Killer Desires

by Becca Collins

  “What’s wrong, Sarah? You look like you aren’t feeling well.” He pulled his feet off the table and planted them on the floor, leaning forward to put the weighted balloons on the table in the space his feet had been occupying. He rested his elbows on his knees as he leaned toward her.

  “Uh,” she stammered. “No, I’m okay. I was just lying down for a few minutes. I’m a little tired.” She forced a smile to hide her discomfort.

  Chad rose from the sofa, stretching out his long frame and clapped his hands together. He grinned like the proverbial cat as he rounded the coffee table and pulled Sarah up to her feet. He embraced her quickly and leaned down to kiss her softly on her lips. Then he pulled her head against his chest and ran his fingers over her hair. Leaning into Chad, the empty space in her chest exploded and she tried to force back the tears forming on her lashes. Chad tilted her head back to look into her face and caught the dampness in her eyes. She turned her head and pulled away from him to fall back into the chair.

  “Sarah,” Chad said softly. “Whatever it is, it’s okay. I’m here now.” He lowered himself onto the arm of her chair and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. The gesture used to make her feel warm. Now when he squeezed her shoulder it felt like an ice pick had been shoved through her flesh, freezing her blood. She shivered and held herself, not finding the words she needed as Chad continued.

  “I have a surprise for you,” he whispered in her ear. She whipped her head back toward him in astonishment. “I was going to wait until later to tell you, but since you seem upset, I’ll tell you now.”

  “Chad, no,” she stood up and faced him. “Wait, we need to talk first.”

  “I got us a house,” he blurted, unable to contain his enthusiasm.

  “You what?” she questioned, completely taken aback.

  “Yep,” he grinned, pulling her onto his lap. “I put the deposit on it before I left. We can move in June first. I know your classes don’t start until September, but I have two this summer, so you’ll be able to check out the area and get acquainted with the school until your classes start.” He continued, mistaking her look of fear for bewilderment. “You’re going to love the house. I was going to wait until you got there to look for one, but it is just outside of campus and was a great price. I just couldn’t risk it getting snapped up before you got there. It doesn’t matter; I know you’re going to love it!”

  Sarah sat in silence trying to process the words coming out of Chad’s mouth. While she hadn’t yet told him that she wasn’t coming to Washington, she had also never told him that she was. Sure, she had let him assume she would so she really couldn’t blame him for the assumption. Up until a few weeks ago, she, herself, was pretty convinced she would be going to Washington with Chad. Her parents also still held that belief.

  Now, she wasn’t sure what to say to him. He seemed so genuinely happy. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to hurt Chad, but she had already made the decision that she didn’t want a future with him.

  “You aren’t saying anything,” Chad said, a flicker of concern entering his smooth voice. “Aren’t you excited?”

  She pushed herself from the chair and moved to the sofa. She wanted some distance between the as she buried her head in her hands and tamped down the continuing compulsion to fall into sobs. She steeled herself mentally and pushed her head up to look at him. His blue eyes were staring at her with worry, and she had to look away as she spoke.

  “Chad,” she started, “really, we need to talk. I’m… I’m not going to Washington.”

  She turned back to look at him and his expression held a combination of alarm and anger. His face transformed into utter calm too quickly.

  “Sarah, honey,” he said, serenity filling his voice. “What are you talking about?” He rose from the chair’s arm and crossed over to slide in beside her. He pulled her face up to meet his eyes and continued.

  “This is just the nerves talking. You’re nervous about graduation tonight. You don’t need to be worried. It will be fine,” he soothed. “We’ve had this planned for a very long time, honey. We move to Washington. Law school for me; business school for you. Then we’ll get married and have a few kids, and we’ll live happily ever after.”

  Sarah stared at him but couldn’t comprehend what he was saying. Chad had never spoken this way before. Sure, they’d talked about everything he had just said, but she had never before heard this calming voice from his lips. Their conversations had always been more businesslike. Chad had always liked to discuss their future, but only as far as the planning went. It was never with any kind of emotion. It caught Sarah completely off guard to hear him speak this way. She must look affright to garner this kind of response out of Chad.

  “Chad, wait, “she began, “you don’t understand…”

  He interrupted her sentence with a light kiss and then held her head between his hands.

  “Sarah, I do understand,” he murmured. “It wasn’t that long ago that I was graduating. Things seem different, scary somehow. It’s normal to be a little bit afraid you’re going to make the wrong choice. But Sarah,” he reached for her hand, “listen to me. I love you. Your parents love you. Would we all be supporting your move to Washington if it was a bad idea? It will all be fine, I promise.”

  He pushed himself off the couch leaving her speechless from the shock of it all.

  “I have to go get ready for your graduation ceremony, and you really need to get into the shower. I assume you are riding with your parents, so I’ll meet you there.” He gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek before he walked out the front door.

  Sarah sat on the sofa staring at the back of the closed door. What in the hell just happened? She heard his car door close and his engine start before it disappeared down the street. The grandfather clock in the hallway struck 2:00 and she realized she really did need to get into the shower. She rose slowly and decided she couldn’t do anything now to get out of this mess, so she might as well make herself presentable before her parents swooped in to hurry her to the ceremony. They should have been home by now, so she hesitated briefly while she considered calling them. Deciding they would be here soon enough, she crept up the stairs to shower.

  -12-

  Sarah leaned over her dresser to look at herself more closely in the mirror. With a critical eye, she checked her make-up and hair before stepping back to inspect her total appearance. Her soft floral blouse fit her form and her skirt flared perfectly from her hips to show off her fit tanned legs. Satisfied with the way she looked, she walked over to stare out the window at all of the people buzzing through the backyard enjoying the festivities. She’d been handed her diploma the night before, but somehow she didn’t feel like celebrating today.

  The ceremony had gone off without incident. Especially if, by incident, you mean being crashed by a rogue boyfriend.

  She had plastered a smile on her face and taken her seat in the front row of the chairs lining the football field. A grand stage had been erected and Principal Jeffries stood behind the podium, hand poised over the microphone. With a few taps of his hand, the speakers squealed and everyone in attendance took their seats in silence.

  While Mr. Jeffries droned on about the joys of running such a small school, the crowd began to fidget. When he finally announced her name, Sarah cleared the lump from her throat and climbed the stairs on shaking legs.

  She delivered her valedictorian speech while scanning the faces of all those in attendance. Judging by the thunderous round of applause she received, the guests mistook her search for Brett’s face as simply making good eye contact with her audience.

  After the diplomas had been presented and purple caps rained down, Sarah pretended tears of sadness were those of joy as her parents came to embrace her and she realized he really wasn’t coming.

  Chad had taken up his post beside her, guiding her through the well-wishers, pulling her away when people got long-winded. She had to admit she was grateful for his presence, even if she was drea
ming it was another guy gripping her hand.

  She had tried to call Brett twice after she’d ended the evening and escaped to the solitude of her bedroom, but had gotten no answer either time. This morning she’d tried to reach him once more, concluded he was simply avoiding her calls and left a message telling him she still hoped to see him at her party.

  The smoky aroma of grilled food penetrated her own fog as she slid open the glass door and felt the warmth of the afternoon on her face. It was a lovely spring day and the humidity hadn’t yet reached its summer levels. People were already gathered under the tent her father had erected in the backyard. Others were seated on lounge chairs around the pool where several children had already changed into bathing suits and were taking turns on the slide. She could hear the occasional splash mixed in with the murmur of conversation and she smiled to herself.

  Her mother stood over the cake table arranging paper plates and napkins until they were just right. The cake was decorated in purple and white, her school colors, and purple streamers snaked through the scene. All of the tables under the canopy were adorned with purple and white centerpieces and had confetti sprinkled on their surfaces. Overhead a banner read “Congratulations Sarah!”

  She stepped out into the crowd of people and was quickly congratulated by some friends of her parents. It took nearly ten minutes to make her way through all of her guests to the other side of the rented pavilion. She spotted Shane and Amber standing across the lawn and began to walk toward them when she second-guessed that plan. Amber seemed upset, head hung down while Shane stood glaring at her and seemed to be saying something in anger. She paused momentarily before hearing a familiar voice behind her.

  “Hey Baby!” Chad called. Sarah turned her head toward the voice as he was striding toward her. He quickly wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on the cheek. “Congratulations, again!” he added.

  “Thanks,” she answered sincerely, but her mind raced to the impending conversation she’d been putting off. She hadn’t confronted Chad about the house he’d bought or the plans he’d made and her reluctance to join him. Near certain that Brett really wouldn’t make an appearance, Sarah figured that particular conversation could wait another day.

  He bent down to kiss her, but she turned her head so his lips landed on her cheek. He spotted a group of his friends across the crowd.

  “I’m going to talk to the guys. Wanna come along?” he grinned down at her.

  “No,” she murmured, “you go ahead.” Already craving solace from the party, she walked over to the edge of the trees for a little space. She was certain of her decision not to move to Washington, but knew it was going to be hard for Chad to hear. As angry as he would be with that, she knew she was really going to hurt him when she told him they shouldn’t even see each other anymore. She didn’t want to hurt him, but the last two years with Chad was nothing in comparison with the past few weeks with Brett.

  Being with Brett was exciting and comfortable at the same time. She felt the familiar fluttering in her stomach just thinking about him. Chad’s laughter rung out over the upbeat tune coming from the speakers and she was brought back to her reality. She would have to tell Chad. She also had to tell her parents. They’d practically had she and Chad engaged and would be severely disappointed when they found out their dreams would not be a reality. Letting people down was hard for her to do, especially when it came to her parents. But making hard decisions was a part of growing up and, ultimately, she knew her parents just wanted her to be happy.

  Looking around at all of the people attending her graduation party, she felt even guiltier. Her parents had worked very hard to secure their place in “society”. Though in rural Missouri, there wasn’t much of one. Her mother, Cathleen, was the local version of Martha Stewart. Everything in their home was always near-perfect and Cathleen was the first person called upon every time a function was being planned by any one of the many organizations to which she belonged.

  Sarah’s father, James, ran McGuire, Inc. from his offices in nearby St. Louis. When she was growing up, he made the 90 minute drive to the offices every day. Since he semi-retired a few years ago, he only made the trip a few times a week. The rest of his days were spent at the local country club with, Thomas Phelps, Amber’s father. She saw Chad talking to his parents, Jeanne and Bill, across the lawn and figured she had to make her way over or be accused of being unsociable.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Taylor!” She greeted as she approached. “Thank you so much for coming!”

  Jeanne immediately pulled Sarah in and kissed her cheek.

  “We wouldn’t have missed it, dear,” she answered.

  “Congratulations Sarah!” Bill added as he pulled her into a bear hug.

  “How’s the packing coming along?” Sarah asked, remembering their plans to cruise the Greek islands that summer.

  “We have two suitcases just for shoes,” Bill laughed and looked over Sarah’s head. “Excuse me, honey,” he added. “I see your father over there and desperately need to give him a hard time about his last golf score!”

  Sarah smiled as she watched Bill hurry off to join her dad, but turned her attention back to Jeanne who was still reciting their entire itinerary.

  Thankfully, just as Jeanne was starting in about wide range of food they served on cruise ships, Tom Phelps interrupted.

  “Congratulations, Sarah!” He grinned as he pulled her into a hug. Sarah had never felt weird being hugged by her father’s friends, she’d been subjected to it her entire life.

  “Thanks, Judge Phelps!” She answered with a smile.

  “How many times must I tell you to call me Tom?” He teased.

  “At least once more, I guess,” she returned.

  “Well, let this be the last one,” he jokingly warned. “How many sleepovers have you been to at my house in the last eighteen years? Besides, you’re officially an adult now. I think you can call me by my first name.”

  “Okay,” she agreed.

  “Have you seen Amber?” Tom asked.

  “Oh, yeah,” Sarah answered and scanned the crowd. “I saw her talking to Shane a little bit ago, but I don’t know where she went.”

  “I still don’t understand why she didn’t want a graduation party,” he wondered.

  “She didn’t really say anything to me about,” Sarah offered.

  “Maybe it would just make her miss her mother more,” Tom speculated. “Jackie would be proud of her. I hope she knows that.”

  “I’m sure she does,” Sarah smiled softly, wondering if it was Tom wishing that Amber’s mother was here.

  “What’s with the serious faces over here?” Jack Layton asked joyfully as he came upon them.

  “Just a little nostalgia,” Tom answered, quickly transforming his expression.

  “Hi, Mr. Layton,” Sarah greeted. “Thanks for coming.”

  “I wouldn’t have missed it, dear.” Jack replied, giving her a pat on the back. “Congratulations! So you’re finally out of that place, huh? I still remember when your father, Tom and I graduated. I think some of us might have had a little too much fun on graduation night, right Tom?” He gave his friend a playful slap on the back.

  “Who me?” Tom feigned innocence.

  “Sarah,” Jack continued. “You may not believe it but the Honorable Tom Phelps was once quite a party animal.”

  “I wouldn’t start telling stories if I were you,” Tom warned. “I’m pretty sure I saw you have a few too many on more than one occasion.” He turned toward Sarah, “You should have seen Jack…”

  “Whoa, now,” Jack interrupted. “As General Counsel at McGuire, someday I might end up working for Sarah. Maybe she shouldn’t know about all the skeletons in my closet.” He nodded at Tom’s empty glass. “Besides, I need a drink and you need a refill. Why don’t we let Sarah greet some of her other guests?”

  Sarah watched Tom and Jack laugh as they headed toward the temporary bar set up on the other side of the lawn. She caught movement from the
corner of her eye and turned to see her father motioning for her. He was talking to Ben Johnson and his wife, Ann. Their son, Cole, stood a few feet back looking bored. As she walked toward her father, she scanned the crowd fervently looking for Brett, still holding out some morsel of hope that he would make an appearance then quickly chastised herself for her naiveté.

  “Sweetheart,” her father said when she stopped beside him, “Ben was just telling me about one of his clients out in Seattle. It seems he owns an advertising agency there and may have an opening for a summer intern.” A conspiratorial grin crept over his face.

  “Uh…” she struggled to figure out what to say, but her father and Ben just stood there waiting. “Well, daddy, you know I haven’t made up my mind about Seattle. I haven’t even been accepted to school there, yet.”

  “Oh, honey,” he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. She could feel the chuckling in his belly. “We all know there isn’t much of a chance that they’d turn you down and Chad’s already enrolled in school there. Where else would you go? Besides, I think your mother already has plans for your bedroom.” He and Ben both erupted in laughter as Sarah stood stunned. Sure, she knew her parents believed she would end up in Seattle. She just hadn’t realized how much.

  “I, uh, I don’t know, dad. Lately I’ve been thinking about going to school somewhere closer. You know, maybe St. Louis U with Amber and Shane.” The laughter ended as abruptly as it had begun. Unsure of how to end the uncomfortable silence, she turned to humor to help her escape the look on her dad’s face. “C’mon Daddy, you know how much I hate rain!” She exclaimed with a false smile plastered on her face. Her father chuckled again as she slipped from under his arm and moved quickly away.

  Sarah paused by the edge of the tent and gulped back her tears as she spied Chad talking to his friends. He fit in perfectly in with her father’s friends, dressed impeccably in creased chinos and a heavily starched shirt. She heard his laughter and dreaded the conversation she would have to have with him.