The Hand That Holds Me ((The Forever Mine Series) Book 1)

by H. J. Marshall

  “I’m sorry. Its hard for me to talk about her.” He paused looking at me before continuing. “I loved your mom with my entire being. We dated throughout college. She started a sophomore, just like you did. She was an overachiever and was destined for amazing things. I was the guy from New York who started college at twenty and struggled through most of my classes. After graduation I was supposed to go back home to help with my father’s company. I was always destined to take over the family business, but it wasn’t something I wanted to do. Back then it was Merrick Media and we ran fiber optic lines up and down the eastern United States. My father was making shady deals to get into certain states and some of the larger cities in other states. The competition of fierce and he was trying to make his money as fast as he could before the market was saturated. I never understood where the capital came from for such a sudden and gigantic move. We were local and suddenly we were running lines nationally.”

  I felt my heartrate pick up. I remember Aunt Lisa telling me about mom’s trip to New York and I was fearing where this conversation was headed.

  “I convinced my father to let me open an office in Atlanta to expedite shipping of goods and allowing us a strong position in the Southern States. Things were going great for about a year when I started getting letters and phone calls, all saying that my father had pissed off the wrong people. I flew home to find out what was going on when I walked in on my uncle getting beaten in my father’s office by a couple of goons.”

  I gasped and covered my mouth, trying to absorb what he was saying. “Are you saying Mafia?” I whispered almost like they were standing behind me listening to what we were talking about.

  “That’s what I thought at first but it turns out he borrowed money from a loan shark who was looking for the money they were owed. My stupid father thought they wouldn’t come after a man of stature in the community. He was right, they came after his family and associates. When I walked in on the assault of my uncle, I knew Sara was in danger. I wasn’t worried about me but I refused to let anything happen to her. We weren’t known in Atlanta. The money my family had, didn’t factor into our lives. Your mother worked for a publishing house before she got pregnant with you. Did you know that?”

  “I didn’t know that. She always loved her job at the library.” I smiled at the memory of her walking through the rows of books, putting each on in its proper place, holding my hand as I watched her in wonder.

  How could anyone know where all those books belonged?

  “I always thought she would have made an amazing author. She could weave a story of wonder and magic that transported you into her mind. When we were first starting out, we would sit out in the back yard and look up at the stars, her painting a picture with her words of far away worlds and a life of adventure.”

  “When I got back to home from my fathers’, she surprised me with the most wonderful news. She was pregnant with you. My heart overflowed with joy and broke into a million pieces at the same time, because I was going to have to leave her to protect her. To protect you both. Just by being with me, you were in danger. I feared my father would try and weasel out of his agreed upon payments and they would come for the two of you as a warning. Instead, I flew home once a month to make the payment to them and came back to Sara. The day you were born was the happiest day of my life. The love of my life had given me a perfect little girl.” He smiled at me and I reached out and placed my hand on his knee, a look of shock on his face.

  He loved her as much as I did and his pain was evident. He placed his hand on mine and continued. “I stayed every minute with her at the hospital until they let you come home. I was terrified of the drive, going under the speed limit and taking side streets until I delivered you home safely. We put you in your bassinet and I held her as we stared down at the miracle we had created. I started thinking that I could dig my fathers’ company out of the trouble he had created and still have the two of you in my life.”

  He shook his head as he leaned back blowing a breath out and looking into the park. The sound of laughter coming from the school children as they made their way past us and into one of the attractions around the edge of the park slightly lessened the seriousness of the mood.

  “I got a call from my father a few hours after we had gone to bed. He had borrowed more money from the loan sharks without telling me, thinking he could pay them back behind my back and I wouldn’t know about it. Stupid man. They came calling for the money and my mom was the target this time. She had been run off the road while visiting her sister. At first, they thought it was an accident but the police found bullet holes in her car. Someone had shot at her and caused her to wreck, breaking both of her legs and causing an open skull fracture. She was in ICU and they warned my dad that I was next. I didn’t want them to connect me to your mother in any way so I did the cowardly thing and left. I packed a few personal items, took some of the pictures we had taken of us through the years, spent some time holding you and I walked away.” He said as a fresh round of tears fell from both of our eyes.

  His pain was still raw and I began to think that mom was right. My memories of him were of a bad moment, not of him in general. Anyone who would leave his family to protect their lives was a good man. I didn’t want to interrupt him with questions but one kept popping up into my head.

  Lucas hadn’t said anything throughout this exchange. His silent strength a testament to his devotion to both of us and his desire for us to reunite. I squeezed his hand as I asked the million-dollar question.

  “Why did you send us away when we came to your house? I remember you yelling at us to leave and how heart broken momma was when you told us to go and not come back.”

  He winced at the words I directed at him, shame and regret evident.

  “I was still dealing with paying off the loan and digging the company out of the hole he tried to put us in. I was still being monitored by them and there were still periodic threats against us all. My mother was just starting to walk again after years of painful therapy, and my uncle had left the east coast for California. The night Sara came to the house with you, I had members of my father’s Board of Directors at the house planning a hostile takeover. We had the money to get the loan sharks off of our back and an agreement from them that the debt was cleared. We had repaid millions of dollars and the light at the end of the tunnel was getting brighter.”

  “Then why send us away and never make contact again?”

  “I tried to reach out to your mom. As you know, we exchanged letter for years. They couldn’t be often and they had to be secret. I would mail one when I was visiting an out of town city and she would respond by mailing a letter to my lawyer. He was the one person who knew about you and your mom. I couldn’t tell my family out of fear of them finding out about you. When she told me she was sick, I felt like my world had exploded. I had been working for years to make my life safe for you to be a part of it and she wasn’t going to live long enough for us to get our happily ever after.” As his shoulders shook and he covered his face again.

  His words caused me to turn and hold onto Lucas like my life depended on it. My heart broke for my parents who never got to be together and for a family that never happen. I gathered my emotions, wiped my eyes, and turned back toward my father.

  “She loved you. So much. Everyday she told me about how much you meant to her and I was so angry with you for breaking her heart.”

  “It was never my intention to hurt her. She found about the threats when you were still an infant and decided to protect you from the dangers. She used my absence to have me removed from your birth certificate. I’m not quite sure how exactly, but my guess is a friendly judge back in Columbus. I don’t blame her for that or any decision she made to protect you. When she was getting toward the end of her life and she knew there wasn’t any more options, she made the choice to hide you from me. She wanted to ensure your safety and I think she did it to make sure you had a mom and dad to raise you.”

  “I starte
d looking for you soon after she passed away. I received word from my lawyer she was gone and I had a breakdown. I destroyed my house, drank too much, and refused to deal with anything for a month or so. Sara had a letter delivered to me via courier that arrived out of the blue. I was sitting in my back yard, pissed off at the world, at God, and at myself. I was self-destructing and didn’t care anymore. Sara was gone, you were gone, and I was alone. I sat with a bottle of scotch in one hand and her letter in the other. The thought of ending it all came to mind.”

  Those words caused Lucas to suck in a breath. I guess he was learning new things today as well.

  “I’m glad you didn’t.” I said as I offered a small smile to him.

  “Me too.” Lucas seconded.

  “The thoughts were pretty dark that night, all the moments we missed, all the moments we were denied. I’d hoped she could give me some peace, or finally pull me over the ledge. Either way, that night would be the end of my self-destruction. As I read her letter, I realized she wasn’t gone. Not really. Her soul lives on in you and her memories live with all of us. I was finishing up the letter when a little blue butterfly landed on the bottle I was about to take a drink out of. I starred at the small creature, wings more delicate than glass, and it stared back at me, wings slowly flapping without taking flight. I realized she was right there with me. She had never left me, not really. I vowed that day to clean up my father’s mess, get my life straight so I could be the father you deserved, and do whatever it took to be a part of your life.” He said as he reached out to take my hand into his. I was being held by Lucas and my father, and for the first time I felt truly complete.

  The tears flowed down my face as I told him the one thing that let me know my mom was still around. “Do you know she called me butterfly? There was this butterfly house I went to when I was about six years old. You got to walk into this giant glass room filled with plants and thousands of butterflies that fly around and land all over the place. One landed on my shoulder and stayed the entire time we were there. We laughed and had the best time I can remember. We got a small souvenir from their gift shop when we left and I keep it in my jewelry box at home. It makes me feel like a part of her is still with me.”

  “I didn’t know that, but knowing Sara, she will make sure we are aware of her presence. She is always with us, loving us. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss her. I’m sorry for everything that happened, Maddie. For all the missed years and all the tears, can you forgive me?”

  “I’d like to try. It may take some time but I would like for you to be in my life. You mean so much to Lucas, and I would like to get to know you so we can move forward. How does that sound?”

  “I think that sounds amazing. I would love to for us to get to know each other but there is one more thing I need to tell you.” He looked at Lucas who I turned to for guidance.

  Lucas nodded his head for Jason to proceed. “You know MSJ Media?” I nodded my head slowly, a look of confusion my face. “Well, it stands for Maddie Sara and Jason Media. I bought out my fathers’ company and rebuilt it into the company you see before you today. One built with family in mind.”

  “You named the company after us? I don’t know what to say. I’m honored.”

  “He isn’t finished, baby.” Lucas said to me as he gripped my hand more firmly.

  What could be worse than what Jason has already told me?

  “Is there still danger? Do I need to be worried?”

  “There is no danger, I promise, those days are long behind us. Its just that when I started the company, I decided to make myself half owner.”

  “Okay. So, who owns the other half?”

  “You do, sweetheart. You are fifty percent stockholder in the company. As of your twenty-first birthday, you became a multi-millionaire.”

  “WHAT!?” I yelled before I remembered where I was and lowered my voice. “What?! How can a be a millionaire?”

  “I wanted you to be taken care of, even if you didn’t want anything to do with me so I set it up that that half of everything I earn goes into an account for you. The lawyers bought company shares and divested your earnings into savings, bonds, property. You are now a very wealthy woman.”

  “But, I never wanted your money.”

  “I know but it is yours now to do with what you want. I also ensured your literacy program is fully funded for the next ten years if you still want to spearhead the program. I think you will do amazing things with the program and the money will make things easier. Please consider taking it.”

  “Maddie, baby. I know this is a lot to take in but I promise it will be okay. You don’t have to make any decisions right now. Take some time to think about everything and you will come to the right decision.” Lucas assured me with a kiss to my temple, his arm drawing me into his body.

  “I trust you. Both of you.” I said as I took both of their hands into mine and smiled at the two men who had healed my heart. The love of my life and my dad.

  Maddie and I arrived back at her apartment with a promise to meet Jason for dinner tonight. I could tell she was having a hard time absorbing everything she had heard today and I wanted to sit down with her and Caroline, who was waiting for us to return. When we walked in Caroline jumped up from the living room and engulfed Maddie in a hug, both women crying into each other’s shoulders.

  Not sure how to proceed with them both so upset, I guided them into the living room and sat them down on the couch. I went and got them a bottle of water and sat on the ottoman in front of them. They had stopped crying and were sitting holding hands when Caroline spoke. “Are you okay? How did the meeting go?”

  “It went really good I just got overwhelmed when I got home. I’m sorry for losing it for a minute.” She responded to her best friend. I was in awe at the connection these two ladies had with each other.

  They were fiercely loyal to each other and had a bond I was jealous of. I had a few good friends but had spent most of the last few years working long hours, only allowing connections with a short shelf-life. Watching these life-long friends discuss the last few hours with each other seemed to release the stress in Maddie’s entire body causing her to nestle into Caroline while she retold the story of her parents.

  Caroline asked questions as needed but allowed Maddie to tell the story, reflecting on thoughts and feelings along the way. When she told the entire story of Sara and Jason, Caroline hugged her and stroked her hair while Maddie cried again.

  “I understand how upsetting this is for you but you have to look at the good side of it. Your father loved your mom and everything he did was to protect you while you were growing up. Your mom wanted you safe and I got the best thing in the world out of it. A sister and a best friend. Now you have the chance to get to know him as an adult, to develop a relationship and be a part of each other’s’ lives. Don’t pass up the opportunity to find happiness Maddie…with all the new family in your life…” she said, as she looked at me and winked.

  I prayed this meant that Caroline had forgiven me for the deception I used to guide Maddie to this point. My intention was never to manipulate her, only to love her and give her the chance to see the truth of the past. “There is one more thing that she found out today. I know she is a little hesitant to speak about it but I think should tell you.” I said while looking at Maddie, trying to give her reassurance that the money in her life was a good thing.

  “What else is there? Jason told her everything, right?” Caroline asked, a confused look on her face.

  “He did. I don’t think he left anything out but there was something that happen after mom died that kind of affects me.” She said as she fidgeted with her hands in her lap. “When bought out his father’s company and started MSJ Media, he not only named the company after the three of us, Maddie, Sara and Jason Media, but he had his lawyers invest half of his earnings for me. He told me on my twenty-first birthday that I gained control of my, I don’t know what to call it, inheritance, portfolio. Apparently, I�
�m wealthy. Very wealthy. I have to meet with some lawyers to sign some papers and see exactly what all that means but Lucas and Jason explained I am a millionaire” I looked up at Caroline, whose mouth was now open and rendered speechless.

  “Maddie is free to do what she wants with her investments and Jason has funded her program for ten additional years. The money doesn’t change anything, not really. Yes, life will be easier in some aspects but more difficult in others. That’s why she needs to see the lawyers and decide how she wants to proceed with investments, charitable contributions, and taxes. Having this money is a good thing.”

  “Wow! What are you going to do? Have you talked to mom and dad since you found out?”

  “I texted them and let them know the meeting went well and I would call them this afternoon when they got home from work to discuss everything else. I needed time to come to terms with everything before I told them about the money.”

  “Being wealthy or being poor isn’t going to affect the way the people who love you see you. I agree with Lucas, having this money can be a good thing. Think of all the people you can help.”

  Maddie had always said Caroline saw the best in every situation but was able to handle the bad when it came at her. Sitting her now, I can see what she meant. Caroline had the ability to read Maddie better than anyone and now she was giving her the reassurance that the dramatic changes her life was taking were going to be okay. She wouldn’t have to handle life alone, she had a family to support her and love her.

  “I’ve got to head to work. Are you going to be okay?” Caroline addressed Maddie as she was getting her things together to leave.

  “Yeah. I think I may take a nap. I’m exhausted from the last few days and I need to shut my brain off for a while. Are you working late tonight?”

  “I’m covering for a new bartender until he can get in from his second job. I don’t mind happy hour and he has to do all the hard work with closing.” She laughed. “I’m going to meet Josh after I get off and we are going to grab a bite to eat.”