Fragile Blessings

by Susan M. Baganz

  Lily nodded, and it hit her as she glanced over at the baby lying snuggled up to her husband’s chest with little fists clutching his shirt. Could she trust God enough to leave her precious son in His hands while she cared for the three little lives He entrusted them with? Was He asking her to give up her son, just as He did, to save the lives of others? Grant slurped as he cleaned the bottom of his bowl with another slice of bread. “Grant?”

  He glanced up at her. “What?”

  “The children never had a story read to them. I was telling Collen about the Bible today and told her you would read to them tonight.”

  Grant’s eyes lit up and crinkles appeared as he grinned. “I would be honored.”

  “If you will hand the baby over, I will lay him down and clean up the dishes while you sit with the children.”

  * * *

  Later, Grant knelt and prayed with the children as he tucked them into pallets.

  “I’m scared,” Simon said as he stuck his thumb in his mouth and wrapped his free hand around the other to make sure it wouldn’t slip out.

  “I’m not,” Colleen said confidently as she snuggled her pillow.

  “Why not?” Simon asked, his question muffled by his thumb

  “Because God gave us a new ma and pa. It’s a…blessing.” Colleen closed her eyes and Simon glanced up at Grant.

  “God is caring for you, Simon, even if you can’t see or feel Him. His love wraps around you tighter than this quilt. And we are here for you if you need us.” Grant bent over and planted a kiss on the little boy’s hair and on Colleen’s as well. “Sleep well, children. I’m glad God brought you to us.” With that, he rose and went to the master bedroom where his wife was with the infant.

  He entered the room. Lily held the babe in her arms and gently caressed his face. “You are good with the children, Grant. I’m seeing a different side to you.”

  “Did you doubt I would be a good father?” he asked as he sat down beside her on the mattress.

  She glanced up at him then. “I guess I really didn’t think about it. I imagined everything would be wonderful. Tragedy couldn’t touch us. It was magical, the way He brought us together, and I guess I thought that ‘magic’ would continue as we lived a charmed life.”

  “We do.”

  “He took our son.”

  “Perhaps that was a gift?” Grant put a hand up. “Hear me out, please, Lily. I would really like to sleep in our bed tonight. I was thinking and praying all last night. What if God was saving our son from something worse than death? What if, as perfect as he seemed, he would have had other problems we couldn’t deal with? What if it was more merciful to let us see His glory in our perfect little son, and his mercy in allowing our boy to avoid all the pain and suffering in this world?

  “I’m not saying I like it, or that I’m glad God took Grant Junior. But if I believe He is really God, then I need to somehow grasp that His plans are bigger, grander than mine. Maybe it was even because you and I need to learn to grow in a new way that keeping our son wouldn’t have allowed. He knew that we would never have considered opening our home to these children in their greatest time of need if we were still waiting for our own child to be born. Think about it, Lily. If Grant had waited to arrive in the new year as planned, you would not have been able to sustain the life of this little boy right now. What if God has a plan for this child, and He has now entrusted His soul into our care to raise and nurture?”

  Silence hung heavy between them.

  “I’m sorry I was so angry last night. I feel like I lost a part of myself. I’m angry with my body and struggle with God for taking our son. I said many things I regret. Will you forgive me?”

  “Of course I forgive you, Lily. Will you forgive me for failing to understand the depth of your pain and grief? Sometimes I’m not a very smart guy, but I’m willing to learn if you will teach me.”

  Lily reached her free hand out and clasped his. “I forgive you.”

  Grant leaned forward and kissed his wife, grateful for the restored relationship between them. He reached out to touch the baby’s cheek. “What should we name him?”

  “Can we name him?”

  “We are going to keep him, aren’t we? That would give us the right.”

  Lily stared into his eyes for a time and nodded. “I think you are right. Our only reasonable response is to keep these children and raise them as our own. God may give us more in time. I always dreamed of a large family.”

  “I’ll wire my brother tomorrow to start adoption paperwork to make it official, but this little man needs a name.”

  Together they gazed at the sleeping child.

  “Tobin,” Lily whispered. The infant opened his eyes and gazed at her, closed them again, and snuggled closer.

  “Tobin it is,” Grant said. “All the kid’s names end in ‘n’, was that your intent?”

  “No. He just seemed like a Tobin to me.”

  “Do you known any Tobins?”

  Lily shook her head.

  “I guess it doesn’t matter, does it? He approves of his name.” The child cooed.

  “He did, didn’t he?” Lily leaned against her husband as he put his arm around her and held her close, planting a kiss on the top of her head.

  As they settled into bed that night, his arm holding Lily close, Grant allowed himself a half a grin at the sound of the call of a great horned owl to his mate and her response. Yes. A call. God had called him to this place and time.

  He remembered meeting Lily at the Vernon County Fair. It was as if the sunshine existed only to illuminate her. She was similar to many of the young farm lasses, but with Lily, there was something different. A purity. A joy. As if she kept a secret only he could unearth.

  The young men had been enchanted with Lily, and he was the new man in town trying to prove himself. He won the roping competition and a wreath had been placed around his horse’s neck. He pulled a rose out and strode over to where she sat. He exhibited more confidence than he really had when he kissed the flower and presented it to her with a wink before riding away. He shook his head at his own audacity. He had known from the moment he had spied her that this was the woman he was destined to marry and spend the rest of his life with.

  Thank you God, for Lily and these children. Let Grant Junior know we love and miss him. Take good care of my son for me, will you? I appreciate it.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  A week passed. The kids had new clothing, and Lily began to find a new rhythm to her days in caring for three children. Grant spent time praying with them in the morning, and sometimes, Simon joined him in the barn to learn the chores. Colleen learned how to collect eggs and help with the baby. Tobin settled into a regular pattern of eating and sleeping, and began to fill out. Lily wondered if she would ever sleep through the night again.

  Sunday was upon them. It would be their first time taking all three children to church.

  “I get to wear that?” Collen asked as Lily held out a dress she had worked on all week for the little girl, made of fabric she had saved for a dress for herself. It was light green with some darker green and white trim. Lily washed and brushed Colleen’s beautiful auburn hair until it glistened in the morning light.

  “Yes, Colleen, I made it for you. We all own what we call our Sunday clothes. Special clothes we wear to church to show honor and respect to God. We want to give Him our very best in everything we do, and so we try to do that in the way we dress when we go to worship Him.”

  Colleen waited until Lily tied a bow in the back of the dress before she twirled in a circle. Her new boots peeked out beneath the hem. “Oh, thank you, Mama! Thank you!” Collen hugged Lily around the waist before spinning again. Lily grinned. She remembered her own childhood joy at a new dress and the fun of spinning so the skirt would flare. She’d intentionally made it longer than normal as she suspected this child was going to sprout up soon. Seams could be let out and the longer skirt provided extra warmth. Colleen’s joy chipped away at the grief
she still carried.

  Simon had been dressed with care by Grant in a smart new shirt, pants, and new boots. His curly brown hair was combed back off his face into orderly waves, which probably wouldn’t stay that way for long. His blue eyes twinkled.

  “You look wonderful, Simon,” Colleen exclaimed.

  Lily wrapped Tobin warmly to place in a box to sit in the back with the two children who would also be wrapped in warm quilts. Soon, they were on their way.

  The family garnered nods of approval as they strode into the small white church and took up a row. Collen and Simon sat between Lily and Grant, and Tobin slept on Lily’s shoulder.

  After the service, the adults crowded around to meet the newly expanded family and offer support to the young couple. Other children came to meet Colleen and Simon, and soon, the younger children were playfully chatting amongst the wooden pews of the church with the smallest ones running between the benches.

  Mrs. Hughes was the first by Lily’s side. “The baby is healthier under your loving care.”

  Warmth filled Lily at the compliment. “He’s been a good baby. I miss sleeping, though.”

  The midwife laughed. “Someday, you’ll get to sleep again. How are the other children adapting?”

  “This morning, Colleen called me Mama for the first time. From what I understand, they had a difficult life.”

  Another young matron, Jennifer, shook her head. She had been a neighbor to the O’Neill’s. “True. Did you name the infant?”

  “Tobin.”

  “Tobin. It fits him. You are doing a wonderful thing by taking them in.”

  Lily frowned. “God knew I needed them.”

  Mrs. Hughes smiled. “I will continue to pray for you all. Tobin can never replace the child you lost, but love him well, and he will be a comfort to you.”

  “I will do my best, Mrs. Hughes.”

  With farewells spoken, the young family was bundled up and in the carriage for the trip home. Lily anticipated an afternoon of reading, talking, and playing games with the children. Other than necessary chores, they attempted to keep the Sabbath holy as Scripture dictated.

  * * *

  Grant climbed into bed, drew his wife close to him, and kissed her. “We need to think about Christmas. It’s coming up soon, and now I need to provide for three children.”

  “Do you have any ideas?” Lily asked in a whisper.

  “I want to build a truck with moving wheels for Simon. It’s been hard to start since he’s become my shadow, except for when he takes his afternoon nap. When the weather is fair, I need to be out in the fields finishing up the corn harvest.”

  “It sounds perfect for him, and there is time. I want to make a rag doll for Colleen, but find it difficult as well. She is underfoot, and when I’m not teaching her about homemaking, I’m working on teaching her letters and numbers.”

  “What about Tobin?”

  “I’ll use some scrap material to make some soft rattles for him to play with and chew on.”

  “And what does my lovely bride want for Christmas?”

  She paused, sighing heavily. “I wish our son was with us, but he is in heaven with Jesus. These children are only beginning to learn about our Savior.”

  “They seem to fit in here, but it’s only been a week since they’ve lost their parents.”

  “I agree, and they moved too quickly past their loss. It worries me. What if the adoption falls through? I doubt I could survive losing all three children.”

  “They are orphans. We don’t need to adopt them officially. I want to do it so they know they are wanted.”

  “Is it wrong to take their last name from them?” She moved Tobin to the new crib.

  “They can keep it as part of their middle names and heritage. I won’t ask them to forget or deny their lives before they came here.”

  “You are right, as always.”

  “I’m always right?” Grant chuckled softly.

  “Well, of course,” Lily teased as she kissed his neck, tickling him.

  “It’s good to know that you realize it, dear.” He tickled her with his beard before giving her another kiss and snuggling her close as they fell asleep.

  CHAPTER SIX

  November

  A sharp rap at the door startled Lily. Jack was at the door, barking. She rushed over and peeked out the window to see who it was. Pastor Brown. She opened the door to let him in.

  “Preacher, what can I do for you today?”

  Colleen rose from the table where she worked on writing her letters. Simon stood up from where he played by the fireplace with blocks of wood Grant had given him. Both moved closer to Lily, soon clinging to her skirts.

  “It is safe, children. Preacher is here for a visit.” She gave a smile. “Shall I put the hot water on?”

  “I would be grateful for something warm to drink. Is Grant around?”

  “He is in the barn, but I expect him in shortly. He probably saw you arrive. Won’t you sit?” She pointed to the chair closest to the fireplace. “I’ll get some coffee.” She turned to her task, swallowing down the fear that something was amiss.

  * * *

  Grant saw the preacher arrive, hastened through his chore, and headed to the house. He gave Jack an absentminded pat on the head as he strode in to greet the visitor. He accepted a mug from Lily and sat down in his favorite chair.

  “I hated to come out here to bother you and the misses, but there is some disturbing news, Grant.”

  “What kind of news?” Grant sat up straighter in his chair and Lily came to stand beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

  “It seems Mr. O’Neill had distant family after all. They are now inquiring about the children.”

  “We just received the adoption papers signed by the judge. They can inquire all they want, but the children are now legally ours.”

  “I understand. You did a generous thing, Brother Anderson. But I wouldn’t put it past this family to make trouble for you. It seemed prudent to give you some warning.”

  Grant reached up and put his hand on top of Lily’s. Simon and Colleen came to stand on the other side of his chair.

  “They are not going to take us away, are they, Ma?” asked Colleen.

  “No,” answered Grant. “God brought you to us, and we intend to honor our promise to care for you.”

  “The enemy likes to seek and destroy, Brother Anderson. Beware and be careful. Many like to take the law into their own hands.”

  “Christ would not desire me to abdicate my responsibility to my family. He calls me to serve and sacrifice for them if necessary. These children are a gift from the Lord, not objects to be tossed about.”

  “Grant,” Lily admonished softly. “We do not need to borrow trouble from tomorrow. Let us pray and wait and listen to God’s leading in whatever happens.”

  Grant sighed and glanced to the preacher. “God has gifted my wife with wisdom. I will heed her advice in this. Thank you for coming to warn us. Better to be prepared than unaware of the battle we might face.”

  “Given that the family is Catholic, there may be a strong objection to the children being raised in another faith.”

  “That is irrelevant. Most Catholics I’ve met love Jesus too, and it is only our traditions and practice of our faith that differs. The children are our responsibility before God. We are subject to no one else’s dictates in the matter of faith.” Lily’s voice was stronger now. Grant nodded. Lily had been raised in the Catholic tradition.

  Preacher nodded. “I will continue to pray for your family.”

  Grant nodded and stood to extend his hand. “Thank you, Brother Brown.”

  The preacher put on his coat and placed his hat on his head. “Peace to this house.” He nodded to the children and departed.

  Five days later, when Grant went to town, there was a telegram waiting for him from Clyde O’Neill, some distant relative.

  Send O’Neill children by train to Kansas City.

  Grant posted a retur
n telegram.

  Children legally adopted and will remain here.

  With only a few days to go before Thanksgiving, he also sent a telegram to his brother, asking for advice. The response came from a day later.

  Adoption final. Fight if you must stop Law on your side.

  Grant spent more and more time out in the barn, on his knees in prayer.

  * * *

  Thanksgiving had passed, and Lily enjoyed preparing for Christmas. No tree would decorate the living area as they planned to travel to visit family. Evergreen boughs rested on the mantle, trimmed with red ribbons and a few pinecones. Lily worked, with some help from Colleen, at making stockings for the children. She had thought she would never find joy without her own child in her arms, but these little children had sunk roots deep into her heart in such a short time. Grant explained to the children how adoption worked and how God adopted all of them into His family, if they wanted to be a part of that.

  The children, who had arrived thin and wan, were now plump with rosy cheeks and ready smiles. Even little Tobin smiled for her, and Lily experienced sorrow for the mother who died without experiencing that kind of joy. How different life could be when one was lost without the hope of the cross.

  * * *

  December approached rapidly and Lily baked cookies with the kids while playfully slapping away little hands eager to lick frosting. She baked cakes along with loaves of bread to give to neighbors and take home on their visit to family in a few days. Grant’s parents expressed delight at the prospect of meeting their new grandchildren. Lily was sad that her own parents refused to acknowledge their little family. Because of that, Grant and Lily chose to travel early to visit his family. Lily was nervous and excited. They had not seen his family since they wed two years ago. Grant had been so busy on the farm. Lily knew her husband longed to be with his family again and show off his little family. It would be a wonderful Christmas.

  * * *

  A new telegram arrived.

  Arriving 15 Dec to claim children.

  Grant debated whether to make the sheriff aware of this potential challenge, but instead, ripped up the telegram and threw it in the stove at the General Store. He purchased more ammunition. He wouldn’t go down without a fight if that was called for. He smiled, knowing that the children were not going to be on the homestead on that date anyway.