by Julia North
He looks down and shuffles into his clothes. I put on my sandals and walk out of the door towards the doctor’s office like the proud lion.
I throw open the door and march inside.
“Yes,” I demand.
Dr. Zuma gazes up from his desk and stares at me. I hold his gaze with hard eyes and a straight back even though it’s painful to stand like that.
“Where’s Richard?”
I shrug.
“How are you feeling?”
“Good,” I say with an ugly smile.
He looks down at my hand and the crooked cut across the side by my thumb.
“I see you’ve hurt yourself,” says Dr. Zuma.
I laugh out loud. “It is nothing.”
“What you did last night is not nothing,” says Dr. Zuma. “Tablets like that in big doses can destroy your liver. It’s not good for you, never mind the theft.”
“So what,” I shout. “I’ve taken much worse than your stupid tablets. I told you we need the brown-brown or glue. I told you,” I scream at him. “We need it. Our bodies need it. That’s why I take it.”
My head is thrown back and my body is like stiff like the AK. I make a move towards Dr. Zuma to hit him. He stands up and in one big step he grabs both my arms and holds them behind my back.
“We won’t have that here. You and Richard are going to clean up the glass and you are going to help Bengu re-glaze that window and then fit iron bars so you won’t ever be able to do that again. I’m not pleased with you at all.”
He stares at me with fierce eyes and holds my arms so tight behind me that I can’t move. I look at him with hate eyes. I’m so angry that I feel my eyes prick with tears. No, I won’t let him see that. I squeeze back the tears and continue to glare at him. I won’t let him break me. I won’t.
Richard comes to the doorway and stands staring with big eyes.
“I’m not happy, Richard,” says Dr. Zuma. “You’re both going to make right your wrong.”
“Yes, sah,” says Richard in a small voice.
I turn round and pull up my lip at him. Coward –he has no spirit anymore. All he’s good for is the witchdoctor’s fire.
He looks away from my stare of hate.
That afternoon the doctor comes with and guards me as I pull a face and help Bengu to fix the window. I put the putty on bit by bit and make sure I drop some. Then I try and break the new glass as I give it to him, but Bengu grabs it away.
“Leave the glass. You can do the iron bars,” he says.
I pick up one and move my arm back to strike him with it but Dr. Zuma grabs my arm and pushes me over to the window. I try to resist but he’s too strong.
“Richard come and hold this,” says Dr. Zuma.
Richard shuffles over as if the doctor is Mobuto and obeys. Fucking coward.
“Good,” says Dr. Zuma as we finish and clean away. “I’ll show you some pictures of a diseased liver later and then hopefully you’ll realize why we don’t want to give you too many tablets.”
“What do I care about my liver,” I scream at him. “Fuck my liver. I’m a soldier. I take the brown-brown. I take the juju. I sniff the glue. You think some stupid tablets can break me. Hey? Hey?”
The veins are standing out in my neck and my fists are clenched. All the anger I’ve been keeping inside is exploding out.
“You must learn again to love yourself and your body,” whispers Dr. Zuma. “It’s my prayer that you’ll do that soon.”
“Fuck you and your prayers,” I shout. “I don’t need you and I don’t need your God.”
“Yes, you do.” Dr. Zuma smiles. “I’m afraid we all do. Without him we are nothing.”
I’m so angry at his words that my mouth just opens and closes like a fish. I put my hands to my face, throw my head back and scream. I hate him so much that I don’t know what to do. I just want to be back with my L.R.A.
Chapter 15
It was two days and Sipho had not come. My heart was too heavy and I was sure he was dead. I was losing all my friends. I’d lost my family. Maybe Thandi too was dead? My body was going mad for the glue and I was sure just now I too would die.
I lay on my bed and stared with empty eyes at the doorway. David, Richard and Jabu were still in the shower. The sun was beginning to fall and the light outside had turned orange. Then suddenly I heard marching outside.
“Get in. You can join the boys for supper,” shouted Bilole. A boy was pushed through the door and Sipho’s big forehead came in front of my eyes. I jumped from my bed and ran over to him. I put my arms around him.
“Hey, Sipho, I was too scared for you,” I said in a small voice.
Sipho pulled back and looked at me with wet eyes. He shook his head. “Mimi nina okay,” he whispered.
I looked down at his hand. There was a brown bandage on it and it looked too fat. “Samahani, my brother. At least, they did not take your hand.”
He nodded and shuffled over to his bed and lay down. I followed him with my eyes and then sat back on my own bed with a sore heart. The silence was heavy between us.
I cleared my throat and said, “Don’t worry; we will soon get away, my brother. I will try and find a way.”
“You think we can?” asked Sipho, lifting his eyebrows at me.
“Ndiyo,” I said with my eyes down. “We must just wait for the right time. I will stay with you Sipho.”
Sipho nodded and stared up at the ceiling.
“We are brothers,” I said, but he still just stared up at the ceiling. Inside my stomach was going round and round. I did not know how to help him and how we would ever get out of this place, but I must try. I must watch everything with clever eyes so I could think what to do. Sipho needed me to lead. It had always been like that on the dump. Thandi needed me too. I gave a small sob. I clenched my fists. Why did this have to happen to us, why? Why had they taken my friend’s finger? I hated these fucking men. I hated them so much.
I heard David’s voice and turned as he came back into the hut.
“Hey, Sipho,” said David, looking with sad eyes at him. “It’s good you are back.”
Sipho just nodded and said nothing. I pulled a face at David to tell him to leave him.
Then Richard and Jabu came in. They stopped and stared at Sipho and said, “Hey.”
Sipho looked and turned over and lay on his side. I could see he did not want to talk to anyone and must be paining bad inside.
“Come, we must go eat,” I said after a short while. “You will be better when your stomach is full.”
We went to the dining hut and afterwards we walked back with heavy steps to our hut before the other boys. Sipho shuffled next to me with his head down. He had only eaten a small bit of the beef stew and left his bread.
“I’m tired,” said Sipho as soon as we got into the hut. “My hand is paining. I’m going to sleep.”
“Do you want a story to help you sleep?” I asked.
He shrugged his shoulders and lay down on his bed. I stared at him. His eyes were big and sad. My stomach hurt for my friend so bad. I knew he liked to have things always looking good and would hate his hand with no finger.
“I will tell you one about how the clever lion cub defeated the ugly hippo,” I said, and then whispered, “It would be like us killing Bilole and Mobuto.” I watched his face to see if this helped him.
Sipho gave a small smile and said, “Okay, maybe that will help me to sleep.”
I made up the story of the two ugly hippos called Bilole and Mobuto and the clever lion cub called Sipho. Sipho lion cub he got Mr. Modetse Crocodile to help play the bad trick on the hippos and make them fall in the trap so that Mr. Crocodile can bite their big backsides and make them run away. Sipho laughed as I made the big crocodile mouth and pretended to bite Bilole and Mobuto. I smiled at his laughter and was glad the story helped. I wished Thandi was with us to hear it. She always told me I was number one storyteller.
I closed my eyes so I could just pretend that we were all
back in our sewer pipe house with me telling stories and Sipho, Enoch and Thandi all laughing and laughing. But then I felt my stomach jump and a big sob came out my mouth from deep inside. I could not pretend that for long. Everything here was so bad that I could never forget it. Enoch was dead and Sipho had no finger. What would happen next to us? I shook my head. I must not think these things. I had to stay strong or this place would kill me.
Soon Sipho was snoring. I hoped he would feel better when the sun came again.
The next morning Bilole screamed at us before the sun had awoken properly made us run and run around the field until our bodies were wet with the sweat. Sipho was lucky because he did not have to come.
We’d had to do this every morning for two weeks and I liked the routine. It made my mind strong and my muscles had grown hard. At the end of the two weeks I was able to run ten times around the field before I started to pant. It felt good.
“Phew, I am smelling,” said Jabu as he lifted his arm to smell his sweaty armpits as we marched back to the hut after the last session. There were two black stains on his shirt.
I lifted mine and saw the same. “Stinko!” I said, and they all laughed.
Sipho was awake and lay on his bed staring at us as we came in.
“Hey, Sipho,” I said. “You good?”
He nodded at me.
“At least you did not have to do the hard training,” I said. “It was bad.”
He shrugged and looked down at his hand. I knew he would have to carry the things for Bilole and Mobuto now and I knew that he must be very cross inside. I bit my lip and looked at the floor as I sat on the edge of my bed. I felt bad but there was nothing I could do.
“I will go and drink water and then we must rest. We must train again in one hour,” says David.
Jabu and I looked at each other and nodded. He was like our father sometimes.
“I’m hungry. It’s not fair that we can’t have food until lunchtime,” I said.
“At least water will fill our stomachs,” said David.
I pulled a face. The hunger in my stomach had made me angry. I was glad I had friends but inside I was still hurting. If I told them the truth they would see that I just want to cry and run away from this place, but it was impossible. The soldiers were everywhere and they felt nothing to kill us. I would never really be able to help Sipho and me escape. My mind jumped again to Thandi and a deep cry came in my chest. Always it was jumping to her and nearly every night she visited in my dreams and left me with a big hole in my stomach when I woke. I shook my head to chase the thoughts away and hide my pain. I would have to try and be stronger. I must not let my mind break me otherwise I would die.
“You’ve gone quiet, Modetse,” said David. “You okay?”
“Yes,” I said, turning my head away. “Do you want to come get water, Sipho?”
“Okay,” said Sipho.
We ran out to find the water and glugged and splashed its coolness all over us.
“I hate it here,” said Sipho. He clenched his jaw as we walked back to the hut behind David.
“It’s bad,” I agreed, “but you must not let them break you.” I looked down at his hurt hand. “You must try not to think.”
“They make me a donkey. I don’t like this life. I hate it. I hate it,” he shouted as big tears flowed from his eyes.
“Shh, Sipho, don’t shout,” I said. “I know you hate it. I know you like things to be nice but there’s nothing we can do.”
Sipho put his head down and sobbed. “I want to die,” he said. “I don’t want to live anymore. I hated the dump and the fighting but it was not so bad as this. I hate it, Modetse, I hate it.”
I put my arm around him. “Stop it, Sipho. I promise I will try and help us escape soon.”
Sipho looked up at me with wet eyes. “Really?
“Really,” I said, and looked away with a heavy heart.
We walked on some more in silence and then I said suddenly, “Hey, let’s play a trick on Richard.”
Sipho lifted his eyebrows at me. “How?”
“Let’s try to find the spider. I heard Richard tell Jabu he’s scared of spiders. Let’s find the big spider and put it in his bed.”
A slow smile came on Sipho’s face. “Where ?”
“They hide under the huts. Let’s look this side.” I crept around the back of our hut and Sipho followed. I got down on my haunches and looked under the dusty floorboards with hawk eyes. I was sure one must be there. Ay, I was too clever. There was a rusty brown hairy body of the big spider hiding with the stones and the dirt.
“Ay, something’s smiling on us,” I said, and giggled. “It’s a baboon spider.”
“A big one?”
“Ay, so big Richard will shit his pants.”
“Where? Where? Let me see.”
“Wait,” I commanded. “Get me a stick.”
Sipho looked around for a long twig and gave it me. I crawled under the hut towards the hairy bent legs which stuck out from the side of a stone. I stretched out my arm with the stick and held my breath as I gave the spider monster a poke. The stick made a dent in the soft body and I jumped back with a small cry.
“Did it bite?” said Sipho.
“No,” I said, “it’s okay; I think he’s dead.”
“You sure?”
I nodded my head but my heart thumped. I prodded the spider again and for a second it looked like it had come alive, I caught my breath, but then I realized it was just the stick that had moved it.
“It’s okay,” I whispered and grinned as I poked the numb hairy body again. I hooked the stick behind it and pulled it forward bit by bit until I could catch its leg. I held the hairy leg with my fingers and crawled out backwards.
“Take off your shirt. We can wrap it in that.
Sipho took off his T-shirt and gave it to me.
“Hey, this is a good spider for Richard.” I laughed staring at the hairy body. “It’s the big orange baboon one. His scarecrow hair will never go flat again.”
“Good, I want to see his eyes pop from his head,” said Sipho, and laughed.
“He’ll be a monster scarecrow now.”
We held our sides, bent over with laughter, and then walked like the main men back to the hut with our poison.
“Put your shirt under your bed,” I whispered as we got to the door.
Richard, Jabu and David were in the hut but Sipho did well and just walked with big steps up to his bed and pretended to put his shirt in the basket under it. Soon it was time for supper and we all left the hut.
As soon as the food was finished Sipho and me raced back to get there before Richard and Jabu. David gave us a funny look as we ran from the dining hut.
“Quick, give me your shirt,” I said to Sipho as we puffed into our hut.
Sipho pulled out the bundle and I unwrapped the hairy orange monster with its beady eyes and baboon fangs.
“Hey, this’s too good. Richard will go mad.” I laughed loud.
Sipho snorted as I pushed the baboon spider down to the bottom of Richard’s bed. His feet would not be smiling tonight.
Soon Richard, Jabu and David returned. David gave me a long look and raised his eyebrows but I just smiled at him. I gave Sipho a sideways look. He looked back and smiled. I could feel his excitement and felt warm inside.
Richard and Jabu came in and I looked at them and said, “Hey!”
“Hey,” said Richard, while Jabu grunted.
Richard settled on his bed and I held my breath.
“I’m going to sleep for a bit in case they call us for night training,” I said, faking the big yawn.
“Good idea,” said Sipho, also yawning and lying down on his pillow. I faced him and gave a wink. Our yawning made Richard yawn. He lay down and turned on his side. My body tensed and I bit my lip to hide my smile.
“It’s cooler now. I need my blanket,” I said, crawling under the coarse, grey wool.
“Me too,” said Sipho.
“T
ell us if we must get up David,” I called.
“Okay,” replied David with deep eyes and a frown.
Sipho’s eyes bulged as we watched Richard lift up his blanket. I held my breath and waited.
“Aeeiou, aeeiou!” Richard’s screams of terror cracked through the air. He jumped out of his bed and threw the blanket off. The spider flew up with it and landed on his foot. He kicked it, threw his arms up to the air and then ran screaming around the hut like a mad devil.
“Aeeio, fucking spider…fucking spider…The giant orange spider has bitten me. Aeeiou, I’m a dead boy…I’m a dead boy. Help me, help me…help me!”
He fell on the floor holding his foot and wailing with his eyes so big I thought they would pop out.
Sipho and I held our stomachs and laughed so loud that the tears fell down our faces. Jabu sat up and stared down at Richard and then his loud laughter joined with ours and shook around the hut.
“Richard…Richard,” shouted David going over to look at the spider. “It’s okay. It’s dead. It’s dead!”
But Richard was deaf to him and had hopped from the hut clutching his foot in his fear. David ran after him while Jabu looked us with smiling eyes through his laughter. I high-fived Sipho. His head was thrown back, his mouth was wide open in the big laugh and his eyes glowed. For a bit he had forgotten he was Donkey Boy and I was glad.
Chapter 16
The next morning Richard, ay he would not speak to us. We walked like a spider behind him and touched his arm to give him a fright until he was too cross.
“Fuck you, Hotshot. I’ll get you back,” he said, and pulled his face in a snarl like the mad dog.
“It was just a joke,” said Jabu. “Leave Hotshot.”
Sipho raised his eyebrows at me. All of a sudden Jabu was on our side. David shook his head at us and smiled.
“Leave it now, Richard. It’s okay,” he said. “Come we must go train. We can’t be late.”
Richard clenched his jaw but obeyed. Jabu ran behind him and made to kick him from behind and smiled at us.
Sipho gave a snort and I gave Jabu the thumbs up. I was glad he liked the jokes. Maybe he would also be our friend.