, anybody know any good jokes, magic tricks, or anything?” John asked. Everyone simply stared at him in utter astonishment and disbelief.

  ***

  By now, every available police force in the entire county had completely surrounded the besieged bank. They deployed metal and concrete barriers around the perimeter to keep the rapidly gathering crowd of curious onlookers at bay, and snipers took their positions on nearby rooftops. All along the man-made perimeter, officers and SWAT team members swarmed, urgently calling out orders over their radios. A nearby mobile command unit had been set up behind the barricade. Inside the unit, Russell Carpenter, the police negotiator, sat by the phone. His head was bowed and he listened to the music coming through his headphones, calming himself, as he prepared to make the call to the hostage takers.

  ***

  Inside the bank, John listened to the chaotic activity going on outside the bank and watched the flashing police lights dance off the shutters of the window.

  “All right everybody, I have good news; the police have arrived!” John said, addressing the hostages.

  “Yay?” said one of the hostages timidly.

  “Hey, way to stay positive. I like that. You’re okay, pal. Now, here’s what I want you to do and, trust me, you’re really gonna like this part. I want all of the children and the pregnant lady in the corner,” he said, indicating to the people he meant, “to go out to the front door. My friend and fellow partner-in-crime will let you out.” No one moved. They all stayed frozen in place, looking at one another trying to process the information. “Ah, I see we are having a few substantial trust issues here. That’s okay; it’s to be expected. I don’t take it personally. However, I’m dead serious; oh, poor choice of words. Never mind that; scratch that one. Let’s try: Come on; go! Be free, little ones! We don’t want to be putting any kiddos in harm’s way; that’d be terrible. What kind of people do you think we are?” The children looked at their parents for instruction. The parents cried and pushed them encouragingly toward the door. The pregnant woman took a few of the children’s hands and bravely led them out of the room and back toward the front door of the bank, without looking back, halfway expecting to hear the report of one of the criminals’ firearms as she did. The phone on the conference room table rang. “Ah, perfect timing. Well, here we go” John said, then answered the phone, “Hello, and you’ve reached Criminals Anonymous. How may I direct your call this fine day?”

  “My name is Sergeant Russell Carpenter and I am with the police department. I’m the negotiator that has been placed in charge of making sure all parties get through this current ordeal safely.”

  “Ah, well, that sets the tone off all wrong from the beginning, Sergeant Carpenter...Russell, Rusty, ah...whatever, not important. Anyway, I don’t want any of that static tone, boring Hostage Negotiator 101 crap. What’s the fun in that? Let’s be positive. Let’s be funny. Let’s be upbeat. Dare I say, let’s be friends! Like you said, all parties want to get through this safely and all the parties in here say, That sounds like a party, and like any good party, I got you a little gift,” John said animatedly. John could hear the voices and commotion in the background as officers rushed forward to help the children that had just exited the bank. “Now, Sergeant Carpenter, hopefully that gives you at least some idea that our intentions here are honorable. So, let me make this simple for ya. I have absolutely no demands. This is a bank, so to put it in banking terms, those kids were my hostage down payment into your bank of trust and good will as it were. Now, I’m certain that we are going to be the best of friends. So, as a friendly courtesy, you give me just a little while longer to complete my business here, and then you can have the entire account balance plus some interest on top. Now, it’s been real nice chatting with you and all, but unfortunately, I do have some rather urgent business to attend to in here. So you try to have a nice day!” With that, he abruptly hung up the phone and turned back to the manager saying, “Now where were we?”

  ***

  Back in the mobile command center, Russell Carpenter hung up the phone, rose from his chair, went over to the door and surveyed the scene unfolding outside. He saw the children and the pregnant woman being rushed into nearby ambulances and squad cars and whisked away. He saw officers looking quizzically at one another, trying to piece together what had just happened. He looked back at the phone in its cradle and said confoundedly, “Huh.”

  CHAPTER 5

  A WEIRD WAY TO START YOUR DAY

  John awoke in his bed, in the tiny bed and breakfast, to the dazzling sunlight which poured down through the open window and fell directly onto his face. This startled him more than a little; not because of the pure disorienting shock of opening his eyes to the irritating and even temporarily, blinding daylight, but because he didn’t remember opening the window the night before. In fact, he was quite certain that he had not. Upon this unsettling revelation, he shot straight up in bed and his eyes darted nervously about the room, looking for intruders. His hand slowly reached for the gun he’d hidden under the mattress. He could see that the fire had long since died out and was now a pile of ashes in the hearth. Despite this fact, he noticed that, somewhat mysteriously, the room was still quite warm. The cold night that he had closed his eyes upon had seemingly completely vanished without a trace upon his opening them this morning. It was already very pleasantly warm and extremely sunny, despite the fact it was still especially early in the morning, not to mention that it was fall. This time of year was always comparatively mild in this part of the country, but this was different somehow. It felt to him more like late spring heading into summer and it made last night’s sudden, unseasonable chill all the more perplexing.

  Sometime under the cloak of that frigid night, Miss Bay must have entered his room, because he saw that carefully arranged bouquets of flowers had been placed in delicately painted vases on the dresser, the nightstand, and pretty much every surface around the room that was large enough to conceivably hold a vase. He supposed this must have been when the window had been opened. He ceased reaching for his gun, as he observed that now a number of small birds had perched on
the windowsill and were cheerfully serenading his start to the day. One or two of the more extraordinarily brightly colored birds flitted to and fro about the room singing, almost it seemed, as if in perfect chorus with one another. It was, to say the least, an exceedingly odd and strangely surreal spectacle. It looked like a scene from some classic cartoon that suddenly burst to life within his room. “Well, this is somehow both delightfully charming and more than a little creepy,” John mumbled as he stretched and raised himself out of bed.

  He was still in his clothes from the night before, so he headed out the door and walked the short distance down the hall to the next bedroom. He knocked on the door. A few seconds later Kurt cracked open the door, rubbing his eyes. “Oh, good. I guessed the right room; that could’ve been extremely awkward. Who knows whatever freaks may be staying here. I don’t even want to see the person that thinks this is a primo vacation spot. Hey, did you get Mac outta the bar last night?” John asked.

  “Well, good morning to you too, sunshine. I’m great, by the way; thanks for asking,” Kurt grumbled. Seeing that John was not in the least bit amused, he replied, “Yeah, he didn’t really want to leave. He was having such a good time boozing it up and all, so I just waited until he was so plastered that he couldn’t walk, or stand on his own for that matter. Ah, let’s face it; I even waited ‘til he peed himself a little and then I just dragged him here, you know, like usual. I told the old lady that we’d just take the same room. I saved us some money there; you’re welcome, I’ll send ya the bill later. He’s still passed out cold, so if you want him for anything other than a blunt object, I’m afraid he’s going to be less than useless.”

  “No, I didn’t need him for anything; I was just making sure you collected him. I’d rather he not wander off alone until we get this thing done. Did you get anything out of the car by chance?”

  “Yeah, I parked it out front and I have your bag; I figured that’s what you wanted anyway, ‘cause heaven forbid you’d simply want to converse with your partners-in-crime for one stinking morning. Hold on a second; I’ll get it for you,” Kurt said sarcastically, but sleepily, as he headed back into the room. A moment later, he returned to the door with John’s bag in hand and tossed it to him.

  “Great! I’ll get changed and we’ll start looking for Jack,” John said, turning to leave. He hesitated for a moment, pondered, and then turned his head slightly. He then timidly asked, “By the way, by any random chance, did you find a bunch of flowers in your room this morning?”

  “Yeah, it’s the weirdest thing, right? Oh, and there were bluebirds singing to me on the windowsill. Honest to God, bluebirds, just all in a line, chirpin’ away. It’s also unusually warm outside, don’t you think?”

  “Yeah, I’m trying not to think too much about it, to be honest. Let’s just get Jack and get outta here, all right? We can talk all about how unusual this place is on the way out of town.”

  “All right, but man alive, you would think after committing a major crime that a fella, at the very least, would be entitled to sleep in a little in the morning. You know, kind of in recognition for a bad thing well done.”

  “Well, a wise man once said there’s no rest for the wicked.”

  “Yeah, you know, I’ve always wondered about that quote. What wise man was that anyway?”

  “Well, in this case, it was me. Be ready in five.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re the boss, egotistical jerk,” Kurt replied mockingly and closed the door. John headed back toward his own room, anxious to get changed, get his brother and get out of this odd little tourist trap.

  ***

  John arrived back at his room. He entered and shooed the lingering birds away. When he was certain they’d all flown out, he closed the window and began to change his clothes. He did so as quickly as he could. He felt the oddest sense of urgency in the back of his mind compelling him to leave this town and the strangeness it contained behind. As soon as he was fully dressed, he headed back out. Kurt was already waiting for him in the hallway and after a quick nod of recognition, they descended the old wooden staircase together.

  As they reached the bottom of the stairs, they saw Miss Bay sitting behind the front desk, perched upright, proper, already dressed in dated and overly fancy attire. She called out to them as they approached. “Well, hello there, my dearies; I trust you slept well last night. Why, when I went in to put flowers in your rooms, you seemed almost dead to the world,” she said, with an eerie unnerving smile.

  “Man, was she just sitting there waiting for us all night?” Kurt whispered softly, covering his mouth so she couldn’t see. John just shot him a look that told him to let it go.

  “Yes, we slept quite well; thank you. Oh, and thank you ever so much for the lovely flowers. They were just the gorgeous and whimsical touch we needed to start our day out on the right foot,” John said, mock smiling back at her as best he could muster under the circumstances.

  “Who are you?” Kurt whispered. John kicked him in the foot, slyly, so Miss Bay wouldn’t notice.

  “Well, it’s all the little touches that make my bed and breakfast famous the whole world over. Well, maybe not the whole world—that may be a bit of an exaggeration—but certainly around town, that is; which is the world to us, in a way. It’s why everyone stays here.”

  “Not to be condescending, but I thought this was the only bed and breakfast in town ma’am?” Kurt asked, confused.

  “Now, there’s no need to go and get all bogged down in facts and details, dearies. The devil’s in those, you know,” she said with a wry smile.

  “True enough, I guess. Well, we thank you again for your most generous hospitality. Now I’m afraid that we must be heading out,” John said, moving toward the front door.

  “Wait, won’t you gentleman be stopping to have some breakfast first?”

  “Um, no thank you, ma’am,” they replied in unison, turning back to face her as they did.

  “But it’s a bed and breakfast, emphasis on the and, dearies. It simply wouldn’t do for me to let my boarders wander the mean streets starving to death now would it? Dead boarders from my bed and breakfast? Why, I’d be the talk of the town and not in a good way. Besides, I’m ever such a wonderful cook and I do enjoy it so. You wouldn’t rob a sweet old lady of her simple pleasures now, would you?”

  “Well, that is certainly a most charming offer, ma’am, but I’m afraid that we must decline at this time. You see, I am awfully worried about my dear missing brother and I wish to start looking for him posthaste. However, let me give you my personal word of honor that if any of your fellow citizens inquires as to our particularly starving appearance, we will assure them most vigorously that you both begged and pleaded with us, but we refused you kind offer and forceful insistence point blank. Therefore, there will be no undue aspersions cast upon your honor or your esteemed reputation, ma’am, I assure you,” John said as sincerely and politely as possible.

  “Oh my, how gentlemanly of you, dearie. My, my, I do declare; they just don’t make gentleman of your courtly manners anymore, kind sir. Why, you are positively giving me the vapors,” she replied, fanning herself with her hand.

  “You sound like the king mental patient in a southern gentleman’s loony bin,” Kurt whispered.

  “Shut up, you tool; it’s working,” John shot back.

  “Well, you enjoy your little foray into our charming village then. I know that you are exceptionally concerned for your dear sweet little brother, but let me assure you, no harm could possibly have come to him in our little town. So, while you’re out, be sure to stop and really soak in all the sights, sounds, and beauty that weave the majestic tapestry that is Musicarolina. You won’t be disappointed; I promise you that, dearies.”

  “Oh, we’ll be sure to do that, ma’am.”

  “Please call me Mother.”

  “Yeah, uh, okay...Mother.”

  “I do hope you find him straight away, but if you don’t and you happen to find yourself famished by
your difficult search, may I recommend the bar you retrieved your rather inebriated friend from last night? During the daytime it’s a regular diner and their breakfast is simply sublime. It doesn’t rightly compare to mine of course, but then again, nothing really does. Tell Virginia, the waitress, that I personally sent you and she’ll be sure to take special good care of you boys,” she said, smiling sweetly.

  “Thank you, ma’am. Oh I’m sorry; I mean Mother,” they responded.

  “Are you sure you can’t just stay a few minutes and have a little something for breakfast? I promise it will be well worth the wait. Why I haven’t had anyone to cook for in ever so long. It could be my early Mother’s Day gift.”

  “No, we really should be going,” John said, again heading for the sweet escape the front door offered. Suddenly, with one swift motion, she pushed off the front desk, which sent her sliding out in their path. She threw her arms wide open, and to their wide-eyed stares of shock and amazement she began to sing:

  Oh, you find yourself in the bed and breakfast of the fabulous Miss Bay.

  And every day you’re blessed to reside here is a most resplendent day.

  What I offer may seem quite simple, but I assure you it’s what you need.

  You get sleep and a hearty breakfast then I send you on your merry way.

  So what’s with the hurry to leave me; is it ‘cuz I thought that you were gay?

  Or was it creeping in while you were still fast asleep with a flower bouquet?

  Either way I’m so very sorry, for your forgiveness I do sincerely plead.

  Those may have been minor lapses in judgment that I do readily concede.

  I just wanted you to feel at home here, to truly enjoy your special holiday.

  I see now that it could be seen as a tiny bit disturbing, much to my dismay.

  And I believe that assessment to be both fair and accurate, yes indeed.

  So let’s put this whole mess behind us, your confidence I’ll never betray.