by M. Clarke
“Want to put Em down for me?” she said wearily. “The rocking chair made me sleepy.”
I planted a kiss on Isla’s forehead as thanks, picked up Emma, and carefully, slowly placed her inside the crib. Since the little baby was well taken care of, it was time for me to take care of my girl.
Chapter 21
Isla
“You fell asleep on the rocking chair?” Olivia shrieked. “I think we need one, Nate.” She twisted to look at Nathan on the couch. Then she turned back to Em and me on the white rug.
“Are you fine with Emma playing on your precious rug, Josh?” Nathan asked. “It took you six months to get that rug, and it’s white.”
“It’s fine. It’s just a rug.” Josh laid his phone on the kitchen counter and sat across from Nathan.
Nathan chuckled. “You didn’t say that before. You’ve changed.”
Josh looked at his daughter and smiled. “What can I say? She’s got me wrapped around her tiny finger. Anyway, I just hung up with Ritz. I got next Saturday.”
“That’s wonderful,” I cheered, watching Emma tug, pull, and feel the book made of fabric.
Nathan kneeled next to Olivia and interacted with Em by turning the page. “What’s next Saturday?”
“I haven’t had time to send out formal invitations, but I’m only inviting a few close friends for Emma’s first birthday,” Josh informed him. “I just found out we got the room, so my word is your invite. You can come, right?”
Nathan and Olivia exchanged glances. “Sure,” Olivia confirmed. “What time?”
“Noon,” Josh said. “Excuse me for a second. I have to call Shelly and let her know. She’s taking care of half the plan.” He left, and Nathan excused himself to use the bathroom.
“So, I’m dying to know,” Olivia whispered. “What’s Shelly like?”
I rolled my eyes, and then felt guilty when my eyes fell back to Em. Not wanting Em to hear, I covered her ears, but Em pushed my hands away. “Let’s say, she’s not all I hoped she’d be.”
Olivia’s shoulders slumped with a sigh, her blonde hair swooshing around her. “That’s terrible. Was she at least cordial?”
“She was rude, Olivia.” I spilled out the truth, feeling some tension in my muscles relax. “I hadn’t invited her inside the house, and she barged right in.” I pushed up my hand for emphasis, my tone angrier at each word. “Then she pretended to be all nice when Josh came in.” I paused, trying to tame the awful feeling eating at me since the day Shelly entered my life. “She wants him back.” It sounded like a death sentence.
Olivia’s lips smashed together, and she released a sharp breath. “Well, she can’t have him. It’s not right to leave and come back.” Her lips parted, and her eyebrows angled to a pinch in the center. “Wait. I did that to Nathan, so I take it back. My situation is different.”
I rested my hand on her arm to let her know I understood. “You’re right. The situation is different. And honestly, I think she took his parents’ money and took off.”
“Really?” Olivia’s tone rose a pitch. “Maybe she owed people money? Or maybe she dated Josh for his money? Some women are like that. Or maybe she was too far gone with drugs and had no idea what she was doing?”
“Josh told me they both were sober and drug free when Shelly got pregnant. They were trying to get their act together. Em seems fine, thank God, but you never know. What if—”
“No,” Olivia cut in, forcing me to meet her gaze. “Josh loves you. He’s been in love with you since the day he met you. I know this to be true because Josh told Nathan. You have nothing to worry about.”
I frowned. “If it were just Shelly, maybe I could say with confidence you were right, but it’s not just her.” I eyed the beautiful, smiling girl who had no idea her parents were separated. “One day, she’ll start to ask questions.”
Olivia picked up Em and placed her on her lap. “And one day, they’ll explain it to her, and she’ll be just fine. Kids are resilient. Em won’t be the only child growing up living without both parents.”
“Yeah, like me,” I said softly, my heart flipping over knowing Em’s life would be like mine, sort of. My father left my mother when we were young, and eventually, she remarried. I kept in touch with my father, but I always wished both my parents loved each other and we lived under the same roof. “But what if a part of Josh is wondering if he’s making the right choice to be with me?”
Olivia’s brown eyes shot open wider. “What do you mean, Isla? Did he say something to you?”
Em clapped two toys together and made a cute happy sound, delaying my response.
“No, but they were each other’s first love, and she’s also the mother of their child. You never forget your first love. You of all people should know what I mean. Nathan left the woman he dated for you, and he really liked her.” I opted not to say Kelly for Olivia’s sake.
Olivia parted her lips to talk, but clamped them shut, and then she opened her mouth with clarity in her eyes. “Every situation is different, Isla. You can’t compare it to mine.”
Olivia was right, but I couldn’t help the way I felt. “Enough about me. What’s new with you? Any news about Troy?”
Olivia’s facial expression changed from concern to a frown. “He’s still on probation, and the court date has been postponed.” She shook her head. “I don’t understand. No, I take that back. He’s well known. He’s got connections. He’s got loads of money. It’s not fair.”
I wrapped my arm around her shoulder. “Karma is taking a bit too long, but he’ll get what’s coming to him.”
“Thanks, Isla. I know I’ve said this many times before, but if you weren’t there, I don’t think—”
I pulled away. “Olivia. Don’t go there. Troy isn’t worth your time.”
My eyes flashed wider when she poked my forehead. “And you …” she chided. “The X-Shell Bitch isn’t worth your time either.”
“The X-Shell Bitch?” I bust out a laugh. “Well, the X-Shell Bitch calls Josh JB.”
“Really?” Olivia couldn’t contain her giggles.
“What’s so funny?” Josh shoved his phone inside his pocket as he swaggered toward us, followed by Nathan. Two hot models on the runway. It was difficult to concentrate when that hunk of a gorgeous man, my man, caught my attention.
Ignoring Josh’s questions, Olivia asked Nathan, “Where have you been? You weren’t in the bathroom all this time were you?” She snorted.
“Kind of.” Nathan chuckled. “Josh had to pull me out of the toilet. After that I helped him with the birthday list.” He winked.
“You two.” Olivia shook her head, laughing.
“So, you didn’t answer me,” Josh continued, his hands pressing on the back of the sofa, focused on Em.
“Oh, nothing.” I winked at Olivia. “Everything all squared away?”
“Yup—” He started to say something more, and then his eyes darted from left to right, as he seemed to think of something. His lips twisted to the corner. “Except I forgot to order the cake.” Josh pressed his palm to his face. “Nathan. We forgot the cake. You’re a bad partner.”
Nathan bopped his shoulders, chuckling. “I’m new at this. Fire me and hire someone pretty, like the girl you live with. I bet she can do a much better job than I can.”
“I’ll take care of the cake,” I offered, handing Em the rubber toy she threw.
“Are you sure?” Josh sat on the sofa behind me, caressing my hair. “I don’t want to trouble you.”
Relaxing into his touch, I turned. With his legs slightly apart and my face right in front of his crotch, my mind raced with naughty thoughts of the night before. “I know the perfect place. They make the best cake,” I croaked, clearing my throat.
Josh bent lower and kissed my forehead. “Thank you. You’re the best.”
Nathan spread out on the rug next to Olivia, arms behind his neck, and closed his eyes. “Well, Olie. We better start making babies. Josh threatened me. He said he wouldn�
�t be my friend. He wants Emma to have friends to play with.”
As if on cue, Em crawled on top of Nathan, giggling. Nathan curled his body from the unexpected weight that pounced on him. “Emma. Don’t kill me. I promise to make a friend for you very soon.”
“She’s so good,” Olivia said out of the blue. “Most babies cry when their mother isn’t around.”
“Some babies are independent. Josh is lucky Em is, or she would be home with…her mother right now.” I explained to Olivia the differences between my nieces.
“See,” Olivia stressed, referring back to our previous topic. “Em is resilient. She will be fine.”
“Of course she’s fine,” Josh added, seemingly confused, and then turned to Nathan to ask him a question.
As they engaged, I focused on Olivia. “It also helped that Josh spent several days with Emma at Shelly’s place,” I explained. My heart twisted with an ache. I hadn’t questioned it before, but it dawned on me that every time he went there, they played the role of a happy family. The thought invaded my mind and wouldn’t go away.
Olivia noted something off with me and poked my arm. “Stop it. Stop thinking too much.”
So I shifted my attention to Em, who pounded on her toys. I joined her to get rid of some of my frustration.
Chapter 22
Josh
After dinner, Nathan and Olivia called it an early night, especially since they knew Shelly was on her way to pick up Emma. I had offered to take Emma home, but Shelly insisted she wanted to stop by since she would be out with her friends and heading my way on her way home.
“What time did Shelly say she was stopping by?” Isla asked, putting the dishes in the dishwasher.
“She should be here in five minutes or so.” I gently placed Emma on the counter. She began to kick her legs and tap on the counter. Observing Emma, I realized she found household items amusing. Any novelty object seemed more interesting than her expensive toys.
“Are you sure you only need me to order the cake?” Isla turned to ask me a question, and then she turned back to put more dishes inside the dishwasher. “I’m not busy this coming week.”
Emma grabbed the empty water bottle I had collected to put away in the recycle bag and started to pound on the counter. “I’m good, babe. Thank you though.” Then I snorted. “Do you think Emma has an aggression problem? She sure likes pounding things.”
“Pounding is fun.” Isla grabbed the other empty water bottle and joined Emma.
Emma shrieked with excitement, making loud, happy sounds.
“You’re really good with babies, you know that? I’m so glad you are, and more importantly, I’m so thankful for your help this weekend with Emma,” I said sincerely, wrapping her in my arm, while my other hand held my daughter firmly. “I wouldn’t have survived without you. Raising a child is a lot of work.”
“You think so?” Isla teased, a bit of sarcasm in her tone. “Why do you think it takes two people to make a baby and two people to raise a child?” She froze at her own words and angled her brows together. “I mean…it’s nice to have two people, but sometimes it doesn’t work that way.”
I wondered what she meant, and I was about to ask her if something was wrong when the doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it,” I said. Picking up Emma, I answered the door.
“Emma. Hello, sweetie,” Shelly squealed, and then her pitch dropped a notch. “Hey, JB.” She gave me a warm smile.
“Mama.” Emma wiggled in my arms and practically jumped to Shelly. I opened the door wider to let her in and shut it behind her.
“So how was Emma?” Shelly asked, her heels clicking toward the kitchen.
“A perfect angel. I couldn’t have done it without Isla.” Isla had disappeared, probably to avoid Shelly. And I was fine with that. However Isla wanted to deal with Shelly, I would support.
“Oh,” Shelly said curtly, glancing around. “So Emma ate fine and slept well?”
Those were the questions every mother had right to ask, but Shelly lingering at my home and overstaying her welcome bothered me, especially when she sat on the sofa instead of leaving.
“Yes she did. I’ve already texted you,” I reminded. “I even sent you pictures.”
“Don’t take offense, JB. I’m just asking again.” She frowned. “Is that girl you’re dating home?”
I glared at her when she said “that girl” and crossed my arms. “Shell. Is there something you want? Isla and I have dinner plans.”
“I thought you weren’t mad at me anymore?” Shelly squeezed Emma sitting in her lap. Emma wiggled out of her arms to her toys scattered about.
I sat across from her. “I’m not mad at you.”
“Oh, dear. Did you want me to leave?” She stood up and picked up Emma. Emma fussed at first, but when Shelly handed her daughter the toy she had dropped, she was happy again. “I’m so sorry. I thought we could discuss her birthday party.”
“I thought we’ve already sorted things out?” When I rubbed the back of my head, Shelly’s eyes beamed, and she outlined the tattoo of the red rose on my right arm with her finger.
“You got that tattoo because rose is my favorite flower. I remember that day when we got our tattoos together. I still have mine over my heart.”
I slowly peeled my arm away as I glanced by the stairs. I didn’t want Isla to get the wrong idea if she had happened to be on the stairs. Shelly could be touchy at times. No, I take that back. She had only been touchy with me ever since we had been spending more time together.
“Well, that was a long time ago.” I looked at Emma for a distraction and reminded myself Shelly robbed me of a year of being Emma’s father. Shelly left me. She deserved every ounce of my coldness, rudeness, and however I wanted to be around her.
“Do you think about what could have been, JB?” she asked, her eyes filled with regret and sorrow.
I clenched my jaw and scowled. We already had this discussion, and I wasn’t about to go there under my roof and definitely not in the space I shared with Isla. She was probably eavesdropping. I knew I would be.
“Not now, Shell,” I said with finality in my tone.
“Emma could have both her parents under one roof. She wouldn’t have to go back and forth. I’m willing to give us a chance. How about you?”
“I have to go.” I guided Shell toward the hallway and picked up Emma’s bag by the cabinet near the door where I kept my keys and mail.
Shelly stopped, her eyes on Emma. “Think about it, JB. Do it for Emma. She wants her father to live with her.” She inched closer to me. “I want us to live together. I never stopped loving you, JB. I miss you, and Emma will miss you when you’re not around. The separation isn’t good for her. She’ll have separation anxiety. You want that for your daughter? You disliked your father because he rarely spent time with you. Do you want to be like your father?”
I wanted to shake Shell and tell her to stop it, but I refrained. It wouldn’t matter what I said, she would try to get her way. But fuck! She still loved me and wanted me back. Sure, I had my suspicions, but hearing it out loud made it real.
“She’ll be fine,” I reassured her. “Emma isn’t the only baby living with one parent.”
“Tell me.” Shelly turned to face me after she took a step out of the threshold. “Tell me you don’t think about the what-ifs. Tell me you don’t still love me. Tell me not once did you think about what it would be like if the three of us lived together. And if you can tell me those thoughts never occurred, I’ll never ask again.”
I could have lied, but I suck at lying. Ever since Shelly came back with Emma, I wondered what it would’ve been like for the three of us to live together, to be a family. But it wasn’t that simple.
Taking in a deep breath, I planted my hand on the doorframe to keep my trembling hand steady. Shelly telling me she still loved me unraveled me, and my heart took a dive out of my chest in a good and bad way. I had shut the door with Shelly’s name on it but hadn’t locked it, an
d she just turned the knob. What do I say? When I heard Isla’s footsteps, it all became clear.
“You forgot I’m seeing someone,” I murmured. “You can’t just walk in my life and expect me to hand myself over to you, especially my heart, the one you once shattered. There are consequences for your actions. Make sure you teach that to Emma so she doesn’t make the same mistake when she’s old enough to date.”
Shelly’s facial muscles twitched, and her lips quivered. She wanted to say something, but she held it in. I pissed her off, especially with that last sentence, but I didn’t give a shit. I would be lying to myself if I didn’t admit that I still loved Shelly. I always would because she was my first. But time moved on. People moved on. We changed and grew as we got wiser.
“It doesn’t have to be that way,” she insisted. “You haven’t been seeing her that long. You don’t love her, JB. You know why?” She pressed a hand over my heart.
I wasn’t going to answer her question, but I knew she would tell me anyway. The better half of me demanded I slam the door on her face, but she held Emma, my weakness. And the idiotic part of me nagged that whatever she was about to say would be true.
“Deep down to the bottom of your heart, you still love me. We’re meant to be together. Emma is proof of that. And I promise you I’ve changed. I’m a good mother, and if you give me the chance, I’ll be a good wife. You told me you had planned to marry me. I would have said yes.”
My head dipped lower. Confused, I felt the weight of her words. Her confession of love and the truth of her words turned my world upside down. I had to stand firm. Isla is the one I want. Isla has always been there for me. She means the world to me. Just because old feelings started to resurface didn’t mean I wanted Shelly back in my life, right?