MUSICAroLina

by Daniel William Gunning

  So let me drive away your doubts and put your frightened minds at ease.

  Here in Musicarolina a man is truly free; he can do whatever he please.

  It’s a town of eternal joy and possibilities, free of death and disease.

  That’s right; here you live forever and are as happy as one can be.

  Now I know you may be skeptical, thinking this all must be absurdity.

  But I assure you my friends; it’s all the truth not an ounce of trickery.

  But there is one thing you must know before you can join as one of us.

  There is the smallest cost to citizenship that we really must discuss.

  But not to fret, don’t run away, for I tell you it’s far from dangerous.

  So come tonight to the town hall, find out and join our merry little band.

  I promise you the rewards of citizenship in my town are truly grand.

  So please join us here, join the choir and your wish shall be our demand.

  Upon completion of his big song and dance number, the mayor leaned on his cane and his hat fell over one eye in a rakish fashion. With the other eye, he winked at the group and flashed a wide grin. Whether it was expectation, imagination, or some kind of bizarre trick of the light, each one of them would swear they saw a sparkle flash from that grin.

  Recovering his mental faculties enough to speak, John stammered, “Well that was, uh, spectacular to say the least sir, but if it’s all the same to you, I think we’ll be trying to leave anyway; right, Kurt?”

  “Yeah, I’m all for that, incidentally, can we count that as our wish?”

  “Now, I have truly and earnestly tried my utmost to be a pleasant and gentile host to you young gentleman, nobody could deny that; and yet, somehow I find you to be less than courteous in your response to me. May I not take this opportunity to point out to you that I just offered you a chance of life eternal; now what kind of a fool passes up on opportunity like that? Better men then you have looked for, or dreamed of this fountain of youth for all the history of time. What right have the likes of you to refuse it?” the mayor asked, his voice lowering, dripping with menace.

  “Yeah, I’m going to go with these three fools right here,” John replied.

  “Well, that is indeed unfortunate to hear my friends, because I’m afraid I’m going to have to put my rather mighty mayoral foot down, and that is a tremendously powerful thing in this town. You see, I wasn’t exaggerating, not one single solitary bit, not for a sliver of a fraction of a moment, when I said that no one leaves my town. You are here now and you will stay here for the rest of your natural lives. Now, mind you, it is still completely up to you how long and how painful those lives are to be, but I’m sure if you give it a few days to really ponder upon the situation at hand, you’ll come to the right decision; I have no doubt about that. I mean, think about it, kids; what’s really worse in the end, an eternity of singing, dancing and merriment, or a slow and—I can assure you—extraordinarily painful death? Just remember, gentlemen; if I can command the people of this town to happily sing and dance, I can command them to sing and dance all over your untimely graves, if I have but half a mind to do so,” the mayor said, pulling on his cane handle to reveal a sword hidden inside, which he now twirled ominously.

  “I just wanted some breakfast,” Mac interjected.

  “Good Lord in heaven and the devil down below! Are you boys actually thinking about it?” The sheriff asked, from behind them, angrily.

  John turned to face him and sarcastically said, “Well, it is a tough decision. I mean on one hand you have a lifetime of show tunes and bad dance routines and on the other you have the sweet, sweet release of death.” The sheriff responded by angrily striding over and hitting him in the side of the head with the butt of his gun. John stumbled back, found his footing again and glared defiantly back at the sheriff, blood trickling down the side of his face.

  “Now, now there’s no need for such unseemly violence, my dear sheriff, at least not yet anyway. If such extreme measures are required, I will be more than happy to provide them personally for my most esteemed guests. I’m sure these young gentlemen are merely flummoxed by both the confluence and the magnitude of the day’s events. I’m sure a night of rest and relaxation in their warm cozy beds will shine an entirely new light on things come the morning. I think it only right and proper that we afford them the opportunity to do just that before we make any hasty and regrettable decisions about their potentially grisly fates. When you kind sirs do come to the proper decision, just come on back here any time before nightfall and not a minute after and we’ll discuss the cost of citizenship. Now, I wish you all a very good day and pleasant dreams.” With that he waved toward the door and returned to his throne behind his desk. The sheriff grunted and shoved the three violently out the door.

  ***

  Once outside, Sheriff Cane sneered and said, “Well boys, it seems one way or another I’ll be seeing you real soon.” He then tipped his hat and slung his shotgun back over his shoulder. He reached into his pocket and fished out the keys to the handcuffs; he grinned at them and dropped them in the street. He chuckled, swaggered back to the entrance of the town hall and disappeared inside, leaving them standing there in the street.

  “Okay, it was nice meeting you! I had a lovely time; we should do this again soon!” Mac, obviously still quite inebriated, shouted back toward the front door of the town hall and the sheriff’s rapidly disappearing shadow.

  “Oh, for the love of all things good and holy, sober up, will ya, Mac!” Kurt snapped angrily. John and Kurt, since they couldn’t even remotely begin to formulate a better plan, with some difficulty managed to pick up the handcuff keys and remove the cuffs. The three men then started down the street toward the Bed and Breakfast.

  “Hey, do you guys think it’s weird that he never cuffed me?” Mac asked as he happily tagged along.

  ACT

  II

  CHAPTER 9

  THE ONE WITH THE SAPPY CLICHÉD LOVE SONG

  John, Mac and Kurt walked together, side by side, in a daze down the middle of the street. Not once did they stop to consider that this may be a very dangerous thing to do; it was, indeed, the least of their worries today. As was becoming alarmingly all to frequent for them lately, no one spoke, nor did they even glance at one another. Their heads hung low, staring at their feet, as they methodically trudged down the boulevard. They continued on in this manner, merely ambling along in complete silence; each one of them wrestling to come to grips with all that had transpired since they first arrived in Musicarolina; even Mac, in his inebriated state was feeling the enormity of the situation, though he was unable to fully grasp it.

  As they walked along, lost deep in confusing thoughts and ghastly daydreams, Virginia stepped out from her hiding place, behind a nearby building, and tentatively crossed the street to meet them, waving at them nervously in greeting as she did. They ignored her welcoming gesture, but she continued on, completely undeterred by their indifference. She finally caught up to the group and started walking alongside them. “Hi guys! Look, I know there probably hasn’t been a greeting invented for the rather unique set of circumstances we seem to have found ourselves in today, and I know this most definitely isn’t the best of times. In fact, I’m pretty sure in literary terms this is the living definition of the worst of times, but can I talk to you for a second?” she asked John imploringly.

  John thought briefly about the absurdity of this situation, her demeanor and even her odd, yet simple request, and finally replied, “Oh, sure, why not? I mean, how could this not be fun? Just give me a second or two you guys, unless of course she murders me, or plans on doing some form of poorly-timed one-woman show. Either way, I’ll be in hell.” With this, John signaled for them to go on without him.

  “Are you kidding me?” Kurt asked.

  “No, believe me, I’m sure. I mean, seriously, it’s not like anything worse could happen to me, right?”

  “I cannot believe you
just said that,” Kurt said, shaking his head in utter disbelief. He stared intently at John for a moment, waiting to see if he’d come to his senses and change his mind on the matter, but John had already made his decision and would not be swayed. He had already turned to face Virginia, completely ignoring his friend’s warning glare. Kurt shook his head once again, and knowing it was of no use to stay and try to reason with him, he simply gave up and pulled Mac along with him a short distance away, almost out of earshot, to give them some privacy. “Well, I’m sure this can’t be anything but good news, puppy dogs and rainbows right?” Kurt mumbled to himself and then settled in to watch, preparing to act swiftly, if need be.

  ***

  John looked at Virginia and at an absolute loss for where to begin, he said, “So, um, what’s up?”

  “Look I know that you are probably more than a little confused right now, believe me, I understand; that’s to be expected, anyone would be more than a little lost in the proverbial woods right about now. Also, I’m sure, for my part in all this that I certainly didn’t help smooth over the situation one tiny, little iota, coming on as strong as I did back there in the diner. I can’t even begin to imagine what sort of jumbled, musical horror show is chorus line-kicking through your head right now. Nor can I even begin to fathom what wild, unsavory—admittedly, totally justified under current conditions—opinion you probably have about all of us. It’s just that—and I know this is no excuse—I just don’t have that much experience dealing with this kind of thing.

  I don’t possess the faintest idea of how to remotely begin to approach this; to be fair to me, you have to admit, who in heaven’s name would? I mean, it’s not every day that your true love just happens to wander into town; believe me, I’ve been waiting more than my fair piece and then, bang, here you are: a tall, dark and handsome bad boy with a heart of gold and a fondness for puppy dogs to boot. So, I got a little over anxious and I handled the whole thing poorly, my bad. I understand that the whole ordeal was absolutely horrifying for you on soooo many levels, and for that I am truly sorry. I assure you, it was unquestionably not my intention to send you speeding out of town like some sort of deranged madman. I’m sure that we can at least agree that most women don’t want their true love to see them as completely psychotic, at least not until after they’re married, because by then it’s like, ‘ah, who cares?’”

  “Well, first of all, thank you for that, um, admission and I’m gonna say, apology. If it makes you feel any better my dear, for my part, I can assure you, what I felt then talking to you was a reasonably tame form of creeped out, compared to the giant, industrial-sized case of creeped out I have the distinct pleasure of enjoying now.”

  “Yeah about that, so I take it you met the Mayor, huh? Didn’t go so well; did it?”

  “Oh, no! How could you possibly say a thing like that? I can’t even imagine how such a vulgar thought popped up in that pretty li’l head of yours. No, I met him and he was delightful.”

  “Yes, I’d say that he can be more than a little intense, but we all know that would be a wild and dangerous understatement, but it’s important and I’d hate to undersell it. So I’ll state, on the record, that it’d be kind of like saying ‘Hitler was just a little evil’; sometimes it takes quite a while to get used to him, centuries even.”

  “Intense, excuse me, Intense? I don’t believe that word even begins to accurately describe a fraction of the freak show I just witnessed. Intense is somewhere off on the other end of the Milky Way from your precious mayor back there. In fact, I’m pretty sure he threatened to have the town’s people stomp us to death, in angry Lord of the Dance style. Now, I’ve been threatened with all sorts of inventive physical violence on a pretty regular basis in my life, to be sure, and I’m here to tell you that’s a new one for me. Plus, the cherry on top of the sundae that already is my day; he was getting more than a little stabby there at the end.”

  “He does like to make a point.”

  John laughed at the horrible, ill-timed joke, despite himself. “That was absolutely awful; you should be incredibly ashamed of yourself,” he said.

  “Well, at least you’re laughing—that’s something. May I point out that it is a distinct improvement over fleeing in abject terror? You see? We’re making progress in our relationship. Doesn’t that make you happy?”

  “While that does have the slightest ring of truth to it, I wouldn’t go so far as to use that as my regular measuring stick for a successful relationship, because there really is nowhere to go but up from there.”

  “Sometimes you have to start at the bottom and work your way up, and I’m in this one for the long haul. I don’t mind putting in the long hours. I can handle the hard work. Step one: don’t terrify your man; achieved.”

  “I suppose that may be true, but I doubt it typically applies to this ‘rather unique set of circumstances’, as you so aptly described them earlier. Of course, I’m not sure there is any set of rules known to man or beast that would govern this rather unique set of circumstances, but we are rapidly leaving the point at hand in our dust. So, back on topic; what was so exceptionally important that you absolutely had to talk to me right now about anyway?”

  “I just wanted a moment to explain to you why I did what I did,” Virginia said. As she said this, John began to hear music beginning to swell in the background. At first it was low and almost imperceptible, but it steadily began to grow louder.

  “Oh, well. Here we go again; let me guess, you’re going to express those particular sentiments in a song?”

  “Oh, stop being such a spoilsport,” Virginia said, winking and then closing her eyes entirely as she prepared to launch into her song.

  “Really, I should inform you, if your end game is to avoid my further flights of terror, you really should stop with all the singing,” he said imploringly. She ignored him and began to dance. “Where does this music keep coming from, anyway!?” He tried to shout over the rising swell of the music, looking around while he did, searching for the source of the tune. She just gave him a coy smile over her shoulder as she began to sing:

  I came to this place of sorrow long ago; when I was a mere child.

  I was carried here unto this dark place, led here out of the wild.

  And I have dwelled here as lonely centuries have passed me by.

  Always searching for hope; for someone—eyes turned up toward the sky.

  Now I find that I have lived in this place for time long out of mind.

  But I have never truly felt a real connection to anyone living here.

  Here the world always seemed desolate, cold, lonely, and unkind.

  Until one day through the haze and mist, looking up, I saw you appear.

  That first time I saw your face, my frozen heart it skipped a beat.

  It shattered the walls I had built around it, made of solid concrete.

  I’ve been trapped here alone so long, my heart was held captive.

  But now it has been freed inside my chest, once again alive and active.

  Now that you’ve come, at last I see the world through different eyes.

  I see this world was always hollow and filled with nothing of true worth.

  And I see that what I believed for so very long was nothing but lies.

  And I knew that I’d searched for you since the moment of my birth.

  Oh, the critics say that life is short; that life is always tragic.

  That we spend our lives wandering, cursed with half our soul.

  We are but searching for the one with the half that makes us whole.

  And now that you’re finally here with me, I am begging you to stay.

  Stay with me, help me mold this newly beating heart made out of clay.

  If you leave the tears would rain down upon it; causing it to erode.

  So stay and see within that clay, what the seeds of love have sowed.

  My heart has come to life pumping blood through once dead veins.

  I know that for cen
turies I was held prisoner, my future it was bleak.

  But fate had now sent me my love to this crack between the planes.

  Now here I stand awakened, with tears of joy rolling down my cheek.

  So if you but stay with me here we can live for glorious untold days.

  Free from that dreaded outside world that merely fades and decays.

  We can dwell forever here, happy, eternally safe in each other’s arms.

  I could love you forever and be forever lost in your considerable charms.

  So why flee this love you’ve found and put your life in the hands of fate?

  Why run away from me now and risk sealing your inevitable, bloody doom?

  When you’ve found your love, you’ve managed to find your soul mate.

  Why not stay here with me and let this wondrous love between us bloom?

  Oh the poets say that this is a mystery formed of purest magic.

  And the preachers say that it’s all in the good Lord’s control.

  And I’ve considered what they all have said as the years continued to roll.

  So we stand at the brink, the very precipice between death and life.

  And all that I’m asking you to do is stay; and I will become your wife.

  Please don’t leave me here alone once again frozen out in the cold.

  Stay with me here we’ll be in love forever and we’ll never grow old.

  Don’t you see it was fate that led you along this long and winding path?

  It was that same hand of fate that delivered you here to where you stand.

  And know that fate led you here for love; please be not filled with wrath.

  So come and stand here beside me; please take my outstretched hand.

  Though I know that you’re frightened, you really know not what to do.

  I promise those very fears can be driven away by a love that is true.

  So here I stand, reaching out to you freely offering you all of my heart.

  Together in this place we can live for eternity and never will we part.