by Julia North
I turn and look at her. She is darker than the doctor and is small and skinny with a straight body and small head with a pointy nose and round eyes like an owl. She looks like she is old like thirty years and wears a smart white uniform with a red cross in front. She hides her hair with a white scarf over her head. I don’t want her to touch me with her thin hands but she suddenly grabs my side and says, “One, two, three.”
I feel cold air rush in behind me as they push my body over. I clench my jaw as the pain shoots through my back. I wish I could stop them touching me but I’m too weak and my legs feel funny. I grunt and fill my mind with hate to take away the pain. I know that I’ll have to let them make me better. Then I’ll kill them. I’ll find the camp and my squadron and be the new leader now that Mobuto’s dead. A small fire deep inside me still burns with the hope that Thandi will not be dead. I close my eyes and see again her small face with her bottom lip out. She is strong my sister. I will not believe she is dead until I see her body. I must get better and look for her. I will be Commander Hotshot. I will not need to ask to leave the camp for a short while. I can take my squadron and find her. I will go back to the dump. Soon I will do this.
“Aargh…” I cry as the pain grows worse and shoots across my back like the fierce bush fire.
“Sorry, I just need Nurse to take off the dressing,” says the doctor. “I’m going to have to press down a bit. It may hurt.”
I feel his hands on my back and cry again as the pain grows fiercer.
“Sorry, son. It’s nearly over.” He pushes my back some more and then turns the nurse.
“It’s healing well,” he says. “Put on a new bandage and we’ll check it again in a week. I think you must try and get him to take a few assisted steps later.”
“Yes, Doctor.”
“Good. Now, who’s next?”
They roll me back down and I turn my head and see there are other beds with bodies in the room. I watch as they move to the next bed. A boy is lying there with a blood soaked bandage around his chest. I hear the doctor mumble and see him shake his head.
“We’ll need to get him back to theatre. It doesn’t look good. Wheel him down there and I’ll be along as soon as we finish here.”
The nurse nods and makes quick steps to fetch a trolley. The doctor and she put the boy on the trolley and the nurse wheels him back past me to some doors at the end of the ward. I look to the other side. There are more beds with humped bodies like white ant hills. They are silent. Maybe they are all dead and it’s only me that’s alive? Maybe this doctor and nurse have killed them and it’s my turn next? I shiver. Why are they still here if they are dead? They must be our boys. What have they done to them? Aiee, I must get out of here before they kill me.
I try to sit up against the pain and then I see the sheets move on the bed near the window. I hear a moan. Who is it? Maybe it is the boys from my squadron?
“Joshua…Bongi…?” I say. There is no answer, only a moan. Whoever it is they are in big pain.
The nurse comes back in. She goes over to him.
“It’s okay,” she says. “We’re going to give you a painkiller. It’ll be okay.”
I see her take out a long needle and push it into the boy’s arm. He moans and jerks and then soon is still again. I lie frozen. They can kill us all with their drugs and there is nothing we can do. I have to keep my mind clear. I have to stay alert. I can’t show my pain and let them put this needle in my arm.
I narrow my eyes and watch them close through my puffy lids. The doctor is visiting the other beds. The nurse joins him and they and whisper to each other as they stop by each bed. I see two more boys get the needle while two more get put onto trolleys where they lie waiting with their faces covered. I think they must be dead already. The doctor and nurse finish looking at the last bed and then go back and wheel the trolleys out by the same doors. I hear the doors swing closed behind them. Everything is quiet except for a soft whooshing sound. I look up. The blades of a fan on the ceiling spin round sending cool air onto us. I lie and watch them go round and round. My mind too is spinning. Who are these people? Why are they helping me? What will they do with me when I’m better? I close my heavy lids. My body wants to sleep but I’m too scared the bloody hands will be back to attack me. I wish I was back at our camp.
Chapter 6
Commander Mobuto stood in front of us with his arms on his hips and his legs apart. He stared at us in silence and tapped his leg with his thick stick. I kept my eyes down and prayed he would not get angry with me.
“Outside –March,” he shouted. “The General will inspect you.”
My skin prickled at the name. We marched to the door and Mobuto kicked us with his shiny boots as we went out. We tried to march like soldiers, lifting our knees high in the air like gazelles. I saw the boy Richard trying to keep his back straight and look brave but I could see the fear in his eyes. His fear helped me feel stronger.
I pushed my head back and kept my eyes stiff to the front. My body was shivering inside. I knew I needed the glue. I turned to see Sipho and Enoch. Their legs were shaking. My stomach grew tight. Aiee, how would we survive in this place?
We followed Commander Mobuto to the end of the field and stopped. He shoved us into a line with his AK.
“Attention!” he shouted.
I kept my eyes staring to the front and wide open so they wouldn’t betray my fear. Enoch was next to me and I could feel his body trembling. I turned to him and frowned but he didn’t look back. My heart dropped. These soldiers were like dogs with sharp teeth that would attack when they smelt our fear. We must hide it.
“Right, now move there in a straight line; one behind the other. Go!” shouted Commander Mobuto. We shuffled into a straight line and we marched to the row of breadfruit trees along the side of the field where he pointed. The copper sun was high in the sky now and the hot rays beat onto my head. My body was wet under the new uniform. I gave a sigh when we got to the shade of the trees. At least he hadn’t made us stand in the fierce sun.
“I said a straight line!” shouted Commander Mobuto. “That is not straight.”
He walked in front of us and hit our legs with his brown stick until we were all very stiff next to each other.
He looked at us with narrow eyes and gave a snort. “You stay like that and don’t move. You hear me!” he shouted.
We saluted and he snorted again and went over to join some other soldiers who were sitting on big logs among the trees. We stood like sticks, all looking straight in front. I could see that the soldiers playing the cards. I heard the slap of the card onto the tree trunk table they had made. It reminded me of the dump and the big men who sat by the cars with their rap music and played cards, shouting and fighting for the money. I felt a pain in my chest. Thandi was still at the dump. Please God, let her be all right. I clenched my jaw. I had to stay strong for her. I must not look weak before these men. I looked back over at the soldiers. They looked like they had forgotten us standing there. Mobuto sat on one of the logs and tapped the ground with his big boot to the rap music. He slapped down his cards and then laughed loud, hitting his leg with his hand.
“I’ve won,” he said. “Pay, you fuckers, pay.”
“Shit,” said one of the other soldiers while the rest pulled faces. They all pulled out some notes and put them on the tree trunk. Mobuto grabbed them and stuffed them in his pocket. The soldier dealt some more cards.
“So, Commander Mobuto, you have found some new boys for us,” he said, looking over at us with narrow eyes.
“Of course,” said Mobuto. He pushed out his big chest like a giant rooster.
“You sure you haven’t caught little goat boys,” said the soldier.
Mobuto pulled a face. “They’re city boys, not villagers. We can train them good.”
“Good. We don’t want the fucking goat boys. City boys, they are like hyenas. They know how to be bad.”
Mobuto grinned showing his gold tooth. “Yes, my friend, but the goat boys are
good hunting.”
All four of the soldiers laughed with big mouths and yellow teeth. They sounded like the hyena they talked of and I shivered inside. Enoch’s lip had started to shake. Sipho had bug eyes and so did the boy Richard. We all stood straight trying to hide our fear in our silence.
Suddenly the General came from across the field with big strides. Mobuto and the soldiers jumped up from their cards and stood stiff in the salute. One of the soldiers jumped over to the radio and switched off the rap. Their laughs were gone. They marched into a line next to us with their AK47s on their shoulders.
My heart beat hard in my ears and my hands grew wet as the General and his power smell came closer.
“Attention,” shouted Commander Mobuto. “Salute, you fucking pieces of shit, or the General will cut off your balls and tie them round your necks. The General will see if you are good enough to join the L.R.A.
My mind showed me a horrible picture of my balls being tied around my neck. My stomach jumped and I swallowed hard. I threw my hand up to my head and stood stiff as a spear.
“At ease, Commander,” said the General with a sideways smile.
Mobuto dropped his hand and followed behind the General as he walked in front of us. He stopped and stood proud with his head high and his power legs apart and then looked at us one by one with his mirror eyes. My breath stuck in my throat.
“So, these are the new recruits?”
“Yes, General. I have these six. They look strong.”
“Where did you get them?”
“In the city, General.”
“Hmm,” said the General. “Stand straight and keep your eyes to the front,” he shouted suddenly to us.
We pushed our backs straighter and my heart jumped. My whole body was stretched to the sky and my eyes stared so hard in front they hurt. Inside my mind jumped around with the fear. My eyes blurred and I blinked them quick and swallowed hard.
The General marched up and down our line with slow steps. He stopped in front of each of us and took off his mirror glasses. He looked hard with his shark eyes. I held my breath. I knew he must be testing us. He wanted to see if we would break. I had to look strong otherwise he would kill me. “I am strong, I am strong,” I said over and over in my head so that he would not read my fear.
He stopped in front of Enoch and stared at his shaking body. Enoch gave a small cry and I saw from the side of my eyes that he was crying.
“We have a mouse,” said the General. “Kill him.”
Enoch screamed and my stomach dropped. I could smell his fear as Mobuto grabbed his arms and pulled him away. His thin legs dragged kicking behind him.
“Help…help me,” he screamed. “Modetse, help me…”
I shook as I heard him shout my name and kept my eyes down and my face firm. His scream stayed like a knife in my brain. I swallowed hard. Aiee, Enoch was dead meat but I could not help him. Poor Enoch! My spirit felt like it had left my body. I could not believe they were going to kill Enoch. Aiee, why was this happening? Enoch’s screams grew louder. I stared straight as I tried to block them from my ears.
I jerked. The General was looking at me now. What was he thinking? Was he reading my fear? Had he heard Enoch shout my name? Did he want to kill me next? I held my breath and my heart hurt my ears with its beats. I could not die. I had to stay strong for Thandi. I was Umama’s only son. I could not die. I had to look after Thandi. I promised Umama I would. I must not let the General see me weak so he could kill me. I lifted my head and made my back like the spear. I pushed back my knees more so they were stiff to hide the shaking inside my legs. The General still stared hard at me.
Then he gave a loud sniff and turned as the “Dada-dada- dada” of the AK47 bullets shouted at us from the trees. I pushed the picture of the bullets tearing into Enoch from my brain. I did not want to see his broken, bloody body and his brains out from his head. I’d heard of these AK47 bullets and how they tear you like a pack of hungry wild dogs. The soldiers laughed at the sound and then looked back at us with evil smiles.
Commander Mobuto came back from the trees with a big grin. His gold tooth glinted at us. The General gave him a nod.
“He broke well, General. The vultures will eat good tonight.”
“Make sure these five hold,” said the General looking back at us. “If not kill them too. Take them to the training ground.”
Mobuto saluted and turned to us. “Follow me, you pieces of shit, and keep up. I’ve had some blood, but I want more. Any failure and I will drink your blood too.”
Chapter 7
Commander Mobuto led us to another field. “See those grey stones,” he shouted. “Pick them up and run around the field. Now! Go! One two, one two, lift your knees.”
We ran over to some big grey rocks lying on the field. I bent over and snatched one of them and grunted as I lifted it. My arms pained and my knees bent. I took a big breath and held it in.
“Right, run. Drop the stones and you’re dead,” said Mobuto.
He stood tall with his legs apart and hit the side of his big leg with his stick. David began to run and I ran behind him. Sipho grunted behind me. As we went round the field I looked back and saw Richard and Jabu running with fierce faces and open mouths behind Sipho.
“Faster, you stupid soldier boys. How will you crawl through the bush and kill our enemy at the village if you’re so slow? Huh? Faster! Faster!” shouted Commander Mobuto.
Bilole had come to the field with another small boy. He pushed him towards the stones and the boy picked one up and nearly fell over.
I looked to the front and breathed hard. The stone was digging into my shoulders now and the ground was moving in front of my eyes. I swallowed hard. My arms ached too much but I knew I mustn’t let them drop. I must not be dead like the cold grey stones. I must get back to Thandi. I focused my mind and counted in my head. “One two, one two, one two,” I chased the other thoughts from my head. “One, two, one two.” The stone felt better as my spirit became lost in the counting.
I heard a crash behind me. My stomach turned. I prayed it was not David or Sipho. I looked back as I went around the curve of the field. Richard was bent over and making slow steps forward but he still had his stone by his stomach. Jabu looked stronger. His face was firm and his small eyes looked fierce to the front with his knuckles white around the stone. It was the new boy that Bilole had brought. I looked more closely at him. He looked like only ten years and was small and dark with a round face and fearful white eyes. He must be a weak country boy and the stones were too heavy for him. He had dropped his and was quivering with big eyes. Aiee, he looked too scared. Mobuto would not be happy. I kept running and moved my eyes to the front, but from the side I saw Mobuto grin. His big crocodile teeth with their glinting gold were ready to eat and I swallowed down the sick that came into my throat. He was going for the kill and wanted us to drop the stones so he could crush us with his fat fists.
I heard a loud crack and the new boy screamed. I could see the picture in my head of him lying down with blood coming from his head like Enoch. I kept my face firm to the front and swallowed again. I ran harder and harder, holding my stone so tight I thought my hands would break.
“Boys who drop my stones are dead boys,” shouted Mobuto, hitting his trouser leg with his stick. He moved around in the middle watching each of us. “You must be tough in the L.R.A. We want only the boys who are strong like the ox. We don’t want the fucking weak shit.”
He began to jog behind us as we ran. I felt a stinging pain across my legs. Aiee, it was too sore but I didn’t cry out as Mobuto came past me with his stick. He moved over to David and whacked him hard across the back of his legs. I kept my eyes looking straight in front and bit down on my lip. David kept running and did not cry out. I was glad. He must be strong inside too.
Mobuto marched back to the middle of the field. Bilole joined him and they watched us as we ran around.
“You must be good killer soldiers otherwise we’ll use yo
u for our targets” shouted Mobuto pointing his AK at us.
“Yes, ha, ha, ha. Good targets, you fucking weak pieces of shit,” said Bilole.
Mobuto turned to him and gave the big sneer. “Maybe we’ll blow their brains out of their stupid dumb heads, hey, Bilole? Come drop some more,” he said, turning back to us. “I want more blood. Drop some more. Ha, ha, ha. Run, you fucking rubbish boys. Run until you are good soldiers.”
The sweat ran down my arms and the stone became slippery. My stomach went round fast with the fear. I made my arms hard and pressed my fingers deep into the ridges of the stones so they hurt. I must keep going. “One two, one two. I must not drop the stones. I must not drop the stones.”
“Stop!” said Mobuto. “Put down the stones.”
We stopped and panted as he marched over to us. I dropped my stone onto the yellow grass and it landed with a crunch. My beating heart was happy but my arms were so weak they floated. I heard the thud of Sipho’s stone behind me. The boys Richard and Jabu had also dropped theirs. The stones were so big that they’ve made a deep cut in the red ground beneath the short yellow grass. My chest heaved up and down so much it hurt to breathe and my whole body was wet.
“So, soldier boys. You’ve made it. You’re the toughies who can carry the heavy stones. That is good. You will be able to carry the weapons for us in the bush. We can’t have soldiers who are too weak to carry their own weapons, huh? Bilole take away the feeble insect. I’m tired of seeing his bloody body on my ground.”
Bilole picked up the broken body of the new boy. His head fell back and was so red with thick blood that I couldn’t see his face properly. His arms hung funny and his hands were dead. His spirit had flown far away into the jungle. I bet he was glad that he was gone from this place. He was too weak. It was better for him not to be here anymore.
Chapter 8
Bilole took us back to the hut and let us have water and bread and then told us to sleep. I chewed the hard bread, took big gulps of the water and then lay on the bed. I had not had a bed since I was little in the squatter camp with Umama, but the pain in my heart was too great for me to even like it. I closed my eyes and squeezed back the tears. My breath shuddered inside me.