Dear Canada: These Are My Words

by Ruby Slipperjack

  It’s almost time for supper. I wonder what we’ll have this evening. Yesterday it was chili with mashed potatoes and carrots. I think I’ll write down what we eat so that I’ll know what it’s called when I tell Grandma about the different food we eat.

  Wednesday, September 14

  We move to different classes for different subjects at school. It’s not so boring because you don’t sit in one spot all day long. I just stand by the door at recess. The white girls stand together talking, and the boys spend the time wrestling and punching each other, or chasing each other around the yard. No one talks to me and no one bothers me. I don’t mind. I don’t feel like talking to anyone, and I’m just feeling very lonely and wish I was home with Grandma! I wonder how Mother felt, to be able to go to school in the Residential School where she lived and not have to go to a town school with white kids.

  I decided to go to the park after supper and a girl came running after me from the Residential School. She must have just arrived. She had bright red fingernails. She flashed a smile and started talking. She kept talking the whole time it took to get to the candy shop at the park, and she talked all the way back too. She talked about everything, and finally, just before we went back inside the Residential School, she made me promise that I would meet her in Paris on her honeymoon. I wasn’t quite sure where Paris was!

  Thursday, September 15

  After class, I was walking down the hallway at school on my way out and I met the English teacher. He asked me what it looks like where I come from. I didn’t know if I should tell him about the Reserve or Flint Lake. I thought I’d tell him about Flint Lake and Grandma. It was a lot easier telling him about the railroad and trains, the store and the school. He was surprised when I told him that there were no roads and no cars. He asked if I liked coming to a city like this. I shook my head and told him I’d rather be at home. He laughed. Maybe he thought I was joking.

  Friday, September 16

  We were given ski jackets this morning. They were all hanging on a rack by the side entrance that we use. It is just outside the dining-room door. Someone said that it was once a playroom, but it’s quite empty now except for the coat rack and the boot trays that line the wall beside the door. The one that fit me is light green and Miss Tanner put #75 on the back collar with a marker. The winter boots that fit me looked like old-white-lady boots with the lace-up fronts. I didn’t care as long as my feet were warm. It was all second-hand clothing anyway. I noticed the girl — Paris, as I call her in my head. Her red nail polish was gone and she had a sad look. She smiled at a few girls but didn’t say very much to anyone.

  I wrote a letter to Grandma. I don’t know if they will mail it. We have to hand in our letters at the office and they read them before they send them, if they send them. When there’s a letter for us, it’s opened and read, and if it is okay, they give it to us. We are not allowed to say anything about the Residential School when we write home.

  Anyway, there wasn’t much I had to say.

  In case they don’t mail my letter, I’ll write it here too, so Grandma can see it when I get home.

  September 16, 1966

  Insy Pimash

  Flint Lake, Ontario

  Hello, Grandma.

  I know you are probably setting your fishnet for trout. I wish I could be there with you. We got four of the trout that time in the pouring rain when we checked the fishnet. Remember that your kerchief was so soaked you decided to wring it out and wipe your face with it? That was funny. We made a lot of use of your old canoe last fall. I hope Mother and Izzy figure out how to get you a new one next summer. I remember you saying that your old canoe is so full of patches that it’s only the patches that are holding it together. I hope someone is helping you put in a store of wood enough for the winter.

  I am fine and everything is okay. I do very much miss you. I miss your morning list of things to do while you put the wood in the stove. There was always the things that had to be done before the sun set. I have not heard from Mother yet. I hope she will write soon. Write back to me real soon too. I love you very much.

  Love,

  Violet (Pynut)

  Saturday, September 17

  Miss Lewis is our Supervisor on the weekends when Miss Tanner takes a break. I like her. She is a lot more friendly than the other one. She has brown hair and blue eyes and is very short. She’s the same height as me! I really like her.

  Some of the girls wash dishes after meals. The older ones are in the laundry room, ironing all our stuff. There are some that are in charge of mending our clothes. So far, I have been just sweeping the dining-room floor and buffing the dorm floor. I haven’t actually shampooed or polished the floor yet. The older girls do that. I saw Paris and asked her if she would like to go to the park afterward, but she just shook her head.

  There was a bit of a blowout with the boys that we heard about. Apparently, one of the boys swiped one of the pies that the cook had cooling on the windowsills outside the kitchen. All the girls were laughing about that. We don’t know if they figured out which one did it. One of the girls said that if the boys refuse to tell, they all get punished.

  Oh, when I was going over the floor with the wax-buffing machine this morning, I noticed a cigarette lying on the floor against the night table between two beds. I didn’t know which girl it belonged to, but I quickly picked it up and shoved it under the corner of the sheet on the bed to the right and continued with the machine. I don’t know if anyone saw me. There were two girls at the other end, dusting around the windows. There were also girls coming and going in the washroom, cleaning the place.

  At bedtime, I glanced over to the two beds just in time to see the girl on the right pull up the sheet, and the cigarette flew out, landed on the floor and rolled toward the Supervisor’s feet! Everyone stopped dead. Some craned their necks to see what had happened, and soon every eye was on that cigarette. Miss Lewis stood there for a while before she pointed at it and asked whose cigarette that was. The two girls looked at each other and both said, “not mine.” Miss Lewis picked it up and put it in her pocket and everyone continued what they were doing.

  Sunday, September 18

  Just before the breakfast bell rang, the two girls were called to the office. I don’t know what happened to them, but I didn’t see them at breakfast. I don’t feel bad about putting the cigarette inside the girl’s sheet because it must have belonged to one of them. I was just trying to keep the girl from getting into trouble. If Miss Lewis hadn’t been standing there at the time, it would have been all right.

  We actually did get a slice of apple pie after supper, but we were wondering if the boys got any. I couldn’t see if they did. The plates were cleared away so fast, we didn’t get a chance to whisper to any of the boys who were clearing their dishes, before they were ushered out. I recognized the boys’ Supervisor as the one who picked us up from the train station the day we arrived. I hadn’t noticed him before. He has a loud, booming voice, so I have certainly heard him many times.

  We didn’t have to pin the lacy things to the tops of our heads this morning. We just marched in line to the Chapel at the end of the field in front of the Residential School. We had to listen to the Principal talk about one thing or another. Sing songs, stand up and sit down, and then march our way back to the Residential School and wait for the lunch bell.

  I really have to get my homework done this afternoon though. It has to do with a moose, for the Science class. I don’t know much about moose. Izzy killed moose, but he was always hunting with the other guys on the Reserve and brought back the meat. Grandma never hunted moose, but some of the men at Flint Lake would give her a piece of meat whenever they killed one. There are no books here, so I had to bring back some books from the King George School library that teach things about moose.

  Monday, September 19

  I got a letter from Mother. And, it had a five-dollar bill inside! I am going to save it and only buy some candy or a chocolate on Saturdays.

/>   I don’t know if we get to keep our letters. Maybe they take them away after, so I am going to write down what the letter says so that I can read it over again.

  September 10th

  Hello daughter,

  I have managed to get a job as the Secretary at the Band Office! Thank goodness for the course I took over the summer! Now we have a bit more money coming in for the house. Your brother and sister are doing fine. They like their new teacher at school. The Band also got funding for a construction project that your father is signed up to work at. There is also a new Chief now and your father also campaigned to be one of the Councillors and he actually won one of the seats! So, things are looking up. He is now one of the Councillors! Please write as soon as you can and let me know you are all right. I do worry about you and hope you are all right. I write and call your grandma whenever I can, so you will know that we know that you are okay.

  Your mother,

  Emily

  Tuesday, September 20

  My two friends — Laura and Susan — and I went to the park on the way home from school. Laura has a little brother in the Residential School too. We see him sometimes on the way to school. He just waves at her. He runs off with the other boys every time she tries to talk to him. She says that the boys tease him if he’s caught talking to his sister.

  There’s a guy at the park who has a little shed thing and he stands behind the counter and sells newspapers and candy. I had the five-dollar bill in my pocket and I bought a sponge toffee bar. Oh, it was good. I had to share it with my friends though. That was okay.

  Susan told me to ignore the white girls at school who won’t talk to me. I didn’t even realize that they were deliberately ignoring me! I thought they were just being nice by not bothering me. I am dumb for sure, maybe. I’m just getting used to being in classrooms with white students. I never used to think about myself being Anishinabe, but now I’m always remembering who I am when they look at me like I’m not supposed to be there.

  I feel like I am invading their space.

  Wednesday, September 21

  The Monkees were on the television this evening. Davy’s cute! I secretly think the show is kind of silly, but the other girls really like watching it. We got peanut-butter sandwiches with apple juice tonight. That was nice. I heard some girls saying that there’s nothing else for comfort here but food. Some of the older girls were saying that they get fat in the winter when they are here, but lose all that weight when they go home for the summer because there is always more work, and there’s not always food to eat back home. That’s one thing that I had never thought about. I was never hungry with Mother on the Reserve, or with Grandma. Though Mother sometimes talked about being hungry, or about the bad food, when she was at Residential School.

  I didn’t know that I was a very lucky girl. There’s one thing I notice too. There’s always the smell of food cooking in here, and I do eat whatever is put in front of me because I know I’d get into trouble if I didn’t eat it. But then I haven’t tasted anything I didn’t like here yet.

  Thursday, September 22

  I wrote to Mother this afternoon and gave the letter to Miss Tanner. I hope they send it to her.

  If not, I can read this copy to her when I see her.

  September 22, 1966

  Dear Mother,

  I’m doing fine and I like watching television. I had no idea there were so many things to watch on the television. I’m watching The Monkees, and Bonanza with Little Joe in it. The girls think he is cute! Then there is Walt Disney, which is a movie about stories of dogs, or children, or other animal stories. Then there is an Ed Sullivan Show where he brings people onto the stage. Sometimes there are people with tricks, animals that can do tricks, or people telling jokes, or most times, some famous bands and singers.

  The food is good. I didn’t know there were so many kinds of food and I found a sponge toffee that I never tasted before and it’s really good.

  Thank you for the money and I will make it last as long as I can. Give my love to my brother and sister. Say hello to Izzy for me. I hope I will see you all at Christmas. It is only September and all the girls are already talking about going home for Christmas.

  I wrote a letter to Grandma and I hope I hear from her soon.

  Your daughter,

  Violet

  Saturday, September 24

  I went for a walk after lunch to see the neighbourhood. I don’t know where the rest of the girls went, because I had a bath first. I went in the other direction this time and started looking around so that I didn’t get lost. I noticed a large red STOP sign at the end of the street. Well, I thought I couldn’t miss that. So I went down the street and walked up another street. There was a grocery store down another street. I could see the sign, so I went to check it out. It was a small grocery store at the corner and it sold all kinds of things. I bought another chocolate bar that I’d never seen before. It was coconut and covered with chocolate. It was too sweet. Didn’t like it much. I went back the way I came and was happy to see the STOP sign, but when I got there, it didn’t look anything like the street that had the STOP sign on it.

  I turned around and went in another direction, and soon I spotted another STOP sign. I was so happy that I ran toward it, but when I got there, I had never seen this street before either! I had no idea there were so many STOP signs!!! I didn’t know what to do and I was getting scared, so I figured if the sun is to the west, then I should walk with it to my right. I came to a busy street and I saw a bus go by before I came to the corner and then I recognized the park across the street. I was so thirsty by that time, I ran all the way back to Residential School and I got in just in time because the girls were lining up for supper already!

  Sunday, September 25

  We didn’t have to go to the Church through the bush today either — the one with the white people there, and the Minister. We just went to the Chapel at the far end of the school grounds. The Principal talked for a bit and we sang some songs. Then we came back and then it was lunchtime. Boring morning! I have to do my homework this afternoon. Yuck! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!

  I want to go home so badly! I still have not heard from Grandma.

  Emma came to see me this afternoon. I had to meet her outside though. She didn’t want to come in. My friend Susan came and got me. They were all playing outside when Emma arrived. I ran downstairs, grabbed my jacket and there she was leaning against the building. We walked to the park. She says that she likes the house where she’s staying along with two other girls. She likes the high school she’s going to. She was asking me about how I like this place, but I didn’t want to talk about the Residential School. After walking around a bit, she left to catch the bus and I ran back. Just in time too! I didn’t know what time it was and I just barely got my jacket and boots off when the supper bell rang and all the girls trooped down the stairs and we all lined up. If you miss the lineup, you miss the meal.

  Monday, September 26

  I really liked the movie on Walt Disney last night. It was about a dog and he was really smart. I didn’t know what to write today. That movie gave me an idea and so I decided to write a story about Blackie, my friend from Flint Lake.

  Title: BLACKIE OF FLINT LAKE by Violet Pesheens

  Blackie lives in a place called Flint Lake.

  He’s a big, bushy, black dog and he always barks at people when they walk by.

  One day, the new girl walked by on her way to school. He used to see her with the old woman at the end of the path, but now she always walks by alone.

  One day, he decided to bark at her to see what she would do. But she didn’t do anything and just ignored him. So he decided to bark louder and follow her, barking all the while.

  Still she did not pay any attention to him. That made him mad so he barked some more and then she laughed at him. That made him angrier so he barked longer and more loudly. Still she went on walking.

  I don’t think this is going to work. It is boring. Ma
ybe I can add another dog.

  One day, there was a new dog. It was a big, beige, male dog who always sat on the hill and watched the girl walk by.

  Oh, the supper bell just rang. The girls are dropping what they are doing.

  Time to line up.

  Tuesday, September 27

  I wrote to Grandma again and gave her the address to this place again. I hope they mail it. I’ll copy it out here too, so that I can read it to Grandma when I get home.

  Sept. 27, Tuesday

  Insy Pimash

  Flint Lake, Ontario

  Dear Grandma,

  I’m doing well. I just wanted to make sure that you know the address to this place. I copied the address from Mother’s letter to me that was dated September 10th.

  I’m learning new things at school. I didn’t know anything about Geography. I wonder why the teacher at Flint Lake didn’t tell us about that. I can do Math and English really well, so there’s no problem there. There’s also History that I find really interesting.

  We have different teachers for the different subjects. They’re all very nice. The other students don’t bother me and they sure dress differently from us. The white girls have bright red painted toenails and some are still wearing sandals. They have fancy skirts and dresses. Their hair is always curled or in little bobs that look like caps on their heads. The boys still dress the same as all boys do.