by Julia North
I heard a small sob and turned to see Sipho. He lay with his eyes closed and his arm across his big forehead. His stomach moved up and down and the tears came from under his eyelids. How had this happened? I shook my head and wished I could just pretend this was not real. Aiee, how would I survive in this place? Enoch was already dead and so was that other new boy. These men felt nothing to kill. They wanted to drink our blood. Tomorrow maybe we would all be dead. My mind turned black and I groaned. I covered my eyes with my hands. We were all too tired to speak and soon I heard the others snoring and let myself also fall into the sleep.
Next I knew I was waking and there was weak pink light outside. Inside I wanted to cry. Bits of my dream came back. I’d been with Thandi eating KFC in our pipe house and me telling her the favorite story of the sly jackal who stole the farmer’s butter until the farmer tricked him by making him sleep in front of the fire so it melted out of his bottom. I squeezed back the tears. If only I could really be back there. Why had this thing happened to us? Why did we go to that KFC? I felt so empty with only the fear in my head. I wished I could just run away, but how would I ever do that? I was trapped and had no idea what this day would bring.
“Bilole’s here,” whispered David. “We better get up.”
I pushed back the tears, which had come into my eyes, and jumped to my feet. I scrambled for my uniform as Bilole’s heavy steps came in the door.
“Wake up. Here have this water and bread. I want you dressed and out of the hut in ten minutes. Is that clear!” he shouted.
“Yes, sah,” we shouted.
Sipho jumped up and grabbed his uniform. David picked up the steel basin of bread Bilole had thrown on the floor. He gave a piece to each of us. I went over to the jug of water and helped him to pour some cups. I gave to Sipho first and then to the boys Richard and Jabu. They just grunted when they took them and I glared at them.
“Dress first and then eat,” I said to Sipho.
He nodded and pulled on his uniform and sandals before crunching on the piece of bread.
I did the same and we rushed outside before Bilole could shout at us or beat us. He marched us to a field at the back of the hut. At the end stood a long row of wooden poles with fat sacks on them.
“Make a line here,” said Bilole, stabbing the ground with his hard boot.
We obeyed and shuffled into a line next to him. I looked down at the big wood box beside him. Inside was a pile of wooden AK guns with sharpened wooden bayonets carved underneath. One by one he gave us a gun. My hands were wet and I held it tight so it would not slip out. At least it was not heavy like the stone.
Commander Mobuto came to the field. “Run across the field and stab those sacks,” he shouted. “Do it fast otherwise I will beat you with them.”
David raised his eyebrows at me as I panted next to him. Sipho was behind grunting as he ran.
“Stab the bodies. Kill the enemy who have harmed your family,” shouted Mobuto.
I saw David stab the sack with the bayonet of his wooden AK. His muscles were tense and he frowned hard as he ran again and again at the sack. I grunted and also hit the sack as hard as I could again and again. The sand was packed tight like the mountain and the wooden gun made my hands tingle but I kept hitting it.
“Break, you stupid sack, break,” I panted. I hit and hit as I pulled back my arm and ran again at the sack.
Richard hit his sack with scrawny arms and I lifted my eyebrows as red sand poured from his hole onto the dry grass. He did not look so strong. He turned and lifted his eyebrows at me like Mr. Proud Boy.
I glared at him and stabbed harder. David’s broke next to me and so did Jabu’s. I stabbed again. My heart beat hard as Mobuto looked at me and took a step towards me. I took a deep breath, pulled back my arm, and then ran and threw myself at the sack. “Thwack, thwack, thwack.” I stabbed with all my strength and then let out a big sigh as at last the red sand dribbled to the grass like blood tears.
“Well done,” said David, and smiled.
I smiled back at him and wiped the sweat from my head with my arm.
“So, you are lucky today,” said Mobuto as Sipho gave one more stab and his sack broke just in time. “Maybe next time you will not be so lucky.”
Chapter 9
The smell of the hospital antiseptic is strong in my nose as I open my eyes. The early orange light of the morning has painted the window. I stare at it until the sky turns dark pink and the rooster cock-a-doodles hello to the new morning. Its crowing makes the memories of Mobuto and David jump back into my mind and I squeeze my eyes tight to chase away their broken bodies.
I shake my head and look around at the white humps of boys in the silent ward. Some of them are snoring. I squint into the pale light of the room. One boy at the end has messy brown hair. My body tingles; Richard! I smile and let out a big sigh. At least I am not alone.
The strong pink sky turns to blue and soon the nurse comes with a trolley filled with bowls of steaming yellow maize meal porridge.
“Good morning,” she says, like she’s happy. “Time to eat. You feeling better?”
I nod but say nothing. What is there to be so happy about?
She picks up some more pillows. “Come, I’ll help you sit up and put these behind you,” she says.
“Aaargh.” I grit my teeth and then hold my breath as I push myself up while she plops the pillows in.
“Think you can feed yourself?” she says, giving me a warm bowl and plastic spoon.
I grunt and begin to spoon the steaming mixture into my mouth. It’s so hot that it numbs my tongue but I swallow and clench my jaw so she can’t see.
A boy moves on the far side and the nurse also helps him sit up. I stare at his square head and dark skin. He turns his head and I see slit eyes and the long scar down his cheek. I smile. It’s Trigger, from Nkunda’s squadron. He’s covered in a big bandage across his chest and moans as the nurse moves him but she helps him to sit up for his porridge. He stuffs a big spoon into his mouth.
Richard’s got a plastic bag on a silver pole next to his bed with a thin tube going into the top of his hand. The nurse fiddles with the tube and turns something. She doesn’t give Richard any porridge. I stare at his thin scarecrow body. He hasn’t moved much and his eyes are still closed which is not good.
“Trigger, Richard,” I call as soon as the nurse leaves.
“Hotshot?” says Trigger. He turns and looks across the room. His eyes find me and he gives a big smile. “Hey, that you?“
“It’s me. You okay?
He nods. “The bullet nearly got me but the doctor says I’m okay it didn’t go inside. I thought you were dead, my brother.”
“Me too. They nearly got me.”
Trigger stares at me.
“David’s dead; so is Mobuto!” I say and my voice croaks.
“No!” gasps Trigger, and then groans with pain as he tries to sit up further. “Bilole was shot and Jabu, then Bloodneverdry too. I saw the bullets rip them and ducked to the side. I think the bullet went through Shithead in front and into me. If it hadn’t hit him first I’d be dead,” he says.
“Lucky shit,” I say with a heavy spirit. I’m glad he’s survived but I want David here. Why did he have to die instead?
“What happened to Nkunda and the others?”
Trigger shrugs his shoulders. “There was so much fire and smoke. All the boys were going mad. I don’t know if they survived. I didn’t want to die that day.” His eyes cloud over and he looks down. “How you escape, Hotshot?”
I shake my head. “My mind cannot remember. I started running into the bush with Bilole when the rebels came on the ground. All I can remember is running and running through the forest and then falling with a fire in my back. I don’t know how I came to be here.”
“Me too,” says Trigger with dark eyes. “We are lucky. They must have left us for dead and then Dr. Zuma must have found us.”
I nod. “Richard’s that side,” I say, pointing to his
bed.
Trigger brightens and looks over and calls, “Hey, Richard. Wake up.”
Richard stays silent and doesn’t move at all.
“He’s not good,” I say. “The nurse didn’t give him food. Maybe he’s dying?”
Trigger stays quiet for a bit and then says, “We must let them help us.”
I nod and turn away. I’m so empty inside. There’s been so much death. I wish I could just run away from it all. I wish all of this was not true. I wish I was back in our camp with David and my AK.
“How could the juju fail us? How could the great witchdoctor not protect us?”
Trigger shrugs and shakes his head. “I don’t know, Hotshot. I don’t know.”
“I think the spirits have turned against us. They have cursed us,” I say.
Trigger turns to me with wide eyes but says nothing. I sink back into my bed. What will I do now? How will I find Thandi if I have no power? I feel like the hollow person. Tears prick by my eyes and I push the thoughts away and tense my body. My fists lie clenched by my side. I must not be weak.
“You can go to the dorm this afternoon. I think your back is strong enough now,” says Dr. Zuma as he prods and presses his big hands across my back.
It hurts a little and I give a small cry but time has passed and I’m feeling better now and want to be out of this place with all its sickness and blood.
“Yes, that looks good. Put him in Dorm two, Nurse. You’ll have a short exercise regime to follow every morning before breakfast and we’ll start doing some crafts too. We have a strict routine for you here. There’ll be church on Sunday morning.”
His eyes shine at me behind his silver glasses and he gives a big smile.
I don’t smile back and then look away. I won’t answer him. I like routine; I’m a soldier but what’s this church shit? All I’ll do is the exercise.
The doctor stands still next to me, pats me strong on the shoulder and moves off.
“Right, you get some rest I’ll check on you again after supper,” he says.
I say nothing but watch as he moves over to Richard and begins to examine his bandage. Trigger’s already gone from the hospital two days, but Richard’s still not ready.
That afternoon Nurse Sophie comes to fetch me.
“We’ve given you some new clothes and shoes to wear.” She smiles, bustling up to me with her straight back and turning down my sheet. She puts some clothes on the bed and then turns to draw the curtains around my bed.
“Come, you get dressed now and then I’ll take you to the dorm. You can use this walking stick to help you for a bit.”
She tries to help me sit up but I push her away and grunt. I get up and slowly put on the clothes. My legs still feel weak and my back is stiff and paining but it feels good to be out of the bed. I pull the curtain back hard and give Richard the thumbs up as I take the stick and limp behind the stupid Nurse Sophie from the ward. Richard smiles at me and shows his thumb.
“Go well, Hotshot,” he says.
“Stay strong,” I say.
Nurse Sophie is waiting at the door with a stupid grin on her face.
“You have done well,” she says. “You are a lucky boy.”
I glare at her and want to hit her with my stick but she turns and goes to like fast rabbit down the step and I follow slow and sore behind. I’ll be glad when Richard is out and we are all strong again. He’s still very thin but is eating on his own now so maybe it won’t be too long for him to be better. Then we can train again and soon we will escape back to find the L.R.A.
“Hey, Hotshot.” Trigger smiles, with his slit eyes shining as I shuffle into the dorm. “We’re together, my brother!”
I give him a double handshake and a small smile and look around the dorm. It is a big rondavel with cool mud walls and a fresh thatch roof. There are three beds inside and two big chests of drawers. There is a small table with a big jug and washbasin on. I see Nurse Sophie go to a bed next to where Trigger is lying. She puts a pile with two white folded shirts and a pair of khaki shorts onto it.
“These are yours to keep,” she says. “There’s a chest of drawers over there. The bottom one is yours and has some more things in as well as a toothbrush and paste for you. Okay. You rest now and I’ll come fetch you both for supper.”
She stands with a stupid smile on her face at the end of my bed like she’s waiting for me to say something. I stare at the bed. It’s covered with a soft grey blanket covered with a big red cross. Suddenly Thandi stands strong in my mind and a deep pain attacks my belly. The dump feels so long ago now I can’t even remember how she sounds. She must have grown lots now. How will she look? I push down the sob that wants to climb out of my mouth and shake my head.
“You’ll be comfortable here,” says Nurse Sophie, pulling my mind back to the bed. I glare at her and push past to throw myself on the bed. She gives me a sad smile and then goes from the hut. I lie with my arms behind my head and stare at the ceiling.
“I don’t want to talk,” I say as Trigger opens his mouth to speak. He glares at me and then shrugs and turns on to his side away from me. My stomach clenches. I don’t care if he’s cross. I feel so empty inside. I just want to be left alone.
Chapter 10
As the days go past I force myself to walk even though it’s still sore and I have to use the stick.
“Hey, Hotshot,” says Richard as I limp over to where him and Trigger are sitting under a big acacia tree. “Come sit here.”
“Hey, Richard. When they let you out?”
“This morning,” says Richard and grins. “I’m also in your Dorm.”
“Good,” I say as I collapse on the grass next to them.
“See my scars,” he says, and shows me his arm and then lifts up his shirt.
I stare at the jagged dent all the way up his arm and a long one across his stomach. “You are lucky you made it,” I say.
“It was a bad day,” he says. “I’m glad you also made it,” he says, after a while.
I nod and lean back against the trunk of the acacia. I close my eyes and feel my stomach jump. My muscles have been jumping too much and inside I’ve such panic that I want to run screaming into the bush. I frown. What is this panic? Why does it suddenly come in the waves and make my whole body to go hot with the sweat? I feel weak inside and silently curse myself and stiffen my face so that Richard and Trigger can’t see.
“My body’s crying for the brown-brown,” I say, opening my eyes and looking to see if they’ve been watching me. I give a small sigh. Richard is staring to the front and so is Trigger. They also look like they are not good inside. Maybe they have the same panic?
“Mine too,” says Richard when he feels my eyes on him. “We’ve all been in the hospital too long, that’s why our bodies are crying.”
“It is too long.” I say and nod. “We’ve got to get some.”
I turn my head and look away. Inside I am dead. I don’t even know how long I’ve been here. Nothing makes sense anymore. I hate this. I feel like a weak dog. I clench my fist and hit the ground. I need to feel like a soldier again.
Trigger looks over at me. “Hey, I’ve heard there are the good tablets in the surgery. Maybe we can have those?” he says.
“That stupid doctor won’t give us any,” says Richard, spitting onto the ground. “He says our bodies will stop craving soon. He never even gave me the pain tablets when I came out today.”
“I hate him,” I say.” When I’m better we’ll break into the surgery and steal the drugs.”
“We must watch Nurse Sophie,” says Richard. “She always locks the cabinet”
“No problem. We can break it easily.”
“Yes, when your back’s better we’ll do that,” says Richard.
I look sideways as he says it. He still needs me to lead and just wants to follow like he did in the camp. He feels my gaze and looks away.
Trigger takes out a crumpled packet of Lucky Strike. “Here,” he says.
I take
the smoke and matches and strike up, glad that at least they let us have the cigarettes even though they say it is just until we are better. I pull the smoke deep into my lungs pretending it is good jamba. “Soon we’ll go back to the L.R.A. I must find the General,” I say.
“I hope he is not dead too,” says Richard. “There were too many dead that day.”
I nod and turn my head away. I don’t want to think about that day. I just want to get out, find the L.R.A. and take revenge.
“I need my AK and my machete,” I say, stabbing the earth with my fingers.
Richard and Trigger laugh. “They’ll never give us that,” says Trigger. “They even lock the forks away because they’re frightened we’ll stab them.”
“I want to stab that stupid Nurse Sophie,” I say. I can see her bustling over towards us with her big owl eyes. “I’m going,” I say. I push with pain from the ground. “See you later.”
“Okay,” says Richard, while Trigger laughs and gives me the thumbs up. He knows I want to get away from the stupid bitch.
“Richard’s coming with me to do some crafts later,” says Trigger. “Maybe you want to come?”
“What crafts?” I say pulling a face.
“We draw things. I like the art. I can draw well,” he says, and puffs up like the rooster.
I frown at him. “Maybe,” I say, but all I want to play with is an AK.
I see the nurse coming closer with her small fast steps and I hobble away as fast as I can. I don’t want her talking to me in front of them. I’m only a little way away when she catches up behind me and asks with her owl eyes,
“You okay, Pumpkin?”
I turn and try and hit her but she ducks away from my arm and I miss.
“Call me fucking Pumpkin again and I’ll kill you, bitch,” I shout with a face filled with hate.
She steps back from me but calls out after me,