by Julia North
I don’t know how for long we stood like that by the trees. My spirit felt like it was out of my body and I think time had stopped to move. I kept my eyes hard to the front but had to blink often because they were too dry. Then a tall man came out of one of the wood huts, which had soldiers in front. He came towards us with big steps like a giraffe. On his head was a green beret with five gold stars and his eyes were covered with mirror sunglasses with gold frames. He was very big with smooth brown skin. He looked like power. I could see his muscles under his uniform as he walked. It was not like that of the other soldiers. It was light brown and very smart with no creases. I thought he must be the main man because all the soldiers jumped and gave him the salute. Even our fat soldier looked frightened of this man.
“You’ve been quick,” said the man.
“Thank you, General,” said the fat soldier holding his hand to his head. “We’ve six boys and four girls.”
The General looked at us with his mirror eyes. His wore a smart moustache above his fat lips and smelt of rich polish and strong spice. He looked at the fat solider who flinched and stood straighter in his salute. I was happy to see him feeling fear but it made me even more afraid of this General.
The General walked with strong steps in front of us. I kept my eyes down but my body shook as he stared at us with his mirror eyes. Aiee, this man had too much power. It stayed in the air around him and made me shiver bad inside. I wished I could see his eyes so I could know what he was thinking.
He looked over at the girls who stood shivering with their heads down in front of the trees. “Take the girls to the training camp,” he shouted at the fat soldier.
“Yes, General,” said the fat soldier with a big salute.
I watched as he marched the girls away. They ran with shaking bodies before him back across the field.
The General turned back to us. He came closer with his big steps and stopped in front of us. He took off his glinting sunglasses and looked close at us. His eyes were cold like the shark. I kept my breath inside. My heart fought against my ears. The General moved up our line and looked us up and down. I shivered and wished he had kept the glasses on. My eyes fell to the ground as his shiny black boots stopped in front of me and my hands grew wet. Aiee, I could feel his eyes eating into me. He was so close I could smell the peppermint on his breath. My heart was stuck in my throat. I stared so hard at the ground my eyes burned. I must not look at him. It would be rude and he would surely kill me. I kept my breath inside until he moved away. He had a very bad heart this man. I could feel it. I did not know if he would tell the soldiers to kill us or beat us for fun.
I would not care if I died. I had seen many dead people on the dump. They were happy in their sleep with no worries for food or drugs. It would not be so bad. But if you had a sister who needed you then you could not die. Pictures of Thandi screaming and crying for me hurt my mind. I had to stay strong. I had to get back to her.
“Nkunda, get them to the blockhouse,” said the General to the Arab soldier.
I let out a small sigh. He was not going to kill us yet. Nkunda pushed us into a line with his AK47. The sharp, cold steel of its bayonet stung my back. He pressed it harder so that it made me jump and then he laughed low. The boy David was in front of me and I hoped Sipho and Enoch were behind me. My stomach was sick and I breathed in a big gulp of air so that I would not be sick,
We came to a long wooden building and Nkunda stopped and shouted, “Get inside!”
We rushed inside. It was dark inside after the sharp sun and smelt of creosote. I stood still for a while until I could see better. There were many beds. I followed David to the end of the hut. He stopped by the one bed and I stopped by the other. I looked at the bed. There was a camouflage uniform lying on top of the grey blanket. There was a pillow with an old white cover. Then I heard a noise and turned to look back at the door. A great man with a round stomach and stubble beard was standing in the doorway. He wore polished brown army boots and had a smart dark green camouflage uniform with the pants tucked into the boots. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled and I could see his strong arms. On his head was a dark green beret, which sat sideways with a three silver stars in front, showing he was an officer man.
He narrowed his eyes and come towards us with heavy steps on the wood floor. I could see the muscles in his arms and legs move. He was too strong this one. In his hand was a thick brown stick. He hit the stick on the iron end of one of the beds and laughed low as we all jumped at the big clang, clang noise.
“New recruits, Nkunda. I hope they are good ones and not like the last.”
His voice was like the thunder and my stomach jumped.
Nkunda laughed like he knew a secret and said, “We shall see.”
“So, you are soldier boys now,” he said as he marched up and down between the iron beds and hit them some more with his stick. “Well, are you happy? All little boys want to be soldiers don’t they? Come, smile at me and say “Yes, sah” otherwise I will hit you,” he suddenly roared.
My shoulders jumped at his voice and I shouted out, “Yes, sah,” with the others.
“Yes, sah.” He copied our voices and then shouted, “Fucking pieces of shit; now salute. Like this! Click your heels together. Now!”
My breath stayed in my throat as I copied his salute. Enoch’s eyes were so wide I thought they would pop from his face but he touched his heels together and hit his forehead with his hand.
The soldier man gave a deep belly laugh. “Hmm, not bad,” he said. “Maybe I will keep you. I am your Commander and you will do whatever I tell you. My name is Commander Mobuto. I’ll train you well but if you let me down I will kill you. Do you hear?”
“Yes, sah,” we shouted, and my voice shook.
Commander Mobuto looked down at us and sneered. “Soon you will be good little killers who’ll do good work for the L.R.A. Do you know how lucky you are to be in the God Army; hey, do you? Do you?
“Yes, sah,” we shouted again.
A shivering snake moved up my spine as I saw the teeth around his neck. They were not the teeth of the animals. He gave a smile and I saw a flash of gold in his dark mouth. He was a trophy man this one with a bad spirit. I must be careful. He would be a hungry crocodile who would eat me up with one snap of his jaws. I was glad they had not caught Thandi. He would have felt nothing to kill a little girl. It was better that it was just me they had caught, but how would I ever escape this man?
“Now, get on these uniforms but go wash first in the showers out back. You are dirty street children who stink and steal. You are stupid thiefs and drug addicts. We will beat you until you are men. You will learn to kill and taste the blood and fire. You are soldiers now. It is time to grow up. Move! I want you clean and in those uniforms in ten minutes. If you’re late I will beat you until you scream.
I ran behind the other boys to the showers. They were cold like knives but the water helped to clear the poison from my head. Nobody talked or looked at each other. I threw my head back and let the cold water fall into my throat and rubbed myself clean with the rough red soap until my body stung.
Then I ran behind David with Sipho, and Enoch behind, back to the hut. The boy with the hair like a scarecrow was already inside and putting on his uniform. The dark one pushed past me and grabbed his. I went to the bed I had stood in front of and took the folded uniform and quickly put it on. It was too big but it felt stiff and strong and I liked the feel on my skin. There were rubber sandals on the floor made from the old tires. I tied them tight on my feet. They felt soft like air and made me taller. The clothes made me feel funny inside. They did not look like me.
I looked over to Enoch. His uniform was so big it looked like he was falling out of it.
“Roll up the legs and arms, Enoch,” I said.
He looked at me with frightened eyes and rolled up the ends. Then he put on the big rubber sandals. He looked stupid but the boy David was tall and the uniform fitted him good. He gave me a smile but I c
ould see the fear in his eyes. I nodded and looked at Sipho.
He had also rolled up his trousers like Enoch. I showed him a thumbs up sign.
“Hey,” said David to the other two boys. “I am David. This is Modetse and Sipho.”
“And Enoch,” I said.
The boy with the mad hair looked at us. “I am Richard,” he said.
“Jabu,” said the dark boy without a smile.
“Where you from?” asked David but before they could answer heavy footsteps came to the door and we all jumped to attention and showed the salute.
Commander Mobuto was back with a bad smile on his face.
Chapter 4
“Don’t tear the bandage. It’s okay. You’re safe,” says a woman’s voice. “My name is Nurse Sophie. Don’t be scared.”
“My eyes,” I wail. “My eyes!”
“It’s okay. It’s not serious they’re just badly swollen. You’re not blind.”
I let out a big sigh. My arms go soft and fall back by my side.
“You are a lucky boy,” goes on the woman. “We removed a bullet from your back but you’re going to be okay.”
Who is she? Why is she helping me? I can feel that my back is numb and sore. I’ve seen the people with the broken backs. They can’t walk or move. I can’t sit up with the pain; fear jumps through my body. I can’t move! I push down on my toes and feel them twitch. I try again and sigh with relief. No, it’s okay. My back must not be broken.
“Where’s my AK? Who are you?” I shout against my blindfold. “Take this thing off me. I need to see.”
“Shh, it’s okay,” she says, and takes my hand. I yank it away and hear footsteps approach. “Here’s Dr. Zuma.”
I hear a deep man’s voice. “You don’t need a weapon here. Just relax. Lie back down, it’s okay,” he says, and I feel strong hands against my chest. I tense but do as he says. I’m too weak to fight right now.
“You’re in a Mission hospital. We’re going to help you.”
“You’ve made me a prisoner. You are enemy,” I shout.
“No, you’re not a prisoner and there’s no enemy here. It’s okay. Can you remember your name?”
“I am Lieutenant Hotshot.”
“I see. Can you not remember your other name?” says Dr. Zuma. “The one your family gave you?
I feel a deep pain stab through my belly. He has made David march into my mind. I catch my breath and pull away. I throw back my head with an open mouth and groan. I can smell the soil of the camp again. I can smell the blood in its red dirt. David is dead. The bullets ate his chest and sprayed his heart blood across the camp. David my brother is dead. He cannot be here now. He will never come again.
I moan and retch and retch as the picture of his broken body fills my head and then
I remember Mobuto. He was on his side like a wounded hippo…his stomach was falling out…long pink snakes of his stomach were lying on the ground. Everywhere was blood, so much blood…blood covering me, drowning me…
A thousand ants have walked across my body. My forehead is wet and I feel sick. “No…” I say. “No…this cannot be true. Not my father too. Not my Commander.”
But my mind shows me Mobuto trying to put his stomach back inside…he was screaming…his fat face was full of fear and then he was gone. Bilole had come panting up to me, his big stomach heaving and his eyes wide. His fear had hit into me and I‘d screamed, “They have killed our Commander, Bilole. They have killed him.”
“We are finished, Hotshot,” he said. His arms lay limp by his side. His AK had fallen to the dirt.
I looked up at him with water eyes. “Why have the spirits failed us, Bilole? Why?”
Bilole shrugged his shoulders and his bottom lip trembled. His eyes filled with water. I stared at him as my heart hit hard against my ears. My chest grew tight. There was a deep pain in my belly. What was this? Bilole did not cry. I had never seen him cry. He was a tough soldier, a Captain; how could he cry? If he was crying then we were dead meat. I swallowed the bitter liquid, which had come into my mouth, and gazed around our camp. Fierce orange flames and black smoke were everywhere. The flames crackled high into the air and ate through our buildings; they snaked around the fences, they turned our guard towers black and burned our soldiers like the firewood. The smoke came for me. It stung my eyes with red tears and tried to choke the breath from my body.
“No…” I shout, squirming in the bed. “No, I have no family…they are dead, my L.R.A. family is dead! They are dead.”
Before I can stop them the sobs come over me and I cry out, “I want David; I want Mobuto…please bring them back to me; bring them back. I need their help to find my sister. I am an officer. They would help me, please…”
As my body sobs up and down with my loss, the anger rises in my belly. I hate this doctor. He has made me remember. He has made me cry and made me be weak.
“Fuck you,” I shout. “Who are you? Fuck you.”
“It’s okay,” says Dr. Zuma holding me down. “We’ll help you. Nurse get me a sedative.”
He takes hold of my arm and I try and pull away but then feel something sharp and my mind slowly calms. The doctor pulls the cover up under my chin. I take a deep breath as my sobs stop like the car with no petrol. I don’t know where I am or who has caught me. If it’s the enemy doctor he’s being too nice to me. Why’s he doing this? Maybe they want to keep me alive so they can try and make me talk? I’ll never betray the L.R.A. Never. I must survive this and get back and find Thandi. I must not let them defeat me. I am Lieutenant Hotshot. I must get out. My eyelids are beginning to grow heavy as these thoughts run through my mind.
“It is best to sleep now,” says Dr. Zuma. “We’ll remove the bandages tomorrow and then you’ll feel better. I know it’s not nice when you can’t see.”
His voice is deep and calming. It’s a long time since I’ve heard a voice with such kindness. I’m confused. If he’s the enemy doctor he won’t sound like this. Who is he?
“It’s not your fault, my child,” he goes on. “Just rest now. It’ll be better tomorrow.”
I jerk awake at his words. “I am not a child; I am fourteen years,” I shout. “What the fuck are you talking about? What fault? Of course being shot isn’t my fault. It’s the dirty enemy pig’s fault. How stupid are you?”
I sink down deeper into the bed. I just want to be back at our camp. I want to be back with David and Mobuto and my AK47 and make my plans to find Thandi. I am Lieutenant Hotshot. I will not be weak. “I’ll take revenge for you,” I silently swear to the spirits of Mobuto and David. “Don’t worry, my brother and my father. I’ll get them back and then I will find my Thandi.”
My spirit grows hard with hate. I’ll rest now like this doctor says. I’ll use him to help me get better and then soon I’ll make the enemy bleed like he’s never done before. I’ll make rivers and rivers of their blood; so much that the whole land will be red and stinking. I’m not finished yet! I’ll get revenge for you, my family.
Chapter 5
Fierce rivers of blood filled with thousands and thousands of hands and feet flow towards me. The hands rise up from the red waves and chase after me like the devil crabs. I scream and run and run but they are too fast and keep coming closer and closer. They hold machetes now and are cutting me and screaming out their hate. The feet rise up and kick me in my head until my head becomes soft with my brains and my blood. They want revenge. They won’t stop until I am dead.
“No, leave me alone! You are the hands that help the enemy pig. You are the feet who work for the enemy. I am Lieutenant Hotshot. You can’t kill me!”
I scream and scream but still they keep on cutting and kicking until my broken body begins to crack open allowing my spirit to flee down into the darkness.
“It’s okay. Wake up, wake up. It’s okay.”
The voice breaks through my screams and I shudder awake. It is the nurse’s voice and she’s shaking me. I smell the antiseptic smell. I blindly feel around mysel
f. I’m wet with sweat.
“You’ve had a nightmare,” she says, and I feel stupid now for my weakness. “We’re taking off the bandages this morning. That’ll make it much better for you.”
I feel her hands on my eyes. The bandage moves against my eyes. I can feel the light on my eyelids, but they are too fat to open properly.
“Dab them,” says a deep male voice.
That doctor is back. I feel soft fingers on my lids. I push them slow open. Small light sneaks into my eyes. Everything is like it is underwater. I think there are hands over me. Water washes through my eyes. I can see the white cloth of the nurse and doctor now. I blink. The doctor is leaning over me. He is tall and thin and wears a long white coat, which is open. I see some lines of blood on the side of the coat and glare up at him. I don’t know whose blood that is but if he tries to touch my blood I will kill him. He has brown trousers and a blue shirt, which is open by his throat. There is no blood on them but they look crumpled like he has slept in them. There is no sign belonging to the enemy army on him. A silver thing with two black rubber straps hangs around his neck. I stare hard at it. There are no sharp ends; he cannot hurt me with it. He fiddles with a small torch and I look at his hands. They are smooth and one finger has a gold ring on. He puts the light on the torch and bends closer over me. I look through my sore eyes at his face. It is brown like coffee with the milk in. He has wrinkles across his forehead so is not a young one and wears smart glasses with silver frames. His brown eyes behind the glasses look big at me. His hair has bits of grey mixed with the black like peppercorns. He must be at least forty years.
“I’m just going to shine this in your eyes to see how they react. Ah good, they’re working well. You’re lucky. There’s a bit of swelling but no real damage. We need to roll you over now,” he says, and gives me a wide smile showing good teeth. He turns to the nurse and nods.
“Okay, we’re going to roll you now. Don’t worry it shouldn’t hurt too much,” says Nurse Sophie.