Killer Desires

by Becca Collins

  “What are you gonna do all day?” he asked and kissed her gently.

  “No plans,” she replied. “Why?”

  “It just so happens we finished our last project and I have the day off. Pick you in an hour?” He looked at her hopefully.

  “Okay,” she giggled as she pecked him on the lips and headed toward her house. She was practically skipping as she entered the back door.

  ****

  As she had suspected, her parents weren’t home yet, so Sarah rushed up the stairs, rumpled the covers on her bed and headed for the shower. Forty minutes later, she emerged from her bedroom more excited than a three year old on Christmas Eve.

  As she descended the stairs she smelled coffee brewing and could hear her parents discussing the party they had attended. They both looked up from the table when Sarah swept into the room.

  “Happy Birthday, sweetie!” Her mother called. “You’re up awfully early. Got big plans for your birthday?

  “Brett is picking me up soon,” she replied, plopping into an empty chair.

  “Brett?” her father asked. “Who’s Brett?”

  Sarah looked up sternly at her father. “Before you say anything, remember that I’m eighteen now.”

  “Oh no,” he said. “This can’t be good.” He frowned, “Brett who?”

  “Brett Williams. He’s…”

  “Williams?” He interrupted her. “The kid who carried you up from the river?” he asked.

  When she nodded he added, “Sarah, he’s too old for you.”

  “Daddy, you’re six years older than mom and you’ve been married for twenty-five years,” she argued.

  “Jesus Christ, Sarah! Not a chance in hell!”

  “Ugh,” Sarah looked toward her mother. “Mom, help?” she pleaded.

  “Everyone just calm down a little,” her mother replied sipping her coffee nonchalantly. “Just slow down a minute. Where is this boy taking you and… wait a second. What about Chad?”

  “Chad’s a jerk, mom,” she yelled. “He stood me up for prom!”

  “Sarah, please,” her father broke in again, “He didn’t stand you up on purpose. He had that school thing. You can’t be angry for something outside of his control”

  “You’re taking Chad’s side?” Sarah cried.

  “If it’s between him and this Williams boy, you bet I am!” He roared.

  “We’re just going to hang out!” Sarah explained. “Get some food or go to the mall or something. You don’t give me this third degree when I’m out with anybody else.’

  Her father cut in, “That’s different…” the sound of Brett’s truck stopping in the driveway stopped him mid-sentence.

  “Please, mom?” she pleaded. Her mother calmly set down her coffee mug.

  “We trust you, Sarah,” she stated. “Just don’t be out late.”

  “Cathleen!” her father roared.

  “Calm down, dear,” Cathleen soothed. “She IS eighteen. Sarah,” her mother turned toward her, “maybe now isn’t the best time for introductions. We’ll get to know Brett another time.” Cathleen smiled as Sarah threw her arms around her neck.

  “Thanks mom!” she called as she sprinted out the door before her dad could say another word.

  Sarah climbed into the cab of Brett’s truck and smiled at the sight of him. He pulled the old cowboy hat off of his head and plopped it down on Sarah’s head as she scooted over in the bench seat to sit beside him.

  “You’re gonna need that,” he grinned.

  “Where are we going?” She questioned with an easy smile.

  “Oh no!” He laughed, putting one finger over his closed lips. “That’s a surprise.” He winked at her as she folded her arms over his chest, faking a pout.

  As the old truck raced through the winding hills, Sarah could barely contain her excitement. She watched the trees fly by, caught a glimpse of a white-tailed deer as it jetted back into the safety of the trees.

  After what seemed like hours, the truck slowed and turned onto a gravel road.

  “You’re taking me to see Mr. Grainger?” She wondered, recognizing the long drive.

  “You know him?” He countered.

  Sarah giggled in response. “Brett, I’ve lived in this town for seven… I mean eighteen years. I know everyone. Why are we here?”

  “Mr. Grainger went out of town for a few weeks to visit his daughter,” he explained. “He asked me to look after his horses while he was gone and I think they need a little exercise.” The cocky grinned fled his lips and a look of skepticism replaced it. “Wait… you can ride a horse can’t you?”

  She playfully punched him in the arm as the truck came to a stop.

  “Of course,” she gave him her own mischievous grin. “You just try to keep up!”

  ****

  After leading the horses from the old barn, Sarah watched as Brett mounted his stallion easily and stubbornly lifted a foot to the stirrup.

  It’s been years since you’ve ridden a horse! She chastised herself silently. Maybe you shouldn’t have been so cocky!

  Like riding a bike, the skills Sarah had learned in years of lessons came flooding back as soon as she hit the saddle. She took off in a gallop, racing ahead of Brett.

  A roar of laughter escaped his lips as he went after her. In barely two minutes, he passed her easily and they flew into the valley below. A careless grin spread across Sarah’s face as she felt the wind whip her hair, blowing away all of the worries of the real world.

  Ahead of her, she spied Brett slowing his horse near the river bank and guided her own mare to a stop beside him.

  Sitting on horseback, Sarah stared into the distance. The Ozark mountains made the perfect green backdrop to the crystal water and Sarah didn’t think the moment could be any more perfect.

  Until Brett leaned over and kissed her.

  ****

  They lay in silence, sprawled out on an old quilt Brett had pulled from his bag and stared up at the cotton ball clouds drifting lazily over blue skies. Brett’s hand found hers and gave a gentle squeeze, pulling Sarah’s concentration from the cloud shaped as a giraffe.

  “Whatcha thinkin’ bout, darlin’?” He drawled.

  She rolled her head to the side to meet his eyes.

  “That this might be the best birthday ever!” She giggled.

  “Might be?” he teased. “I guess I’ll have to see what I can do to improve it then.”

  He rolled over and reached into the brown leather bag on the quilt beside him and pulled out small box wrapped in shiny silver paper.

  Sarah raised herself up and sat cross-legged as she reached with shaky hands to take the box from his outstretched palm. A million thoughts raced through her mind as she stared at the seemingly harmless, beautifully wrapped box.

  “You gonna stare at it or open it?” He questioned after a long moment.

  Sarah took a deep breath, closed her eyes and lifted the top.

  Her eyes opened to find a small sapphire pendant sparkling against black velvet. Her eyes lifted to meet Brett’s as his word brought a tear to her eye.

  “It was my mother’s.” he said solemnly.

  Instantly, Sarah fell on top of him, covered his face with warm kisses and whispered in his ear.

  “Thank you! I love it! Thank you so much!”

  In one swift movement, he flipped them both over and was lying on top of her.

  His mouth found hers and she nearly drowned in the tenderness off his kiss.

  -10-

  Sarah exited the trees in front of Brett’s house as she had nearly every day for the previous week. Brett stood on the front porch glaring down the driveway at taillights barely visible through the cloud of dust.

  “Hi!” She called out to him to announce her arrival.

  His angry eyes shifted to her direction and she watched as his features visibly softened.

  “Hi,” he kissed her cheek as she climbed onto the battered wood porch.

  “Who was that?” Sarah asked as she w
alked into the house ahead of him.

  “Huh?” Brett asked, startled.

  “Um, the car that was just leaving?” Her eyes filled with curiosity.

  “Oh, yeah,” His face tightened as he looked away, “just one of the guys from work, dropping off my last paycheck.” He slipped the folded sheet of paper into his front pocket and walked to the couch.

  “I can’t stay very long,” she warned as she climbed onto his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

  He ran his calloused hand down her arm. She marveled how the feel of his fingertips on her bare skin could still make her quiver.

  “What time are you picking me up for the graduation?” she asked.

  “What do you mean, sugar?” he stiffened and looked down into her eyes, his own were flooded with conflict and questions.

  “My graduation is today,” she whispered in shock. “You forgot that?”

  “I didn’t forget,” he drawled. “Wait a second,” he chuckled, “I’m sorry, darlin’, I can’t make it tonight. I have stuff I gotta do.”

  Sarah shoved away from him in shock. “What do you mean?” she fumed.

  His eyes darkened and he looked out the window.

  “Listen, Sarah, I know you wanted me to go with you tonight, but be serious. You’re gonna be there with your family and all your friends. I really don’t fit into all that.”

  “What stuff?” she asked again ignoring his outburst.

  “I have to pick up my grandma,” he said softly. “They’re lettin’ her come home today and I need to be here in case she needs anything.”

  Sarah just stared back him. That took the wind out of her sails. How could she ask him to neglect his grandmother to attend her graduation? She moved on to another subject and mentally braced herself for the argument.

  “Well, you can still come to the party tomorrow,” she silently willed him to agree.

  Brett gently pushed her off of his lap, rose from the couch and let out a huff of air as he reached for a crumpled pack of cigarettes. He shook one out of the Marlboro softpack and put it between his slightly chapped lips. Sarah sat silently waiting for his answer as he lit the end and took a long pull. He closed his eyes as he exhaled and then looked at her. She knew what was coming. The troubled look in his eyes was obvious. He opened his mouth to speak, but Sarah beat him to it.

  “Don’t even start,” she glared. “You are going to go on and on about not fitting in with my family and friends at the party, but you might as well get used to it. For that matter, you could give them a chance to like you. I mean, come on!” She folded her arms over her chest in frustration.

  Every time Sarah mentioned going anywhere near her family, Brett had started his brooding.

  “Sarah,” he started, taking another drag from the half-smoked cigarette before extinguishing it in a nearby ashtray, and staring out the window into the distance.

  “Don’t ‘Sarah’ me, Brett,” she almost yelled. “It is important that you meet my family.” Her tone got softer and she walked over to put her hand on his back. “If we’re going to be together, they are going to want to get to know you. I mean, when you go away to college with me, or we get marr…”

  He jerked away from her hand as if it had burned him, cutting her off mid-sentence. He stormed out of the house, muscles bulging in his tensed shoulders. She stood there numbly as she felt the tears threaten to spill over her eyelids. She forced them back.

  They hadn’t talked about any of the things she had just let fall from her mouth without thinking. She had just assumed that since his job was over he would go with her when she went to college. Since Washington was out of the equation, she knew she would be going someplace closer to home, but still thought he’d go.

  As for the word that almost escaped her lips, she hadn’t given any thought to marriage before that moment. Not any serious thought. Sure, she’d dressed up like a bride when she was small and knew that someday she would get married, but she was barely eighteen and it wasn’t on her list of short term goals. Still, it didn’t lessen the sting of his rejection when he stormed out.

  She wiped off the tear that had escaped her lashes and went into the kitchen. She filled a glass with water and waited for him to come back inside. She lifted the glass to her lips, but her hands were trembling too much so she set it back down on the faded Formica countertop. She braced both hands on the counter and bent her head, trying to figure out what she should do. She didn’t want to go outside and face his anger at her careless choice of words, but she didn’t want to stand around waiting either. Her indecision gave way to her own anger and she steeled her spine and marched out of the house.

  Brett was pacing a path through the grass in the narrow yard. He heard the door close and stopped abruptly to stare at her. She glared back at him but didn’t move. He closed the space between them in three long strides and stopped suddenly in front of her. His forehead was creased in anger as he opened his mouth.

  “Are you crazy?” he yelled.

  “What is the matter with you?” she fumed back. “It isn’t like I got down on my knees and asked you to marry me. It just slipped out. Why are you acting like an idiot?”

  ****

  Her obstinate stance caught him off guard. She was staring up at him with her hands firmly on her hips, fire burning through her clear eyes. Her mussed hair danced in the wind and he suddenly felt so off balance it was as if he’d been hit by a Mack truck. He wanted more than anything to grab her up into his arms and cover her mouth with his. It was so hard to be rational with her standing so close to him; too hard for him to try to do the right thing. What was she thinking?

  Apparently, she was thinking they were going to ride off into the sunset, get married and have lots of babies. He would have thought that by now she would have realized that was impossible with him. His first opinion of her must have been right. She was too young, too naïve.

  He clamped his jaw shut and said through gritted teeth, “Darlin’ you picked the wrong guy.” He saw her eyes fill, and the anger drain from her face as his words sank in. He fought the urge to put his arms around her. He couldn’t stand to see her hurting this way, knowing he caused it. He wanted to wrap himself around her and get lost in her warmth but he knew if he touched her again it would be over; over for him and certainly over for her.

  He was nothing that she needed. She needed to go to college in Washington and marry a man that deserved her. He had to convince her that she meant nothing to him or he would cost her her future.

  “But the necklace…” she cried. “You wouldn’t have given it to me if you didn’t love me.”

  “I picked it up at the pawn shop, Sarah,” he growled, his jaw clenched. “It was a nice story though, huh?”

  “You… you don’t mean that,” she whispered and he tore his eyes away from hers.

  “Sarah,” he turned and grabbed the splintered railing, stared out into the sky. “I told you before that this couldn’t work out between us, but it was fun while it lasted.”

  He shook his head trying to clear away the fog that was her scent. He blinked several times, trying to wipe away the picture hiding in his eyelids of her standing there crying. It had to be this way. He would never be good enough for her. She could do so much better. He didn’t even glance at her as he turned and nearly ran to his truck. The engine roared to life and gravel rained down on her as he tore off down the road

  ****

  Sarah walked numbly through the trees back to her house. She could feel the heat of the sun on her face, but it did nothing to take away the feeling that she was freezing. She held herself more tightly and tried to forget the sight of Brett’s truck barreling down the road. He couldn’t get away from her fast enough. Three bright yellow finches flitted from a branch to her left and she paused to watch them fly to another treetop. She envied them their carefree flight. She’d give just about anything to sprout wings and fly away right now, but she had to get home and get ready for her graduation ceremony. This wee
kend was supposed to be a happy one. She was graduating. A wondrous party was being thrown to mark the occasion and Sarah couldn’t help but fear that she wouldn’t get through the festivities.

  Sarah exited the cover of trees and felt a dull ache in her chest when she looked up and saw the pool house Brett had spent the last few weeks building. In her mind, she saw him standing there with a hammer in his hand. She felt tears well again and ran into the house.

  Her parents were nowhere to be seen, so Sarah didn’t have to make cheery small talk before running up to her room and throwing herself atop her mattress. She had been staring at the ceiling for an indeterminate amount of time when the sound of her doorbell pulled her from her daze.

  Took him long enough to come to his senses, she thought as she pushed herself off the bed and sprinted down the stairs. Still breathless, she flung open the door.

  -11-

  The bright colors of the balloon bouquet filled the doorway. When Chad pushed his tanned face through the rainbow of colors, his straight white teeth were shining in a huge smile that showed the dimple in his cheek. Sarah’s face fell at the sight of him but he didn’t notice her glance around him as if expecting, well hoping, to find someone else.

  “Congratulations, graduate!” Chad called, pulling her into a half-hug with his free hand. He kissed her on the cheek and walked past her into the house. Still stunned, Sarah turned slowly to see Chad sprawl out on the white leather sofa and prop his polished loafers on the coffee table. She closed the door and walked into the living room, uncertain about how to proceed. She took a chair across from Chad and sat down numbly. She had known that he was flying in today, but had forgotten. He had been taking his own finals these past couple of weeks, and their phone calls had been very brief lasting only a few minutes every couple of days. Quite simply, Chad had completely slipped her mind.