The Hand That Holds Me ((The Forever Mine Series) Book 1)

by H. J. Marshall

  “I forgot he was taking today off. I lost my cell somewhere. Can you give me his phone number? I want to ask him to bring a few things by later this afternoon.” I hated lying to Carol but was not going to discuss my Lucas problems with her.

  She rattled off the number and wished me well as I hung up the phone. I didn’t have the nerve to call him right now, so I tucked my phone into my beach bag, grabbed some water and snacks, and headed toward the beach.

  I would call him when I could figure out a way to start the conversation that would determine our entire future, or lack of one, together.

  I was surprised to hear from Caroline so late last night but when she called and gave me his number, I was grateful for her faith in me. I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk to Josh but if I wanted Maddie, I needed to make the call.

  Josh and I talked for over two hours and after he heard me out, he relented and gave me the address where they were staying in Florida. He also told me if I hurt Maddie again that I would have to deal with him. It made me angry to hear him defend my Maddie but I now understood better the depth of his friendship and love for her. His heart isn’t in love with her anymore so I can accept his feelings for his friend.

  I called Carol at six and told her I would be taking a few personal days off then I fired an email off to the legal department to get the remaining contracts signed and draw up proposals for the new sponsors Maddie had secured.

  I wanted the literacy program to keep running while Maddie and I worked out our problems. She had worked so hard to build a program that would be so beneficial to the community and I was determined to keep in moving in the right direction.

  After throwing some clothes into a bag and letting Jason know where I was headed, I got on the road headed to Mexico Beach. The entire drive down gave me the chance to go over all the mistakes I had made with Maddie and all the ways I would make it up to her.

  Ambushing her in her peaceful place may backfire on me but after I spoke with Josh, we both agreed this was the best way to get her to talk to me without running. I realized Maddie needed someone who could take control of the stressful situations and allow her to shine.

  I pulled up to the address and found the garage unlocked, just as Josh had told me it would be. His text a couple of hours ago told me he had headed back to Atlanta and Maddie was at the beach swimming. I had spoken with Caroline and I knew she had talked with Maddie this morning.

  I pulled my car into the garage and changed into my swim trunks and t-shirt before I headed to the beach to find Maddie. I was anxious to see her and the fear of her rejecting me had me nauseous. The two-block walk to the ocean was a pleasant one and I was surprised at how quiet and peaceful this community was. Panama City Beach wasn’t too far away and the difference between the two was night and day. The beaches here are almost deserted compared to the tourist destinations the surrounding communities have marketed themselves as and there were no tall high-rises to block the view of the ocean.

  I can understand why she ran here, I just hate she ran with another man. Josh is a good friend to her and Caroline and I made a vow to get to know him better. He is obviously very important to Maddie so I want to make a point to befriend him.

  As my feet hit the sand, I began to scan the beach for her, hoping to catch a glimpse of her before she saw me. I needed to see her to slow my swirling emotions. I had to have her back in my arms again.

  Her small, curvy figure appeared from the water, walking toward a towel and umbrella she had set up not too far from where I was standing. The small black bikini she was wearing left little to the imagination and I was angry at the thought of other men seeing her wearing so little. She was alone here and I was worried someone would try and hurt her. My protective instincts toward her were at an extreme level but I couldn’t allow my caveman tendencies to push her away.

  She was almost back to her towel when she glanced my way, stopping in her tracks. The look on her face was a mix of fear, hurt, and love. It was the latter I was banking on. She didn’t move an inch as I slowly walked up to her, willing myself to not touch her.

  Her mouth opened and closed a few times but she said nothing, just stared at me with unshed tears in her eyes. I did that. I caused her pain and this was my chance to make things right.

  Slowly, I reached out for her hand, hoping for just a touch of her soft skin. She allowed me to link my fingers with her and I exhaled an audible sign of relief. The feeling of her hand in mine was making my heart beat faster and the cold drain from my soul, warming me with her presence.

  “What are you doing here, Lucas? How did you find me?”

  “I talked to a friend last night who told me where you were. He advised me that I should get my ass down here and make things right with you. So, here I am. Can we talk Maddie? Please?”

  “What friend? No one knows I’m here except Josh and Caroline.” She asked with confusion all over her beautiful face. I wanted to grab her and kiss her but I would settle for holding her hand until she instigated more. I could tell she was scared of talking to me and I needed her to stay calm and listen.

  “Caroline called me last night and told me to call Josh. We talked for quite a while after you went to bed and he encouraged me to drive down so we could work everything out.”

  She pulled her hand from me, wrapping her arms around her like a shield, protecting herself from me. I immediately felt the loss of her touch and the cold began to creep back into me. I could not survive without her in my life.

  “So, you turned Josh against me too with your lies? Thank you, Lucas, for talking everyone away from me. You win.”

  I tried to reach out for her again but she took a step back, breaking my heart at the despair on her face.

  “I’ve never tried to take anyone from you, Maddie. On the contrary. I was trying to make your life better by bringing your father into your life. It was never my intention to hurt you but I know that’s what I did. I should have been honest with you during our lunch meeting but I was so enthralled by you, I was afraid to tell you that I knew Jason. I was afraid you would walk away and I would be left without your beauty in my life. Please, can I tell you everything? Will you listen while I try and explain the entire situation to you?”

  She shifted from one foot to the other, her hand shading her eyes from the bright sun, deciding if I was worth listening to. Some decision was made inside her head as she nodded and went to sit under her umbrella.

  She opened a small cooler and offered me a bottle of water as I sat down in the cool shade next to her. The desire to pull her into my arms was overwhelming but I willed myself to start talking.

  “When I was fifteen, as you know, my father died and I began to rebel more than I already was. My mother was at the end of her rope trying to recover from losing dad and raising my younger brother and sister so she reached out to my dad’s best friend, Jason Merrick, to see if he could help. I always got along with Jason when he we visited with him so I was okay with getting out of California and starting over in Georgia. I figured he would let me live the free bachelor lifestyle I assumed he led and there would be little to no parental figure around. I was so stupid and pig-headed back then.” I looked at her and she nodded her headed to acknowledge she heard me but never turned her head to look at me. She kept her hands in her lap and her face looking out at the crashing waves in front of us.

  I continued “When I got to Georgia, I learned the hard way that Jason was no pushover. I tried to break curfew, I stole his liquor, smoked weed. All the stupid things a teenage boy does to gain attention and feel like a man.” Shrugging my shoulders and pushing ahead. “He quickly laid down the law and I slowly began to listen to the man who I would grow to respect as one of the best people I have ever met.”

  She scoffed at the statement but still said nothing, her eyes still scanning the horizon.

  “He put me into a good school and I worked with tutors to get my grades in-line with where they should have been, ensuring a good college placeme
nt and a successful future. He even got me into boxing to work out my aggressions. During this time, we talked a lot. About everything but his past personal life. Jason was and is very private about his personal life and who he allows inside of it. For good reason, too. One night, close to the end of my senior year, I got home from a dance at school to find Jason drunk in the den. This was alarming because I had never seen Jason have more than one drink. He called me into the study and showed me a picture of a beautiful young woman holding a little girl with blue eyes. He began to tell me the story of his one true live, Sara, and the daughter he had to deny to protect.”

  Her head whipped around to me and the tears were flowing from her eyes, sparkling like diamonds as they fell from her face. I longed to wipe her tears away but I knew that more would replace them as I kept telling the story, so I refrained from touching her and pushed through.

  “I made a vow to myself that night, after hearing a story of heartbreak and lost love, that I would find his daughter and reunite the two of them. I looked for myself for about a year but I didn’t have any luck locating you. With your legal adoption, the records became sealed and you were effectively hidden from him. I gave up looking for a few years when I started with MSJ Media and decided that I would try again once my new job settled down. Fast forward to three years ago when I hired a private investigator to start looking for you. He dug through a lot of records but was finally able to make some connections through social media that looked promising. A few months ago, he called to let me know he had found you. After all those years, I was going to be able to repay Jason for everything he had done for me. I was going to be able to give him his daughter.” I smiled a weak smile at her, hoping she would finally speak.

  “I took one look at the picture they had sent me along with their findings and I was smitten. Jason and I sat down on your birthday and I showed him everything I had learned about you. He was eager to meet you and tell you all the secrets that he had been forced to keep all those years. I urged him to wait for a while. The reports I had showed you were less than enthusiastic about meeting him and I was afraid you would reject him before you gave him a chance.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you knew him before now?” she asked in a small voice.

  “The night I met you in the bar was pure fate, Maddie. You have to believe that. I had just left a meeting with Jason and saw you walk in. I wanted to be able to talk to you without the preamble of meeting your father and rehashing secrets. I, selfishly, wanted to spend time with you. To get to know you on a personal level. I figured I had worked you up to larger than life in my own head so that was my chance to get over you. The sparks that jumped between us when I kissed your hand let me know there was more to us than a simple infatuation on my part. There was a real connection between us. Please tell me you felt it too.”

  “I felt it. I still feel it. But I don’t understand how you could have led me on this while time, never telling me you were so personally connected to Jason.”

  “When I saw your picture for the first time, my heart leapt out of my chest and flew to you. It was yours before I ever met you. Jason and I had worked on some job offers for you. I… he… wanted you to have your choice of careers, and looking at your past achievements, we designed the skeletal framework for the literacy program and hoped you would accept the offer. I wanted you to be a part of the company so you could be close to me and he wanted you to be able to live your passion without fear of the future.”

  “So, the job offer was a set-up? You manipulated me to get what you wanted. Both of you? How can I trust you going forward when it seems like our past is built on a foundation of lies?”

  “The job offers were legitimate and still yours if you want it. The literacy program is a great idea, Maddie. And it belongs to you. Every decision, every connection, every brilliant idea is yours. I think you have the perfect idea to marry business and private sectors to enrich the community. The program is so far beyond what anyone could have expected and you have even officially launched it yet. You should be proud of what you have achieved already. This program is revolutionary and you will be able to help so many people. If you still want to, that is.”

  “I want to, but I’m still confused.”

  “I can understand that. It’s a lot to take in but I promise, I never lied about my feelings for you. I love you Maddie and I just want what’s best for you. I just want you happy. Even if that means letting you go.” I choked out the last part, feeling the false words fall from my mouth. I would never walk away from Maddie.

  “I don’t want you to let me go but I don’t know where we go from here. How do I know what you are telling me is the truth and not another lie to get me to do what you want?”

  “I brought somethings from Jason for you. He is eager to meet you and tell his side of the story. I really hope you will give him the chance to talk to you. He loves you so much. You both deserve to have each other in your lives. I will never get in the way of your family again. I promise. I will tell you everything you want to know, just please, don’t shut me out. Don’t shut Jason out.” I practically begged her. I wasn’t used to being soft with women, but I finally understood what being a man was all about.

  A man is willing to show his strengths and his weaknesses to those he loves. It is okay for a man to be vulnerable around people, to allow them to see his feelings, and not be afraid they will see him as lesser. A man shows his heart and expresses his love.

  She reached over and linked her hand with mine, causing my heart to skip a beat. Her reaching for me meant she was at least willing to think about forgiving me. We sat in silence for a while, watching the waves crest on the shore only to be pulled back out to sea. It was the same ebb and flow I felt from her. She wanted to keep her walls up but they were already crumbling to dust around her.

  She laid her head on my shoulder and snuggled into my body causing a shock of energy to overtake my body. I was getting hard, being this close to her and not being able to touch her the way I wanted to was driving me crazy. I needed to give her more time to come to grips with the truths I have given her before she will be willing to share her body with me again. I will wait as long as it takes because she is worth it.

  “Do you want to head to the house? Its getting hot out here and I could use a cold drink,” she asked as she stood and began to wipe the sand off of her curvy body. The time she had been in the sun today had kissed her body and face enough to make her blue eyes almost glow in the bright sunlight.

  “I would love to. Do we need to grab your stuff?” I wanted to get back to the house so we could be alone and was willing to carry everything if it meant we could be there now.

  “We can leave the umbrella and towels here. No one will bother them. This section of beach is pretty much all locals so people are pretty good about not bothering stuff. We just need to grab the cooler.” She said as she grabbed my hand and we began to walk back to Josh’s house. I wished we weren’t going back to her ex-lover’s home, but after talking to him, I know his feelings for Maddie are not the same anymore and he is someone who can be trusted with her.

  As we got back to the house, the desire to grab her and smother her in kisses was getting to be too much to handle. I needed to touch her, to make sure she was real. The last day without her has been agony and I need to reconnect with her on a primal level. We walked into the back yard and she turned on the outdoor shower, rinsing the salt and sand from her tanned body.

  My cock began to twitch in my pants, begging for me to shove him inside Maddie and make her take the pleasure I wanted to give to her.

  Slow down, Lucas. You just got her to agree to listen and finally hear you. There is plenty of time to make love to her later.

  As if she could read my mind, she turned her head over her shoulder and gave me a look that let me know she wanted me just liked I wanted her. With trembling hands, she reached around and untied her bikini top, allowing it to hit the ground with a wet splat, her beautiful breasts glis
tening and her nipples pebbled by the cool water.

  I took two big steps toward her, picked her up and slammed her against the wall, her wet body sliding against mine as I ravaged her mouth with my kiss. Her legs wrapped around me and I felt her hot center pressed up against my lengthening cock.

  I pulled back from the kiss and looked her in the eyes. I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. There needed to be no mistake that if we continued, she was saying she was mine.

  “If we go any further, I won’t be able to stop. Please tell me you want this. That you want us. If you say yes, you are agreeing to be mine.” I groaned into her neck as I nipped and kissed below her ears causing her to mewl into the open air.

  “I need you Lucas. Please. Make love to me. Make me yours. Only yours.” She panted as I worked her neck and shoulder with my mouth, my fingers plucking and twisting her hard nipples.

  “Let’s go inside so I can worship you like you deserve.”

  She climbed down and gently took my hand, walking us into the roomy beach house and back into what appeared to be a guest bedroom.

  “Whose room is this?” I asked, not wanting to make love to her on his bed. Good guy or not, I can’t handle knowing someone else made love to Maddie on the bed I was sleeping on.

  “It’s the guest room. They added this room, the bathroom and a private entrance last winter. We are the first ones to sleep here. I promise.” Clearly, she knew my inner dialogue.

  “I love you Maddie.”

  “I love you too Lucas. Make love to me”

  He pushed me down onto the bed and untied the sides to my tiny bikini exposing me fully to him, as he grabbed me by my feet and pulled me to the bottom of the bed, pushing my knees up and open toward the bed. My glistening pussy was begging for him to taste it and he dove in like a mad man, licking and sucking my hard nub and wet lips. He groaned into my slick pussy as he pushed two thick fingers into my drenched slit.