Wanting It All (The Passion Series Book 1)

by Livia Grant

  “I don’t feel too sorry for you, Lukus. You could call a dozen subs in your contacts and eleven would be here pantiless within the hour. If you aren’t getting any, it’s because you’re just getting too damn picky.”

  Lukus doesn’t bother to answer his friend because he knows he’s right. He could have a harem of subs here in no time. Subs who would do anything and everything he asked of them. They would behave like proper subs and follow directions to a T. They wouldn’t talk back; they wouldn’t sass or argue. They wouldn’t push him away or tell him he had to stop. Yep, Derek is right. He could get laid a dozen times by a dozen different women before midnight if he really wanted. The problem is he doesn’t want that, not anymore. He’s not sure exactly when, but somewhere along the way he’s started wanting something different, something more.

  ‘Yep… I’m still so fucked.’

  Chapter Fifteen

  “So let me get this straight. Lukus was at my house and Markus was there and they looked all chummy?”

  Tiff is starting to lose her patience. “Yes, Brianna. For the third time, yes. Lukus was just coming out of your house when I got there.”

  “Tell me again. What did Markus look like? Did he look like he was going to forgive me?”

  “Bri, I told you. Markus was a total dick to me. He treated me like I was the one who had cheated on him. He looked like complete shit. I’ve never seen him look anything close to the way he looked today. He had on crumpled clothes that had crap all spilled down the front. He hadn’t showered or shaved. His hair was all matted and messy. And before you ask again… no… I didn’t see any other women there, because like I said, the men didn’t let me get past them into the house. I’m just here to tell you that I love Markus to death, but even I would’ve made him shower before I let him touch me looking and smelling like he did. If he did have a woman there, she’d have to have been a total skank to want him like that.

  “Oh, gee. Thanks Tiff. I feel so much better now.” Bri’s sarcasm is coming through loud and clear.

  “Any time. What are friends for?” Tiff is grinning from ear to ear. She finally coaxes a smile out of Bri. “I just can’t believe Markus is really a Dom and he used to belong to the punishment club. Are you sure Lukus isn’t just trying to pull one over on you?”

  “No, and really, the more I think about it, the less surprised I am. You’ve seen him in the courtroom. He’s all alpha-male, and I’ve never been able to figure out how he could just switch it off when he came home at night. Seeing him and Lukus together last night and then finding out James is a Dom too… well, I just believe Markus can be a Dom like Lukus and James. Rachel even confirmed it for me when she was here. She knew Markus when he and Georgie used to come here. I’m just so damn mad at him for hiding it from me.”

  Tiff nods. “You know. Now that I think about it, watching the two men together today at your house and how easily they talked to each other, I guess I can believe it too. If Markus is even half as good of a Dom as Lukus, I think you’re finally going to be getting the kind of marriage you’ve been wanting all of these years, Bri.”

  “Well, that is if he can ever forgive me. Let’s not forget he’s still trying to get me to sign the quickie divorce papers. But I’m more opposed to signing than I was. I’m never going to give up on getting him back when I know he can be everything I ever needed.” Brianna thinks about what her friend had just said and then it hits her. “Wait… how exactly do you know how good of a Dom Lukus is? Did you… I mean did he…?”

  “What? Did we do it? No way. The damn brute actually grabbed me though, and held me immobile while he lectured me about how naughty it was to lie for you and then how I needed to be a good girl and just go home. I should’ve slapped his face, but instead he somehow tricked me into saying ‘Yes, Sir’ and ‘No, Sir’ like I was one of his damn submissives. He just caught me at a weak moment, but I’m ready for him now. If he thinks he’s going order me around like a submissive, he has another thing coming. I took that self-defense class. I’ll kick him in the balls like my instructor taught me.”

  “Yeah, right. Good luck with that.” Brianna giggles at the mental image. “I’d pay to see you take down Lukus.”

  “I’m serious. He’s in for a surprise if he thinks he’s going to keep manhandling me like he has so far. I’ll call Jason and have him come down here to pick me up and if Lukus tries anything, I’ll have Jason take him out.”

  Brianna can’t contain herself now and starts giggling harder, much to her best friend’s angst. “Jason? You think Jason could last thirty seconds against Lukus? Seriously Tiff, I don’t know what you see in that guy. He’s cute in a sort of feminine way, but you’ll get him killed if you call him down here to save you. Every jury in the country would convict you as an accomplice for sending him to his certain death.”

  “Stop being so mean. You’re totally exaggerating.”

  Bri notices Tiffany isn’t arguing very strenuously. Sometimes she thinks she knows her best friend better than Tiff knows herself. She keeps staring at her, waiting patiently, until Tiff finally breaks down with the truth. “Okay, okay. So he’s a total wimp. I truly think he spends more time and money on primping than I do, and that’s saying something. Last weekend I asked him to help me hang that new artwork I got at that gallery opening you and I went to last month, and he actually refused to help saying he couldn’t use a hammer and didn’t want to mess up his recent manicure. So he sat his ass on my couch and watched me hang it all by myself, and when I almost fell off the chair, he didn’t even come and help keep me steady. He just sat there and called me a klutz. Who am I kidding? I should have kicked him to the curb that very minute.”

  “I rest my case. The guy is a total dishrag. I know Jake managed to scare the shit out of both of us, but Tiff… I know you’ll never really be happy with a guy like Jason. You won’t admit it, but you want a dominant man, a strong, protective man like Lukus or Markus just as much as I do.”

  “What, and you think I’d be better off with a Dom who bosses me around and expects me to be a mindless toy to play with? You’ve read too many romance novels, Bri. Men like that don’t exist outside of books. You keep wanting to have it all. But we either get a Jason or a Jake and no offense, but I’ve seen enough of Jake to pass on that.”

  “You’re wrong Tiff. I refuse to believe that. There are all different levels in between the extremes. Markus isn’t like Jake or Jason. He’s perfect.”

  “Lucky you. So you found the one-in-a-million. The rest of us have to take one extreme or the other.”

  “Oh really… and what about Lukus? He isn’t like Jake or Jason either. He’s perfect too.”

  Tiffany scoffs at her friend. “Perfect for who? You’ve known the guy for less than twenty-four hours and if I heard you right, in those twenty-four hours he’s tied you up, whipped you, paddled you, plugged your ass, made you sleep in a cage and even forced you to have a punishment enema, for God’s sake. Thanks, but no thanks. I can pass on that, too.”

  “Don’t forget he also made me come more times than I can count without even having sex with me.” Brianna lowers her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Just think what he could do if he was really trying.”

  Bri sees she might have gone too far with that last comment as her friend’s face takes on a pink hue that could either be attributed to embarrassment or anger. Bri isn’t entirely sure which before she continues on.

  “Listen, you’re just scared because you never crossed over from voyeur to player. I know you Tiff. You used to get just as turned on as I did when we’d go to the BDSM clubs and watch Doms do those exact things to other subs. Admit it. Lukus has to get your pulse racing. He’s the perfect mix of strength, protectiveness and tenderness. I’ve spent enough time with him and he may try to hide it, but he has a heart. I think you’re a complete and total idiot if you don’t try to at least get to know him better. Maybe he won’t turn out to be perfect, but just think of all of the fun you could have while y
ou try to figure it out.”

  “I’m more worried about how sore my ass would be while I tried to figure it out.”

  Brianna grins a playful grin. “I know. Isn’t it great? You could have so much fun being naughty and then getting spanked. The best part is what comes after the spanking.”

  “I truly worry about you, Bri. You’re obsessed. I can’t believe you.” Tiffany is clearly not as comfortable talking about her sexual needs with her best friend as Bri is. Her face has gone from a blushing pink to an all out red.

  “What? Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. You actually have to come out from behind the book and live it for at least one day before you have the right to give me shit about knowing what I need. Please… trust me, Tiff.”

  “No offense, but you haven’t been doing the best in the men category lately so forgive me if I don’t rush to take your advice. You have a husband who’s angry and ready to divorce you and an ex-boyfriend who’d love nothing more than to keep you tied up and beaten daily for the rest of what would be your very short life.”

  “Ladies?” Lukus’ deep voice coming from the door of the bedroom startles them. The women literally flinch at the sound. They both whip around just in time to catch his sexy smile. He’s leaning against the door jam with his arms crossed over his broad chest.

  Brianna finds her voice first. “Lukus… how long have you been standing there?”

  Based on his smug smile, Bri is pretty sure he’s been standing there long enough to catch the bulk of their conversation. Her friend looks like she wants to fall through the floor from embarrassment.

  “Oh, not too terrible long,” he answers. “But long enough to agree with you Tiffany. I’d think twice about listening to Brianna’s recommendations on men if I were you. I’m sure your sweet ass would appreciate it.”

  Tiffany let’s out a loud groan and lunges towards the head of Lukus’ bed, burying her face in his pillow and letting out a muffled scream. Her embarrassed and rather childish reaction causes Lukus to actually burst out laughing, which only makes Tiffany scream into the pillow louder. Brianna watches with a strange mix of guilt and amusement as her best friend has a mini-meltdown reminiscent of a scene from a seventh grade sleepover.”

  Bri reaches out to rub her friend’s back while trying to calm her down. “Come on, Tiff. You’re overreacting just a tad bit, don’t you think?”

  Bri isn’t exactly sure of Tiffany’s answer since she’s still shouting into the pillow, but Bri thinks it sounded suspiciously like fuck you Brianna.

  Bri turns to Lukus and tries to take her frustration out on him. “What are you doing here, Lukus?”

  “Well, gee. First, I live here so I’m pretty sure I’m allowed to come and go as I please.”

  “Don’t be a jerk. You know what I mean. Can I go home now? I really need to talk to Markus.”

  Lukus’ expression immediately gets serious. All traces of the humor he was sharing at Tiffany’s expense only seconds before are gone.

  “Be very careful, sweetheart. This is my only warning to watch your tone with me. While I may have been more lenient than normal with you because you’re not a trained sub, don’t make the mistake of thinking that gives you carte blanche to act like a brat. The next time you talk to me with that tone, I’ll have you over my knee so fast you won’t know what hit you. And I assure you. It will not be a pleasant experience that ends in a climax. A punishment will never again end in an orgasm for you, at least not as long as I have anything to do with it.”

  Brianna surprises even herself with her immediate, gut response to Lukus’ warning. “I’m so sorry, Sir. You’re right. I was rude.” Her obviously heartfelt response is reflexive. She can see surprise register on Lukus’ face.

  He takes a few seconds before acknowledging the obvious. “That’s a good girl. We’ll get you properly trained yet.”

  Brianna continues to push, but this time with the proper respect. “Sir, if I can ask… you said that we’ll get you properly trained yet. Please, does that we include Markus? I know you saw him today. Is he going to let me come home tonight?”

  Lukus’ face is like stone. Brianna can’t interpret his expression. She knows she’s pushing her luck by staring directly into his eyes instead of submissively lowering her gaze, but she just can’t look away. She needs the answers he’s withholding from her.

  Lukus pauses, choosing his words carefully. “He’s really hurting right now. I honestly don’t know if he’s ever going to forgive you, Brianna. He basically upended his entire life to be with you, and you basically said ‘fuck you’ in return by being with Jake again. With time, who knows? Maybe he’ll be able to believe you won’t do it again.”

  Bri couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down her face if she had to. “Did you tell him I’d never do it again. Didn’t you tell him about why I did it? About that submissive part of me I’ve tried so hard to push down, but just couldn’t?”

  “Yes, I told him. But I’m not entirely sure he believes me. I think you just need to give him a bit more time to think things through.”

  Brianna’s heart is breaking. She was so sure Lukus would be able to convince Markus to forgive her. Okay, maybe not forgive, but to at least give her a chance to make it up to him. She’d hoped her husband would welcome a chance to embrace his dominant side again, with her, in a fulltime D/s relationship. Only now does Brianna realize what a mistake it had been to allow herself to get her hopes up. She closes her eyes and tries to give herself an internal pep talk.

  ‘You just need to give him more time, Bri. You can’t give up fighting yet. It’s only been one day.’

  Her pep talk lasts approximately thirty-seconds before her fears close in and Brianna’s sobs overtake her.

  ‘He’s going to divorce me and I deserve it. I was so close to having it all. If only I could’ve been more open with him. I should have been brave enough to tell him what I was feeling… what I needed. Now he hates me.’

  Brianna feels rather than sees Lukus taking a seat next to her on the bed. She’s grateful for his shoulder to cry on as he pulls her into his lap to comfort her, much like he did after her bath. She holds onto him tightly as he lets her cry it out before finally pulling back far enough to see her face. When she opens her eyes, she’s surprised to see Lukus’ sympathetic expression.

  “Markus still loves you, sweetheart. I know he does. He was so worried about how you were doing, but he just isn’t ready to forgive you, yet. He asked me to keep up with the punishment regime I had planned for you. He wants me to call him tomorrow to check in and I hope he’ll think about everything I talked about with him today. Let’s just get through your next round of punishments tonight and then we’ll see what tomorrow brings.” He wipes away the tears from her cheeks.

  “My next punishment? Please, Lukus. What’s the plan here? Is this one big, long, indefinite punishment session like Jake’s cabin?”

  Tiffany jumps into the conversation. “Oh for crying out loud, Brianna. Don’t you dare compare this to Jake taking you to that cabin. I was there when he brought you home beaten to within an inch of your life. You were bruised and bleeding for Christ’s sake! I hardly think this is in the same ballpark considering you’re sitting here on a soft bed while Lukus holds you and comforts you. Not to mention, you actually did something wrong this time, Bri. Jake beat you nonstop for days because you forgot to pick up his fucking dry-cleaning!”

  Brianna or Lukus are both surprised by Tiffany’s impassioned outburst.

  Lukus smiles. “Well said, Tiffany, right up to the part where you started talking like a truck driver. I prefer my subs reserve that kind of language for when they’re in the throes of passion. As long as you’re my guest, I’d prefer you follow those rules.”

  The look on Tiffany’s face is priceless. Brianna has seen it before and fears her friend may self-combust.

  “Well, Lukus, since the last time I checked, I wasn’t part of your stable of subs, I think I can use any fucking wo
rds I choose, particularly since every other word out of your mouth seems to be a cuss word.”

  Brianna watches as Tiffany defiantly takes on Lukus. This may get interesting.

  “Tiffany, you’re so right. You’re not one of my subs, but given that I’ve informed you that as my guest you’re expected to follow my rules, consider this your final warning. So I suggest you stop acting like a brat and behave.”

  “Or what?”

  “That’s one.”

  “Oh, so now you’re going to count like I’m a three-year-old?”

  “That’s two. Keep it up.”

  Tiff is at least smart enough to keep her mouth shut while she contemplates her situation. They are locked in a battle of wills and Lukus is unflappable, but Tiffany is weighing whether to continue to assert herself or cave. The tension in the room has built to such a fever pitch that Brianna is actually relieved when Master Derek appears in the doorway to the bedroom.

  “So what did I miss? Looks like you have your hands full here, Master Lukus.”

  Derek’s arrival gives Tiffany a lucky reprieve as Lukus diverts his attention to her friend.

  “Let’s go Brianna. Rachel is waiting downstairs. It’s time for the punishment you earned this afternoon. Tiffany, I want you to stay put. I’ll be back to deal with you later.”

  Brianna’s mouth goes dry with fear at the thought of being caned by Lukus. But a rather unwelcome excitement begins to grow inside her, despite the fear the cane incites. It had been one of Jake’s favorite implements, and that alone has her beginning to tremble.

  Seeing her sudden fear, Lukus tries to reassure her. “Don’t worry sweetheart. After what you’ve gone through since last night, this should be a piece of cake for you. The only difference this time is there will be no hitting sub-space for you.”

  Lukus’ pauses now, sensing a change in her. “What is it, Brianna? I sort of thought you might be looking forward to this knowing how your punishments effected you last night.”

  When her trembling gets worse, Lukus pulls her up to stand in front of him. It’s clear to Bri he’s waiting for an answer. She finally tells him in not much more than a whisper. “Please be careful with the cane, Lukus. It was Jake’s favorite form of torture and that weekend in the cabin… well… it’s just… my last caning ended with me sporting several dozen open cuts.”